From the personal journal of Cullen Rutherford

9:34 - 5 Drakonis

The Qunari finally attacked the city, to no one's surprise. Hawke was a great help in driving them off...actually she's the reason they've left. She killed the Arishok in single combat. I would have paid money to see that, but I was busy trying to hold of the army of Qunari trying to take the city. Maker's Breath, Qunari are huge. My shield arm may never be the same.

We're still cleaning up, but Viscount Dumar is dead. He was a good man, and he did his best for the city. Meredith is keeping the city running in the meantime, which means that running the Order has fallen mostly to me. I hope they choose a new viscount soon, before I am overwhelmed with paperwork. I miss training recruits.


9:41 - 9 Justinian - Haven

"The Lord Seeker did what?" Cullen asked. He was completely at a loss. The report Cassandra had sent back via raven had said only that they were on their way back from Val Royeaux and they would report in person. Now he knew why. It was too much to put on the small bits of parchment the ravens carried.

"Believe me, Cullen. If I had not seen it, I would not have believed it, myself. It was very unlike him," Cassandra said.

"Grand Enchanter Fiona was all that was cordial, though," Lady Trevelyan said.

"Does that make our decision, then?" Cullen asked.

"Perhaps. The Templars may still be amenable to persuasion...we just have to gather some influence. Many templars are younger sons and daughters of nobles. We could appeal to their noble parents," Josephine said.

"My sister Evelyn is a templar," Lady Trevelyan said, "although she's still in Ostwick as far as I know, so that doesn't really help. Never mind."

"There is no such thing as useless information," Leliana said with a small smile. Lady Trevelyan smiled back in gratitude. Cullen noticed she'd been speaking a bit more in these meetings, which he thought was good. The woman usually had to be involved in implementing the decisions made here, after all, thanks to that mark on her hand.

"Your family is already seeing how they can turn you being The Herald of Andraste to their advantage. We might as well see if Bann Trevelyan can do anything for us in return. Ostwick is not that far, after all," Josephine said.

"Please. If he's going to trade on this, we should get something out of it, too," Lady Trevelyan said. The look on her face told Cullen that being used by her family was nothing new to her. It made him glad he was a commoner.

"Do we know where the Templars have gone?" he asked.

"Just that they headed east out of Val Royeaux. I have agents monitoring the routes. We will know soon enough," Leliana said.

"Good. Let me know as soon as you have word. I have some ideas," Cullen said. Some of the junior templars, the ones who survived the Conclave, might be willing to "rejoin" the templars in order to gather more information. Once they knew where the Templars had gone he'd talk to his people and see if it was feasible.

"I'll go to Redcliffe to meet with the mages. I don't think we should commit to either side until we at least try to talk to them both. I know your feelings on mages, Commander, but given how the Lord Seeker reacted, I'd like to hear what the Grand Enchanter has to say," Lady Trevelyan said. She looked like she was expecting him to argue.

"Of course. It only makes sense to hear out both sides," Cullen said. There was no point in reiterating his preference for the Templars. Everyone knew how he felt. If the Lord Seeker wouldn't even talk to them, it was rather a moot point. Still, he'd write to Knight Commander Hadley again and see if he knew anything. It couldn't hurt.


Cullen headed out to the practice field after the meeting. Lady Trevelyan had already had her training early this morning, and now it was his turn. He'd been neglecting his own practicing due to the deluge of reports that he faced, and it was starting to show. His leathers were getting a bit snug. Besides, he needed to know if his talents would still answer, if he called on them.

He stepped into the forms, easily as breathing. The muscle memory was still there, at least. Lunge, slash, block. Thrust, parry, bash.

When he reached for a Cleanse it was still there, but not as easily. It felt like he had to reach through a barrier first before the power would answer and, even when it did, it came more slowly than it once had. Just a split second, but in a battle, that was enough. He'd have to learn to compensate. Or perhaps not. 'You'll lose them eventually, Cullen. Learn to do without before the next real battle. That's what training is for.' Nearly half a lifetime of conditioning was not easy to overcome, however.

"I thought you had stopped taking lyrium already," Cassandra said with a frown. She'd left her own practice to come watch him. Only fair, he supposed, since he'd told her to keep a eye on him.

"I did, when you were in the Hinterlands. I didn't want to make a big thing of it," he said, not pausing in his routine. Lunge, slash, block.

It had been, though. He'd stared at his philtre kit for what seemed like hours. His hands remembered the motions to make a philtre, even without him giving it conscious thought. It would have been so easy to just let his hands make the decision for him. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, putting the box away. But he'd done it. Thrust, parry, bash.

