Hi there... I think there's still no good explanation why I haven't updated. But here's the next chapter. I hope you like it and I am really sorry for making you wait. Forgive me?

Disclaimer: I don't know if I had said this before but – I do not own the Mortal instruments where I have taken some of the characters from!

Clary P.O.V

Jace did eventually get his daughters back to him – a good thing. Melissa had taken the custody case to court – a bad thing. Jace was way more than pissed. He was furious.

"How can she sue me?! I am the one who took care of our daughters after she ran away! And now she wants the girls' custody? Over my dead body!" He was pacing back and forth in his bedroom. We had just put the girls to their beds and were planning what we could do to help Jace get the full custody. It has been almost two months since Melissa had shown up last time, taking the girls with her. Two months since it. And I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about the night with Jace.

I had. A lot.

But that's all. We hadn't really talked about it, and I didn't know where we were, or what we were. But that didn't matter. Not now.

The trial was in two months and Jace's hands were full of work. He had to do some research to make sure he knew all the reasons why Melissa shouldn't get the girls' custody. He and his lawyer worked on the case every night, behind closed doors. I had spent more time with the girls than before all this happened. Jace wanted to make sure someone he trusted was with them all the time. So it was either me or Isabelle – mostly me. Sometimes Izzy joind us in the park or something.

"I don't know. I barely know her. I don't know if she's after your money or if she really really wants her daughters back." I said calmly.

"SHE IS NOT GETTING MY DAUGHTERS!" Jace yelled before sitting next to me. He put his head into his hands and sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

I patted his knee and got up. "It's alright. Look, I'll go make some tea for us, okay?" He nodded and smiled tightly at me. I went first to my room to put a hoodie on. It was still hot outside, but Jace had somehow messed up the cooling system and it was freezing inside. I put my hands into the pockets and something hit my fingers. I took out the thing that had touched my hand. My birth control pills. I had had many massive migraines few months ago, so I had gone to see a doctor and she recommended to stop eating them. Birth control pills just didn't suit some people and obviously I was one of them. And the head aches had stopped.

I put them back into my drawer and went to make the tea. As I waited for the water to boil I thought about how fast the time had gone. It was already almost 2 months since Melissa took the girls. A month since.. It. Smiling I thought back the night. The feeling of Jace kissing my body. His hands on my skin. And all that was almost 2 months ago. Then the thought hit me. My hand freezed at the cupboard's handle. Almost 2 months.

"Oh shit." I said out loud. "No, no, no. I can't be that long." I cursed as I quickly checked the date on my phone. "Oh fuck."

"What's wrong?" I heard Jace's voice. I quickly put my phone back into the pocket and turned around, smiling tightly.

"Nothing, I just remembered I promised my mom I would call her tonight." I said. "But she's probably sleeping already, I'll call her tomorrow morning."

Jace just nodded and walked to pour the hot water into the mugs. I put the tea bags and we waited in silence. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt Jace nudge my arm, a cup of hot tea in his hand.

"I made it for you, you were so lost in your own thoughts." He smiled a little at me. I took the mug and thanked him. Rest of the evening passed as we drank our teas and talked about the coming two months. At some point my eyes began to feel very heavy and Jace chuckled, telling me to go to sleep. And I did go to bed. After a relaxing hot shower I buried myself under the duvet and closed my eyes. But I couldn't sleep. The one thought was nagging me. I couldn't believe how I hadn't thought about it earlier. It was, after all, an important part of being a woman. My periods. Were late. A lot. Fuck. I couldn't be 21 years old with a kid! I decided to go and get a pregnancy test the next day, to be sure. After a while I fell asleep, sleeping restless sleep.

Next morning a woke up feeling not well rested. I had had nightmares all night and they kept waking me up. Most of them were about having a baby, which was not a surprise. I had decided to do the test first, then if it were positive, I'd have to think how on earth I'd tell Jace.

I woke up the girls, helping them to get into their school uniforms and doing their hairs before going to kitchen to make them breakfast. They were talking about some girl in their class who's mother just had a baby. They said the girl, Kira, was so excited to be a big sister. They were also wondering if they ever got a little sister or brother. I tried not choke on my bread as I listened to them. How it was possible that they were discussing about that just when I was almost freaking out because of the same thing.

