Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto!
Chapter 8
Decisions Made and Unmade
Children squealed in playful delight in the late afternoon sun and a young boy bumped into Kakashi's leg amongst the chaos of the bustling street, roughly falling to the ground. Kakashi smiled gently under the mask, offering the small child a hand only to have him look wide eyed with terror in his innocent brown eyes. The boy tripped to his feet, chasing after the older group of friends that had left him to his fate when they saw the copy nin. Kakashi sighed, tucked his hand back into his pocket and continued reading. He seemed to have that affect on every small child he met. He didn't think he looked that intimidating, but their terrified little faces told him otherwise.
A vicious growl interrupted his thoughts and he looked down to his stomach, listening to the disgruntled rumblings. He'd returned to the apartment earlier that afternoon only to hear the added voices of females chattering their opinions and morsels of advice to the Hyuuga heir, no doubt confusing her further. It was best to stay far away from that place lest he be unwillingly dragged into the conversation to offer a man's point of view, or worse, become a topic of it. He wondered idly if Sakura would disclose what had happened last night to her friends. Ask them for their womanly insight into what it'd meant; ask for advice on what to do, how to act. The thought made him cringe inwardly.
The sudden image of her withdrawing from his touch flashed in his mind and he considered, that maybe, he'd pushed things too far, between them. It was never his intention to make her uncomfortable; it was, in fact, quite the opposite. He frequently entertained the idea of those creamy, luscious thighs wrapped tightly around his waist, her moaning in pleasure underneath him; something a captain should not be thinking about he constantly reminded himself. It was all harmless really. It wasn't like he was trying to outright seduce her, if so he would have been in her bed weeks before instead of still on the couch. No, it was more like instill the subtle possibility of something happening between them and letting Sakura decide if she wanted to pursue it. And so far she was being highly adverse to the idea.
Probably for the best Kakashi decided with a turn of the page. Sex between a captain and subordinate usually turned out messy, especially with as much history as they had together. Sakura would end up getting hurt and he didn't want to be added to the list of things that caused her pain. After all it wouldn't last long between them. He needed to stop inadvertently seducing her and live the remainder of his time there as the old, lazy captain she knew. Kakashi let his mind fall to ease, reassuring himself that Sakura was normally a private person, especially about uncomfortable events such as this one; he'd probably be safe. She wouldn't mention what'd happened to anyone, including Ino.
Really though, Kakashi continued to muse, if she wanted to blame someone for last night she could blame herself; falling asleep so innocently on his shoulder, somehow looking content to be in his arms and for smelling so god damn good. So he'd feigned sleep when she stirred and pulled her down on to the couch and groped her. His hand flexed at the memory of her soft, supple breast, certainly smaller than what he usually preferred, but it had fit so perfectly in his hand. It'd been difficult not to trace the delicate curves and to keep himself from leisurely exploring the other breast. He shrugged his shoulders lamely. So what. Old habits died hard.
Kakashi ignored the fact that when she'd fallen asleep again, rather quickly, how he'd slipped his leg between hers and nuzzled further into her hair breathing the sweet scent that troubled him deeply. He'd always been very good at distinguishing smells and classifying their source, but hers had puzzled him. It captured his attention the first night he slept in her bed, the faint trace of her intricate smell on the pillow stirring curiosity within him, but the scent rapidly faded along with his interest until she returned home. The muted hints of her smell enveloping the apartment renewed his curiosity and one day, tired of not being able to decipher her scent, he smelled her shampoo and body wash identifying the soft lilac and mango undertones, but it wasn't enough. He smelled the myriad of lotions tucked behind the bathroom mirror along with her deodorant and lastly the two small bottles of perfume that seemed reserved only for special occasions, finally satisfied. He breathed it in deeply last night, unable to get enough of the pleasing smell that calmed him and eventually lulled him to sleep.
Another veracious growl rumbled deep in his stomach and he closed his book with a sigh. He was desperate to eat something, but after a rather rude and unwarranted occurrence involving an old shop woman throwing empty pots at his head, Kakashi had discovered that his wallet sat forgotten at Sakura's. He'd perched himself on a rooftop waiting for the women to disperse from the apartment, but he was at the end of his patience.