"It's been weeks, then, and you still have your powers? I would have thought…" Cassandra said, breaking his reverie.

"We don't lose them immediately. It doesn't often come up, but there have been reports of templars not losing their talents for months. Most either die or go mad or go back on lyrium before that, though," Cullen said. Block, Slash.

"True enough," Cassandra agreed with a sigh. "How are you faring, Cullen?" she asked.

"Me? I'm fine..." he said, then paused his practicing at Cassandra's arch look and reluctantly admitted the truth. "It's begun, as I'm sure you've noticed," he admitted.

Cassandra concentrated on him for a moment. "Well, you do still have lyrium in your system...more than I would have thought, actually. That would explain why you sill have your powers" Cassandra said.

"You can sense the lyrium in my body?" Cullen asked.

"I could set fire to it if I cared to. It's a Seeker power. Not all of us develop it, but I have it."

"That's...rather frightening, actually," Cullen said.

"Yes, it's one of the things that makes the Seekers so feared. Mages and templars bend to my will, if I choose. I promise not to do so to you, though. Well, not unless you really irritate me," she said.

Cullen looked at her for a moment in some alarm, but then caught the small smile playing at the corner of the Seeker's mouth. "So you're saying I should start agreeing with you more in the morning meetings, then?" he ventured.

Cassandra sly smile widened a bit. "No, I would not use my power over something as petty as that. If you take the last pastry, though, that's another matter entirely," she said, which made Cullen snicker.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, "although I doubt it will be an issue for long. The nausea should be starting soon," he said.

"Be sure and see the alchemist. I am sure he knows how to make an anti-nausea potion. What are your other symptoms?" Cassandra asked.

"I'm having trouble sleeping, and I have a headache more often than not. When I do sleep, I have nightmares, more than usual," he said.

"We all have nightmares these days, Cullen. We have ample cause," Cassandra said, the faraway look in her eyes telling Cullen that she was thinking of the Conclave. He supposed she certainly had cause for nightmares. She'd lost a lover and several friends at the Conclave, after all.

"These dreams are of Kirkwall, and the Blight. I have been troubled by them for a long time," he said.

"Too bad. Some new ones would at least been a novelty," Cassandra deadpanned, which made Cullen snort a laugh.

"Well, the Inquisition is young. I am sure something will trigger something new eventually," he responded, which made Cassandra's lips twist in a wry smile.

"Like having to watch the Herald get herself killed because I can't keep every demon off her flank?" she asked.

"Yes, like that. One of yours, is it? Well, the training I'm giving her will hopefully help with that," Cullen said.

"And how is the training going?" Cassandra asked.

Cullen gladly answered, grateful for the subject change. "Well enough, when she doesn't backtalk me. She's getting stronger. Of course, once she puts on the heavier armour I'm having made for her, she will be back to square one, but at least she'll have the heavier gear to protect her," Cullen said.

"We will be leaving for the Storm Coast tomorrow," Cassandra said.

"It won't be ready by then, but she shouldn't take it with her anyway. She needs time to get used to it. As for the Storm Coast, I talked to that fellow from The Chargers before he left. They seem to be a good company, from what Leliana has been able to find out, and frankly, we need the men. Recruits are trickling in, but having a mercenary company will help. Don't know about having one led by a Qunari, but it's certainly worth meeting them," Cullen said.

"Indeed. I will let you get back to your practice," Cassandra said, "unless you'd care to spar? The training dummies, they don't fight back."

"No, they certainly don't. I'd like that," he said. Cassandra nodded and went to get a practice sword and shield. It would be good to spar with a brother-in-arms as talented as the Seeker.


By the end of their match they'd attracted a small crowd. Cullen ignored the audience - all his attention was focused on keeping pace with Cassandra. He was feeling the lack of sleep most keenly. He wondered why he'd thought this was a good idea.

He blocked her lunge with his shield, but she followed up with a shield bash to his side. He sidestepped, but his foot slipped - on nothing as far as he could tell, and he nearly went down on one knee.

"You're getting sloppy, Cullen," Cassandra admonished.

"I'm getting tired," he admitted, getting his shield up just in time to deflect a blow.

Cassandra followed her slash with a shield bash to Cullen's unprotected side. He barely managed to parry, deflecting some of the impact, but the bash still staggered him a bit. He redoubled his efforts, following through the parry with a riposte, which managed a touch on Cassandra's leg.