"Okay girls, time to go." I said as I finished my cup of coffee. Which could have been the last one for a long time. I tried not show anything off in front of the girls, so I quickly ushered them into the car and made sure they had all of their books with them before driving them to school. I watched as they walked, side by side, inside the building. I took a deep breath and drove to the pharmacy. I parked and turned off the engine, focused on breathing in and out, in and out. After I didn't feel like vomiting or passing out I opened the door, stepped out and walked into the store. It was quite empty, except for two old ladies, a mother with a red nosed kid and a business-looking man. I walked quickly to the pregnancy test aisle and tried to choose the best one. A young blonde man, obviously a pharmacist, came to me and asked the usual:

"Can I help you?" I sighed and told him I was looking for the best pregnancy test. He began to talk about some of the products and handed me a pack. I thanked him and began to walk towards the cashier. I was relieved that no one I knew were in the shop. Until I saw a familiar black hair. Oh my god, NO! I thought as I watched in horror as Isabelle noticed me and began to walk to me. As her eyes turned to look what I was holding her expression changed. Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped.

"Clary? Why are you holding a pregnancy test?!" She asked whisper yelling.

I looked down at my shoes and tried to mumble something reasonable. Isabelle sighed and snatched the test from me and marched to pay for it. Then she dragged me out of the store and into my car, sitting next to me.

"Okay, spill. What's happening?" Izzy demanded.

"Izzy..." I started but she cut me off.

"Don't 'Izzy'- me. Tell me what's going on."

I sighed but told her anyways, everything from the first time we kissed to the night we had sex. I told her how I had completely forgotten that I wasn't on the pill anymore at the time and how I was practically freaking out for simply thinking about the option of having a baby inside of me. I poured my heart out on her, every thought I had about the possibility of being pregnant, my feelings for Jace, the worry for the girls and Jace. After I was finished, Isabelle pulled me into a tight hug and promised that everything would be okay. I nodded and tried to hold back the tears. Their time wasn't now, not yet. I was saving them for the final result of the test. Isabelle said she would come to our house and take the test with me, after bying the pain killers she had came to get.

Back at home Izzy dragged me straight to my bathroom, telling me to piss on the stick. I took the stick with trembling hands and tried not to drop it into the toilet. I put the used stick onto Isabelle's waiting hand who put it onto the counter. And we waited. It was the longest 10 minutes I ever had had to wait. Isabelle took the test and looked at it before smiling lightly at me and giving it to me.

My knees gave up and I fell on the floor. "No. No I can't be.. No... I can't be pregnant!" I had bursted into tears as soon as I saw the two lines in the damn stick

Isabelle kneeled down in front of me and pulled me into her arms. "Oh Clary. It's going to be okay. You know you have always that one option, but... Shhh... It's okay." She held me as I cried. After a while I managed to get myself together and wiped my eyes. I leaned against my knees and took a deep breath.

"I need to tell Jace somehow..." I mumbled but Isabelle seemed to have heard it.

"Yeah..." She whispered. "Assuming it's Jace's." She tried to lighten up the tight atmosphere. I smiled tightly at her and thought of how I could ever tell him. He had already so much to worry about, he didn't need to worry about me on top of everything else.

Before I knew it, I had to go to get the girls from school. Isabelle hugged me for good bye and asked if I was okay. I said I would be, apparently that was enough for her 'cause she nodded, said she's call me later and walked to her car. I watched her driving away before taking my own car keys and driving to the girls' school. I had five minutes to spare so I turned off the engine and pulled out my phone. I did some research how fast the baby bump could be seen. Didn't help at all – apparently it was different with every woman, even with every pregnancy. I didn't dare to lift my shirt up at the parking lot but I touched my stomach lightly through the shirt. It wasn't visible, and if I hadn't known I was umm... Pregnant- I wouldn't have noticed it. But now that I knew, it was almost like I could feel a little bump. I shook my head and looked out at the sky. It was clear and the Sun was shining.

A few minutes later the doors were opened and Valerie, Alexandra and Jennifer climbed in.

