PART NINE

I Give My All to You

"You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I'm winning."

John Legend, All of Me

Michael awoke to the sound of the shower splattering water against flesh and tile and the scent of body wash and coffee brewing. It was the perfect composite of scent and sound she had ever experienced. She quickly felt the stiffness in her joints and the soreness that decorated various parts of her body.

A yawn escaped her as she stretched her tired body, sitting up in the comfortable double bed, she adjusted the pillows and reclined backward.

It felt like waking in another life. They had never shared a morning so intimately before. As if they had lived here for years, as if this were a normal routine for them. A standardized ritual they had created together long ago.

Michael wanted to remain in bed but the temptress that was coffee beckoned her from the warmth it provided. She wrapped herself in a gray robe and made her way to the kitchenette where... she paused.

Two mugs, side by side, as if they had always been there waiting for her.

Waiting for us.

X

After spending the morning together, Gabriel eventually had to return to his classes. Thankfully he only had two this week what with holiday breaks coming up. Christmas and Hanukkah were still observed celebrations for many. He had excused his class when, through the many navy blue dressed cadets, appeared a familiar face. He hadn't seen Katrina since he left Starbase 36. She had tried to contact him but...

"You're looking well." He spoke first, she was walking fluidly again, no need for a cybernetic wheelchair any longer and of course she had aced her physical therapy.

"As are you. Merry Christmas." She said, her tone warm and friendly. He sighed.

It wasn't the longest they had gone without talking but it had been one of the more painful. He hadn't had anyone to talk to about his despair upon giving up Michael and he had wanted desperately to talk to Katrina. But he hadn't been able to bring himself to that.

"Are we still enemies?" She asked, leaning against his desk, her arms crossed over her chest.

Gabriel cracked a smile.

"I think we both know that's impossible." He said gently.

"I've missed you." She told him and she handed him a perfectly wrapped present, rectangle and thin. He had a pretty good idea what it was.

"If dad was still alive he'd kill you." Gabriel said opening the present, smiling broadly when he discovered he was right. Cigars, his dad's favorite, he personally prized them amongst many of his possessions and memories.

"Ed always loved me," Katrina said with fondness. "Are you going to see James?"

Katrina had tread these waters before; Gabriel had always had a rather... difficult relationship with his brother. Bordering on blind hatred. Two men had never been so alike that hated each other so much. But when their father died their relationship changed, but there was always that bitterness from their childhood and teenage years.

The endless competition, fueled only by themselves. For their parents love, to better than the other at sports or grades. In the end, one brother lost a leg and the other found his glory.

"Doubt I'll hear anything." He finally said.

"I always hated how you two would fight." Katrina said sadly. "And his pranks were... well, sleazy to say the least."

"Oh, I remember." He added with a sigh of regret.

"But he grew up. How's Michael?" Katrina asked and he groaned.

"So that's why you're here." He said, putting away his tablets in his satchel and flipping the lights to the classroom off. She followed him out.

"I'm asking as a friend." Katrina assured him. "I swear, Gabriel. She's beyond proven herself in Starfleet's eyes. We're not keeping tabs on her."

"You're not. Terrell probably is." Gabriel countered. "Can't you- they- just leave us in peace."

It wasn't a question, it was a hope. He was also tired of dodging the admiralty every second of his life now. He could only imagine what it felt like for Michael. His heart clenched at the thought. What the hell was his or Michael's sex life any of their concern now anyway?

They got what they wanted, he wasn't sitting in the chair. Michael had a leash but they left her by herself to run around in their big backyard. What the hell else did they want?

Starfleet had made them both castaways in some form or another.

"I assume you're planning on being together," Katrina said and he nodded. "Well long distance has never been your strong suit."

Gabriel clenched his jaw and moved to walk away again, she stopped him.

"You know," Katrina began gently. "In special circumstances spouses can join their significant other on deep space missions."

Gabriel frowned, what was the hell did that have to do with- she knew when it had sunk in.

"Really?" He went along and they began walking again, towards the canteen. "Is this new?"

"It is. But only on very special circumstances. An illness, pregnancy, etc... if you got married you could potentially join her on the Hecate when shore leave ends."

Gabriel suddenly felt very nervous, he hadn't been planning on proposing to Michael any time soon. But the thought had crossed his mind. He didn't want to be with anyone else. He loved her, from the tips of her wispy, curly hair to her fingerprints. All those things and more should have told him he wanted to marry her.

