It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!


Chapter Eight:
Someone's Never Heard of Common Courtesy


"So. What's the plan?" asked Kyon, the quintet strolling through the busy streets at a leisurely pace.

The sun was hot, but not overbearingly so, and any person looking at the group would have assumed they were a bunch of friends enjoying the hot weather. Certainly, they would not have suspected them to be the SOS Brigade, who's main function was to uncover all the mysterious of the world and, well…

Well, Kyon didn't know what they were meant to do after that.

Eat cake?

"Well!" Haruhi began, spinning round gracefully with both hands planted firmly upon her hips. "Well. First things first, me and Mikuru and Yuki need to go get changed!"

Kyon blinked slowly, eyes running up and down Haruhi; plain shirt, yellow cardigan, miniskirt, socks and shoes. She certainly looked as though she was wearing clothes...

"I am wearing clothes, you dolt!" Haruhi reprimanded, bashing into Kyon with her shoulder. "But I'm not wearing the right clothes. I got outfits for me an' Mikuru an' Yuki, so we need to go put them on!"

"Oh. Okay," Kyon agreed, wondering what sort of delightful attire Mikuru would be forced into this time. A sexy vampire girl, perhaps? Gothic Lolita? What did one normally wear when hunting down the forces of evil? And since when could hunting down the forces of evil be considered normal?

Then again, Kyon's life was far from normal.

Something felt distinctly non-normal about this situation, though, yet Kyon could not quite put his finger on it.

Let's see, let's see…

What did Haruhi say?

Hmn…

'I got outfits for me an' Mikuru an' Yuki.'

Ahhh.

So that's it.

The stony-haired alien rarely participated in Haruhi and Mikuru's 'dressing up' games, preferring to sit and read heavy, indecipherable tomes about space travel and philosophical theorems.

Nagato's pretty cute, though. I wonder what she'll look like in a corset dress, perhaps with some tasteful lace and-

Unluckily, the boy was brought out of his musings via a sharp flick on his nose. By a pair of pointed, butter-yellow fingernails.

And it really hurt.

"Oh, quit whining! Love is war and all that crap," said Haruhi wisely, about to give Kyon another flick. At least, until the boy caught her hand and, after a moment's deliberation, pushed it to the brigade leader's side and let go. "Humph. Don't you dare space out like that again unless you've contacted an alien race and they're transmitting telepathic messages through your skull or something! I'll only be interested if your head explodes, you got me?"

"Clear as crystal," sighed Kyon, making a mental note to ask Nagato, their friendly neighbourhood alien, whether her species was capable of such things. After all, Ryoko Asakura had been able to manipulate large amounts of data. Was transmitting telepathic messages and, subsequently, blowing up craniums such a farfetched idea?

It was better to be safe than sorry.

"Good," grinned Haruhi.

The quintet continued their stroll for several minutes more, Haruhi babbling nineteen-to-the-dozen the whole way, Kyon and Mikuru occasionally offering opinions – though the latter only joined the conversation when Haruhi pushed her lightly on the shoulder.

Nagato, as always, remained mute.

Perhaps it was due to Haruhi's excitable chatter, but nobody seemed to realise Koizumi wasn't offering much to the conversation, either.

Nobody except Kyon.

The esper looked slightly out of place, eyes fixated on random points; the sky, the pavement, the back of Haruhi's head. Occasionally his eyes would find Kyon's inquisitive gaze, and then the esper would dip his head in an almost guilty manner – strangely reminiscent of a little child caught stealing their younger sibling's ice-cream.

Kyon knew that look all to well. After all, he did have a younger sister, and when he had been seven or eight stealing her ice-cream had been like a religious ritual.

Why would Koizumi look so… So embarrassed, though?

I doubt he wants to steal my ice-cream.

I don't have any, for a start.

"Kyon!"

Flick!

"Hey! What the hell, Haruhi?!"

"You were spacing out again," the brunette whined, irritably swiping a hand through her chocolate locks. "I was getting really excited, thinking aliens actually had contacted you! That would be so cool!"

