As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. (1 Peter 4:10)
Kate stood outside Victoria Chase's doorway, hand trembling in the air. 'Confidence and strength,' the phrase that had become a mantra to her and Max over the past week echoed in her head, along with verses from her bible study about the importance of serving others. Behind the door, the woman who had done more than anyone other than Nathan Prescott himself to hurt her, to drive her to the brink of horrors she'd tried her best to forget. Kate tried to reconcile her memories of that Victoria Chase, the imperious Queen of Blackwell, taunting and mocking her day-in and day-out with the broken shell of a girl she'd seen this morning.
After sending the thumbs-up emoji last night, Kate had been disappointed to receive only the cryptic response, "Ph 1 technicly complete, but complicated fill you in at brkfst." She and Max had heard some doors slamming but hadn't ventured out of her room. Max had greeted the news that she and Taylor believed Victoria liked her with far less surprise than Kate had expected. After Kate's confession, they'd taken Max and Victoria's mutual interest as a given and instead discussed what it meant. Both girls found it hard to trust Victoria, for very good reason, but each also had reason to believe that there was more to Ms. Chase than what she showed to the world. Max recounted how kind Victoria had been to her, waiting for her after her first appointment with Ms. Marks and walking her home. Kate relayed what she'd learned from Taylor, how much pressure Victoria put on herself to be perfect at all times, how poorly she reacted to that pressure sometimes. Kate, of course, knew how important it was to try to understand others and forgive them for their mistakes, especially those who had hurt you. Max understood that as well, but, for both girls, the theory came much easier than the practice.
Max and Kate had met Courtney and Taylor in the cafeteria at breakfast, both surprised to note that Victoria was nowhere to be seen. Courtney regaled Max with her plans for their shopping expedition while Taylor quietly filled Kate in on the salient details of her evening, of how the act of confessing her love for Max had driven Victoria to tears and chased her from the room. Courtney clearly had no interest in reliving the ugly scene from the night before, so Max helped by giving her something else to discuss, but Kate knew that Max also paid close attention to Taylor's story. Taylor didn't understand Victoria's reaction, but as she relayed the conversation, Kate began to develop some theories.
Courtney had drawn Taylor into her conversation with Max when it happened, so only Kate noticed. Across the cafeteria, holding her tray in shaking hands, Victoria stared at their table. For a moment, Kate felt sure that she'd drop it entirely, but instead, Victoria set the tray down on top of a trash can and fled, a look of abject defeat and misery on her face.
Which brought Kate back to the present, standing uncertainly outside Victoria's door, trying to find the strength inside herself to be the person she wanted to be. With a deep breath, she knocked, softly at first, then a bit more firmly.
"Victoria? Are you there?" she called.
"Go away," a muffled voice replied.
"Victoria, please," Kate pleaded, laying her head against the door to try to hear better. Her instincts screamed at her to give up, the worst parts of her insisted that she'd tried, she'd done her part and could go in good conscience. 'Confidence and strength.'
Behind the door, she heard someone moving around and then a click as the door unlocked. When she realized that Victoria had no intention of actually opening the door, Kate turned the knob and cracked it open enough to peek in. Drawn curtains left the room in deep shade, illuminated mostly from the light seeping from behind Kate in the doorway. Victoria sat on her desk chair, hands folded in her lap, staring at the floor.
"What do you want, Marsh?" Victoria asked, trying to affect her typical harsh tone. Her voice matched her demeanor, though, tired and cracked.
Kate stepped inside, closing the door behind her and sat down on the couch across from Victoria. The ideas and theories she'd been concocting suddenly blossomed in a moment of true insight, a revelation. "I want your forgiveness, Victoria," Kate murmured. "I'm truly sorry."
Victoria's eyes blazed as she looked up suddenly. "Is this some sort of sick joke?" she barked. "You want me to forgive you?"
Kate nodded, meeting Victoria's gaze, resisting the urge to look away. "Yes. It was just easier to assume that you did the things you did because you were mean, safer to focus on being the victim instead of trying to understand."
"Fuck that," Victoria snapped, "seriously? You're going to blame the victim? Haven't you been paying attention to the world? We don't blame victims. I treated you like shit. I'm a bully, a nasty fucking bitch."
"I'm not blaming myself for the way you treated me," Kate tried to explain.
"I think you are," Victoria replied. "Is this some bullshit way of making me apologize to you? Some martyr bullshit?" As always, attacking came naturally, so much safer than the alternative.
"I don't know, maybe it is," Kate admitted, "but I do feel bad. You're obviously in pain, you obviously need help, and I never let myself notice till today."
"Fuck you and fuck your pity, Kate. I'm fine. I'm always fine. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help." As if reciting an oft-rehearsed speech, Victoria rattled through her mantra. "I'm Victoria Chase and I don't need anyone." The loneliness inside her threatened to choke the words out of her throat, but she sputtered through them, hoping Kate didn't hear the hitch in her voice.
"I don't believe you."