He didn't have many doubts she didn't want to marry him. But would she? Other factors, other variables. And if he was going to ask at all he wanted to do it right. But now, was there even time to get it completely right?

"There's not enough..." he said out loud, trailing off.

"For what?" Katrina asked.

"To ask her father."

X

Gabriel made time. He couldn't fly to Vulcan and ask Sarek but he could request a private deep space audience with the ambassador. Throughout his career and his life, Gabriel's experience with Vulcans had been broad and extremely frustrating. It seemed only logical that he should fall in love with a human raised on the powerfully bright planet. His eyes would surely perish in their sockets if he ever stepped foot on Vulcan.

"Ambassador Sarek is in deep meditation," Amanda, Sarek's wife, explained. "I can deliver your message, Captain."

"Thank you. I would appreciate it, Ma'am, if you stressed the importance of it." He smiled, feeling the nervousness rising once again. She nodded.

"May I ask what it is about?" Amanda asked conversationally.

The bright Vulcan sun shining in behind through the holographic image forced him to squint a little. He stood a little straighter. He tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety. He was a goddamn war and combat veteran, he was on the front lines of the Klingon war. His great grandfather had fought in the Romulan war and was a decorated war hero.

Licking his lips and clearing his suddenly dry throat he shrugged.

"Just... Starfleet... nonsense." He tried to hide the grimace from his face at his sudden lack of conventional and eloquent wording. Amanda wasn't buying it.

"I see. But it's important nonsense." She said and he found himself once again at an embarrassing loss for words. He only nodded, like a fucking idiot.

"Very well. I will pass on the information to Sarek." She said and she ended the transmission.

Gabriel groaned audibly and leaned his hands on his desk, he wondered if the perceptive woman had a clue. She most likely did. And if he knew married couples, any married couple, she was going to tell him what she believed his intentions were.

Amanda Grayson could also boast that she was married to a Vulcan, and a man like that wouldn't have married any human. He would have married a like minded individual, despite their separate species and differences.

Michael was out, she said she wanted some alone time. He wasn't bothered by it, he had to finish grading and the interlude with Katrina had figuratively concussed him.

The idea of marriage hadn't crossed his mind in a very long time. More than twenty years.

Everything had fallen together and apart in a matter of a few short years. First the accident, James growing resentful more than he ever was before, his leg gone. Then he had gotten away from it all, away from home and the burden of not being able to look his own family in the eye.

But James still haunted him.

Overtime he didn't exactly forget but he didn't go home much either. When he did his mother got him to spend time with James, helping him with his exercises, getting him out of the house so he didn't waste away in his room.

"It must be nice," James had said in his gravelly way, "Ma says you're gonna make First Officer before your time is up."

But Gabriel knew his brother wasn't being supportive, he wasn't being kind or proud. He was rubbing it all in his face.

What James was really saying was, at least you've still got both your legs. Gabriel grew tired of his brother's pity party, hardening himself. They argued relentlessly. It broke their mother's heart and aged their father.

A mother's love runs deep, Gabriel.

"You have a fucking bionic leg that's better than the one old, get off your ass and do some good with your life!" He had regretted the words the moment they left his mouth.

And when the week followed of his graduation James had elected to remain at home. Gabriel told himself he didn't miss his brother's presence. But the night before, when he had tried on his cap and gown and Kat joked he looked like a blue peacock, he had told himself he would make peace with James after the ceremony.

He had decided if he was to spend the majority of his adult life in space and in danger, he didn't want the bad blood to follow him. His father had always pressed into his boys the idea of karma and omens, you didn't want them hanging around you.

But when James didn't show, making his feelings abundantly clear, Gabriel didn't even send his brother a goodbye transmission. He never sent a birthday greeting, never wished him a Merry Christmas. Gabriel didn't even know James had gotten married and had two boys of his own.

Gabriel only knew because Kat kept in touch with James. The two had hit it off better than expected, despite the pranks and jokes. But Kat had always been like that; the social butterfly, the conductor, she could work a room like no other. It's something he had always admired about her and the reason there was an instant attraction from the beginning.

The old lovers met up for lunch later in the day when Michael was still out.

"The boys are nineteen and twenty now," Kat said, bringing the topic back to James. Gabriel raised his glass, finished it and quickly ordered another.

"Nate and John, right?" He said with a sigh, he knew what they looked like. That they were the spitting image of himself and James at that age, that they were closer and not competitive, that his nephews were everything he and his brother hadn't been at that age.

Kat nodded sympathetically.

