I spent most of the weekend with Dan, helping him unpack and playing video games and sometimes not doing anything at all. I think he just liked having someone around; I felt the same. He managed to make a lot of my worries disappear for a few hours at a time, but when I went home for the night on Sunday, by the time I walked through my front door, everything came flooding back. I dreaded Monday. I dreaded seeing Andrew.
I didn't sleep at all that night, feeling sick over the thought of having to see that awful person again. I tried desperately to get some rest, but anxiety plagued my mind and I wanted to vomit at the thought of being forced to confront my ex –especially after Friday night, and especially now that I was with someone else, someone who actually cared enough not to hurt me, that I knew so far.
When the sunrise finally ended that damned night, I had to drag myself out of bed and force myself to get ready for school. I came across my father getting ready for work, and he noticed how sluggishly I was making my breakfast. We were out of any good cereal, so corn flakes would have to do. But I was feeling too sick to eat.
"You okay, bud?"
I looked up with tired eyes, almost letting the milk spill over out of my bowl. Well, that was a wasted endeavor, wasn't it? "I, uh, I don't really feel well. I was up sick all night."
"Probably Monday Blues. Just tough it out for today; I won't make you do dishes tonight if you're still feeling sick."
"If I end up in the nurse's office, will you come pick me up?"
"Have some important stuff I need to get done today. Maybe your mother will do it."
I couldn't count on it from her. If I went to school, I was stuck at school; I winced at the thought. "Can I just stay home?" I whined, not meaning to sound so angsty and pathetic but I really couldn't face Andrew yet. One more day and I'd finally pluck up the courage to confront him, or just ignore him, but I wasn't ready yet. "I won't be able to focus in class, anyway—"
"You were fine when you came home last night. Like I said, just tough it out for today, I'm sure you'll feel better. And if you're still sick tonight, you can stay home tomorrow."
He had to leave soon, and I figured it was a fair enough deal, so I shrugged and let the issue go. I picked at my food as my parents left for work.
Dan didn't come outside to catch the school bus, and when it came, picked me up, and drove off down the road, I started to get worried and wondering if something might've happened. I plopped down in a seat with no one, set my bag down beside me and pulled out my phone. I had no texts or missed calls from him: no explanation or excuse as to why he didn't get on the bus. I thought maybe he'd drive or his parents would drive him, but I wasn't taking any chances. I had to know he was okay.
'Where are you?' I tapped out nervously, and anxiously awaited Dan's reply. It came a minute later.
'I just woke up, what's wrong?'
'You missed the bus. Are you coming to school?'
'I have chemo this morning, I'll be in later probably'
'Okay'
'Is everything okay?'
'Yeah, fine. I'll see you later'
'See you later. Bye.'
I slumped in my seat, bile rising in my throat and burning as I had to swallow it back down. I just had to make it through the morning on my own, and I probably wouldn't even be seeing Andrew at all before I saw Dan first. So why was I still so worried?
As expected, I wasn't able to focus very well in my morning classes. I was too preoccupied thinking about seeing Andrew, and waiting to see Dan, to worry about calculus or persuasive essays or anything like that. More than one teacher that morning caught me just staring out the window, and some more than once. I was called out on it in front of my fellow students, and it just made me sink further into my seat with additional weight on my shoulders.
I didn't go to lunch; I wasn't hungry. I went to see the nurse instead; I told her I wasn't feeling well and she took my temperature and all that, but said it didn't seem I was coming down with anything. She asked if it might've been stress that was making me sick, and all I could do was nod. She was nice and all, but I didn't want to really disclose anything right now. I just wanted to lay down for a bit, and she let me.
I was in the back room, trying to get some rest when my phone buzzed. I checked and perked up a bit to see it was Dan, and that he was here, and was heading to the nurse's office. I couldn't help but smile a bit, texting back that I was already there. I got a little smiley face in reply, and my day was instantly lightened.
"How was your morning?" I asked, sitting up on the cot while Dan sat on the one opposite me. I pulled my legs up to sit cross-legged on the uncomfortable cushioning; there was no way to really be comfortable on this thing, but it would do for now. I didn't know why I was making small talk; he looked so tired, like he just came here to sleep through the rest of the school day. "I'm sorry, you must be tired—"
"No –well, yeah, but I've been waiting to see you." He laid down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, eyes half-lidded. I looked down at my lap. "What are you freaking out about?"
I didn't want to put my troubles on him, but if I was going to give him a reason to break things off with me, it should be sooner rather than later. If I was going to be a shit boyfriend who angsted over the smallest things, he should know now. "I'm just not really ready to face Andrew again, but I have the last two periods with him, and he's my lab partner so I'm stuck with him."
"You'll be fine, don't worry." He laid his head down on the tissue paper protected poor excuse for a pillow. "If he gives you any trouble you tell me."
"I really don't want to drag you into this."
"Then I'll barge my way through these walls you've put up around yourself. I'm not gonna let him hurt you again."
I tried to promise myself that I would tell Dan if something was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to do so; I knew I wouldn't. "Alright." I looked up at the clock –I had to go to chemistry now. "I-I gotta go. I'll see you at the end of the day?"
"Come see me between periods, I'll wait for you outside the bathroom."
I smiled a bit and nodded. "Okay. I'll see you then."
