I seriously can't think of an intro. Characters are owned by Nintendo, The Amazing Race belongs to Bertram Van Munster, original Smashy Amazing Race belongs to hoogiman, all the parts you don't like actually belong to your neighbour.

I hope you enjoy this ninth leg! ENJOY IT. RIGHT NOW.


"Previously on The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race!" boomed Crazy Hand. "Five teams left Peach's Castle and travelled to Trial City! Marth and Fox began to worry about what other teams were doing!"

Marth and Fox slinked up as close as they could to Roy and Ganondorf without being noticed.

"Dude, we just need to hear what flight they're getting," whispered Marth. "Then we can get the same thing,"

"But they were better off not knowing, as Roy and Ganondorf took a risky gamble!"

"Yarr, we're screwed," lamented Roy.

"Yeah, like, you have to do this now, little red thing," urged Ganondorf.

"We'll do it!" said the Shy Guy. "Don't you worry you pretty li'l head!"

"Some teams had fun killing people on the Detour!"

"Jigglypuff, use Sing attack!" commanded Mewtwo.

"Uh...I love you, you love me..." began Jigglypuff nervously, off-key.

The Plasma Wisps began to get drowsy.

"We're a happy family..."

Mewtwo froze them all with his mind.

"...with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you..."

Mewtwo ripped all of the frozen Plasma Wisps in half, watching their blood spill all over the floor. The psychic Pokemon laughed sadistically at the violence, before turning back to Jigglypuff.

"...won't you say you love me too..." finished Jigglypuff.

"While Fox had a saucy daydream!"

"Why'd you call Ganondorf 'babe'?" asked Fox, teary-eyed.

"It didn't mean anything, dude!" said Marth heatedly. "You know I'll always love you, bro!"

"Oh, Marth! Man, how did I get so lucky?" sniffed Fox, drying his eyes.

"You got lucky by waking up, dude," smiled Marth. "Now wake up."

Fox was dreaming, having been put to sleep by a Sleep enemy.

"Kirby and Ness narrowly edged out Roy and Ganondorf to seal first place!"

Ness threw a DS at Roy.

"Come now, be reasonable!" scolded Kirby.

"Oh, sorry," replied Ness sheepishly.

Ness threw a PSP at Roy and stepped onto the mat.

"Nice job," complimented Kirby, following him.

"Kirby and Ness, you're team number one!" grinned Crazy Hand.

"Mario and Bowser, already in last place, lost time by switching Detours!"

"I say-a we Bald Snark the Detour-a!" decided Mario.

"Is that gonna hurt?" asked Bowser warily.

"And when they arrived at the pit stop last, they were given a reprieve..."

"Mario and Bowser, you're the last team to arrive," said Crazy Hand.

"I knew-a it!" fumed Mario. "It's-a all because Bowser made us switch Detours-a!"

Bowser let out an incredulous noise.

"The good news is that this is the second non-elimination leg, and you are still in the race!" said Crazy Hand happily.

"...at a cost!"

"However, sometime on the next leg of the race, you will encounter a Speed Bump," warned Crazy Hand. "A Speed Bump is an extra task that only you will have to perform, while the other four teams keep on racing."

"Five teams remain, who will be eliminated next?" pondered Crazy Hand.


Remaining Teams! (Now with inspirations!)

Kirby/Ness (Al Gore/Al Gore)

Roy/Ganondorf (Johnny Depp/CORBIN BLEU!11!!1!)

Marth/Fox (pre-election Bush/pre-election Bush)

Mewtwo/Jigglypuff (Stalin/Mewtwo)

Mario/Bowser (Cheney/Reagan)




"This is the Halberd!" announced Crazy Hand, floating around on the Halberd's deck. "Meta-Knight's prized battleship! This ship was the eighth pit stop in a race around the world! Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period, where they can eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams!"

Ness frantically poured more Valium in Kirby's cereal before the puffball woke up.

Mario made threatening (and slightly intolerant) gestures towards Marth and Fox, mouthing 'You're dead! You're goin' down!'

Everyone stole Meta-Knight's food.

"Kirby and Ness, who were the first to arrive at 2:05pm, will depart at 2:05am!"

Kirby and Ness
1st to Depart, 2:05am

Kirby opened the clue.

"Make your way to Beanstalk Park..." read Kirby.

"Teams must now travel by cab to Beanstalk Park!" revealed Crazy Hand. "Once there, they will receive their next clue at the ferris wheel!"

"Right, let's go!" grinned Ness.

Ness

"The race is definitely getting to the stage where it's hard for teams to connect well any more!" interviewed Ness. "I can't bear to think what Kirby and I would end up like without our drugs!"

...

"I said without our hugs," said Ness unconvincingly. "We're very sensitive and open!"

"Aww..." simpered the cameraman.

"Hey Ness, I just got dumped," sniffed Kirby, reading a text.

"Bite me," replied Ness.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

Kirby and Ness hopped in a cab. Nothing else happened.

Roy and Ganondorf
2nd to Depart, 2:06am

"Like, make your way to Beanstalk Park!" read Ganondorf. "Okay, great! Kirby and Ness aren't too far ahead!"



"Yarr, we didn't expect to make it this far!" smiled Roy, excited. "We thought we'd be out arrrly, but now we're lookin' to blow them all away!"

"Girl power!" cheered Ganondorf, skipping merrily into a cab.

Marth and Fox
3rd to Depart, 2:39am

"Make your way to Beanstalk Park, dude," read Marth. The frats took off.

"Bro, I gotta tell you, this is one great road trip!" grinned Fox.

"Yeah dude, it's been great spending all this time together!" replied Marth. "It's a relief to be more comfortable around you!"

"Yeah!" agreed Fox. "Although, I might be a little too comfortable..."

"What?" asked Marth.

"T-the pillows," hesitated Fox. "In the hotel..."

The editors attacked the scene and cut directly to Marth and Fox getting into a cab.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

Kirby and Ness hopped out of their cab, and took in the surroundings of Beanstalk Park.

"Says we've gotta find the giant ferris wheel," checked Ness.

"Oh, that's it," said Kirby, pointing up at the giant 400-foot wheel that took up a third of the park.

"Sweet, the clue box!" celebrated Ness. He ran excitedly towards it, but a seat on the ferris wheel clubbed him over his abnormally disproportionate head.

Kirby giggled excitedly. "Oh Ness, your tomfoolery puts a spring in my step and a bounce in my britches!"

"You don't wear br-" began Ness, but Kirby took the clue from him.

"Head to the Fox Islands," read Kirby.

"Teams must now fly to the Fox Islands, and find Shadow Moses Island!" announced Crazy Hand. "Once they land, they will find their next clue at the helipad, which isn't at the airport!"

"Oh look, the Speed Bump's here," noticed Ness, pointing at the sign.

"Wow, pretty early," observed Kirby.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

Roy and Ganondorf ran out of their cab as Kirby and Ness left, and noticed the ferris wheel.

"Yarr, that looks like a vessel I sunk back in tharr Navy," remembered Roy fondly.

"Like, you were in the Navy?" asked Ganondorf. "Why would they let a pirate join the Navy?"

"Yarr, tis true, they firrred me," sighed Roy. "I was discharged fer not knowing how to steer a ship, narrrvigate, or salvage treasarrr..."

"Like, whatever," said Ganondorf, not listening. "We need to go to Shadow Moses Island!"

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

"Roy and Ganon are right behind us!" panicked Ness.

"I hope we can stay ahead of them," replied Kirby nervously. "Do you think Mario and Bowser's Speed Bump is hard?"

"I hope so!" answered Ness quickly.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Yarr, we worked transport once, we can do it again, n'yarrgh..." smirked Roy.

"We're like, gonna steamroll Kirby and Ness!" assured Ganondorf, pounding his fist.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Man, I totally forgot, today's my birthday!" said Fox suddenly. "Do you have any gifts?"

"It's not your birthday, dude," replied Marth. "This is June,"

"...Oh..." said Fox. "So who's birthday is it?"

"No-one's," replied Marth. "Dude, yours was like eight months ago. Mine's not for another couple months either."

"So I booked a romantic getaway for nothing?" asked Fox.

"What?" asked Marth.

"Ferris wheel!" pointed out Fox, determined to distract Marth.

"Whoa, that's a big wheel, dude!" gasped Marth. "And here's Mario and Bowser's Speed Bump!"

"Shadow Moses Island..." read Fox.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

Kirby and Ness' cab pulled into the airport ahead of everyone.

"We're here first!" grinned Kirby expositioningly.

"It's closed!" read Ness in dismay. "Stupid airport doesn't open at 2 in the morning!"

"That's just crazy!" protested Kirby. "That's the most outrageous and controversial thing that could happen on the race!"

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Know what we should do, man?" decided Fox, trying to cover his tracks. "We should pull over and pick up some chicks!"

"Dude, yes!" agreed Marth. He then told the cab driver to pull over next to a group of female Waddle Dees.

"Ladies," nodded Fox sexily, eyeing up the Waddle Dees.

"Hey babes, how'd you like to get hammered?" proposed Marth, handing some gin-quila-dka (!) shots to the Waddle Dees.