"You should talk to him." Kat said, being careful. She knew when to say "when", and she hated seeing this feud between Gabriel and James continue to linger. "It was almost thirty years ago, Gabe."

"He hasn't tried talking to me." He said bluntly. "Radio silence, reticent. Like he's a damn mute."

"Funny, he says the same thing about you." Kat said with a smirk.

"Well, born under a bad sign and all that other jazz." He said flippantly.

Kat leaned in a little.

"I'm seeing him for Christmas. You should come, bring Michael."

Gabriel's brow rose and he laughed a little.

"Are you sure you didn't get drunk before comin' here?" He questioned in a pointed but sarcastic tone. When her coy smile didn't drop his did.

"You're serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"Let's not joke about that I'm getting up in age."

Gabriel managed to divert the conversation from there, but only because she let him. He knew she was capable of bringing him back but she chose not to. She didn't have to. The seed had been planted and there was no stopping it now.

It was late when he returned to her quarters. She was still not back. For a moment he worried, until he found the note she left for him on the table in the kitchenette. She even wrote it on paper.

"I'll be home late. I love you."

Home, love... he sighed at the sincerity of it. And was saddened when he remembered their short reprieve wouldn't last long. He changed and waited for her, making himself, as she called it, at home. It was temporary but it was theirs.

Gabriel sent another message to James.

X

Michael decided she wanted to clear her head and take a walk and explore the city. She knew its history and the abundant information on Vulcan had taught her everything she knew about Starfleet and the Federation. But at a ground floor level, she had never really seen much of San Francisco. The hilly terrain reminded her of the dunes of Vulcan, however, there was less sand and more concrete. The buildings were lush, well lit, beautiful. The architecture was something to be admired.

And of course, the amazing construction of the Golden Gate bridge. She had thought about walking it but decided not to, choosing to admire it from afar, allowing herself to let it make her feel as small as the vast vessels she served on. She found it important to remember how small you were the universe, even compared to a bridge instead of the leviathan ships that set sail across the stars.

The weather was cool, Mark Twain had once said of the city, "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco."

Michael admired the quote now more than ever. The city had its charm, it's beauty.

The quiet, despite the bustling of people and ships and transports around her, was soothing. She hadn't any plans, no friends to meet up with while in the city. The war was dying down, fewer skirmishes here and there, but none of her old crewmates had shore leave at the same time. And any of the friendships she was making on the Hecate weren't close enough to make plans, especially around the holidays.

It was easy to be alone around this time of year for Michael because earth holidays had never had importance during her childhood. She was grateful for that at least. And really, she wasn't alone. She was with Gabriel and frankly that was all she needed and wanted.

Michael reflected on her life so far. Everything that had lead her to this point, sitting on a bench, eating grapes and gazing at the Golden Gate bridge.

Had all of this always been in her future? Could there have been another path...? Another path, without the pain, that could've still lead to Gabriel?

Could they always have been destined to meet? The chances were likely, they both served in Starfleet, she was on her way to becoming a captain of her own ship. She calculated that perhaps they would have had a fifty-fifty chance of meeting. Decent odds but... the war had forced them together.

As if her mutiny was the catalyst, and in more ways than one, it was. That one decision sent her into the arms of a spy and traitor and in turn she fell deeper in love than she knew was possible.

One year and six months. Countless lives had been lost. Hearts broken. Bodies of some of the finest officers she had ever served with lost to the vacuum of space. Floating, eternal, amongst the cosmos.

It depressed her that so many lives had been lost; and yet she lived on, with their memory, and she found love and for the first time in a long time she had found peace and a place in this world.

Gabriel was right. She was his beginning, middle and end. But she applied that same token to him as well. He wasn't her first love, that would always be Ash, but in place of that he was her everything else. He was her best friend, the person she could truly reveal herself to. With all her faults, her flaws, her sins and her blessings. She felt cleansed and healed when she was with him.

A pardon from Starfleet had been a blessing but Gabriel's love had been the balm to a festering wound. And it had all started as a lonely bandage to ease her aching heart.

At the beginning she had only wanted to use him, she believed he felt the same way. But it quickly grew into more than that until it was too late and they were both in over their heads. And it had been the most incredible, amazing and marvelous experience of her life. The ultimate adventure.

Willing to love someone was not something she had ever expected she would be able to do. Now she understood her foster mother better. Michael had often wondered how and why Amanda had loved Sarek despite, well, everything. The odds, the outcry of shame Sarek had brought to himself and his species. How he had in turn loved her when to him love was illogical.