Kakashi turned the corner of the marketplace, his onyx eye scanning the familiar vendors and inaudibly sighed in relief at the sight of messy blond hair. He knew there was a reason for letting a team pass his test. "Mind if I join you?" Kakashi asked merely for politeness sake. Naruto turned, dark circles rimming his eyes and his usual cheerful expression empty.
"Sure." His voice croaked from disuse and he returned to his original position; shoulders slumping heavily while both arms rested on the scuffed counter. Kakashi hesitated, wondering if he should walk away from a free meal so he wouldn't have to deal with Naruto and his problems. This was not an area of expertise for him and any possible advice he might give could make matters worse instead of better. His stomach growled and churned angrily and Kakashi reluctantly slid into the chair, the hunger winning.
Silence overwhelmed them after he finished ordering; Naruto's stifling gloom kept their side of the counter empty of other customers. Kakashi glanced over the young man, his clothes wrinkled and stained from days of wear and they exuded the heavy scent of alcohol mingled with sweat. He was a walking disaster. Kakashi lightly strummed his fingers on the counter to distract himself from the uncomfortable situation. He needed to say something to the boy. The silence deepened and Kakashi turned, watching the market as his mind stalled. This had definitely been a bad idea. He might as well give Naruto a katana to impale himself on with all the help he was doing. At least that would put him out of his misery.
A glimmer of hope surfaced when Kakashi spotted Sasuke heading through the marketplace. He would know what to say to Naruto, make him his loud obnoxious self again. Sasuke paused in front of a humble shop and Kakashi watched as he just stood there waiting, impatiently checking the time until a woman burst from the door; her long brown hair flowing elegantly behind her. She launched herself onto Sasuke, her arms tightly around his neck as she kissed him deeply and unabashedly in public. Kakashi's eyebrow arched as he watched her take Sasuke's hand and they began to walk back through the marketplace away from him and Naruto. Shit.
"I'm terribly sorry for the wait." A soft voice spoke and Kakashi turned back towards the counter to see a flustered girl bowing in apology. "But your food will be a little while longer." She finished quickly before scuttling to the other customers on the opposite side. Kakashi glanced at Naruto again before nodding in resolution. The weather was always a safe topic to start with.
"So."
"I fucked up." Naruto interrupted and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Real bad. I never should have said it to begin with, but I just didn't want to see her get hurt. I know she can be apart of ANBU, that she'd be one of the best ninja's they could have, but what if something happened? What if she got hurt or…I wouldn't be able to bear…" He paused, his voice weak and Kakashi wondered if now he was supposed to say something.
"I never once said she couldn't protect herself." Naruto continued explosively his fist banging violently on the counter. "Or ever believed that she was powerless, but even the best ninja's don't always make it out alive." Naruto finished angrily, his knuckles white as he clenched his fists trying to control his temper. His body vibrated as a waitress apprehensively placed a bowl of steaming ramen in front of Naruto and Kakashi longingly studied it, his mouth salivating with another growl rumbling from his stomach.
"So what's the problem? You're obviously going to agree with her decision to join." Kakashi commented, his attention resting on the untouched bowl of ramen. Naruto scoffed and his expression darkened.
"Everything just spiralled out of control. I tried to fix it, but we just started fighting again. She won't even talk to me now and I can't get near her while she's at her house. Her sister and father make sure of that." He admitted with disgust. Kakashi watched the steam lace through the air, his fingers twitching towards the bowl before clasping his hands together in front of him.
"Neji told me her father has a suitor picked out for her." Naruto admitted quietly and Kakashi turned his attention from the now lukewarm ramen. "One that he wants her to marry; someone suitable to be the head of the clan with her."
"Would Hinata agree to something like that?"
"I don't know." Naruto shrugged his shoulders dejectedly and Kakashi sat back studying the man carefully.
"Do you think it would be better to go your separate ways?" Kakashi posed and Naruto snorted.