"Hey girls. Did you have a good day?" I asked as I started the engine and carefully drove out of the parking lot.

They began to tell me about their day. They had had a visitor at their school, and they were excited about it. The woman, Natalie, was apparently some kind of vet and she had told them about her work. If you ask me, the first and second graders are a little too young to hear about sending animals to their last trip and stuff like that, but the girls seemed to have enjoyed it.

At home I made them some snacks and told them they should go to do their homework while I'd clean up the kitchen. They tried to complain about it but after I promised they could help me make some pie after they finished their homework, they went to their rooms. I cleaned up the kitchen and after everything was shining again, I prepared the day's meal and put it into the fridge. First one of the girls to come downstairs was Jennifer – she was always quicker than her sisters when it came to doing homework. I asked if she wanted to help me peeling the apples. She just nodded and went to wash her hands, taking a chair next to me and took a small peeling knife. I told her to be careful, the knife was after all pretty sharp. Valerie and Alexandra came in to the kitchen after a little while, saying the homework was done.

When Jace came home form work the pie was in the oven and dinner was set. The girls had helped me and set the table for me.

"Ahh, what's the delicious smell?" He asked as he put down his briefcase, untying his tie.

"Daddy!" Alexandra cheered and ran to her father. Jace catched her and lifted her up, spinning her around before putting her back down. He hugged and kissed Valerie and Jennifer's foreheads before smiling at me. Before he could say anything Alexandra dragged him to sit next to her.

"We made chicken and rise!" Valerie said smiling proudly.

"And pie!" Alexandra piped in.

"Wow, that sounds very delicious." Jace said, flashing a smile to me. I smiled back. Before saying the food wasn't going to be eaten by itself. We ate in silence after the girls had finished their story about their school day. Jace asked how my day had been, and I tried not to look like I just saw a ghost.

"Umm. It went well... Yeah. Isabelle was here with me for a couple hours." I said, looking at my chicken, trying to keep my face normal.

"That sounds nice."

After the dinner Jace helped me clean the table before going to do something with the kids. I did the dishes and dried them, thinking about how on earth I was going to tell Jace. I mean, I had to, right? He was going to be a father, again. This time for my child. My own flesh and blood. But there wasn't a child in my stomach, not yet. That made the whole thing harder to imagine. Sure, there was something inside of me, it just wasn't a human yet. A pair of warm hands grabbed my shoulders lightly as I was drying a plate, causing me to drop the plate and it shattered into thousand pieces.

"Oh god, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to broke your plate." I said as I kneeled to clean up the mess.

"Oh no, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have scared you like that. Here, let me help you." Jace said and turned to take a mop.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

Finally when all the pieces were cleaned up Jace decided to go to get the girls to beds early this evening, so they weren't so tired in the morning. He kissed their foreheads and stroke their cheeks before turning the lights off, me watching at the doorway. It was just so adorable. Jace quietly shut Jennifer's doors and we went downstairs to watch TV. He sighed and leaned his head against the back of the couch. He had changed his suit into a pair of comfy sweat shorts and a loose T-shirt. I couldn't understand how he wasn't cold, I was freezing despite my thick sweat pants and a warm sweater.

"Rough day?" I asked looking at him. He nodded and closed his eyes.

"I gave my lawyer a day off, so had to do all those things by myself. In addition to the actual work. So yeah, I'm kind of exhausted." He gave a laugh. We talked about the whole thing for a while before we fell into a comfortable silence. I tried to force myself to say what was on my mind but I couldn't. What if he got mad at me? What if he didn't want the child? No, those were just stupid thoughts. It was Jace after all. A man with three wonderful kid. He couldn't just leave me to deal with it on my own, right?

I took a deep breath in and asked him: "Jace, have you ever thought about having more kids?"

He turned to look at me confused, stared at my face for a while before bursting into laughter. It was my turn to be confused. What joke I was missing?

He shook his head before looking at me again. "No way, not in a million years. I couldn't handle that, not again. So no. I definitely don't want a baby again. If someone was coming to me and telling me that I was going to be a father again, I'd tell them to fuck off and find another for that job." He laughed. " Okay, maybe not that harshly, but know what I mean. Why are you asking?"