Now Michael understood both Amanda and Sarek better than she ever had before. It wasn't political, it hadn't been for some Vulcan experiment, it hadn't been logical or chemical. It was simply love. Finding your soulmate didn't mean, necessarily, finding them on your own planet. Her foster parents were living proof of that. Spock was proof of that union.

A family, born out of incredible odds, bound and fated to be scorned and looked down upon. Michael knew her own personal upbringing and journey had been hard enough, but Spock... his would last his whole life. He would never know which world he would ever belong to. Which half of himself was the right half. Merging the two would take an powerfully well trained mind.

Michael missed her foster brother at times. She missed their conversations; how much like Sarek he really was, but both Vulcans were too stubborn and proud to ever admit it. Even though, paradoxically, those were human emotions she was anthropomorphising onto them.

But emotions went beyond species. They were written into the DNA of every creature.

Michael's thoughts turned to those of family. She felt that Gabriel was becoming her own personal family unit. That's what happens when you grow up and fall in love. Your childhood family remains, but you branch out, creating your own along the way even if you didn't intend to.

Could they... have a family? Did she want a child? Michael had never given it much serious thought until she fell in love with Gabriel. But bringing a child into a world during the aftermath of a war... that child in turn learning about their mother and the intrical part she played in the Klingon War. The lives that had been lost because of her.

Would they be ashamed? How scorned would they be in learning of her mutiny and her redemption? And their father...

Michael knew she was getting ahead of herself, but she would rather think of these things now instead of later. And there was Gabriel's age to consider. At fifty five he still had years ahead of him, years together, exploring and cultivating their relationship. What if by the time all that was over, it was too late to have a family?

Does he even want to be a father? She thought.

Michael didn't know what kind of mother she would be. She would look to the examples set by the women she had known in her life. Amanda, even Tilly... Philippa. Hell, even Captain Colt was proving to be a decent role model. Perhaps motherhood would relax her, make her realize what life was all about.

You're getting ahead of yourself again, she reminded herself.

And then there was her career to consider as well. She could find work on earth, or perhaps she and Gabriel could move off world to another Federation colony. Somewhere green and quiet. Somewhere they could live by their own lead and not another's. Somewhere green, with fields of flowers and trees.

Could you live with yourself knowing you never captained a ship? She asked herself, and the bitter taste of thinking "yes" left a hollow feeling inside of her gut.

A better understanding of why Gabriel had ended his relationship with Admiral Cornwall, fell heavily onto her.

The green planet they would make their home disappeared, the child that wasn't was no longer an option.

Career puts a bullet in love's head every time, his words echoed in her mind.

No. Perhaps they would settle into their new routine, seeing each other on her shore leave. Perhaps making a home somewhere on earth when she was finally fitted to a desk or a captain's chair. They could make that work. They had to. But she would not give him up.

Where he had given up his life with Admiral Cornwall, Michael wouldn't allow that this time. Whatever issues, battles and wars that lay ahead for them she would face them with him at her side, whatever the cost. Whether he was light years away or not she would never give him up again.

But... could a child fit into that plan?

X

When Michael returned to her quarters that evening the rooms were alight with a soft glow that made the room feel warmer. She shrugged off her jacket and found him in the study, using her computer to grade papers. He heard her come in but didn't turn. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and kissed his neck.

"You feel better?" He asked her, rubbing her arm with a hand that held a stylus pen between his fingers. Michael nodded against his cheek, taking a deep inhale of his natural scent mixed with his deodorant.

"Worlds better." She answered, kissing him again.

"Are you hungry?" He asked looking down at his tablet and then up at the computer screen.

It slightly irritated her, she found herself aching for him after being away from him all day. How she had managed six months without him suddenly eluded her.

"Yes." She answered, he made a small grunting noise. When he didn't turn she pressed a lingering kiss to his jawline, her hands slowly rubbing his arms. The man still didn't seem to get the hint.

"What are you feeling like?" He asked, completely unaware of what she was attempting to convey. He couldn't be so daft all of the sudden!

"Meat." She answered, alleviated he couldn't see the deep red blush that painted her cheeks and neck.

"Yeah?" He answered, he was barely listening to her.

Michael decided that perhaps a different approach was required. She couldn't just outright say, "let's have intercourse", it didn't sound sensual and she knew how it would sound coming from her: robotic and clinical. She couldn't use profanity because she wished to continue in her attempt to seduce him without it.