"Hinata would certainly be better off without me. Her family has always opposed our relationship and they have their reasons. I know her life would be easier if I wasn't in it, but." Naruto turned to face Kakashi, his expression honest and broken. "But I can't live without her. I'm such a selfish bastard." He let out a shallow laugh and returned his attention back to in front of him. "Everything that I am today is because of her. She makes everything worth it and I can't give that up. I won't give that up." Naruto pushed himself from the counter and gave a final nod before leaving.
Makes everything worth it. Kakashi couldn't dispel the image of Sakura's smiling face from his mind or the memory of how content he'd been to just hold her when he first woke that morning.
"Sorry for the wait sir." A bowl of steaming, hot ramen was placed in front of Kakashi and he inhaled the smell of it deeply while splitting the chopsticks happily. "Your bill will be ready for you when you're finished and are you paying for your friend's meal as well?" The waitress asked and Kakashi's hands remained frozen in midair. He gazed at Naruto's empty seat and the cold bowl of ramen resting on the counter; a chopstick snapping in half in his clutched fist.
***
Sakura sipped some water from her glass while sitting back disgruntled in a creaky kitchen chair. Things were not looking good between those two and it broke her heart. She'd always viewed Naruto and Hinata as the perfect couple; their contradictory personalities complementing each other and allowing hidden sides of themselves to be discovered. How could it go so wrong between them?
"Everyone finally gone?" Sakura jumped from the sudden intrusion of silence and turned to see Kakashi cautiously peeking his head into the apartment. He looked ready to escape if another female appeared. Sakura smiled while nodding and watched Kakashi slip quickly into the apartment seemingly relieved.
"Sorry for taking so long." She spoke somewhat sheepishly as she glanced at the time and feeling guilty returned to her original position to take another drink before turning to watch him again.
"It's no problem." Kakashi crossed the apartment, shaking his head as he picked up his tattered wallet from the coffee table.
"You know you didn't have to stay away the whole time." Sakura indicated with a nod towards the wallet. "Although it was probably wise with all the man bashing that was going on." She added as snippets of her earlier conversation floated into her mind.
"Oh, I hope I didn't come up as a topic." Kakashi remarked casually while sliding the wallet into its customary pocket and Sakura laughed.
"Considering you're a little old for us, you have nothing to worry about." She quipped with a sly smirk and Kakashi grinned.
"Ah, but with age comes experience." He retorted with a playful glimmer in his onyx eye and Sakura's eyebrow arched high into her brow. "The kind a woman truly appreciates." Kakashi concluded with his gaze intent on hers and colour dusted Sakura's cheeks as a shiver ran up her spine. She turned immediately to conceal the soft blush and took another sip while sternly ordering herself from imagining the kind of experience he was talking about while Kakashi gave a little chuckle.
"So what did you do while you were out?" Sakura asked, effectively changing the topic as Kakashi walked past her and into the kitchen. He shrugged his shoulders; preoccupied with rooting through the cupboards and Sakura smiled. "Not much I'm guessing. Probably just sat on some rooftop and read most of the day, since that's what you usually do anyways."
"For the most part." Kakashi's muffled voice called out and Sakura couldn't help but smile as she watched him scratch his head in contemplation. "I did see Sasuke and his." He paused briefly, opening another cupboard and inspecting the contents. "I suppose girlfriend."
"Oh yes. They happened to come up. Everyone was surprised he would even date a civilian and one who didn't have any considerable assets shocked everyone, but they obviously haven't met Mai." Sakura chatted enthusiastically.
"Yes, she certainly seemed…" Kakashi remembered the way she latched on to Sasuke, kissing him passionately. "Vibrant." He finally finished and Sakura giggled at his pause.
"I'm surprised anything even happened between them considering their cold start, but I guess people were right. Opposites do attract."
"You're ok with it?" Kakashi asked over his shoulder and Sakura's brow crinkled.
"Ok with it? I think it's great. She'll do Sasuke some good, even if they don't stay together for very long." She responded slightly confused by his question.