I felt a part of my heart shatter, the pain was almost too much to bare, but I kept myself as normal as I could as I said: "No reason. Just wondering."

Apparently that was enough for Jace since he just nodded and turned his attention to the TV again. Oh my god. He doesn't want this child. I thought as I turned to look as the television as well. Soon I said 'good night' to Jace and went to my room. I had barely closed the door as I fell on my knees, tears falling down my cheeks. I leaned against my room's door and tried to mumble my sobs with my hands.

I need to get away. Jace can't ever find out. Ever. Those were my thoughts as I reached for my phone and dialed a number. Isabelle.

"Hello?" she answered almost immediately.

"Iz, it's me." I managed to say before a new wave of tears made their way out.

"Oh Clary, what happened?" She asked and I told what just had happened. I talked with Isabelle for good two hours before I was too exhausted to even think.

"Izzy I need to go to sleep. I still have to take the girls to school in the morning." I said and yawned.

"Alright. I'll come to your place as soon as you get back from the school tomorrow, okay?" I nodded before realizing she obviously didn't see it.

"Yeah, alright. I'll see you tomorrow then." I said and ended the call. I sighed and out my phone away. Turning off the lights, I closed my eyes, still a few tears falling down on my cheeks.

Next morning I woke up before my alarm went off, still feeling exhausted from all the crying last night. I had decided that all the crying was over, no more tears. I looked at myself in the mirror. It wasn't a pleasant sight. My eyes were puffy and red, hair was in knots and my face was just too pale. I washed it with cold water which helped a little, brushed my teeth and hair and felt a lot better. I walked back to my room and tried to choose what to wear. I decided to go with a black t-shirt and denim shorts. I took off my pajamas and changed my underwear. I looked at myself in the mirror before putting on the clothes. I hair brush I was holding clattered on the floor as I just stared at myself. Sure, I still looked slim but there was a little bulge on my stomach. I put my hand on it and touched it lightly. Oh fuck. No. It can't be visible. Not yet. Maybe I was just imagining. I quickly dressed up, making sure the shirt wasn't too tight, just to make sure. I put my hair into a high ponytail and added a little mascara before going to wake up the girls.

We had our daily routines and this morning wasn't an exception. Soon we were all in the car and I was driving towards the school. Before the girls got out, I turned to look at them and told them what was going to happen.

"Look, girls. I need to go back to New York. Your aunt, Isabelle, comes to get you home after your school finishes, alright? I really don't want to leave you girls, but I just need to. I'm sure we'll see each other again. I promise you that, okay? Right now I just have to go." I explained. The girls looked at me with wide eyes.

"Why are you leaving us? Did we do something wrong?" Valerie asked, her eye tearing up.

"Oh no, Valerie, don't ever think that. This has nothing to do with you girls, do you understand? I just need to go, your dad and I disagree on one important thing and it's better that I go. I'll come visit you, I promise." I said, reaching to touch their hands.

Eventually I managed to calm them and I said my good byes to them, watched them walk inside hand in hand. I swallowed the pile that had risen in my throat, this was definitely the hardest part of leaving – saying good bye to every one I loved here.

I drove back home and started to pack. I was glad I didn't have that much clothes or anything else with me. Isabelle came to help me, though she was very much against the idea of me moving back to NY. I had explained it to her, and she did understand, just didn't like it. I didn't either. But Jace didn't want the baby and I wasn't going to be a selfish bitch who forced him to being a father. No. So I was going to leave.

I made Isabelle promise she would take care of the girls for me. She said she would move in if that's what the situations required. I knew I could trust her so that was one worry less. The girls were going to be safe. Now I just had to tell Jace some reason why I had left. I know, I was being a coward. I couldn't bring myself to tell him face to face that I had to leave. So I wrote a note. A freaking note. Yes, I was ashamed of myself.

"Dear Jace,

I know you'll probably hate me for doing this." I started. It took me good half an hour to finish the letter and left my key on top of it. I was already regretting it.