"Would you mind rubbing my shoulders?" She asked, the idea coming to mind and she waited for him to give an excuse.

"Hmm...? Oh. Yeah." He said and he swiveled his chair around and she sat down in his lap which seemed to surprise him. He hesitated only for a moment, she picked up on it. He wasn't sure if she was being genuine or not. The tight space offered very little room for him massage her adequately but he did his best.

"Feel ok?" He asked and she nodded but directed him to a "knot" she had in her shoulder blade, the truth was Michael kept herself very much limber and in shape, doing yoga and other stretches in the morning routinely. He pressed his thumb into her shoulder blade and she moaned softly.

"Thank you." She said and she closed her eyes.

Strategically, she gripped his knees with her hands. Her fingernails lightly biting through his sweatpants.

As his hands moved across her skin over the thin layer of her shirt it sent tight micro sensations up and down her spine, giving her goose flesh and amplifying her arousal. Time for the next part of her seduction; a simple adjustment to how she reclined in his lap, a gentle movement of her backside against his groin. He stiffened but only for a moment and she hid her pleased smile.

"Anymore?" He asked, playing along if he had finally caught on to her scheme or still completely unaware, it almost frightened her that she couldn't tell.

"Lower." She answered, he slid both hands down the lines of her back, pressing his thumbs into her back while holding her hips with his hands and the rest of his eight other fingers.

Moving his thumbs in deep circles she couldn't help but press back into him again, this time feeling his manhood beginning to harden at the soft pressure of her bottom.

"How's that?" He whispered against the back of her neck, his breath fanning out across it, making the tiniest hairs stand up.

That's when she knew she had him. He was a tactician but he knew when he was beaten and decided to give in.

"Good." She said, a little more breathy than she intended.

"Anywhere else hurt?" He asked, she felt him still massaging her lower back but the movements had taken on a different nature. It was a shift she felt in her bones.

"Yes."

"Where?" He pulled her back onto him ever so slightly, his cock pressing against her needily.

Michael bit her bottom lip and released a little sigh. Instead of answering she brought one of his hands around to her front and pressed it to her breast. He wasted little time in cupping her small breast, massaging it with thick calloused fingers that sweetly pinched her tit, bordering rough and gentle. She shivered at his touch and shifted her hips once more onto his cock.

Glancing down she watched his hand touch her so intimately, loving and greedily enjoying how large they were, how well they knew her body. How snug she felt as he surrounded her. How tight and empty her cunt suddenly felt, the dampness wreaking havoc on her panties.

"Where else, sweetheart?" He asked, his voice hushed and rough. "Show me where else you hurt."

Taking his other hand in hers, she placed it over her covered mound. He cupped her fully and pulled her back against his chest and she let out a cry of pleasure that was virtually pornographic. He hadn't even penetrated her, he hadn't even touched her clitorous, but he still managed to make her feel like she was on the edge of cumming by just caressing her.

"You need something, sweetheart?" He asked roughly before taking her earlobe between his teeth, his hips thrusting hard to meet the cradle of her thighs. He ran his lips down her neck and gently bit her in the expanse where her neck and shoulder met, she couldn't help but roll it into his mouth, shuddering as his tongue lapped at her flesh.

"I need you," she whimpered as he teased her cunt, slowly sliding his hand down the waistband of her trousers.

"Let's see how badly you need me." He taunted, and he even let out a whimper when he felt how wet she was for him. "Fuck, sweetheart. I bet that's uncomfortable," he said in that condescending yet sexy voice of his, his accent making her feel like a naughty school girl about to be punished. His upper lip curled as she turned to look at him, as he circled her clit and her breath hitched in her throat.

"You feel how hard you make me?" He whispered against her lips, teasing her evermore by sneakily licking her lips before retreating. Michael nodded like an eager little student.

"Did you ever walk around Discovery with your panties this wet?" He asked her, he wasn't sure why. He had always wondered if she had desired him as long he had her. Michael's eyes fluttered for a moment, searching his face.

"After... the other place." She admitted, he smirked. It didn't hurt his feelings she hadn't fantasized about him before that. She had been a little preoccupied with other things.

Gabriel increased the speed of his index finger on her clit and she felt like she was going to fall off his lap, but he held her firmly in place.

"Before you came to me?" He got her back on track and slowed his finger again. Michael nodded once more.

"Did you ever touch yourself thinking about me?" He asked, kissing her neck again.

"Yes."

"Did you cum?"