"I also ran into Naruto." Kakashi added quickly and Sakura released a small sigh, her confusion forgotten as she thought about Naruto.
"And how is he doing with all of this?"
"The best he can I suppose. I don't think I've ever seen Naruto so." Kakashi fell silent, unable to find the right words to describe the young man.
"So unlike Naruto." Sakura finished for him while dismally resting her chin on her palm and Kakashi nodded. "I know. He really is devastated without her." She finished with her gaze dropping to the table. She listened to the rustling of food in the cupboard, absentmindedly tracing the rim of her glass as she thought about Naruto and Hinata. There was not doubt about it, they just belonged together.
"Hey, we could sort of help them out." Sakura posed slowly, the wheels in her mind turning at the idea. "You know, arrange for a get together with the both of them there and everyone just disappears leaving them alone." Kakashi turned and looked at Sakura skeptically. "It's a good idea." She defended indignantly.
"It's not our place to meddle in other people's business." Kakashi warned.
"But sometimes people just need help. A push in the right direction. And we could do that for them." She pressed while leaning forward against the table unconsciously to help emphasize her point.
"Leave it alone Sakura. If it's meant to happen it'll happen."
"But Kakashi."
"Leave it alone." Kakashi reiterated in an authoritative tone reminiscent of her days as a genin. Sakura narrowed her eyes in defiance. She was no longer some twelve year old that would concede just because he said so. Those days were long gone and she could be just as stubborn as he was.
The seconds dragged by with Sakura's heart starting to pound in her ears as they both remained unyielding to the other's will. Really, what could possibly go so wrong with them trying to help Naruto and Hinata out? Sakura could see her plan clearly; Naruto and Hinata alone, talking without interruption for once causing Sakura to smile inwardly until a sudden image of Hinata slapping Naruto and running from him crying crossed her mind. She couldn't help but imagine Hinata walking down the aisle to marry some wretched suitor her father picked out and sealing her fate to a life of loneliness and unhappiness while Naruto drank his life away and ultimately died on some mission because of it.
"Oh all right fine." Sakura abruptly huffed with a pout while roughly sitting back in her chair and crossed her arms. Kakashi nodded and returned his attention to the cupboards while Sakura frowned. He was probably right not to meddle she grudgingly admitted. After all he is the copy nin with all of his infinite wisdom. She continued with a slight sneer in her mind before pausing and giving Kakashi a calculating look. How knowledgeable could he be in the subject when she couldn't even remember him ever being involved with a woman before?
"Kakashi." Sakura called out after a moment of uncertainty.
"What?" He responded in his lazy drawl after resigning himself to a lukewarm cup of tea when he found nothing suitable to eat from the cupboards. Sakura hesitated, excitement and nervousness prickling under her skin as he turned and leaned against the counter waiting for her to continue.
"How come you've never been married?" Sakura caught the slight shift in his expression, so subtle she would have missed it before, but as the weeks passed she was able to perceive those small changes. Whether it had been surprise or discomfort at the question, she couldn't tell which yet. Kakashi shrugged and Sakura withheld a sigh of annoyance.
"Come on Kakashi." She almost pleaded and waited as he placed the cup in the microwave to warm. He seemed to contemplate her question, the whirring of the microwave filling the silence as Sakura kept her mouth tightly sealed hoping he would answer.
"I guess." He paused when the timer beeped and Sakura kept herself unnaturally still to conceal her excitement. "I just never found the right girl." Kakashi admitted idly and Sakura had to keep her mouth from gaping.
"Really?" Disappointment overwhelmed her from his thoroughly mundane answer. "That's all?" She continued in disbelief as Kakashi sat in a chair across from her pulling the sugar towards him.
"What did you expect?" Sakura threw her hands up in defeat while shaking her head. All those years of imagining his mysterious and elusive life to find it wasn't quite, no not even quite, it wasn't so mysterious and elusive; it was just as banal and common as everyone else's life was extremely disheartening.