"Izzy, come on, let's go. I want to get out of here." I said, tears already making their way out again. Of course I felt bad. Jace, the man I had fallen for, didn't want the kid. Of course that hurt. And of course I felt bad for leaving like that. Just like Melissa, I realized. Fuck. Jace was really going to hate me.

Isabelle drove me to the airport and crying said good bye to me. I tried to hold back the tears. Didn't help. We were both crying and gripping on each other like our lives depended on the other. Eventually Isabelle really had to go to get the girls and I walked inside the terminal. I bought a ticket to New York and called my mother. She was freaking out, like always, when I told her I was coming home. She made me tell what was going on, and I did. For the second time in one day, I felt like the worst person in the whole world. My own mother was telling me on the phone how what I was doing was wrong, and basically called me a bad person.

"But baby, I'm sure Jace would've changed his mind if you just had told him!" She said.

"You don't know that. And I'm not going to tell him. Neither are you! Promise me, mom, that you won't tell him!" I said, sweeping away the tears, again.

"Honey, I know you're upset, I get that. But he has the right to know." My mom wasn't going to give up. Why would she, she never does.

"No, he lost the right of knowing the minute he said he didn't want more children." I knew that was unfair but I wasn't backing now. I didn't want my child to have a father who didn't want them.

"Well now you're just being selfish. He didn't even know that you're carrying his child." I sighed.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side? Why are you defending Jace all the time?" I asked. I was getting angry. She was after all my mother, not Jace's.

"I am not on anybody's side, Clary, but this isn't something you get to decide. Jace does have the right to know." It was her turn to sigh.

"Okay mom, you made your point very clear. But I'm coming home. I'll see you soon. Bye." I said before hanging up. I groaned and put my phone into my bag.

I spent the last few hours just hanging around at the airport and when they were finally boarding the plane, it was almost my turn to get on the plane when I heard someone calling my name.

"Clary?" it was all too familiar voice. Oh shit! He had read my letter. Of course I hadn't told him the real reasons why I was leaving.

Slowly I turned to look at Jace. He was standing few hundred feet from me and it took all of my willpower to turn back around and give the boarding pass to a woman behind the counter.

"Clary? What's going on?" he was pushing people away and trying to get to me.

"Jace, please. I have to go. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Isabelle promised to help you out with the custody thing and with the girls." I said, trying to hold back the tears, miserably failing.

"What? What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" He was quickly making his way to me.

"I just can't. I can't be your daughters' nanny anymore."

"You can't just go! Please Clary. You're not just a nanny for us!"

"Jace, please. Let me go." I said and took back the boarding pass from the lady, quickly lifting my bag. It broke my heart to see his face, I was sure it would haunt me for the rest of my life. Jace was now standing next to me, holding my arm in his hand – stopping me. Clary. You need to say the words. Now, you need to lie so he lets you go I told myself.

"Jace. I don't want to be your daughters' nanny anymore, I don't want to be around you guys anymore, I don't want to be around you anymore. All this stress is too much for me, Jace. So would you please be so kind and let go of my arm – I need to go. Now." I lied as coldly as I could. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever done.

Jace just stared at me, his eyes searching any signs of bluffing. Apparently he didn't find anything 'cause he let go of my arm and looked at me disappointed.

"You know what, Clary? I was just beginning to think that love still exist. I was staring to believe I could love again." He said and just turned around and left.

If my heart hadn't been broken at that point, his words broke it into million pieces. And I heard his heart broken into the same million pieces. I was the reason why his heart was broken again. I never considered myself as a heart-breaker – now I had broke two hearts. Mine and his. My "plan" didn't sound so good anymore. What plan?, I could ask myself.

"Miss? I'm sorry, but I need you to get into the plane." The woman behind the counter said. I nodded and looked at Jace's back one last time. What have I done?

So... I guess I need to apologize again. I'm sorry. I really am. I don't have any good excuses, I just forgot. But here I am! With a new chapter. And speaking of chapters – I promised to get this story done, and I will. But I'll write just two or three more chapters. This isn't one of those extra long stories. I'm not good at making those filler chapters that could have been left out. So in my stories, something meaningful happens in almost every chapter. So yeah.

Thanks for reading and I hope you'll stick with me!

With love - /justbeautifulme33