"We're Girl Scouts!" protested one of the young Waddle Dees.

"Oh, sorry girls," apologised Marth, taking back his drinks.

"Girl Scouts, eh?" asked Fox. "That's pretty sexy..."

Fox winked.

"We're also eight years old," said another Waddle Dee girl.

"Eight years old, eh?" asked Fox. "That's prett-"

Marth dragged Fox's head out of the window, and begged the driver to keep driving.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

"No, there might be worse stuff," surmised Ness.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
4th to Depart, 3:50am

"Make your way to Beanstalk Park!" read Jigglypuff.

"How dare you?" asked Mewtwo, in a rage. "You just immediately assume that I'll cave in to your demands and escort you to this park? You think I'm that much of a pushover, don't you? I'll have you know I could kill you by blinking!"

"Okay, we'll do what you want," complied Jigglypuff.

"Pfft, pushover," chuckled Mewtwo. "C'mon, let's go to the park,"

"I like motivation!" smiled Jigglypuff.

Mario and Bowser
Last to Depart, 3:06am

"Make your way to Beanstalk Park," read Bowser.

"Oh-a, that's still in the Kirbyverse-a!" realised Mario. "It's in this-a pamphlet!"

Mario showed Bowser a comprehensive map of the Kirby universe.

"When did you get this?" asked Bowser icily.

"At the airport-a back in Mushroom Kingdom-a!" smiled Mario.

"So why didn't you tell me or use it last leg?" asked Bowser, his eyes narrowed.

"Uh-a...because..." stuttered Mario.

"And if we had used this, we might not even be in last place," said Bowser in a horribly strained voice.

"We're-a Mario and Bowser!" chuckled Mario nervously. "We'll catch up-a!"

Mario ran into a cab, with Bowser angrily following.

"Beanstalk-a Park!" ordered Mario. "I'll give you one dollar-a, just go!"

"I'm not stupid, you know," said the driver.

"Fine, here, take a hundred," sighed Bowser, handing the driver a bill.

"What-a the hell?" asked Mario, infuriated. "That's our-a money! It's only supposed to be used-a for transport-a!"

"Yeah, and this is transport," replied Bowser, as if talking to an immature brat. Which he is, actually.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Arr, the airport's closed!" grunted Roy, shining a torch on the door.

"Like, this sucks! Now we're bunched up with Kirby and Ness again!" whined Ganondorf. "We can't beat them now!"

"Yarr, they're asleep," noticed Roy.

"We should totally like, stay awake so we can beat them!" said Ganondorf, determined.

"I don't think that's wise, y'arrgh..." advised Roy.

Ganondorf drank some coffee, then poured super-concentrated caffeine on his eyeballs.

"Harrrdcore," pronounced Roy, following suit in sudden admiration.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"We're being underestimated, and now's our time to return to form and show everyone what we're made of!" called Mewtwo, marching through Beanstalk Park with Jigglypuff.

"I thought we were a target because everyone hates and fears you?" asked Jigglypuff. "What happened with that?"

"They're all just scared because I could do this to them!" proclaimed Mewtwo, picking up a baby Waddle Dee and pulverizing it into fine dust.

"You're right, they're all scared of us!" agreed Jigglypuff determinedly.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in Last Place

"You know, we can easily beat the Pokemon," said Bowser. "They're such bad racers, I tend to forget they're even on the race."

"They don't-a know anything about being on TV-a!" agreed Mario. "You're supposed to be nice-a to people, and treat-a them with respect!"

"That was a good point, Mario," admitted Bowser, nodding his head.

"Shut up-a, kissass," shot back Mario.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Here's the ferris wheel," noticed Mewtwo. "And here's Mario and Bowser's Speed Bump!"

Mewtwo used his x-ray vision (!!) to read the Speed Bump clue without opening the envelope.

"Ah, I have a dastardly, bastardly, devious plan!" revealed Mewtwo.

"CanIhelpcanihelpcanihelpcanihelp?" asked Jigglypuff immediately.

"Drink from this bottle," said Mewtwo, handing some acid to Jigglypuff.

Mewtwo used his mind to remove a single screw from the wheel.

Jigglypuff drank the acid and burnt a hole through her face.

"Everything worked perfectly!" grinned Mewtwo evilly. "Now let's go to...Shadow Moses Island...yeah...die..."

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

Ness woke up from a good hour or so's sleep, and stretched his arms.

"Kirby, wake up!" called Ness quietly. "We should be getting up!"

"Oh, sure..." mumbled Kirby, face-down on his pillow. He got up wearily, and looked at his surroundings.

"Ness?" asked Kirby.

"Yeah?" replied Ness fearfully, noticing the same thing as Kirby.

"Why is our tent on the highway outside the airport?" inquired Kirby.

"Good question," replied Ness, looking around frantically.

Faint noises of pirate laughter/teenage tee-hees could be heard.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Shadow Moses Island, Shadow Moses Island..." wondered Mewtwo aloud. "What universe is that from?"

"I don't know!" replied Jigglypuff. "Let's ask the driver!"

"Metal Gear," said the Waddle Dee driver immediately. "You're in the wrong universe."

"I feel put in my place," said Jigglypuff sadly.

"I feel like wasting this loser!" raged Mewtwo, his eyes glowing satanically red.

"Aw, here it goes!" referenced Jigglypuff, as Mewtwo ripped the Waddle Dee's arm off.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in Last Place

Mario and Bowser ran into Beanstalk Park, and saw an incriminating sign next to the ferris wheel.

"Speed Bump?!" noticed Bowser. "This early?"

"Having placed last in the previous leg, Mario and Bowser must now complete a Speed Bump: an extra task only they must perform!" said Crazy Hand. "In this Speed Bump, they must both ride one 

full revolution of the Beanstalk Ferris Wheel! However, the wheel is very fragile, so they must be in a state of total control to make it safely!"

"This seems-a too easy," commented Mario, slightly disappointed.

"Yeah, but it could be easier," pointed out Bowser. "We could have to do yoga or run through fireworks,"

Mario and Bowser got on the ferris wheel.

"Say-a, does it feel like there's a screw missing-a?" asked Mario, punching the cart idly.

"Yeah, it does!" agreed Bowser, kicking the cart in front of them. "This wheel isn't fragile at all!"

"I know-a!" complained Mario, setting fire to their cart. "We're-a also going way too fast-a, because you're-a so fat and heavy-a!"

"Yeah!" nodded Bowser, getting off. "Well, we're done, and that was thoroughly anti-climatic and I hated the Speed Bump! It was too easy, promised fake dangers, and it was too beneficial to the team in last place!"

"At least it's-a better than Crazy Hand mugging us-a," reasoned Mario.

"Whatever, let's just go to Shadow Moses Island," said Bowser after reading the clue.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

Exhausted, Kirby and Ness dragged their stuff off of the highway and over to the airport.

"Still doesn't open for another hour!" noted Ness irritably, pointing at the door.

"Happy wake-up call!" smirked Ganondorf, wired. "It's like, four in the morning, you losers!"

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Airport closed, dudes?" asked Marth, walking over with Fox.

"Where have you two been?" asked Kirby suspiciously.

"Oh, I was bailing Fox out of jail and clearing his name as a sexual predator, dude," replied Marth off-handedly.

"How was I supposed to know they were eight, man?" asked Fox. "Waddle Dees all look alike!"

"Racist," scoffed Kirby.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Where do we find the flights?!" asked Jigglypuff as soon as she left her cab. Mewtwo followed, chewing on some Waddle Dee arms.

"Closed, you buffoon," replied Mewtwo dryly.

"Oh..." realised Jigglypuff. "I know! Who wants to sing a campfire song!"

"I do!" smiled Kirby.

"I do!" smiled Ness.

"I do!" smiled Roy.

"I do!" smiled Ganondorf.

"I do!" smiled Marth.

"I do!" smiled Fox.

"I don't," frowned Squidward.

"Oh, they built the ship Titanic, to sail the ocean blue!" sang most of the racers.

Mewtwo kicked Jigglypuff forward, and the latter fell face first into the campfire (read: pile of lit cigarette butts).

Kirby and Ness backed away from the violent scene.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

"Wanna get flights away from everyone else?" asked Kirby, looking fearfully over at Mewtwo.

"Yeah, I really do," agreed Ness, looking at Jigglypuff burn.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"So, Mewtwo, dude!" said Marth nervously. "Do you think Mario and Bowser got held back long enough?"

"Oh, I daresay they'll be permanently delayed!" laughed Mewtwo evilly.

"Dude, never mind," replied Marth. "Here they are,"

Mario and Bowser
Currently in Last Place

"Hey guys-a!" smiled Mario cruelly, walking over to everyone else with Bowser. "We've done our-a Speed Bump!"

"Congratulations!" grinned Jigglypuff.

"WHAT?!" raged Mewtwo furiously.

"Yeah, and look, the airport opens in three seconds!" noticed Bowser, checking his watch. "What luck!"

"Hey, Mario, Bowser, stick out your tongues," requested Mewtwo calmly.