"Well something more dramatic than that!" She declared almost exasperated. "Like you found the love of your life, but she died tragically serving the village and no woman has ever been able to compare." She blabbed one of her many well thought out scenarios before returning her gaze to him and her heart skipped a beat.
"That is dramatic." He replied, the corners of his mouth quirked into a boyish grin that made it almost difficult for Sakura to breathe evenly. Kakashi sipped from his mug and she continued to stare before giving herself a slight shake.
"Well how else can you explain why you're still single? I'm pretty sure lots of women have offered and would happily spend their lives serving you." She returned sharply and Kakashi chuckled.
"Why are you so concerned?"
"Curious, just curious."
"Always curious aren't you?" Kakashi replied with an indifferent tone.
"Well I've known you for how long and yet know nothing about you." Sakura countered sardonically, taking offence from his casual comment. "Your past is shrouded in mystery, which actually might not be that mysterious at all, but that's beside the point. The only certain things I know about you are that you're a huge pervert, who likes to read porn in the most inappropriate of places, and you can cook. That's it." She concluded bitterly and her scowled deepened at the smile on Kakashi's face.
"Ok, what do you want to know?" He said before she could continue to rant and Sakura looked at him taken aback.
"Are you serious?" Kakashi nodded causing a wave of butterflies to swarm in her stomach.
"Why do you wear your mask?" Sakura blurted before she could help herself. Kakashi's smile deepened and Sakura blushed at such a rash question.
"Wow, you sure get to the point." Kakashi acknowledged with a mischievous glint and Sakura flushed further.
"Did you want me to start off with something easier? I can ask what your favourite colour is or-"
"No it's all right." Kakashi interrupted and Sakura moved to the edge of her seat, an uneasy pressure on her chest. She held her breath, waiting for what seemed like an eternity for Kakashi to answer.
"Shame."
"Because of your father?" Sakura immediately questioned and Kakashi raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Just because you didn't tell me anything doesn't mean I didn't ask around." She uttered in her defence and Kakashi chuckled.
"Yes, because of my father." He continued after a short pause. "At first I wore it because I didn't want to be associated with him, have people look at me and see the face of my father, a traitor. I wanted to deny ever being his son." His voice was neutral as he spoke, all emotions carefully tucked away. "I wear it now because I don't deserve to be his son. Someone else had to tell me my father wasn't a traitor before I could see that, understand what he did. So now I cover my face ashamed of my actions and for the pain I caused my mother the short time she was still alive after his death." His tone remained controlled; his expression even as he revealed the truth and Sakura felt a tight lump form in her throat.
"Kakashi." She whispered desperately wanting to go to him.
"She loved him more than I've ever seen a person love before." Kakashi continued, his gaze distant and somewhere in the past. "She died a broken woman." Sakura wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, his parents would understand and they'd be proud of the man he was today. Kakashi's gaze returned to Sakura's and he smiled.
"Anything else?" He questioned in his usual lazy drawl and Sakura bit her lip.
"Umm…who else has seen your face?" She asked apprehensively. There was so much she wanted to know about him, but she felt guilty for asking such personal questions; feeling as if she didn't have the right to know these things about him. Being his student and subordinate meant nothing. Kakashi leaned back in his chair, scratching his chin briefly before answering.
"Just you." Sakura stared wide eyed at him.
"Why…why did you show it to me?" She stuttered in shock.
"I think you know why." Sakura shook her head, eyes still wide and heart hammering from the equivocal reply. "You are my favourite student after all." Kakashi concluded with amusement and Sakura scoffed.
"Considering we were your only students, it's obvious I would be the favourite." She quipped with a smirk to conceal the niggling of chagrin she felt from his answer.
"I suppose you're right." Sakura took a long drink, unsure of how to proceed. She'd asked more than enough of him for one day.
"Anything else?" She gave a scarce shake of her head and Kakashi nodded while pulling out an orange novel and thumbed to a marked page. They sat in silence together; Sakura giving him furtive glances every few moments to gauge his reaction.
"So are you going to ask me anything?" She ventured after awhile.
"No."