"You don't have to fucking believe me, Marsh. You need to fucking leave me the fuck alone."
Kate ignored the profanity, recognizing it as an attempt to scare her away. "I care about you, Victoria," she said with a quiet determination. "I want to help you."
"I said 'Fuck off'," Victoria shouted. "Go and hang out with your new friends, with your fucking girlfriend, go and live your new 'I'm Kate Marsh, popular girl, survivor of the nasty bitch, saint of the fucking school' life and leave me alone!"
"Max is not my girlfriend," Kate informed her calmly, "and I'm not leaving."
Victoria stood up and moved in front of Kate, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Go away! I don't want you here; I don't want your pity or your help or your forgiveness."
Kate reached up and took Victoria's hands firmly in her own. "Well, too bad, because I do forgive you," she said. "But it won't do any good until you forgive yourself."
"Why are you doing this?" Victoria's voice broke and tears fell freely down her face. "Why do you care about me? How can you forgive what I did to you…."
Kate rose and drew Victoria into a hug. "I don't know, Victoria, but I do. I'd rather be friends than enemies." Kate considered adding something along the lines of 'If you're going to date my best friend, we should be friends, too,' but knew it was not her place to tell Victoria how Max felt about her.
At first, Victoria resisted the hug, pushing feebly at Kate, mumbling against her shoulder, but finally she relented. It felt so nice to be held. Kate slowly became aware that her protests had faded, replaced with a stream of apologies. "I'm so sorry, Kate, I'm so sorry…"
"I know you are." Kate stroked Victoria's hair, soothing her as best she could. She noted in a detached sort of way how comfortable she'd become with physical contact over the past week, blaming Max fondly for that development. Kate's own emotions continued to swirl, waiting patiently below the surface for these Max and Victoria issues to sort themselves out, for their time to shine forth.
After a long while, Victoria sniffled and pulled away gently. "I still don't understand," she said.
"I'm not sure I do either," Kate admitted, "but I know I feel better now that we're friends."
"Are we?"
"I hope so," Kate laughed.
"I thought that you guys…" Victoria began, unable to articulate the fear she'd felt seeing her most dreaded fantasy from last night come true this morning. "I thought…"
"Taylor and Courtney love you so much, V," Kate answered, unconsciously picking up Taylor's habits. If Victoria noticed or minded, she didn't say. "They're really worried about you after last night."
"If they're so worried, why are you here instead of them?" Victoria snorted, falling back into her more typical manner.
Rather than be offended at the tone, Kate took this as a good sign that Victoria was pulling herself together. "Taylor wanted to come, but I insisted. She's probably peeking down the hall right now, or staring at her phone, waiting for one of us to report."
Victoria giggled a bit, voice still marked by fragile emotions. "Sounds about right. What about Court?"
Kate flushed, recalling where Courtney was and worried that the news would cause a relapse. "Well, she's umm… she and Max…" She winced at the glint in Victoria's eyes.
"Oh yes. The shopping date." Ice cold.
"Not a date," Kate pointed out quickly. "Max and I are both trying to make new friends, to be more confident, and so she asked Courtney to help her pick out an outfit for the party next weekend."
Victoria nodded reluctantly. "A very effective way to worm your way into Courtney's heart, but why the sudden interest in joining our little friend groups together?"
Kate found it suddenly hard to read Victoria's emotions, which she also chose to see as a good thing, if only because it seemed more normal for Victoria.
"It's just kind of happening. Max reached out to Taylor to ask about her mom, then Taylor apologized to me, and then Taylor and I started…."
"Working on your project together," Victoria concluded for her, suspiciously eyeing Kate but gesturing for her to continue.
"Mmmhmmm, and when Max signed up for the party, she and Courtney chatted and decided to go shopping together."
"And now you're here 'apologizing' to me," Victoria summarized. "I still think there's something you're not telling me about this 'project' but I'm not going to ask. If I deserved to know, I would." This last bit dripped with a sudden bitterness which made Kate wince.
"It's not that, Victoria, really, it's just… well, … it's not my place to tell you and not really Taylor's either."
"Tell me what?" Victoria demanded. "Is it about Max?" Her blood raced as the smallest flicker of a hope long since extinguished sparked back to life.
"I think you should ask Max that, when she gets back," was all Kate would allow herself to say. She tried to give Victoria a hopeful expression, but the blonde girl was gazing into empty space, pondering.
"Fine," she said finally. "I will also ask Max how in the hell she knew about Taylor's mom."
'How did Max know about Taylor's mom?' Kate considered. She'd not really thought about that before, but now that Victoria brought it up, it did seem strange.
"Now, I'd better let T know that we're Ok." Victoria had pulled out her phone, thumbing out a text. "And apologize to her too, I guess. I was pretty rude last night," she added in a quieter tone.
Kate nodded, happy to see that Victoria had not rebuilt her walls completely, even if she was acting more like she usually did. With one last reassuring smile, she left and went back to her room where she collapsed on her bed. All this teen drama was exhausting!