Mario and Bowser complied.

Mewtwo froze a lamppost, and threw the tongues at them with his mind.

"EVERYONE IN THE AIRPORT NOW!" ordered Mewtwo, picking Jigglypuff up and throwing her inside with his mind.

Jigglypuff landed on a desk.

"Can I get two tickets to Shadow Moses?" asked Jigglypuff weakly.

"Yes, you leave at 7:50am," replied the Waddle Dee, handing over the tickets.

"WHO'S LUCKY NOW?!" asked Mewtwo vigorously, flipping off Mario and Bowser, who were still stuck outside.

"Mewtwo and Jigglypuff are on the first flight to Shadow Moses Island, leaving at 7:50am!" said Crazy Hand.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Like, quick, we need to work on our tickets," urged Ganondorf. "The Pokemon just got on a plane."

"Yarr, don't be worryin'," reassured Roy.

"Yeah Ganon, calm down dude," said Marth from behind them.

"Curse ye, fraternity brotharrs!" fumed Roy. "Spyin' on us fer the second leg in a row!"

"We'll take the same as them, man!" called Fox, and four tickets were given to him, Marth, Roy and Ganondorf.

"I heard you guys talking at the pit stop, dudes," said Marth. "We hear you're tryin' to take the kids down? We're in,"

"Like, really?" asked Ganondorf hopefully.

"No way," replied Marth.

"Arg, is that so?" asked Roy. "Well, we can get back at ye for lyin'!"

"Roy, it wasn't that serious," said Ganondorf.

"Give the same tickets to the two guys outside stuck to the lamppost, n'yarrgh!" grinned Roy evilly.

Two more tickets were printed out for Mario and Bowser.

"Two can play at this game, dudes!" said Marth angrily. "Another two, for the puffball and the kid over there!"

Two tickets were printed out for Kirby and Ness.

"Touche..." grunted Roy, glaring at Marth and Fox.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Dude, Fox, we have to beat Roy and his girlfriend," realised Marth, taking Fox aside. "They hate us!"

"Bro, what can we do?" asked Fox.

"I have a plan to create some drama, dude," said Marth.

Marth walked over to Ganondorf.

"Hey, sexy..." droned Marth suavely, stroking Ganondorf's leg. "Have I ever told you how freakin' hot you are?"

"Like, no," replied Ganondorf.

"Call her smart and funny, bro!" whispered Fox loudly. "That's like the law or something! You always refer to people as smart and funny instead of hot!"

Marth nodded, and turned back to a confused Ganondorf.

"So how'd you like to move that...that smart and funny ass off our flight?" asked Marth.

"No," said Ganondorf.

"WHAT ARR YE DOIN'?!" screamed Roy, running over with a pitchfork. "Stop yer fraternising!"

Marth backed away and returned to Fox.

"Dude, it didn't work," said Marth sadly.

"Bummer," replied Fox.

"Roy and Ganondorf, Marth and Fox, Mario and Bowser and Kirby and Ness are on the second flight to Shadow Moses Island!" voiced over Crazy Hand.

9:00am
2nd Flight

"Mewtwo and Jigglypuff, they're not on this flight, man," interviewed Fox. "I dunno if they're out in front, or if they're behind. It's so nerve wracking to not know something like that at this stage,"

Shadow Moses Island
1st Flight Landed

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"I sure hope we're ahead!" panicked Jigglypuff.

"Oh shut up, we are," scolded Mewtwo, getting into a train which left immediately.

2nd Flight

Marth got out of his seat.

"Fox, check it dude, I'ma try flirt with Ganondorf again!" decided Marth.

"To get information?" asked Fox hopefully.

"Well, maybe..." said Marth. "Dude, I've just noticed, she's pretty h-smart and funny!"

"B-b-but, Marth, I l-" began Fox, but Marth left.

Fox cried silently as the plane arrived at Shadow Moses Island.

2nd Flight Landed

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

Ganondorf shook Marth off his leg, and hobbled over to a man.

"Hey, uh, where's like the helipad?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yarr, we're in a hurry," added Roy.

"Take a train, south side of the island," said the man.

"Ness, run!" called Kirby, who had been hiding behind the man.

Kirby and Ness sprinted to the train.

"Get back harrr!" screamed Roy, tearing off after them.

"Thank you!" called Ganondorf, giving chase.

Roy burst into the train, and noticed that the only taken seats in the whole train were Kirby and Ness'.

"Oh cool, the train's empty!" cheered Bowser, walking in with Mario. The frats followed suit and everyone sat down. "That must mean the Pokemon haven't been here yet!"

"Or-a, you idiot," argued Mario. "They're so far ahead-a they've got to the helipad-a already!"

Shadow Moses Helipad

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"Here's the cluebox!" cried Jigglypuff, taking a clue.

"Let me see that!" demanded Mewtwo, throwing Jigglypuff at some propellers. He read the clue.

...

...

"What kind of stupid task is this?!" raged Mewtwo.

"A Road Block is a task only one person can perform! In this Road Block, teams must now run around the helipad until they're caught by a searchlight!" said Crazy Hand. "Then, they must reunite with their partner, and both must run to the top of a guard tower and retrieve a tape of them on camera! They must take the tape to the Shadow Moses Cardboard Plant, where they will receive their next clue!"

"Utterly pointless!" fumed Mewtwo, running around.

"Hi searchlight!" waved Jigglypuff.

"Hello? Search light operator, I demand that you shine the light at me!" ordered Mewtwo harshly.

"Can't we just take advantage of your psychicnessicity like we always do?" suggested Jigglypuff.

Enraged, Mewtwo smashed a chair over Jigglypuff's head and beat her with the legs.

"Good idea," agreed Mewtwo.

Mewtwo moved the searchlight with his mind so that it shone on himself.

"How do we get to the cardboard plant?" asked Jigglypuff.

"We've got a while to find out, we're in first!" rejoiced Mewtwo.

"Are you happy?" asked Jigglypuff hopefully.

"DON'T INQUIRE ABOUT MY EMOTIONS!" shouted Mewtwo, throwing Jigglypuff at the search light. Jigglypuff burned again.



2nd Train to South Shadow Moses

"Dude, I wish we knew where the Pokemon were," worried Marth.

"Mewtwo's-a probably been arrested-a!" laughed Mario. "For murder-a!"

No-one else laughed.

"I doubt Mewtwo would stoop so low," scoffed Bowser.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"YOU!" Mewtwo cried, picking up a guard. "Where is the cardboard box plant?! TELL ME!"

"I don't know!" whimpered the guard. "It's my first day here!"

Mewtwo stooped so low as to murder the guard.

"There's a sign here!" smiled Jigglypuff. "It says the plant's this way!"

Jigglypuff skipped off happily.

2nd Train
Arrived at Shadow Moses Helipad

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

"I see the cluebox!" cried Ness. "Hurry! Everyone else is behind us by seconds!"

"Got it!" called Kirby, taking a clue.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Dude, we gotta do this Road Block quick!" panted Marth.

"Why are you panting, bro? Are you sweaty?" asked Fox suggestively.

"I'm good, dude," replied Marth, taking a drink.

"Damn," replied Fox.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"We've-a got this!" smiled Mario. "You're fat-a, the cameras'll see you-a easy!"

Bowser took out a stress ball, squeezed it softly, and then punched it.



Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"Arr, we can do this!" assured Roy. "We just need to beat everyone else, n'yarrgh!"

"Aren't we supposed to do that all the time?" asked Ganondorf.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"We're only a few minutes ahead now!" grunted Mewtwo, looking back at the four other teams.

"Where's the cardboard plant?" asked Jigglypuff to another guard. "We followed the sign but we don't know where else to go!"

"I don't know!" said the guard. Mewtwo choked him, and threw him at another guard. Both died.

"You're too nice to people!" fumed Mewtwo. "You gotta get mean to get what you want!"

"But that'd be nasty!" complained Jigglypuff.

"Get nasty!" ordered Mewtwo. "Make your last stand!"

Jigglypuff blew a raspberry at the guard.

"Okay," said Mewtwo. "That's about as good as we're gonna get..."

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

"Maybe I need to annoy the lights over here..." wondered Ness.

"Good idea," nodded Kirby. "I'll start, rules say they can only shine the light on one of us, I'm allowed to help."

Kirby waddled over to the wall.

"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving.

"Okay!" said Ness, bowing.

"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving.

"Okay!" said Ness, bowing.

"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving.

"Okay!" said Ness, bowing.

"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving.



"Okay!" said Ness, bowing.

Kirby ran out of the way.

The light shone on Ness.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Marth, do you think the light would shine on me if I was nude, bro?" asked Fox.

"No, why dude?" asked Marth.

"Cause I just got naked," replied Fox, winking at Marth.

"DUDE! Get away from me!" spluttered Marth in disgust.

Fox stormed off into the light angrily.

"AAAAGH!" cried Fox, his nude body bursting into flames.

"Oh cool, we can get the clue now!" smiled Marth.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"Bowser-a, just move into the light-a, you fat piece of crap!" ordered Mario.

"That's not going to work!" protested Bowser. "My plus size won't affect- damn..."