Kyon couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at this, repeating one of Haruhi's words in a questioning manner; "Excited…?"

"Excited; to be stirred emotionally; agitated. Example; Haruhi was excited when the mother ship finally contacted Kyon, causing his head to explode."

"I know what the word means," said Kyon tiredly, secretly impressed that she remembered the exact dictionary definition – and also a little bemused. Why does she memorise pointless information like that? I'll never get her. "I was just thinking maybe you had the wrong word. Like, upset, maybe, if my head blew off?"

"Upset? Why would I be upset? Who are you mistaking me for?"

"…My girlfriend?"

There was a pause, during which Haruhi seemed unsure whether to laugh or scowl. In the end, she settled for neither, and countered Kyon's words with a mere, "Whatever."

"Anyway," the brigade leader continued, "if you had been paying attention, you'd realise we've reached our destination!"

There was no destination. We were just walking round blindly until you got bored…

Instead of voicing his (incredibly valid) opinion, Kyon turned to see where Haruhi was pointing.

It was the café the SOS Brigade usually frequented, located near the station, yet not so near as to suffer from the noise pollution of trains and heavy traffic. It was the very one, in fact, that the Brigade had visited the very first time they went on one of their random walks about town – or, as Haruhi liked to call them, 'enlightening searches.'

Kyon could still remember that outing, primarily because it when Mikuru revealed herself to be a time traveller, and partially because he arrived late and had to pay for everyone's drinks.

When he returned home, his wallet had been a good deal lighter.

Trust Haruhi to choose the most expensive thing on the menu.

Then again, she had probably done it to teach Kyon a lesson – 'don't be late again, or else.'

It had not been a lesson well learnt, obviously.

"You know, Haruhi," frowned Kyon, catching the impulsive girl's arm before she could cross the road, "I don't think you're allowed to just march into those small cafés and take advantage of the restrooms. It's common courtesy to buy something beforehand, right?"

"Then you and Koizumi should get some tea or whatever," replied Haruhi flippantly, shrugging. "It's none of my business."

She's so self-centered! Hasn't she ever heard of common courtesy?!

Then again, we are talking about Haruhi.

It'd be weird if she did stop to think about other people.


"Okay!" cried Haruhi brightly, sounding like a foghorn. Instantaneously, ever pair of eyes in the café turned to rest on the scary girl and her lackeys. "Me and the girls are gonna commandeer the restroom now. If anyone else wants to go, tough – just hold it in! Okay, thank, coming through, shift a little that way – yea, yea, thank you, get out my way…"

It was with a dazed sort of amazement/respect that Kyon watched Haruhi manoeuvre round the tables and chairs, dragging Mikuru with one hand and Yuki with the other. It was astonishing, really, how one skinny girl could bark out commands to a group of perfect strangers.

Even more astonishing that they actually listened.

Kyon had a funny feeling that, if he ever tried such a trick, he'd been thrown out of the café quicker than you could say 'completely inappropriate.'

Heh.

I guess she's just the sort of person that exudes an air of 'godliness'?

That, or an air of 'if you don't get out my fucking way this fucking instant I'm going to make you wish you were never fucking born!'

Something like that, anyway.

"Heeyyy, 'scuse me," came a lazy voice, and Kyon turned, before realising the person addressing him was a full two heads shorter than himself (and that was pretty damn short.)

A girl was glancing up at him, arms folded, hair a shocking blue. It just brushed the back of her knees in a manner akin to Tsuraya's, so freakishly long it should not have been feasible (or, indeed, possible) to wash and brush every morning. Kyon would have assumed she was a little kid, had she not been wearing the standard maid outfit of the other employees.

"You know only paying customers can use the restrooms, right?" the blue-haired girl stated simply, bouncing on her heels. "You're not with that loud girl, are you?"

"Yeah, we're her… 'friends'," Kyon nodded, motioning towards both him and Koizumi. "But we only want something to drink."

"You'll need to order something for the other three as well," insisted blue-haired girl, eyes half lidded and sleepy. "Otherwise it'd be breaking store policy."