"No. I... I didn't know how."

Gabriel groaned at the thought of her lying in her cot, biting her hand to keep herself from crying out and waking her roommate, flicking her clit, experimenting with her cunt, spreading her hot wetness around. Unable to cum because even then she needed something inside her, growing frustrated and remaining wet when she couldn't finish.

Fuck, she will be the death of me, he thought in a cliche sort of way.

"Did it feel good, touching yourself?" He wasn't ready to let the image go of her long legs clutching her hand between them, maybe she palmed her breast, tweaking her nipple. He had certainly jerked off more times than he cared to admit thinking of her in such a base way.

"Yes. But it's better... ah, when you touch me."

Gabriel sat up a little with her in his lap, and when he came back down a finger slid into her opening and she gasped.

"I love fingering your sweet cunt," he said against her back as he thrust his finger in and out. "I love how wet it gets for me. I love how you taste, which reminds me I never did give you that kiss."

Michael's stomach clenched.

Soon, he rose fully, removing his fingers and ordering her to lie on her back on the floor with her legs spread, her feet planted firmly on the carpet. He quickly discarded her pants and underwear, moving between her legs, running his hands up and down her soft thighs. He looked utterly shameless, practically panting, she imagined herself as lewd as himself.

Gabriel's face hovered over her own and he kissed her forehead, her cheeks, even her chin, but avoided her lips. Smirking, he began to plant kisses down her chest raising her shirt and bra over her breasts, her belly, her hips, gently biting the pointed peaks of skin.

From there... his tongue made it's home inside her.

Michael fought the urge to push him away, the pleasure almost too much and painful. But that's how it always was for them. Pleasure and pain mixed together, swirling and dominating their love making and day to day lives.

While he suckled at her clit he thrust two fingers inside of her forcefully and she cried out hard before losing her voice in a silent scream of pleasure as he brought her off. She felt her wetness gush out of her, so much so he had to wipe his chin thoroughly. He chuckled, almost out of breath. She was embarrassed, she had never cum so much before.

"Shh, it's ok." He said gently, kissing her forehead again. She felt the dampness of her orgasm under her backside, coating the carpeted floor and the insides of her thighs. She still found it hard to face him. From her research she knew the female orgasm could be powerful, explosive even. She just never thought she herself would experience it as such.

"Will you take me right here?" She asked him, the look in her eye was shy and naughty all at once.

On the floor, against the wall, on a table or a chair or even the fucking ceiling if they could have, Gabriel would've made love to her anywhere she wished. He was ready and willing to grant any wish she desired. If she wanted him to get down on his knees and pant at her feet he would, if she wanted him to go to the farthest corners of the galaxy to wait for her he would.

Gabriel Lorca would do anything Michael Burnham asked him to. He would take a court martial, torpedo, phasor fire, battle his own demons in another dimension for her.

He nodded, kissing the corner of her mouth, until finally their lips met in a deep kiss where she allowed him to tackle and tame her eager little tongue with his own.

"I'll take you anywhere," he said longingly as he moved inside of her, she gripped him with her thighs as he made deep, hard thrusts. His arms boxed her in, planted on either side of her, using the floor as leverage to reach the deepest parts of her.

That sweet spot inside of her crying out for his cock.

Weakly, her hands rested on his broad chest, her back growing chaffed from the floor. Soon, her legs were forced closer to her chest, but with a hand he held them apart, nearly to the floor, his chest pressed tightly to her own, his other hand wound into her hair. Their breathing heady and the intimate sounds of their sexes meeting filled the small space of the office.

Papers that needed grading were forgotten, dinner an afterthought. Outside, the Christmas lights decorating the temporary living space filled the room with green, red and white light. Their own little world, born between them, conceived in pain and torment. Finding solace in one another in an inferno of desire and love.

Her orgasm fast approaching, she suddenly had a strange feeling of deja-vu. The short but harrowing days spent inside that other place surfaced. The away mission... the fear in his eyes when his other self had taken her hostage. He had bargained with himself and vowed he would do anything for her...

Why had she not seen it in his eyes then? That fear of losing her, the pain his alternate could inflict on her. She had seen it then but had buried it, ignored it. Until Ash revealed himself, and her captain's eyes brimming with tears as a jagged knife was held to her throat appeared.

"I'll do anything," Gabriel had said, his twin from another dimension released her, she had fallen into his arms and he promised to get them out alive.