All the lights were on Bowser.

"We can go-a, fatty!" grinned Mario, leaving.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

As all the lights left Bowser, Roy got in the way of one of them.

Roy made some nautical reference with plenty of pirate speak.

Ganondorf acted like a spoiled teenager.

Yeah.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"Jigglypuff, will you stay here for one second?!" asked Mewtwo incredulously, flexing his brain threateningly.



Jigglypuff walked over to Mewtwo.

"I don't need your mean tips!" scoffed Jigglypuff. "I was having a nice talk with the guards!"

A stream of machine gun bullets narrowly missed Jigglypuff.

"Agh!" squeaked Jigglypuff. "Help!"

"Now these are my kind of people!" grinned Mewtwo, taking a machine gun.

"Shouldn't we find the plant?" whimpered Jigglypuff.

"Shut up, we're closest," replied Mewtwo, loading some bullets.

"But can't someone help us find it before the other teams catch up?" asked Jigglypuff, tears streaming down her face.


"Well, last leg's filler was a letdown," sighed Crazy Hand. "Forget second season applicants, I'm hesitant to do a second season, period!"

"Hey jerkbagface, there's another applicant here to see you," said Master Hand lazily, smoking a cigar.

"Tell them to get out, I'm in no mood," replied Crazy Hand.

"Are you sure?" asked Master Hand. "Their resume looks impressive."

"Oh?" asked Crazy Hand, interested.

"Says here they're a...er...fox-wolf-frog-ancient-fire-goddess-blood-diamond-pizza," read Master Hand.

"Oh..." moaned Crazy Hand, put off. "Tell them to leave."

Master Hand opened his...wrist...to answer, but both hands were distracted. A fox-wolf-frog-ancient-fire-goddess-blood-diamond-pizza had just burst through the window.

"Oh dear god," sighed Crazy Hand, burying his face in his ha...

"Oh dear god," sighed Crazy Hand, burying his palm in his fingers...

"Oh dear god," sighed Crazy Hand, making a fist.


Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"WHAT DO WE DO?!" cried Jigglypuff hysterically.

"I could tell you," said a gravelly voice.

"Solid Snake!" gasped Mewtwo and Jigglypuff at the same time.

"Yeah, I am," replied Snake, flexing his muscles.

"Do you know where the cardboard plant is, puny human?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yeah, follow me!" replied Snake.

Snake clicked his heels three times, and skipped along a magical rainbow that led to the cardboard plant.

"We need the surveillance room," said Mewtwo.

"Oh," replied Snake.

Snake slouched listlessly to the surveillance room and opened the door for the Pokemon.

"Let's watch our tape!" said Jigglypuff, turning on a security camera.

"You got the stuff, Otacon?" asked Snake.

"Yeah, show me the money," replied Otacon.

"I figured I could get it out of you one way..." purred Snake, rubbing Otacon's shoulders.

Snake fumbled with the remote and changed the channel to Mewtwo and Jigglypuff's video.

"So how do we get the clue from this?" asked Mewtwo.

A flashing message appeared on the screen, reading "GO TO SHADOW MOSES GIFT SHOP" in bold red letters.

"Oh," realised Mewtwo.

"Teams must now take the train back to the other side of Shadow Moses Island, and find the Shadow Moses Gift Shop!" said Crazy Hand. "Once there, they'll have to pick up a marked bouquet of flowers for the Colo - er, Meryl!"

"This is a weird place," observed Jigglypuff the talking balloon.

"No kidding," agreed Mewtwo the psychic cat.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

Kirby and Ness, having had no difficulty finding the cardboard box plant, ran in.

"Has another team been in here?" Ness asked Snake frantically.

"Yes, two Pokemon came and left," replied Snake.

"Great," lamented Kirby, watching the tape.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

Mario and Bowser arrived next, and overheard Snake talking to Kirby and Ness.

"The Pokemon are-a ahead?" asked Mario.

"How's that possible?" wondered Bowser. "We never saw them at the airport...then again, they did stick us to a pole..."

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"What way did Snake take us?" panicked Jigglypuff. "Quick!"

Mewtwo searched his photographic memory.

"This way, go!" ordered Mewtwo urgently. "First and last place are mere minutes apart!"

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

"Shadow Moses Gift Shop!" pointed out Ness. "Write it down!"

Kirby scrawled 'Gift shop' on his hand, and ran off with Ness.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

"Okay, I got it, let's go," said Bowser. "Need to get away from the frats and weirdos."

Marth and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"Dude, go quick!" cried Marth.

Fox flicked the security camera on quickly and hit fast forward.

"I saw something about a gift shop, let's move it!" said Marth urgently. "We gotta haul ass, dude!"

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"Arr, it be near the end of the clip," said Roy. "The frats were farrrst forwardin'."

"Great!" grinned Ganondorf, hitting fast forward. "It's like, Shadow Moses Gift Shop!"

"Gotta catch up, n'yarrgh!" cried Roy. "This reminds me of me Navy days..."

Shadow Moses Train Station

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

Mewtwo threw Jigglypuff through the window, and then walked in.

"I don't know if we're first here, Jigglypuff," said Mewtwo simply. "We better be."

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

"I can't-a believe the Pokemon-a owned us all!" lamented Mario.

"It's crazy," said Bowser. "They could win this race if they keep pulling stuff like this."

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"Can I help you?" asked a ticket agent.

"Train tickets...other side of island...NOW!" shouted Mewtwo weakly, collapsing against the desk.

"Okay, your train leaves at 11!" smiled the agent.

"The others are gonna catch up!" gasped Jigglypuff, dismayed.

"Dammit!" grunted Mewtwo angrily.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

"Here's the train station!" cried Kirby, running in.

"Everyone else is right behind us!" called Ness frantically.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"Here's Kirby and Ness..." sighed Jigglypuff sadly.

"I can see that!" yelled Mewtwo, crushing Jigglypuff's non-existent neck.

"And then Mario and Bow-"

Mewtwo whipped Jigglypuff across the face with his tail.

"Roy and Ga-"

Mewtwo bit Jigglypuff's ear off.

"Ma-"

Mewtwo cut off Jigglypuff's curl.

"All-a the teams are here!" smiled Mario. "Hi, Pokemon-a!"

"Yeah, hi," said Jigglypuff, bleeding.

"Freakin' kill you all..." muttered Mewtwo.

"The race-a is on!" laughed Mario, because it wouldn't be a season of TAR without that being said at some point.

"So much for a lead..." groaned Mewtwo, ripping apart a full box of stressballs.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

"Good thing we caught the Pokemon now," smiled Bowser proudly. "They could have left us in the dust!"

"Yeah, now we can-a destroy them!" grinned Mario.

"Come on, let's get our tickets," said Bowser.

Everyone got tickets on Mewtwo and Jigglypuff's 11 train.

"Anybody's game now," noted Bowser.

1st Train to North Shadow Moses

"Like, Roy and I are gonna kick butt this leg!" Ganondorf assured everyone else. "Someone's like, gonna be last and it won't be us!"

"Yarr, lischen to the lady," said Roy, drunk on grog.

"That's a pretty good idea, babe," nodded Marth. "How does someone as hot-"

Fox nudged Marth, and pulled out a modernised etiquette handbook.

"As smart and funny as you come up with such good ideas?" asked Marth.

"That's like, not even an idea..." said Ganondorf, confused.

"Yeah bro, an idea would be, say, uh...sticking with the pack then surging forward in a footrace," said Fox.

"Thanks for that!" grinned Ganondorf, stealing the idea.



"NUEZ!" cried Fox. "U STOL3 MI PLAN AND MI MAN!"

...

"Who's not Marth, guys," said Fox, quickly looking around nervously.

"Is there something-a going on between you two teams-a?" asked Mario, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, no!" said Fox defensively. "Why?"

"Well-a..." said Mario, lustfully stroking Fox's leg, "I want-a in."

"Wait, so what's going on?" asked Ness.

"Well there's five of us left," said Jigglypuff. "And we're racing! And we have to get to the hand man as fast as we can!"

Mewtwo slapped Jigglypuff.

"You dolt, he means with the relationships!" raged Mewtwo, throwing Jigglypuff out of the window.

Kirby whispered the chain of horribly inappropriate attraction to Ness.

Ness stuck his head out of the window for fresh air.

"Wait a minute, we're here!" noticed Ness.

The teams ran out of the train. Yeah.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 1st Place

The frats were first to run over to the train station's Shadow Moses Gift Shop, but they soon discovered that -

"It doesn't open until morning, dude," sighed Marth. "Hours of operation, 6am to 12pm. We took like an hour to get here, and it just closed,"

"Great, now we need a place to go, man," said Fox.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place

"Let's go outside and see if anyone knows where we can sleep without being shot at or something," decided Ness.

"Right behind you," agreed Kirby pleasantly. "I say, it's rather inconvenient that we must sleep for an extra day."

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place

"I just ovarrrheard Kirby and Ness' plan, wanna follow?" asked Roy.

"Like, why not," nodded Ganondorf, following Kirby and Ness.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"Fox, Marth, you two going off to find somewhere else, or you stayin' here?" asked Bowser.

