Chapter 9: Stutter
They were nearly back at Coruscant now. Anakin was at the main controls, with Lexa as his co-pilot. They still had no idea what they were going to do with Ahsoka. It was killing him. What if they threw her in prison? Everyone made mistakes. If the council knew what had happened on Tatooine, what he had done… he'd be in a lot of trouble, too.
At that moment, Lux walked in, escorting Ahsoka, who looked absolutely terrified of everyone, of what they might say. But it seemed to help slightly when everyone greeted her with smiles.
"Hey, Ahsoka", Barriss welcomed her, as if nothing had ever changed.
Ahsoka answered with a shy smile, and stuttered out "I-I-I'm-ah-I".
"It's okay, Ahsoka. It'll all be okay". Anakin turned around in his chair. "It wasn't your fault".
"Yes, it was. I let fear control my actions. I allowed it to grow and turn me into something else. But that's not what I'm sorry about. I'm sorry I allowed it to hurt you all."
"What about you, Ahsoka? It hurt you too, didn't it?" Lexa asked her.
Ahsoka turned to her, than looked away. "Yes", she sighed. "But I won't deny it. Having that much power felt… good. In a weird way".
No one knew quite how to respond to that statement. None of them had ever had to before. Barriss tried to brush it off lightly. "Well, you've given it up now, so everything will be fine". But this time Ahsoka challenged her reply.
"Have I? Have I really? I mean, sure, I say that, but what do I know? I won't just change completely to who I used to be. That darkness is always going to be there, whether I like it or not. So do you really want me back armed with a lightsaber? Because there's a good chance I'll go insane and try to kill everyone in the temple. How long will I be able to resist it this time? A few years? I-I".
Ahsoka noticed her fists clenching, and half the screens in the control room broke. "I-I-I'm sorry". She turned and ran from the room. After a second's glance, Lux followed after her.
Ahsoka knew the ship like the back of her hand. There were many places the others would never find her. She hid her force signature so they couldn't sense her and sat down against the wall. She hugged her knees to her chest and felt utterly alone.
She sat in this way for hours, not crying or talking, just sitting there by herself. Why would anyone else want to be with her, anyways? She wasn't exactly great company.
"Hey".
Ahsoka didn't notice Lexa until she spoke. How long had she stood there? It mustn't have been long.
"Look, I'm not going to pretend what you said couldn't happen. There's a chance. But we're only trying to help. It will be hard to heal if you doubt yourself. Just give yourself a chance. You broke free of the dark side, didn't you? So give yourself a chance. You're not all bad".
Ahsoka took all that in. It sounded well thought-out, and true. And Lexa was right. She had to try.
Swallowing hard, she nodded and said "I'll try. I just- I'm just having trouble getting over it". She looked up at the girl. "Thank you, Lexa". The girl was a shining light in the darkness.
"Don't worry. We're all here to help. Especially Lux". The girl laughed. "Better hope the council doesn't figure it out. Barriss and the others probably won't tell, but they ARE pretty smart".
Suddenly, Ahsoka felt herself laughing along with Lexa, laughing with a girl she had nearly killed less than 24 hours ago. It wasn't because it was funny. She just really needed something to laugh at, a reason to be happy. How quickly things change.
And here's chapter 9, soon to be followed by number ten! Enjoy, review and just be pretty chill!
-GraceForever