Michael had known then but she hadn't let herself truly see, allowing herself to remain blind. But it had been as clear as day how he had really felt. He had loved her then as he loved her now and through it all he had remained utterly devoted to her.

"Are you close?" He panted against her neck, kissing and licking the soft skin of her throat.

"Yes... again, again," she moaned and he knew what she meant, what she felt. He came inside of her with a body tingling shudder and he feared he might blackout.

Exhausted and spent, Gabriel rolled off her, lying on his back beside her, pulling her under his arm so she could rest on his chest.

After the hysteria of their feverish lust had worn off they remained on the floor, nestled together.

"I have a strange question for you," he began, staring at the ceiling, watching it dissolve under his vision until he blinked and it went back to normal again. "How would you like to spend Christmas with me... and my brother's family?"

Michael blinked and sat up, staring down at him. His face was nervous, his eyes gentle.

"I didn't know you had a brother." She answered, rising himself he shrugged.

"We haven't talked in awhile. A... long while." He admitted, looking away as if he were ashamed. And he was. James had responded before Michael had returned.

"Gabriel, Jane and I would be happy to see you. Nate and John are looking forward to meeting their uncle."

"What's he like?" Michael dared ask, Gabriel ran his hand over her leg.

"Me. Don't look surprised when you see him." He commented, itching his forehead with his thumb.

Frowning, Michael tilted her head and asked,

"Why?"

"We're... twins. Identical to be exact."

Michael tried to fathom two Lorcas out there. Two Gabriels, one with a different name, but alike in DNA and everything else.

"Did he attend the academy?" She asked him, already knowing the answer.

"No. There was an accident. It was my fault. He was discouraged and became extremely depressed."

"What happened?"

Gabriel told her the whole story. They were seventeen, warm blooded competitive idiots. They had been working all summer to repair an old hover racer their dad used when he was a kid.

Only James, ever the engineer, dropped a brand new engine under the hood, so the racer would run even faster than it had before. Gabriel handled the aesthetics and finding new parts for the controls while James made the thing capable as going as fast as one hundred and fifty mph. It was a lot of power to give to two young kids.

They worked surprisingly well for once, even their mother commented that they had never gone so long without fighting; except when they were infants. However she joked that in the womb they were constantly fighting one another, or so it felt.

By the end of the summer the hover racer was ready. Their dad told them, quite firmly, they were not to take it out on the valley until he got home from a convention. Their mother was conveniently away visiting a friend.

Their parents should've known they couldn't trust two seventeen year olds with a hover racer they had just given up parties and fun for an entire summer.

The impulse to take it out on the valley was too tempting and Gabriel and James gave in. Of course, like most stories that begin this way, it ended in disaster and heartbreak. It crashed when they reached fifty mph, they had barely had it off the ground two minutes. Gabriel had accelerated it too quickly and misjudged his distance from a nearby tree that had been standing there since god was a boy.

That tree had survived time, war, poverty, near total catastrophic destruction during the third world war. And it survived the metal smouldering crash of a hover racer when it crashed into it at fifty mph. James had miscalculated how much the old model could take with a burning hot new engine, it had melted the old metal to the core and the boys went spinning out of control.

Gabriel had walked away with a broken arm, James had severed his leg. But even with a broken arm, the adrenaline rush was enough for Gabriel to breathe through the pain. He slung his brother over his shoulders and walked the ten miles back to the house, the heat and exhaustion nearly killing him.

James was half dead when they got back, with quick thinking Gabriel managed to cauterize the wound and called an ambulance. It was only through a miracle that James lived.

Gabriel's parents were beside themselves. The three of them never left James' side. Through it all, their father couldn't look at Gabriel. Their mother had tried to be the peacekeeper, devoting and overworking herself between her two boys and the man she loved and had married.

Gabriel's father didn't speak to him for two months. It was the first time in his life he had been the outcast, the black sheep and the one no one wished to speak of or to. Except their mother.

"How can you even look at me?" Gabriel had asked him mother through tears, tormenting himself and isolating himself. His room was a mess, his high school trophies lay broken in piles, medals and ribbons lay in the receptacle.

Starla Lorca was a rare kind of woman. She had refused to give up on either of her sons. Sitting beside her boy, she wrapped her arm around him, his head leaning on her shoulder.

"A mother's love runs deep, Gabriel. I can look at you because I love you."

Gabriel never forgot such a sentiment. It aided him through many of his darkest moments following the accident. When James woke up he wasn't the same spirited kid he had been before. They had fitted him with a leg better than his real one, but he hated it. He felt less than himself, he felt less than human.