"I'm-a not sleeping in a train station!" said Mario indignantly.

"Dude, Mario's losing it!" grinned Marth.

"I need somewhere-a nice!" pouted Mario.

"Mario, look around you!" shouted Bowser, annoyed. "Does it look like this place has anywhere good to sleep?"

"YOU DON'T-A UNDERSTAND MY NEEDS-A!" yelled Mario, crying.

"He's this way about everything..." sighed Bowser, turning to the frats.

"What are we even doing, man?" asked Fox. "I thought we hated each other!"

"That's before I realised what a stallion-a you are..." purred Mario, tracing circles in Fox's chest with his finger.

"How'd he stop crying so quickly, dude?" wondered Marth.

Bowser shook his head in disbelief.

"Let's just look around this place and see how safe it is," decided Bowser.

"NO-A!" screeched Mario, pouting again. He stomped off to the wall and folded his arms.

"Bro, Mario, we'll find somewhere else," said Fox wearily. "Can you please just calm down, man?"

Fox looked back at Marth and Bowser, who were motioning for more effort.

"...For me?" asked Fox, reluctantly winking.

"Yay-a!" cheered Mario, jumping on Fox.

"Okay, let's just go," sighed Bowser, walking off.

"Fox-a, can I be on your-a team?" asked Mario. "I don't-a like Bowser!"

"I hate both you and Bowser, dude," put in Marth.

"Man, I don't think that's a good idea," said Fox, putting Mario down.

Mario nodded and skipped away.

"You hate them too, right?" checked Marth.

"Hell yeah," replied Fox, wiping pasta stains and mustache hair off of his jacket.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Surrender your overnight accommodation information!" bellowed Mewtwo at some fellow tourists.

"Sh-shadow Moses Hotel!" whimpered a meek-looking family man. "Just don't hurt us! My kid wants to see the famous Solid Snake!"

"He's magnificent!" grinned Jigglypuff politely. "He's going to have a good time!"

Mewtwo made the kid's head explode.

"My baby!" squealed the mother.

"Mewtwo! How could you do such a thing!" shrieked Jigglypuff.

"I hate people born in the first six months of the year!" fumed Mewtwo.

Jigglypuff raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe it's just because I hate children..." admitted Mewtwo.

"I have eyebrows?" asked Jigglypuff.

The Pokemon strolled away as the parents cried.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

"We'll just sleep on these benches," said Bowser, pointing to four benches outside the train station.

"No-a!" squealed Mario. Bowser ripped out his throat.

"Dude!" cried Marth, alarmed.

"This is my one," protested Bowser. "My one to Mewtwo's thousand."

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Arr, here be a place," said Roy, pointing to a cheap hotel.

"Like, why don't we get enough screen time?" asked Ganondorf.



Roy opened his mouth to answer. "B-"

Marth and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"Dude, looks like Mario's set on being with you!" chortled Marth, as Mario hugged Fox like a blanket.

"Oh, that's real funny, duuuude!" mocked Bowser in a bad imitation of Marth's voice. "Not like I-er, Fox has feelings!"

"I?" asked Marth, confused. "Bowser, dude, do you like Mario?"

"No!" said Bowser defensively, turning away from Mario.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff walked through the doors of Shadow Moses Hotel, when Mewtwo buckled down, holding his head in pain.

"Mewtwo!" cried Jigglypuff. "What's wrong!"

"I feel...a disturbance..." said Mewtwo. "Remember when you dated Ike and it was dramatic?"

"No," replied Jigglypuff. "Wait! I do!"

"Well..." hesitated Mewtwo. "Bowser likes Mario, who likes Fox, who likes Marth, who likes Ganondorf!"

Jigglypuff went to vomit over something completely unrelated.

"I'm glad I'll never see any of these people again after the race," said Mewtwo, shaking his head.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 1st Place

"This hotel's pretty cheap," observed Kirby, throwing his bag down. "Ah well, it's only one night."

"It's perfect already," crooned Ness. "For I have you..."

"What?!" asked Kirby, confused.

"Nah, I'm just messing around with you," said Ness. "But have you noticed that some of the others are in some kind of web of homosexuality?"

"I thought Pit was eliminated," said Kirby, confused.

"It's just...have you ever seen the way Fox looks at Marth?" asked Ness. "I think the lack of girls in Super Smash Brothers is becoming apparent."

"We've got that Krystal girl," said Kirby.

"No. No we don't. She got turned down," replied Ness.

"Oh dear god, you're right!" panicked Kirby. "And neither of us have any girls we know in Super Smash Brothers! All the girls that are actually part of the SSB are taken!"

"Samus is a girl," said Ness, sounding desperate.

Kirby and Ness looked at each other.

"Stay away from her..." both said at the same time.

Editors

"Cut straight to morning!" cried the editors, disgusted.

Morning

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 1st Place

"Mario, let's leave the frats here," said Bowser.

"But I want-a Fox to come!" whined Mario.

"He's on another team!" raged Bowser. "Listen, someone is going to be eliminated today, and it's going to be us if you delay us!"

"Fine-a, but if Fox-a gets eliminated, I'll never forgive-a you!" threatened Mario.

Bowser picked up the sleeping Marth and Fox and ran to the train station's gift shop.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place

"Arr, everyone went to different places, n'yarrgh..." said Roy. "We don't know what place we be in!"

"We're scared we could be in like, last!" revealed Ganondorf fearfully.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 4th Place

"Our hotel was a few blocks away from the gift shop in the train station," said Kirby. "So we could be last, everyone else got places really close."

"We just hope someone went to the Shadow Moses Hotel," hoped Ness. "It's really far away compared to the cheaper hotels!"

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place



"We need to hurry!" barked Mewtwo. "Everyone probably slept at the station!"

"No they didn't!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"How do you know?" asked Mewtwo.

"How don't you know?" replied Jigglypuff. "You're a psychic."

"Die!" yelled Mewtwo, setting Jigglypuff on fire again.

Their cab arrived at the station.

"We were in a cab?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, because our hotel was far away," explained Mewtwo.

"Everyone else is here too!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Damn, I thought at least one of these people would get arrested," said Mewtwo.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 4th Place

"We're not going out today," said Ness, looking around at the other four teams.

"Ness, the Pokemon are our only threats," smiled Kirby. "Everyone else is in love with each other, they'll be distracted!"

"We'll be fine!" said Ness.

...

...

"As long as you stay away from Samus," said Kirby and Ness at the same time.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 2nd Place

"Dude, it's so tense trying to find this gift shop," said Marth. "There's just the Detour left, and we all think someone's going to be eliminated,"

"I just hope it's Mario, man," said Fox. "He thinks I'm smart and funny."

"This is so lame, dude!" complained Marth. "Why can't we just say ho-"

"SMART AND FUNNY!" cried Fox. "I'll use it in a sentence: I think you're smart and funny! There! It's not so hard to confess your love for someone!"

"What, dude?" asked Marth, taking his finger out of his ear.



"Oh, you animal..." simpered Fox.

"Anyway man, this fight to get to the Detour clue's gonna be totally epic and tense, as soon as we come back from Crazy Hand's tryouts!" smiled Marth at the ROB cameraman.


"Brother!" cried Crazy Hand. "Push that...that thing out of the window!"

"mI nA3m iz Elanor-" began the fox-wolf-frog-ancient-fire-goddess-blood-diamond-pizza, but Master Hand grabbed it.

"I don't care!" grunted Master Hand, trying to prise the newcomer off of the wall.

"I k3n fliiiii!"

"My IQ! It's lowering!" screamed Master Hand. "My precious, precious brain! It hurts!"

"li3k is sn3ak in t3h raec?"

"I can feel it too!" shouted Crazy Hand. "We can't do anything!"

"Yes, we can!" replied Master Hand. "We can fight it with our brains!"

Master Hand made his way to the bookcase and picked up a book on algebra.

"...Crazy, what does this say?" asked Master Hand.

"We don't have eyes!" realised Crazy Hand, swatting the book away.

"us dAt buK 4 mi?"

"THERE'S ONLY ONE ESCAPE!" bellowed Master Hand.

"Don't do it, brother!" panicked Crazy Hand.

Master Hand shot himself.

"NUUUUUUUUUUUEZ!" screamed Crazy Hand.

...

"This sucks."


The five teams all met up and skipped arm in arm to the cluebox, in a totally epic and tense manner.

"Detour!" read Ness, Ganondorf, Fox, Mewtwo and Mario.

"Sundance or Foxhound?" asked Kirby, Roy, Marth, Jigglypuff and Bowser.



"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with their own pros and cons!" said Crazy Hand, being savagely beaten up. "In this Detour: Sundance or Foxhound?"

"In Sundance, teams must travel by car to Shadow Moses Cineplex, where the Sundance film festival is currently touring in! Once there, teams will have to search hundreds of screen rooms to find Otacon, who will give them their next clue!"

"In Foxhound, teams must find a way to the Shadow Moses Laboratory, where they will use a Metal Gear to hit a target in another target task! Once they hit the small target in their huge mechs of death, they will receive their next clue!"