Kyon sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose; perhaps to alleviate a Haruhi-induced headache. He had known, of course, something like this was bound to happen – but that didn't make him feel any better.

Buying three extra drinks for people who don't even want them?

Oh, my poor wallet…

"It sucks, I know," blue-haired girl said, smiling brightly, "but them's the managers' rules and all! Wouldn't want to get on her bad side. She's a real scary person – like, Final Boss in Final Fantasy scary! Omega Weapon scary! Haha~"

"Okay," Kyon nodded, having absolutely no idea what the strange otaku girl was referring to. It seemed safer to agree with her, at any rate; just assign himself to his miserable destiny already. "Thanks anyway. I guess we'll go take seats and…" Another sigh. "Go order drinks."

"A wise decision~ You guys go decide then, I've got all day!" And then, whispering to herself, she added, "But that big manga clearout sale finishes at two…"


Kyon glared irritably at the menu and the long list of expensive drinks listed within. Surely 300 yen was a little too extravagant for a simple cup of tea? And when that was multiplied by five…

1,500 yen.

Urgh.

I'm gonna end up begging on the streets after all this reckless spending.

"Couldn't you pay for some of this?" Kyon asked Koizumi, staring at the other from across the tabletop.

"Ah. I'm sorry, Kyon," Koizumi smiled, "but I appear to have forgotten my wallet."

"Jerk," murmered Kyon, though the words were loud enough for the esper to hear. Instead of being offended, however, Koizumi grinned – though this time, the smile seemed a little more sincere than normal.

Sincerity, huh…?

Only occasionally did any semblance of the word shine through Koizumi's well-constructed mask.

Just like last night.

"Hey, Koizumi," Kyon said, leaning his elbows on the table, "what did you think of that movie yesterday?"

"I thought it was awful," Kozumi replied, not missing a beat. The fixed smile remained, charming and natural. Indeed, several girls at a nearby table were craning their heads to get a better look at the 'attractive stranger.' "I told Miss Suzumiya that, remember?"

"Yeah. I remember," Kyon sighed, knowing he'd get more information about last night from a brick wall in coma. Koizumi was a pretty good actor, he'd hand him that. "I wonder when somebody'll come and take our order already…"

And then, right on cue;

"Oh, I-I'm s-sorry I kept you waiting! I'm honestly, truly s-sorry! P-please forgive me!"

Kyon frowned at this voice, knowing he had heard it before, yet unsure where. The speaker's polite mannerisms and slight stutter sounded an awful lot like Mikuru's, but the time traveller was still locked in the restroom, being accosted by a hyperactive Haruhi.

Interestingly enough, Koizumi was also frowning, though his eyes were devoid of confusion. Instead, he looked annoyed.

Like, pissed off.

Sort of like how he looked when I was with Haruhi… Not to mention when I was with Miss Kimidori at school. And…

And is he developing a nervous twitch?

Well, I'll never find out who it is if I don't turn around.

And why didn't I do that from the start?

"Oh-ah… um… K-Kyon…" muttered the girl, hiding her head, kicking the floor nervously with one heeled shoe. A delicate blush was forming across her cheeks, a natural peach colour that looked nothing less than completely adorable.

Adorable, huh?

Kyon blinked, surveying the pretty maid from head to toe, then back up again. Frilly socks, a tasteful black dress, apron, flushed cheeks – the eyes were hidden, but that didn't matter; hidden behind...

Light green hair.

It could have been a trick of the light, but Kyon knew otherwise.

"Miss Kimidori," Kyon said, not as a greeting, but as a statement – one which was confirmed when the maid lifted her head and said, obviously embarrassed, "Y-Y-Yes!"

"I-I didn't r-recognise you at first, K-Kyon," said Emiri, smoothing down her dress (a ploy, Kyon noted, so she did not have to look at him directly in the face. However, Kyon also realised just how well the outfit suited her – unlike the blue-haired girl. Her dress had been a tad too baggy, and fell way past her knees). "I m-mean, I only saw the b-back of your head, hehehe."

