(thump. thump. thump.)

"What was it like in Oto? Like, with Orochimaru?"

"Isolated." Pause. "Lonely."

"You feel loneliness?"

"Everyone does, Sakura. It's just a matter of whether they show it or not."

Because in the end, we're all human.
When it comes to you, I seem to forget that.

(breathe. breathe. breathe.)

Smile. "Can we cuddle?"

"No."

"To make up for all of that loneliness."

Glare. "Fine."

You're making it, Sasuke-kun. Step by step.

"I love you."

"Hn."


"So basically, you've got two options." He placed a toothpick between his teeth. "Get the hell out of here, or spend the rest of your lives cooped up in this little apartment."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the tall, lumbering man. "Why are you helping us?"

Kisame shrugged. "I was pretty close to Itachi. He had a…soft spot for you."

Sasuke snorted. "Funny."

"I don't care if you believe me or not. The thing is, eventually," he looked around, "you're going to run out of cup ramen. And then you're screwed." When he grinned, she could see his sharp teeth—and he grinned a lot.

"Where would we go?" she asked Sasuke.

"We're not going anywhere," he replied tersely.

Kisame chuckled. "You're making a big mistake, kid. You don't even know the real world yet."

"Of course not," Sasuke agreed dryly. "My parents were shot to death right before my eight-year-old eyes by my own brother, who I looked up to and respected. I'm involved with an organization that does dirty work. I don't know the real world at all."

The other man rolled his eyes. "What I mean is, there isn't just black and white. There's a lot of grey out there."

"Right. Now, if you don't mind, would you please get out?"

Kisame's teeth were unnervingly sharp. "Oh, and remember, if the police don't find you, Akatsuki will beat them to it. There are things we want you to do." His eyes shone.

"And you're saying you're not part of Akatsuki anymore?" But the large man was already making his way to the door.

"Let's just say…" The large hand paused on the door handle. "…that this is our little secret."

And the door shut.


please
don't

f a d e


Sasuke was quiet for hours after that. She went around, cleaning—although there wasn't exactly anything to clean anymore. The bookshelves here were scarce, save for some comics—which she had gone through within a few hours.

Everything here reminded her of Naruto. And although she didn't exactly know him, with her memory and all—it still hurt.

Finally, after dinner, Sasuke spoke. "We're going to Akatsuki."

She was surprised. "Why?"

"To talk to Hoshigaki Kisame." He looked solemn. "I want information. About my brother."

"Your brother's dead," she pointed out. He shot her a look, and she clamped her mouth shut.

"We'll go tomorrow night," he continued. "Depending on what happens, you might want to pack some things beforehand. We might not come back."

"Akatsuki's dangerous, though." Her brows furrowed. "Itachi's dead, Hidan's dead, Deidara's dead"—(no, no, no, she did not kill deidara)—"because of us. Will they let us live?"

He didn't answer for a moment. "I went through Itachi's will a little while back. I found that he wanted me to fill his position in Akatsuki, under all circumstances."

She was baffled. "Really? But that makes no sense…"

(itachi. cold, cruel itachi.)

"Which is why I want to talk to Kisame. There's a possibility that he knows more than the others."

(sasuke. kind, kind sasuke.)

She swallowed, an eerie feeling creeping over her. "Will we be okay?"

His answer was resolute. "Yes."

(maybe they meant something to each other.)


"For once, can you smile?"

"I haven't smiled in years, Sakura."

"It's not that hard. See? Even I can do it." She smiled.

"It doesn't count if it's not real."

The smile melted away into the usual straight line her lips were in, and she returned to her book.


The place made shivers go up her spine. Memories that she couldn't remember told her that this wasn't a safe place—the feeling of foreboding grew with every step she took, right behind Sasuke. She moved a little closer to him when they passed Sasori in the corridor, but he merely glanced at them before continuing on his way.

They entered the main lounge, with the couches and the armchairs, and there they found Kakuzu. Through some strange connections, Kakuzu and Hidan were rather close—would he be angry with them for killing him?

"Kakuzu," Sasuke greeted. The other man nodded, his discolored eyes looking oddly out of place in the dark. "Where's Kisame?"

He shrugged. "Around. I'll go find him. Would you like me to get Pein as well?"

"If you wouldn't mind."

As Kakuzu left the room, she and Sasuke settled down in a couch. She was a little surprised that they hadn't even made a move to hurt them yet—but then again, they were Akatsuki. They were levelheaded and smart.