Many times Gabriel walked out to the valley and stared at that fucking tree, wanting to cut it down.

If he had just been able to get control of the hover racer he could've avoided it. Or if the damn thing hadn't been there at all the crash wouldn't have been as horrible and James would still have his bloody leg.

Gabriel jumped at the chance to join Starfleet, to follow in his great grandfather's footsteps. He longed for triumph, victory and glory. Anything that was the opposite of what home was like. He wanted to excel again, to be with his friends, to date and be reckless without his father's or James' shadow leering over him.

His mother begged him to stay home another year. When he had tried to make amends with James for the last time it hadn't ended well. Gabriel's father, Ed, gave him his blessing and genuinely wished him well. The Lorcas even came to visit him from time to time.

But never James.

When the Buran was destroyed and Gabriel was convolessing, James never came to see him and never sent word asking how he was doing. Not personally. Katrina sent his regards for him, it was a slap in the face as far as Gabriel was concerned.

"And that's why you haven't spoken in so long?" Michael asked, they had moved to the bedroom, dressed and lay side by side facing each other. Gabriel looked down and then up at her again.

"It's time to fix what's broken before it's too late." He resigned and she took his hand in hers.

"Do you... want a family, Gabriel?" She asked him carefully. He seemed unfazed by the question but he thought about it.

"I'm not sure to be honest. Those kinds of thing, well, I stopped thinking about them a long time ago. But... lately," he paused when he felt her hand tighten around his. "Listen if you're about to tell me you're pregnant that's either the most accurate, fastest pregnancy test or-"

Michael cut him off with her laughter and shook her head.

"No, no, I just... I was thinking a lot about that today."

"Michael, your career, I told you once before-"

"Shh, stop talking, sometimes it's miserable when you talk." She said putting a hand over his mouth, he gently bit her fingers and crawled on top of her and she giggled.

"Miserable, huh? I don't seem to recall you being in much misery when I was whispering sweet nothings in your ear," he planted a kiss on her neck and she shivered.

"I'm not sure those things qualify as 'sweet nothings', Captain Lorca." She reminded him smartly. He clicked his tongue at her kissed her forehead.

"Michael, there might actually be a way for us to be together." He began and she frowned. "I spoke to Katrina today. Starfleet is changing their protocols on significant others serving on the same ship."

Gabriel waited for reaction, she was slowly sitting up. He was resting on his knees, she was holding his sides in her hands, afraid to let go.

"If... we got married we could potentially be together."

"We could be together." She repeated, quietly, as if it weren't real. As if it were a dream.

"Potentially." He reminded her, but he nodded all the same. She began to cry, her bottom lip quivering and he cupped her face in his hands.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," Gabriel said sweetly, wrapping her in his warm embrace, holding her so tight so she knew how much he cared and how much he loved her.

"We could be together." She said again, losing herself in those words.

"I guess this is a pretty shitty way to propose, huh?" He said with a short, nervous laugh.

"Yes." She said, her voice muffled from being buried in his chest.

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Well, you don't have to brutally honest-"

"No, no, I meant yes. I'll marry you."

Gabriel only stared at her for a moment, almost not believing what he was hearing. He was confident she would say yes, he had hoped beyond all hope she would say yes and accept him. But there was one last hurdle he had to jump through. And Michael seemed to read his mind.

"Sarek." She said simply.

"I understand it's an appropriate form of respect to ask a father's permission before marrying his daughter. On any planet that seems to be the respectful thing to do."

Michael nodded and he spooned her underneath the covers.

"We'll have to go to Vulcan." Michael said and he sighed.

"I was worried you'd say that. I sent a message to Vulcan, Amanda is going to pass on my request for an audience."

"I'll ask Captain Colt when we've left spacedock. She's owes me a favor already."

They lay there, allowing sleep to take them. But before it did, she accepted his invitation to meet his family for Christmas. The weeks and months ahead would be trying and difficult. Perhaps some of the hardest trials of their relationship. But they had survived worse than family gatherings and a father's blessing.

As he fell to sleep, Gabriel realized that despite Michael's turbulent relationship with Sarek, she would never marry him without her foster father's blessing. Amanda would be easy to win over, but Sarek was like facing the edge of a Klingon bat'leth. And that sharp fucker had two edges.

AN: I hope you're enjoying the balance of porn and plot. Merry Christmas and happy holidays! I'll be out of town this coming weekend so there may or may not be an update before then. Much love to all : )