Nervous giggles.

Oh, but she was so cute.

Kyon could easily imagine Haruhi attacking the slight, slender girl, perhaps abusing her the way she did to Mikuru, all the while squealing, "Moe, moe, KYUNN!~"

It was something the demented brunette would do.

Like she needed any more people to molest, what with Mikuru and Yuki.

"So, um… I guess it's a small world after all, huh?" giggled Emiri.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Y-You know, my shift ends in a few minutes, a-and I was just thinking… Um…" Emiri tailed off, seeming caught by a sudden burst of confidence. Her eyes narrowed, her fingers clenched, and she set her jaw in the manner of one about to do something very challenging. However, she could not give up – she would not allow herself to. "I was thinking last time we didn't get to eat together, so we could go somewhere together, j-just the two of us. Um, no, I didn't mean-" Blush, blush. "D-Don't think I'm being pushy! I m-mean, you don't have to i-if you d-don't want-"

"No."

The word was so forceful, so angry, that both Emiri and Kyon turned to look at Koizumi with twin shocked expressions. The esper, who had been silent up until that point, looked livid. Murderous, even.

Koizumi's grimace was the total opposite to his normal, Prince Charming-esque smile – completely inverse, as night was to day.

Kyon couldn't help but find it disturbing.

"No," the esper continued, his words losing some of their previous malice, yet the animosity remained, hidden under a transparent layer of forced manners and forced smiles. "Kyon couldn't possibly – he's on a date. It would look incredibly rude on his part to ditch the other, would it not?"

"O-Oh, u-um… I… I'm so sorry!" Emiri winced, bowing deeply. Head still inclined, the poor girl could only stutter; "I-I-I… I didn't k-know… I d-don't want to c-cause a f-fuss!"

"You're causing one," said Koizumi simply, leaning across the table to take Kyon's hands in his own – a selfish action, which made Emiri's face contort, as though in pain. "Kyon and I would prefer to be left alone. You're interrupting. Please leave, Miss Kimidori."

"I-I-I… I… I'm so sorry! P-please forgive my actions!" the girl apologised frantically, over and over, bowing a few more times, before turning – mortified – and making a mad dash for the front entrance.

Now, perhaps Kyon was mistaken, but...

But it looked as though she was crying.

Almost at once, Kyon let his hands fall away from the esper's slackened grip, who made no move to connect them once more. Perhaps Koizumi realised how harsh his words had been, for he looked quite as flustered as Emiri, breathing heavily, fingers twitching slightly.

He looked, for wont of a better word, a wreck.

Not like I feel sorry for him, though.

"Okay," Kyon hissed, words so bitter they seemed to be above 13 on the pH scale. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're acting very… Very odd. Why were you so rude to Miss Kimidori? You were last time, too, but it was… It was cold."

"I…" Koizumi frowned, wet his lips, seeming unsure how to answer, explain himself.

And Kyon wanted an explanation.

However, all the esper could manage was a weak, distinctly un-Itsuki-esque, "I don't know…"

But he does.

He just won't tell me.

And Kyon knew he was right.

"Alright," said the brunet darkly, aware that several pairs of curious eyes were trained on his back – though the various other customers diverted their attention back towards their drinks once Kyon turned round. "I'm going to find Miss Kimidori and-"

"You can't," Koizumi protested, grabbing hold of Kyon's arm. "You can't go after her, not by yourself."

"I can," said Kyon, "and I will. But, strictly speaking, it should be you apologising, not me."

"No. It's not my place," Koizumi shook his head, though his grip did not slacken. "Kyon, listen to me. You can't follow her. She's… She's d..." A nervous pause.

A pause broken by an enthusatic cry.

"Yooohooo! Hey, guys! Sorry we took so long~! What did I miss?!"

And Kyon did not know where to begin.

So he didn't begin at all.


a.n: a long chapter O: there is plot here now, though you might not be able to tell xD guess who the blue haired girl was xD