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 1st Place

"Let's do Sundance, we love the movies!" decided Bowser.

"I brought-a all my favourite cinema stuff-a!" said Mario.

"...Thumbtacks?" asked Bowser.

"I like-a to heckle," shrugged Mario.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Arr, Sundance, we did targets last leg," said Roy.

"Like, you mean I did," argued Ganondorf. "But at least we get to go to a film festival!"

"But it's independent films, yarr..." said Roy.

"Oh," said Ganondorf. "Let's go heckle!"

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 3rd Place

"Sundance," decided Kirby. "That okay with you?"

"Sounds cool," agreed Ness. "Just as long as we get to heckle."

"That sounds absolutely wonderful," smiled Kirby.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"Dude, let's look for the Metal Gears," decided Marth.

"But bro, I totally screwed up target tasks last leg!" said Fox.

"Only one way to get better, come on, let's go!" said Marth, walking off.



"He may be smart and funny, but he's not too smart..." Fox told himself.

...

"Wait, what?" Fox asked himself.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"We're doing the violent one," said Mewtwo. "No questions asked."

"Are you sure?" asked Jigglypuff. "We should think it over-"

"PICK UP THE PACE, DAMN YOU!" raged Mewtwo. "We have to go!"

"Can I see one of your stress balls please, sweetie?" asked Jigglypuff cutely.

"Fine, but if you call me that again it's going in your ear and twisting," agreed Mewtwo, giving Jigglypuff a stress ball.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place

"We can't afford to get lost again, we're all so close together," said Bowser nervously, getting into a car.

"Follow Roy and Ganondorf-a!" decided Mario, pointing at them.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

Ganondorf looked out the window behind him.

"Like, a team's following us!" cried Ganondorf.

"Yarr, I'll try and shake off tharr landlubbers," said Roy.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 3rd Place

"Be careful not to lose the other teams that picked Sundance!" warned Ness.

"Should we check we're going the right way?" asked Kirby.

"Can't hurt," decided Ness. He got out the car and walked over to a guard.

"Excuse me, but I am a lost little boy," said Ness innocently. "Can you tell me how to get to the cinema?"

"You will enlist in the Alaskan army!" barked the guard in a clichéd Southern accent. "Do not escape! You will be met shortly with guard dogs and sniper fire if you even think about leaving!"



"What?" asked Ness, confused.

"Private Sterkowitch, we've been expecting you!" said a second guard, walking over.

Kirby got out of the car too.

"Ness, what's going on?" asked Kirby.

"We're going to win the war on terror!" barked one of the guards. "Private Sterkowitch, you and your puffball are going to Iraq after basic training!"

"We may have hit a snag," Ness told Kirby.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"Looks like it's just us and the Pokemon ridin' the Metal Gears, dude," said Marth.

"I wanna ride your smart and funny Metal Gear, babe..." crooned Fox, leering at Marth.

"Dude, what the hell's up with you?" asked Marth. "Are you pretending I'm like, that blue chick or whatever?"

...

"Of course, man!" said Fox defensively.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Are the frats going the right way?" asked Mewtwo, driving with his mind. "I'm not following them only to get lost! ANSWER ME!"

"I think they are!" panicked Jigglypuff. "I don't know! I can't read this map!"

"Keep going," said Mewtwo.

"I can't read maps!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"One more time..." sighed Mewtwo.

"I can't read," said Jigglypuff.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Here's the cinema!" cheered Ganondorf. "Like, park here!"

Roy parked the car, and ran out seconds before Mario and Bowser arrived.

"Is this the place-a?" asked Mario as soon as he saw Roy and Ganondorf.

"Yarr, you should know, you followed us," joked Roy.

"That was lame," scoffed Bowser derisively.

"At least I be in Brawl," retorted Roy.

"No. No-no, you're not," said Bowser.

Roy walked away, embarrassed.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 3rd Place

"Listen to me, Mr. Sergeant McJerk," said Ness slowly and clearly. "I'm not Private Sterkowitch, let me and my puffball go."

"Didn't I warn you?" asked Sergeant McJ-the guard. "I warned y'all! Guard dogs and sniper fire!"

The guard clicked his heels three times, and guard dogs appeared as sniper towers started firing. Also, the guard ended up going home, because there's no place like home.

"I'll save us!" smiled Kirby.

Kirby swallowed a guard dog to become Rabid Kirby.

"Come get some!" threatened Kirby, foaming at the mouth.

All of the dogs, scared, ran from Kirby and instead all pounced on Ness.

"Good plan, you f-" began Ness, being mauled alive.

Kirby jumped in the car, ran over a few rabid guard puppies in front of their feral mothers, and picked up a bloody Ness.

"It had two parts, Ness!" grinned Kirby, driving off into the sunset on an epic adventure.

"Other way, still racing," sighed Ness.

"I knew that," said Kirby, turning around.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"How far is the rooftop laboratory, dude?" asked Marth. "We've been scaling the outside wall for a few Marth and Fox scenes now!"

"That's some handy exposition, man," said Fox, climbing the wall.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Sad, sad fraternity brothers," scoffed Mewtwo. "Why scale a wall, when you can just –"

Mewtwo used his psychic powers to rip some skin off of Jigglypuff's face and craft a new aerodynamic fin on her back. He then threw her up onto the roof, and teleported there soon after.

"-do that?" finished Mewtwo. "Any idiot can do it! Now we're ahead of them!"

Marth and Fox
On Foxhound

"Damn dude, the Pokemon are ahead of us!" cried Marth, scrambling up to the laboratory.

"What Metal Gear should we pick, man?" asked Fox, following suit.

"No idea bro, better ask this guy," decided Marth, pulling aside the first person he saw.

"Hi guys!" waved Jigglypuff. "What Metal Gear are you picking?"

Marth ignored her, and turned to his person. "What Metal Gear's the best one, dude?"

"Personally, I prefer the Ray," replied the man, who may or may not be Ocelot.

"Great, thanks," thanked Marth, turning back to Jigglypuff. "We're picking Metal Gear Ray, but apparently Rex is better, dudette,"

"Okay!" smiled Jigglypuff, skipping away.

Roy and Ganondorf
On Sundance

"Arr, what screen be Otacon in?" Roy asked the Cineplex manager.

"He's in screen room 3-C a few levels up, we have state of the art elevators that will take you to the tenth floor," replied the manager.

"Like, thanks!" thanked Ganondorf, getting in the elevator. "At least these elevators don't like, talk!"

"What ones?" asked the talking elevator.

"Aw crap-a!" grunted Mario, getting in the elevator with Bowser. "We thought-a we were done with elevators-a that talk-a!"

The door snapped shut on Mario's foot.

"Arr, karma," chuckled Roy.

"It's the tenth floor, right?" checked Bowser.

"Like, that's what we got told," nodded Ganondorf.



Bowser pressed 1 too hard with his stupid huge strong fingers, and they winded up going to the eleventh floor.

"Idiot-a!" screeched Mario, punching Bowser.

Marth and Fox
On Foxhound

"Okay dude, we have to get in that Metal Gear and blast the target," said Marth, reading the clue again.

"Let's go fast man, the Pokemon are right behind us!" panicked Fox.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
On Foxhound

"I've been waiting so long to do a task like this," smirked Mewtwo evilly.

"Before the race started, Mewtwo even mail-ordered a book on gunning down people!" revealed Jigglypuff. "And I got Dr. Seuss' book on gunning down immigrants who steal holidays!"

Mewtwo climbed inside Metal Gear Rex, and aimed at the target.

"We're gonna have fun with this thing," said Mewtwo calmly.

"I like fun!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Mario and Bowser
Roy and Ganondorf
On Sundance

"Here we go, tenth floor," said Ganondorf. "Like, we would have got there faster if it wasn't for Bowser,"

"Arr, tis true, ye ruined it, turtle demon," scolded Roy, as the four racers walked into screen 3-C.

"Oh my god!" screamed a man in the audience. "FIIIIIIRE EMBLEM! I love your games! I play them all the time because I have no life! Just as long as it doesn't interfere with Dragon Ball Z Marathon Monday!"

"Ew," said Ganondorf.

"Where can we find Otacon?" asked Bowser.

"I'm Otacon, silly!" cheered Otacon. "Just wait while I finish drawing this kanjihentaiotherJapanese wordsi picture of you and Mario!"

"Sicko-a!" protested Mario.

"Can I keep that?" whispered Bowser.



"Okay hasty-hastes, here's your clue!" giggled Otacon. "Squee!"

"Like, that man's scary," said Ganondorf fearfully.

"Yarr, go to Shadow Moses Weapons Complex Alpha," read Roy.

"Teams must now go to Shadow Moses Weapons Complex Alpha!" said Crazy Hand, dodging flaming pizza slices. "This factory, producing thousands of weapons equipment a week, is the pit stop for this leg of the race! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!"

"Let's check out a map," decided Bowser.

"You can have mine!" smiled Otacon. "I helped Bowser-kun! I'm the greates-"

Bowser punched Otacon in the face.