"You're not curious?" She asked feeling slightly hurt at his lack of interest. He glanced up from the page, studying her expression quickly before returning to the book. "Ask me anything. Anything you want." She pressed.
"All right." His gaze remained on the novel and Sakura smiled feeling a little satisfaction that she even had her fair share of secrets, maybe not quite as important as his, but still secrets nonetheless. Her throat suddenly felt dry at the possible questions he might ask.
"How often do you masturbate?" Kakashi nonchalantly asked and Sakura sputtered while drinking her water. She turned from the table, covering her nose and mouth as she felt water spill from both and coughed violently to clear her airway. Her cheeks burned from embarrassment, only made worse when Kakashi stood from his chair and she motioned for him to stop with her free hand. Tears collected in the corner of her eyes from her relentless coughing and she wanted nothing more than to suddenly die and be relieved from this god awful situation. Slowly the coughing resided and she gasped for breath, wiping her nose and mouth on the sleeve of her shirt.
"You ok?" Kakashi asked cautiously and Sakura turned to glower at him.
"Kakashi." She croaked, the blush deepening on her cheeks as she continued to take in gasps of air. She glared as he sat back down, her breathing slowly returning to normal.
"So are you going to answer?"
"NO!"
"You said to ask about anything." Kakashi countered and Sakura scowled.
"Yes, about my life. Something personal."
"That's something personal." He replied and she clenched her teeth, mortified that the blush was deepening instead of going away.
"I'm not going to dignify that question with an answer." Sakura ground out with her fists clenching tightly at her side.
"So a lot then."
"No!" Sakura jumped from the table curtly gathering the empty glasses left from earlier and headed into the kitchen. It must be payback for delving into his personal life, but I'm not going to run away in my own house and give him the satisfaction. She dumped the glasses into the sink, turning on the tap and started to wash them in the lukewarm water.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of Sakura." Kakashi continued his tone smooth with no hint of amusement in it.
"I never said it was." Sakura snapped and placed a soapy glass with a little too much force into the drain rack.
"It's incredibly sexy when a woman knows her body; how she likes to be touched." She felt his gaze on her causing an irrational heat to spread through her body as her stomach tied itself into knots. His chair scraped on the floor and her spine stiffened, her hands faltering with a glass as she listened to his almost silent footsteps.
"And my favourite colour," She felt the heat of his body against her back, his breath against her ear and she stood motionless with shivers of excitement rippling through her. "is green." He murmured with his arm brushing hers as he reached in front of her and placed his empty cup into the soapy water. His fingers brushed her wrist as he withdrew from the water and just as quickly as he'd come he was gone.
"So I was thinking some take out wouldn't be a bad idea for tonight." Kakashi commented already beside the door slipping on his shoes. "Do you want anything particular?"
"Whatever is fine with me." She replied, water splashing her shirt as she concentrated on washing the lipstick from a glass.
"Ok. I'll be back in a bit." Sakura waited until she heard the door close before releasing a heavy exhale and the tension from her body. She picked up the cup he'd used, examining it carefully.
"Green…lots of people like green. He probably meant forest green or lime green, maybe even moss green. Not green as in the colour…of my eyes." Sakura swallowed hard before furiously scrubbing the cup with the cloth. "That's right. Not green as in the colour of my eyes." A fake laugh escaped from her lips. "You always read too much into things you silly girl."
Hehe looks like Kakashi decided to continue his inadvertent seducing of Sakura!
So anyways about the chapter. It's quite long and I've tried to edit it down, but I just can't seem to pick parts that are not essential to the story. I thought it might be nice to give some perspective into the other's lives and just in case anyone wonders (or even remembers) that is the same girl that told Sasuke he was a prick. If anyone has any suggestions on what parts could get cut I would love to hear them. I've had the idea for this chapter for quite awhile and I was hesitant and bit bashful about it wondering would Kakashi ask such a personal question of Sakura? Then I had a friend come visit and we were chatting and lo and behold he asks me the very same question. I was just like ughhh….well thanks for confirming my idea about the male population. But anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Cheers,
Cance
