Zombie's Bane: The Hat's Headache by ultima-owner

Professor McGonagall greeted Hagrid as he brought the new students.

Turning to the students, she was about to do her speech when she caught sight of the Malfoy heir.

" , what happened to you?!"

Draco sneered, "It's all Potter's fault! He nearly killed me with his dumb plant. It must be dark magic."

The cat professor didn't look amused in the slightest.

"Come now, how can a child who hasn't even started to learn magic know dark magic? For lying to a professor, 50 points from your future house soon as there's enough to take away and detention Friday with Professor Sprout for unjustly blaming a plant."

Draco went chalk white, that is if he wasn't black and blue.

"But you can't do that ?!" He stammered.

"That will be another 50 points for back talk." she replied curtly.

The other students watched in shock silence as the professor gave the first ever detention and point loss to a student before they were even sorted.

Years later, this would be referred to as "The Day the House Cat silenced the Whiny Dragon".

Without missing a beat, she gave her speech and told them they will be sorted soon.

As she left, it was several seconds before the student started talking.


-scene break-


Harry looked at the wall as ghosts entered, startling someone, who screamed.

One of the ghosts who looked covered in blood spoke first.

"Aw. new students, I hope you enjoy your time here."

Spotting Draco "my, my. looks like someone roughed you up good. You better see Madame Pomfrey after the feast. she'll heal you up in a jiffy."

Draco gnashed his teeth in anger.

The Bloody Baron turned and stopped at Harry and stated.

"Do you know a man that wears a pot on his head? I owe him 50 gallons on a bet I made and lost."

Harry beamed and replied "Yep, I know him. He'll be happy to hear from you again."


-scene break-


As Harry waited for his name to be called, he wondered if he could enchant his house like the ceiling of the Great Hall.

"Potter, Harry." The professor called.

He walked up to the stool and the hat was placed on his head.

"My word this is the most chaotic mind I've ever seen." the Hat spoke in a shocked tune.

"Hello neighbor." He replied cheerfully.


-scene break-


The next ten minutes were hell for the Sorting Hat.

The child asked so many questions, it wanted to ripe it's inexistent hair out.

The Hat pitied any one who tried to read his mind.

"No Zombies can't eat my brain because it's made of magic, not matter!" The hat bellowed.

"Now if you're done, I have to sort you. Good luck in HUFFLEPUFF!"

The hat yelled the last word out loud and the badgers cheered at getting Potter, while the other houses were shocked.

Professor Sprout cheered loudest of all of them.

That's when the Hat said the most amusing thing in it's long life.

"I need a heavy drink to forget that. Who cares if I'd hung-over tomorrow"


[Poor Hat will be hitting the bleach and fabric softer later. -ultima-owner]

(P.S. I still think this Harry should be in Ravenclaw because he is so damn curious - roughstar333)