(and those who weren't, ended up dead.)

"I'm scared," she said—more to herself than anything. It made her feel a little more real when she voiced out her feelings.

"There's nothing to be scared of," Sasuke remarked, not looking at her. He had his elbows resting on his thighs, fingers laced delicately, hiding his mouth—but from the way the rest of his features were, she could tell his jaw was clenched.

"They're dangerous," she reminded him.

"As if I don't know that."

It was then that Kisame sauntered in, appearing nonchalant. His grin said otherwise, though.

"I knew you'd come," he said, situating himself in the couch across from them, getting comfortable. "You're just a kid at heart, Sasuke. Always wanting to know everything."

"Wouldn't you?" Sasuke asked, his tone lilting.

Kisame chuckled. "Who knows." She could feel the air growing tenser, and she shifted so she sat a little closer to Sasuke. She heard his breathing slow a little as their arms pressed together, and she tried to follow the pace of his breathing. Her heart was beating too fast.

"If you wouldn't mind," he said flatly, "I would appreciate it if you told me all you knew about Itachi."

"Did you think I'd just tell you?" Kisame snorted. "Granted, I'm not going to hurt you, but that doesn't apply to anyone else here. There's important information on Itachi. You're going to have to work for it."

"Basically, you're saying that you'll tell me if I agree I'll join Akatsuki." His voice was steely.

"Good job. You've never been stupid, Sasuke."

It was then that Pein entered the room, and her body immediately stiffened, her hands clenching into fists tight enough for her nails to dig into her palms.

(danger. danger. run.)

"Uchiha Sasuke." His voice had a sense of dark foreboding. "I see you've come out at last."

"You hardly give me a choice."

It was all she could do to not stand up and run straight for the door.


(thump. thump. thump.)

"Um…hi?"

Our lives have been anything but amusing, but—
What the hell are you doing, Sasuke-kun?

"Just take it."

(blink. thump. thumpthumpthump—)

"Um, are you proposing to me? 'Cause if you are, we're hardly ready, and that's the worst proposal ever. You're not even on your knee."

"I don't kneel before women."

"Hah. Funny."

A ring. A shiny, simple, but oddly stunning ring.

What is this supposed to mean?

(thumpthumpthumpthumpthump—)

"How obvious do I have to be?" Scowl. "Is it not enough that I'm the one doing this?"

Actually, yes. It's more than enough.
This is more than I could ever ask for.
Which is why I'm doubting you.

"Why do you even want to get married?"

Pause. "I want…an anchor. I need an anchor."

"Oh, so now I'm an anchor, huh? Keeping you in place—mmphg!"

Yes, yes, I'll marry you, Sasuke-kun—
Anchor or not, it means you need me.

"It looks good on you."

"You've always had good taste."

Thank you.

(thump.)


Sasuke was given a room that was much nicer than her room had ever been. It was decorated with red and black décor—but the last thing it felt like was at home.

That night, she could barely sleep. She rolled over and watched Sasuke breathe, and wondered if she would ever be able to walk outside in broad daylight with him. She'd like to visit a hospital someday—maybe she could become a real doctor.

(wishful thinking.)

She froze when she realized her hand was partway to Sasuke's face—his hair looked awfully soft. If he found out, he'd definitely scold her.

Just when the morning light began to filter into the room, she finally drifted off, listening to his easy breaths.


"You're an amazing person, Sasuke. You can do amazing things."

He looked almost lifeless. "That's not true."

"Why not?"

"No matter how much you try, you can't fly with paper wings."


Her insomnia grew as the days wore on. Every night, she was haunted by the whimpers and screams of her experiments (they're patients, she wanted to yell out the window—out to the world) when Sasuke turned off the lights, letting the darkness curl around her. She would never inch closer to Sasuke for warmth or a sense of security—it was best not to risk it.

It was one week after they had joined Akatsuki that there was a soft knock at the door, a little past midnight. She ignored it, but it persisted—just as soft, but not backing down.

"Sasuke," she whispered, nudging him. "There's someone at the door."

"See who it is." He had always been a light sleeper—she didn't doubt that she woke him up several times at night with her shuffling about. Slipping out of bed and tiptoeing across the room, she unlocked the door and pulled it open by a small crack—nearly gasping when she saw dark eyes glinting sinisterly.

"Relax," the person hissed. And she did, just a little, and opened the door further—it was Kisame. "Let me in."