Marth and Fox
On Foxhound

The frats scurried into the cockpit of Metal Gear Ray.

"Dude, there's machine guns on this thing!" called Marth.

"Let's shoot up the target, bro!" said Fox confidently.

Marth and Fox armed a machine gun each and fired wildly at the wall where the target was.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
On Foxhound

"I can't reach the gun!" sobbed Jigglypuff, trying and failing to grab the trigger.

"You're pathetic and weak!" raged Mewtwo, kicking Jigglypuff in the face.

"Why won't you help me?" cried Jigglypuff, tears streaming down her face.

"It's funnier this way," explained Mewtwo, stabbing Jigglypuff in the throat.

Marth and Fox
On Foxhound

"Only one of the Pokemon's guns are firing, man!" called Fox over the noise of machine gun fire.

"We're gonna finish this first, dude!" smiled Marth. "I got it!"

Marth's shot hit the target on the left side.

"Nice shooting, seeing you on that gun made me all smart and funny!" said Fox.

"Dude, what?" asked Marth.



"Nothing," replied Fox hastily.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
On Foxhound

"Are you sure this is me helping?" asked Jigglypuff, stuffed into Mewtwo's gun.

"Yes, of course, now hold still," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo fired the gun, and Jigglypuff flew out and hit the target.

"Weapons Complex!" read Mewtwo, bringing Jigglypuff back with his mind. "We need to get ahead of the fraternity brothers!"

Mario and Bowser
Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

The two teams walked out into the lobby, and Roy and Bowser spread Otacon's map out over a table.

"We're staying-a with you," said Mario. "Bowser makes-a too many mistakes and is too whiny-a, and you guys are good navigators-a!"

"Roy served in like, the navy or whatever, he read a lot of sea charts," explained Ganondorf.

"Arr, Bowsaaar, I'll take Otacon's map, and you can follow us to the pit stop," allowed Roy. "We want you guys to serrrrvive this leg,"

"I'll pass," said Bowser. "If we give you the map then get separated, Mario and I won't have any idea where we're going."

"That be fine," said Roy. "We'll be on arr way with our small map, then,"

"You like, hear that?" smirked Ganondorf, turning to Mario. "We're ditching you!" he lied.

"Why-a would you do that-a!?" fumed Mario angrily.

"Bowser won't give Roy Otacon's map," sneered Ganondorf.

"I'm-a gonna talk-a to Bowser about-a this!" yelled Mario, shoving Ganondorf aside.

"Arr, did he fall fer yer trick?" asked Roy.

"Like, perfectly," laughed Ganondorf. "Now they'll break down again and get totally eliminated!"

"Why won't-a you give Roy-a the map?" screamed Mario at Bowser. "They're-a gonna let us follow them-a!"

"It's important we keep it Mario, we're worse navigators than Roy and Ganondorf," replied Bowser calmly.

Mario snatched the map from Bowser and handed it to Ganondorf.

"Like Mario, calm down. We're not actually ditching you," said Ganondorf, surprised.

"What are we going to do if we get separated from Roy and Ganondorf, huh Mario?" asked Bowser testily.

"That won't-a happen!" screeched Mario brattishly.

"Bowser, like, Roy and I have a smaller map from the airport, want it in exchange for Otacon's?" asked Ganondorf, nervously eyeing Mario.

"No-a!" shrieked Mario. "Mario want follow-a you!"

"Don't like, yell," scolded Ganondorf cattishly as Mario stomped off, pouting.

"Yarr, let's just go," sighed Roy, shaking his head exasperatedly.

"Bowser-a, what's wrong with you?" asked Mario angrily, crying.

"Excuse me for a second, guys," apologised Bowser, walking away.

Roy and Ganondorf looked at each other, then walked off.

"We could follow-a them!" choked Mario through tears.

"Mario, why are you making a scene in a crowded movie theatre?" asked Bowser, trying to stay calm. "And why are you blaming everything on me? Don't you realise how stupid you sound?"

"You don't-a let me make any decisions-a!" whined Mario.

"All the decisions you've made have been nothing but delays and trouble," replied Bowser through gritted teeth.

Mario grunted in frustration.


Crazy Hand picked up Master Hand's body.

"Brother, no!" sobbed Crazy Hand. "Happy now? You've killed Master Hand!"

"i liek handman."

"Shut up!" shouted Crazy Hand, grief-stricken. "Just get out! You'll never be on my show! Ever!"

"Camwa."

The insane OC pointed at the cameraman, who had been recording everything.



"Stop rolling!" screamed Crazy Hand. "Do I look like I want this aired? No more OCs! Ever! It was a stupid idea to suggest them from people!"

Crazy Hand burst into tears and hugged Master Hand's body.

"I kno!" proclaimed the OC. She wrote a sticky note that read 'I ded it! Singed n0ss', stuck it to the door, and left peacefully and anti-climatically.


Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

Marth and Fox left the laboratory, and quickly cornered a guy for directions.

"Dude, where's Weapons Complex Alpha?" asked Marth. "We're in a hurry!"

"It's over there, guys," said the friendly guy, pointing.

"Bro, we gotta smoke the Pokemon!" declared Fox. "The other three teams probably finished Sundance by now!"

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Urgent! Emergency!" bellowed Mewtwo, running out of the laboratory. "We need to clear a path to get the fraternity brothers!"

"What do you need me to do?" asked Jigglypuff dutifully.

"Hug that guy!" ordered Mewtwo, throwing Jigglypuff at a guard. "And that guy!"

Mewtwo threw Jigglypuff through a crowd of guards, watching them all get hugged.

"More of a low-key type of violence, but it's cool," Mewtwo told the camera.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place

Meanwhile, Mario continued to harass Bowser.

"Roy and-a Ganondorf just led us to the cinema, then-a they offered to lead-a us to the pit stop-a!" whined Mario. "Why didn't-a you let them?"

"You know what?" asked Bowser simply. "I don't have to take this. You've just made me lose my crush on you."

Immediately after realising what he said, Bowser clapped a hand over his mouth.

"You had a crush-a on me?" asked Mario, disgusted.

"No!" lied Bowser.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Arr, we led Marrrio and Bowser to the movies," recalled Roy. "And if they don't want to share Otacon's map, it be their problem, n'yarrgh..."

"Like, what are you saying?" asked Ganondorf, uncertain of Roy's motives.

"I'm not trying to lose them," said Roy. "But if we do get separrrated, I'm not fer worryin', yarr..."

Kirby and Ness
Currently in Last Place

Kirby and Ness, still on their epic adventure, drove up to the movie theatre.

"Let's make up for lost time!" cried Ness.

"Otacon's on the tenth floor!" replied Kirby.

Kirby and Ness scrambled into an elevator and hammered 1 and 0 on the keypad repeatedly.

"Go! Go! Go!" chanted Kirby and Ness desperately.

The elevator stopped, and Kirby and Ness tumbled out.

"KAWAIII!" screamed Otacon immediately upon seeing Kirby.

"The hell does that even mean?" asked Ness, confused.

"I'll dance if you give me the clue!" Kirby told Otacon frantically.

"Here's the clue!" cheered Otacon enthusiastically. "Now dance!"

Kirby performed a SHFFL'd-bair into d-throw, then wavedashed away. Into the sunset. Again.

"Wait up!" called Ness, jumping out the window to get to the car faster.

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Yarr, Ganondorf, I be telling you, losing Mario and Bowsarr won't be a problem," assured Roy.

"I'm not like, gonna try lose them after I told Mario we wouldn't," argued Ganondorf stubbornly.

"We have to win a leg, yarr..." said Roy quietly.

"We don't have to win anything until like, the final leg," replied Ganondorf simply.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in Last Place

Kirby and Ness ran back into their car, and Kirby frantically felt around inside the glove compartment.

"A map!" gasped Kirby, showing Ness. "It has the weapons complex on it!"

"The clue says Weapons Complex Alpha," read Ness. "How many others are there?"

"Three, Alpha, Beta and Gamma!" said Kirby. "We're closest to Beta, so we need to remember not to go in the first complex we see!"

"I hope someone else makes that mistake," hoped Ness feverishly.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"We're not having a great time right now," explained Jigglypuff. "I can't read maps or drive, so we're screwed in a car no matter what we do!"

"LEARN TO READ!" shouted Mewtwo, hitting Jigglypuff with a small (read: huge) library.

"Square gray block means weapons complex!" grinned Jigglypuff, having an epiphany. "Now we're unstoppable!"

Weapons Complex Beta

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Dude, this is it!" grinned Marth. "Drop your bags and run!"

Marth and Fox ran inside the complex, but were immediately confused.

"Where's Crazy Hand, bro?" asked Fox. "Or the mat?"

"I saw two hands carry a mat over to Alpha a couple days ago, mac," said a nearby guard.

"This is Alpha, man," replied Fox. "Are you stupid or something?"

"Noooo..." said the guard slowly. "This is Weapons Complex Beta."

"Marth, you idiot!" said Fox. "Man, you took us to the wrong place! Suddenly I'm not finding you so smart and funny anymore!"

"You thought I was ho-" began Marth.

