To trust or not to trust

When Tonks dragged herself down the stairs the next day, Remus was already sitting in the taproom of the Ddraig Goch drinking tea.

"Morning," he said friendly, apparently careful to hide his amused smile. He didn't seem a bit tired.

Tonks just grumbled for an answer because she had just realised that she probably wouldn't get any coffee in this traditional inn, as it was still quite an exotic drink, at least for the British wizards, and not available everywhere in the Wizarding World.

Instead she also ordered tea and eggs with bacon for breakfast.

"You look ... well-rested," she then noted with an envious look at Remus, who smiled and replied: "Not at all. I'm just used to getting by with little sleep."

That even made sense. Tonks nodded while Remus continued: "Well, I'd say that we can already consider the last evening a progress and prepare ourselves for the meeting on," he thought briefly. "... Saturday. Anyway, I will do that. You can, if you want, leave immediately and start with the assignment that actually brings you here."

Remus emptied his cup and placed it on the Daily Prophet which laid before him.

On the front page there was once again the huge picture of a slim teenage boy with black uncombed hair, round glasses and a scar on his forehead.

What lies did the press this time come up with to make Harry Potter and those who believed him look as ridiculous as possible? And how would the Death Eaters use these lies for their own purposes?

"I think I'll stay a few more days," Tonks said suddenly.

Remus choked on his tea. "I beg your pardon?"

"Phillenew might get suspicious when he realises that I left in such a hurry," she explained.

Tonks digged into her breakfast, which just had been brought.

Remus watched her anxiously and replied, "But Padfoot has been in London for quite some time, right under the Ministry's nose. And now I'm not there anymore to stop him from leaving the house. It can't be long before he reveals himself through some silly idea. The Ministry does not know that he is an Animagus. That must remain our advantage."

Tonks wiped her mouth and raised her hands reassuringly. "I know, I know, and I wouldn't put him in such danger any longer than necessary by postponing my mission, but ... I think our mission here could be more important to the Order than we initially thought." She lowered her voice. "You-know-who has already started recruiting his followers out of those who are at the margins of society and therefore offer little resistance. Who do you think will be next? The giants, the centaurs? We must do something before it is too late!"

"It's already too late, Tonks," Remus replied. "All we can do here is limit the damage. The werewolves will neither cooperate with Fudge nor Dumbledore -"

"You don't know that!" Tonks whispered vehemently.

"Yes, I can. Between werewolves and sorcerers many unpleasant things have happened in the past. Some were simply covered up by the ministry so that the problem would not penetrate the consciousness of the masses. Everyone pretends that it's alright that werewolves and many other magical beings live an almost rightless existence."

"That is not true! The wizards are not blind about how the rest of the magical community is doing!" Tonks slowly grew louder. "You can't just put everyone in the same cauldron and claim, just because Fudge makes racist laws, everyone's acting on them!"

"Well, it damn often looks that way to me!" Now Remus raised his voice as well. His whole body was tense, as if he wanted to jump up at any moment, and his hand that rested on the table was all clenched up. "As long as the old pure-blooded families still have something to say and control the ministry with their money and their connections, nothing can or will change."

"Nobody controls me," Tonks insisted offendedly.

"You can't see it." Remus took a short break before he continued. "Anyway, Phillenew's not wrong when he calls for a fundamental change. And the ministry will be the first to go down."

"And you tell me not to 'walk tighttropes'? Well, if that's what you think, then you'll get along very well with Phillenew's new 'friends' at this meeting," hissed Tonks. "Who knows, maybe they still have a free spot as they welcome werewolves so much."

Remus' face turned into stone instantly and Tonks knew she had crossed a line. She immediately gave in and said more quietly: "No, I don't mean that. I just wanted to ... Don't give up hope so quickly! Werewolves and wizards still have a chance."

But Remus did not listen to her. His face still showed no movement and his fist was slackened on the tabletop, as if Tonks' words had drained him of all strength. She was so terribly ashamed of what she had said. Carefully she stretched out her hand to touch Remus' arm. "I'm sorry."

Remus pulled away and stood up. "I need some air," he said briefly and left the inn with long steps.

Tonks hated apologizing. After all, she had already told Remus that she was sorry! What else was she supposed to do?

To insult him indirectly as Death Eater hadn't been right, she knew that. But he had made her angry. He had provoked her by questioning the tolerance of wizards and the independence of the ministry.

No one controlled the Auror Department! At least not as far as Tonks was concerned. The hunters of black magicians had always been given a relatively free hand. Under Bartemius Crouch perhaps even too free. But no law could tell her whom not to tolerate.