(don't bother sasuke while he's resting.)

She stepped back so he could enter the room, and shut the door quietly. Sasuke sat up in bed, hair tousled a little and looking grumpy. "What could you possibly want at this hour?"

"You want to know about Itachi, don't you?" Kisame crossed his arms. "It's not exactly something we can talk about in broad daylight." She saw Sasuke tense in the dark, and she crawled back into bed, sitting close to him under the covers.

(maybe it was to support him. maybe it was for the comfort. maybe it was both.)

"Talk."

Kisame sighed a little huffily. "Itachi never really told me much himself, but I figured out enough over the years. I'm pretty sure he's not actually with Akatsuki—more like he was in it to overthrow it. Y'know, the whole 'destroy from the inside' thing." Sasuke remained quiet, so he continued. "When he joined, he was thirteen—I was actually pretty surprised, since he was the youngest out of all of the members."

"That doesn't explain why he killed my parents," Sasuke said shortly.

"Akatsuki questioned his loyalty," Kisame answered without missing a beat. "He had to prove that it was with us."

"But he let me survive."

"He convinced Pein that you would make a good addition to the group once you were older. Really, though, I think he just had a soft spot for you." Kisame's teeth glinted eerily in the moonlight when he grinned. "Sweet, ain't it?"

Sasuke ignored his joke. "When he found out that I didn't kill Sakura, he took her back. He unnecessarily taunted me about her and dangled her in front of me like bait."

"Sakura's just a girl, Sasuke." She flinched at that. (just a girl.) "If you can't handle the loss of her, how can you handle Akatsuki?"

"So are you saying that Itachi expected me to follow in his footsteps?"

"I don't know, man. Maybe. I won't deny it—we're corrupted. I'm only here for financial stability and all, and I can't exactly leave once I get myself in—but if this place ever falls apart, I wouldn't mind living by the sea or something."

"I don't want to hear your aspirations," Sasuke said dully.

Kisame grinned. "You and Itachi are so alike, it cracks me up. G'night, Sasuke." Sasuke grunted, and Kisame slipped out the door, surprisingly quiet for someone of his size.

It was silent for a short while after he left, but Sasuke didn't go back to sleep. She peered at him curiously, still mulling over the exchange in her mind.

(itachi was not supposed to be a good person.)

"He didn't kill them out of spite," he finally said, voice hoarse. "Not to test his limitations."

(for the benefit of the world. the future.)

"Now you don't have to chase after him anymore," she said quietly, hoping she sounded encouraging. "Isn't that a good thing?" Her feet were cold, despite being underneath the covers. She didn't know why.

"I don't know." He was barely audible, and she squeaked in surprise when he pushed her back onto the pillows, his touch surprisingly gentle.

"Sasuke?" He pulled the blankets up higher and his arm draped over her stomach, pulling her closer. "Are you alright?" He didn't answer, and pressed his face into the crook of her neck. His warm breath on her skin made her pulse race, and if anything, it would worsen her insomnia. She would never be able to sleep if he was this close to her.

But maybe—maybe, this wasn't so bad.

(she was still here. they were still together.)

"I've been chasing Itachi all my life," he said, sounding oddly broken. "And now, my life goal has just been ripped out of my hands. There isn't even satisfaction in having killed him anymore."

She hesitated, but let her fingers weave into his hair. It was as soft as it looked. He exhaled softly in—what was it? Content?

(if only she could read him.)

"There are more important things in life than revenge and killing," she said—but she doubted herself, because what did she know? Perhaps the inside of every medical textbook, but that was all. She had no right to be advising Sasuke on his life.

"Like what?"

"Like—" She hesitated. "Like the wind. Like the sun. Like…me." She could see his heart cracking underneath his ribcage—if only she could heal it with her hands. But it didn't work that way. "I'm still here. Didn't you say that I was everything you valued?" Her hand moved through his hair in cautious strokes.

(when did she become so attached?)

"Yes," Sasuke breathed. "You're everything I value."

"Then…isn't that enough?" Her voice was shaking. It felt like her heart was going to swell and burst.

He was silent for a moment. "Perhaps it is."

When she finally fell asleep with Sasuke's hair tickling her nose, she knew she dreamt of him. She didn't know what they were doing or where they were, but she knew he was there, and they were happy.

And if anything, that was enough.


notes: i don't even remember what this story is about anymore. how do you guys do it?

really stressed with school, piano, work, a boy, life.