"SMART! AND! FUNNY!" shouted Fox.

The frats ran back outside to their car.

"Alpha's back that way!" called the guard, pointing.

Weapons Complex Alpha

Roy and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

Roy and Ganondorf got out the car, and ran inside the complex.

"There's like, the mat!" pointed Ganondorf. "But where's Crazy Hand?"

"Arr, I not be knowin'..." replied Roy. "Wait, what be that thing?"

Roy pointed to a fox-wolf frog ancient goddess fire blood diamond pizza that had just ran out of a door.

"omg raec4rs!" cried the...thing.

"It's horrible!" screamed Ganondorf, covering his ears.

"My ears! They be bleeding!" screamed Roy, buckling to his knees in anguish.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place

Mario and Bowser parked at the back entrance to the complex, and walked inside to find Master Hand dead on the floor, and Crazy Hand making a noose.

"What the fork is going on?" asked Bowser, being censored.

"I held trials for second season applicants!" replied Crazy Hand sadly. "And one applicant appeared, and Master Hand killed himself, and the applicant's roaming the streets!"

"Streets-a?" asked Mario. "What streets-a are in Shadow Moses Island?"

"Oh, you know, the ones next to the cinema and train station," replied Bowser sarcastically.

"I have to kill myself too!" explained Crazy Hand. "The race is off! The applicant's probably got to more teams by now!"

"Don't kill yourself!" gasped Bowser. "Just kill the applicant! What's more important: committing suicide because a crazed stranger made your brother take his own life, or seeing a televised event through to the end?"

"You're right!" realised Crazy Hand. "I've got to check teams in! See you at the pit stop!"

Crazy Hand opened the door and left.

"Isn't-a this the pit stop?" asked Mario.

"Son of a bitch!" cursed Bowser, following Crazy Hand out of the door.



Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Jigglypuff, for the last time, there are three weapons complexes!" shouted Mewtwo. "Now direct me to Alpha!"

Jigglypuff hesitated. "B-but I can't read..."

"Waaa, waa, I'm Jigglypuff and I can't read!" mocked Mewtwo in a baby voice. "Suck it up!"

Jigglypuff swallowed her pride and pointed to one of the complexes.

"Thank you!" said Mewtwo, exasperated.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in Last Place

"We know exactly where we're going, we know where Alpha is!" grinned Kirby.

"Maybe we can return to glory!" smiled Ness.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"You there, guard!" barked Mewtwo. "Where can I find a floating hand and a mat?"

"Couple miles that way," chortled the guard. "You want Alpha, this is Beta."

"JIGGLYPUFF!" shouted Mewtwo, angry as could be.

"I told you I couldn't read!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"Now there's a car passing by here!" yelled Mewtwo. "They know where to go!"

Mewtwo looked at the car.

"It's Kirby and Ness!" fumed Mewtwo. "Get back to the car, I'll show them what I'm made of!"

Weapons Complex Alpha

"I feel like my life can start anew!" grinned Crazy Hand cheerily, stepping out onto the pit stop.

Marth and Fox
Currently in 3rd Place

"Dude, we're here!" grinned Marth, running out of the car.

"There's Roy and Ganondorf, man!" celebrated Fox. "We can beat them!"

"Like, please help us!" sobbed Ganondorf, gasping for air. "We got attacked by that thing!"



Ganondorf weakly pointed to the enigmatic OC, who was beating Roy with a stick.

"pirat3s r fun!"

"Dude, Fox, should we help them?" asked Marth uncertainly.

"And risk getting attacked?" asked Fox incredulously. "The hell with that plan, man!"

"I guess you're right, dude..." said Marth. "Ganondorf's pretty resourceful, she'll work something out."

"She?" asked Fox. "Ganon's a guy, bud."

Marth's eyes widened. "I need air, dude!" he shouted.

"It'll be okay man, just come with me," said Fox, dragging Marth along to the pit stop mat.

"Marth and Fox, you're team number one!" said a rejuvenated Crazy Hand.

"What is that thing, dude?" Marth asked Crazy Hand immediately.

"It's an OC," sighed Crazy Hand. "Alan or something."

"I know what to do now that we've won, man!" said Fox, pulling out a tranquilizer gun.

Fox shot the OC in the back with a dart, and she fell asleep immediately.

Mario and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place

"Go-a!" yelled Mario, abruptly bursting through the back door with Bowser in tow.

"The frats are here!" called Bowser, surprised.

"Doesn't-a matter, we can still beat-a Roy and Ganon in a footrace-a!" said Mario confidently.

"Yarr, Fox, I be owin' you one!" proclaimed Roy, throwing Alan (?) at Mario and Bowser.

"FSHDAHHAGDWTGFA!" yelled Mario, being hit in the face.

Roy and Ganondorf limped weakly onto the mat.

"Roy and Ganondorf, you're team number two!" said Crazy Hand.

Ganondorf weakly shook Crazy Hand's thumb, and Roy smiled.

"Like, we just need to stay alive," panted Ganondorf.

"Yarr, tough leg," nodded Roy.

Cursing profoundly, Mario and Bowser stepped onto the mat.

"Who-a put this thing-a to sleep?" asked Mario, enraged. "I hate whoever-a did it!"

Fox took his chance.

"It was me, Mario!" confessed Fox.

"I hate-a you!" whined Mario.

"YES!" celebrated Fox.

"Mario and Bowser, you're team number three!" awarded Crazy Hand.

"We're still-a the best ones," sniffed Mario huffily.

Bowser sighed.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Kirby and Ness know where they're going, follow them!" ordered Mewtwo.

"I'm really, really sorry I couldn't read!" apologised Jigglypuff.

"No time, I'll strike you later!" replied Mewtwo.

Kirby and Ness
Currently in 4th Place

"Nice guys aren't gonna finish last, not this time!" cheered Kirby as Ness drove.

"They're following us, we need to outrun them!" warned Ness, looking at the wing mirror.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Just tell me this, cretin: are you ready to run?" asked Mewtwo.

"I was born ready!" proclaimed Jigglypuff, cutting her foot into a more aerodynamic shape.

Kirby and Ness

"Here's the right Weapons Complex!" said Kirby.

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff

"Here's the right Weapons Complex!" said Kir-Mewtwo.

Weapons Complex Alpha

Both teams got out their cars and searched for the mat.

"Well, if it isn't the puffball and the psychic!" said Kirby and Jigglypuff at the same time.

"You caught up to us, huh?" asked Ness cockily.

"We sure did," replied Mewtwo coldly. "Now, how are we going to settle this debate over who steps on the mat first?"

"We could have a nice, friendly game of Rock – Paper – Scissors," suggested Kirby.

"Capital idea," agreed Mewtwo. "Let's all put our hands in!"

"Hold the phone," said Ness. "The puffballs can't do paper or scissors."

"Aw man!" cursed Jigglypuff, stomping off to the pit stop.

"Fiddlesticks," said Kirby, following Jigglypuff to the pit stop.

"I guess that just leaves you and me, huh Mewtwo?" smiled Ness politely. "Let's go with the rocking and the papering and whatnot!"

Mewtwo nodded grimly, and they both put their hands behind their backs.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

Ness had paper. Mewtwo had rock.

"Ha! Paper covers rock! I win!" cheered Ness.

"Congratulations!" smiled Mewtwo pleasantly. "May I have a handshake!"

Ness extended his hand graciously.

Mewtwo ripped it off and threw it in a trashcan.

"That was too easy!" laughed Mewtwo evilly, teleporting to the pit stop.

"Mewtwo and Jigglypuff, you're team number four!" awarded Crazy Hand.

"Congratulations!" congratulated Kirby. "Sure is a good thing Ike and Pit are still far behind enough to come sixth!"

Ness ran up to the mat, clutching his bleeding stump and crying.

"Kirby and Ness, you are the last team to arrive," said Crazy Hand grimly.

"Oh, that's right!" said Kirby, slapping his forehead. "Ike and Pit are out!"

"I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race," said Crazy Hand.

"Well, you win some, you lose some," said Kirby. "Put 'er there, Ness old chum!"

Ness extended the hand he still had.

Kirby ripped it off and threw it in a trashcan.

"THAT'S FOR DRUGGING ME, YOU PSYCHIC FREAK!" raged Kirby, his syringe falling out.

"Kirby, show Ness some respect!" scolded Crazy Hand. He picked up the sticky note.

"I ded it, signed n0ss?" read Crazy Hand. "You killed my brother! Get off my show!"

Ness passed out from blood loss.


Arrival Times?!

Marth and Fox: 10:32am

Roy and Ganondorf: 10:33am

Mario and Bowser: 10:34am

Mewtwo and Jigglypuff: 10:45am

Kirby and Ness: 10:47am – ELIMINATED


"Next time, on The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race!" said Crazy Hand. "Eleven teams set out on a race around the world!"

"Teams go to Hyrule, where Marth and Fox repeatedly beat Mario and Bowser!"

"Pichu and Young Link take a Fast Forward!"

"And DK and Meta-Knight make history as the first team eliminated!"


Read, review, tell me who you want eliminated, share favourite teams, moments, the usual!