Tonks knew she didn't diserve such accusations!

Nevertheless, she continued her way across the sunlit square in the centre of Harbwr Hudol. Empty tents, tables and benches from yesterday's celebration still stood around, here and there laid remains of magical fireworks and a few children enthusiastically poked the colourful ashes.

Suddenly she saw Remus. He sat on a bench in the shade of a gnarled oak tree. His eyes were also fixed on the playing children, but his gaze seemed absent.

Tonks was still unsure. Sure he wanted to be alone?

But even if so, they had no time to argue. Determinedly she stepped towards him and sat down on the bench with a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry," she said resolutely once again.

Remus just nodded. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have provoked you like that."

Tonks was silent, because there seemed to be more that Remus wanted to say. After a short while he actually began to speak: "You know ... I'm used to people automatically putting me on the bad, dark side. That seems only natural to them considering the way I am. But ... I never expected my own friends ... that they could secretly think the same way -"

Tonks was shocked and said to him: "I don't actually think that! I just said so because I was angry and -"

"I'm not talking about you."

Tonks paused in surprise.

"Back when Voldemort was in power for the first time and we founded the Order, I felt at home and useful for the first time. I had a task that helped protect my friends and myself from evil. I wanted to give them something back for all their trust, support and company. You really learn to appreciate that when... well, when you are someone like me." He took a short break and looked up into the treetop. Through the roof of leaves fine rays of sun speckled his face. At that moment he seemed younger to Tonks than usual. Just like the insecure, reserved boy he had been once who only blossomed and developed his potential among friends.

Without looking at her, Remus continued. "I put all my energy into the Order. But it was not enough. My closest friends didn't trust me."

Now he looked over to Tonks. Deep grief in his gaze. "They didn't tell me about the Fiedelius charm they put over Lily's and James' house to protect them. Of course, only very few knew about it and that makes a lot of sense. But Dumbledore knew about it, he casted the spell after all. And also, Padfoot, how could it be any different? He and James had no secrets from each other. And then there was ... Wormtail." Remus pronounced the name like a repulsive disease. "You know ... I had always believed that if they ever had to decide between him and me, they'd pick me. But apparently, I was wrong. Lily and James believed that their secret was safer with him than with me. They knew that Peter always was worse at dealing with challenges and stress than me. What made him a better keeper of the secret in their eyes?" He looked at Tonks pleadingly as if this were a serious question. "What kept me from finding my friends' house for months? I was one of the last to hear of her death! Dumbledore had to explain to me what had happened or at least what he thought had happened! Quite simply: Because they didn't trust me. They thought I - like many other werewolves - had followed Voldmort's call to join him. They thought I was one of his spies in the Order, I'm sure of that." Again he paused and looked on the square to the children who were still playing in the sun. Trying to seem indifferent, he added: "But that's all over. Everything that remains ... I simply react sensitively when someone connects me with the dark arts or thinks that I am Death Eater because of my illness. But I know you didn't mean it that way, so ... let's just forget about it." He looked away, his face was contorted as if he was in great pain and he breathed irregularly.

Tonks looked at him upset. Instinctively she moved a little closer to Remus and put a hand on his arm. "Don't say that! That can't be true. Do you know what I think?"

She waited until Remus looked at her and really listened to her words. "They wanted to protect you. They didn't tell you because you are a werewolf, but they did not tell you even though you are a werewolf. One that was very important to them."

Remus closed his eyes. "Does that make sense?"

"A lot. Your illness made you no less trustworthy, certainly not. But it made you vulnerable. You were more vulnerable in this situation than others."

"Voldemort could have told the whole world what I am what did I care! I wouldn't have stopped him. I never would have betrayed my friends because of that!"

Tonks shook her head sadly. "I don't think so either. But what if he had caught you? Denied you the Wolfsbann? What if he had threatened to release you at full moon in the middle of a big city?"

Remus' face lost all colour. "That ... no. I couldn't stop myself." He gulped. "Do you think that's possible? Do you think Lily and James wanted to protect me from that fate?

"I can't imagine it any other way."

Remus's facial expression showed a great inner conflict. Tonks saw how much he wanted to believe her, but couldn't.

She had to make him believe her. Remus Lupin wasn't a bad man, Tonks knew that.

"And because not only they, but I too trust you, I will follow your advice. I ... will leave today to do my job. If you think it's better this way, I don't want to put it off any longer."

Surprised and relieved, Remus asked: "Why did you change your mind?"

Tonks simply said: "I believe in you. And so should you."