"You're bleeding. That will slow you," he commented, assuming the injury she would have suffered if they'd been fighting for real.

"That bash would have bruised your ribs, maybe cracked them. Hard to say which of us would fall first," she said.

"I may really have a bruise out of that hit," he agreed.

"As may I. Call it a draw?"

"Gladly. I wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway," Cullen said, shaking his head. He was breathing harder than he should be. Maker, the withdrawal was taking this much of a toll already? He knew it was the lack of sleep more than true withdrawal symptoms, but he hated to imagine what he'd be like in a month.

"You give yourself too little credit. I had to work for that," Cassandra said, taking a drink from the water barrel that was kept on the edge of the ring. "I'm off to have a bath and find some lunch," Cassandra said, suiting actions to words. The audience that had gathered left with her, thankfully.

Cullen racked his practice weapons and got a drink from the water barrel. He thought about plunging his head into it, but then it would no longer be fit to drink, so he resisted. He did grab one of the nearby lengths of cloth and wiped his face, though. He was sweating despite the cold, and his face was probably red from his exertions. He hadn't had to work that hard in a practice in a while. Being the acting Knight Commander of Kirkwall had left him little time for arms work. Going off lyrium had only made it worse.

"Maker, that was stupid," he muttered. What had he been thinking? Cassandra was obviously in top form, and he was most certainly not. He supposed continuing to practice was the only way to fix that, though, which made him want to laugh at himself. Now he knew how Lady Trevelyan felt.

He turned to leave the ring and saw the object of his thoughts standing there. Apparently she'd been in that audience that had been watching his less than stellar performance. Wonderful. She'd probably been thrilled to see him bested.

"That was amazing, Commander," Lady Trevelyan said as she stepped into the ring. Cullen paused a moment. Was she mocking him? But no, she seemed sincere enough.

"Not as much as it should have been. I'm not at my best," Cullen admitted, which made Lady Trevelyan raise an eyebrow.

"You're better than I'll ever be, and this is an off day for you?"

"I've been doing this for more than half my life, you know," he said. "You've had a week," Cullen said. He grabbed another ladle of water and drank.

"Oh, more like a month, if you count the training I got when I was a teenager. There was talk of me becoming a Templar at one point," Lady Trevelyan said, sitting down on one of the benches near the water barrel.

"Oh? Why didn't you join the Order?" Cullen asked.

"You've seen me fight. The weaponsmaster declared me hopeless. So I became a lay sister, instead. I mostly served in the Chantry Archives. My love of books served me well there."

"You're a lay sister?" Cullen asked. He wondered if that had been in Leliana's report. It probably had been, at least in the long version. He didn't always read the long versions of reports that didn't directly concern the Inquisition's military. Their spymaster was...thorough.

"I was. You know how it is with noble families. There's an heir and a spare, then there's the rest. Some families put the rest in the military, but the Trevelyans go to the Chantry."

Cullen actually didn't really know how it was with noble families, but there was no point in telling her that. "You didn't take vows, though?" he asked.

"No...Father was holding Evelyn and me in reserve for marriage alliance. He'd actually started negotiations with one of the lesser branches of the Vaels. Evelyn really objected, so it fell to me. That's why I left the Chantry, actually, but nothing came of it. They were all killed."

"I remember hearing about that. I'm sorry," Cullen said, not knowing what else to say. He couldn't even imagine having no say in who you married.

"Oh, don't be. I'd only met him once. Truth be told I was a bit intimidated. Starkhaven is a bit more...posh...than Ostwick. I'd wondered how I would fit in there. At least Father didn't make me go back to the Chantry. By then my sister Evelyn decided she wanted to go to the Chantry - she's a templar, as I said - which left Father with just Gerald and me. So I became the spare."

"Ah," Cullen said,not sure what else to say. He would never understand nobles. It sounded like she hadn't had an easy time of it, though.

"And you don't want to hear me lecture you about my family," Lady Trevelyan said, standing up and heading out of the practice ring.

Cullen almost called her back, but he let her go - he really was too tired to intelligently discuss the nobility, but he could have tried harder. The poor woman probably thought he was a complete ass.


A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! I am so thrilled every time I see the notifications hit my email. Thanks to Winterborne, RedHawkeRevolver, Em Jay Hall, redrosemary, Genesis Vakarian, JayRain, Rox Malone, Rroza18, and Truckette for their recent reviews, and special thanks to Winterborne, JayRain, and the wonderful folks over at the Dragon Age Fanfiction Writers Facebook group for all the help and support to help make this chapter happen. Y'all really rock!