Before we begin, I just want to address an issue flagged by 'Guest:ugh' who said - It is particularly galling to read other women perpetuating the notion of the helpless pregnant female and the ideas that a woman has less value than something that may or may not become a person and must be treated an incompetent. I hope you don't mind my taking the liberty of copying your comments here. I thought they merited some attention and as your review was anonymous, I didn't see the harm.
Firstly, I apologise for any offence. It was unintentional. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I'm always interested in seeing things from another person's point of view. I'm not sure where you interpreted anyone thinking of Myka as having less value than her unborn child, though understand that we all read into characters in different ways.
Specifically for this story, the issues for Helena stem from her own fears of losing the people she loves and her conflicted history with the Warehouse. She knows the inherent dangers involved and sees the potential for Myka to be harmed around every corner. For Helena, this extends to the baby, but no more than for the love of her life. I'm not saying that her behaviour is right, but I feel that it's true to her character at the present time.
As for Myka, she's struggling with conflicted feelings around her pregnancy and her life as she's known it. She feels invincible one moment and vulnerable the next and isn't quite sure how she fits into her life anymore. Perhaps this has not translated well into the story? Though it's something that will continue to develop over the next few chapters. I'd be interested to know what people think.
Thanks to Aeternus and Duvetsnuggler for your responses, and all of you followers and silent readers out there too!
Chapter Nine
After a brief shower and a change of clothes, Helena stood before the full-length mirror in her bedroom and tried to listen to the oft-downtrodden voice in the back her mind that spoke of reason.
Her night-time musings had forced that voice to the surface and out of hibernation, revealing truths that were uncomfortable to face.
Perhaps if she'd given Myka more space; perhaps if she hadn't made regular comments about her diet, which was hardly poor to modern standards, or not hinted that she would like to hear from her a dozen times a day while she was at the Warehouse. Maybe then, her lover would not have felt the need to break from their routine, would not have needed the thrill of adventure.
Perhaps she had convinced herself that Myka had freedoms that, as a young woman, Helena had only dreamed of, and therefore the young agent couldn't possibly want for much more, could she? Then there was the Warehouse that, although exciting to work in, often caused the American calamity and surely was starting to get tiresome, wasn't it? Before Yellowstone, they had both enjoyed the danger involved in their jobs and had built their early relationship on their passion for solving mysteries and escaping death on a regular basis. Ignoring this fact though, she imagined that Myka's feelings were akin to her own.
Once encapsulated in a holo-projector, with her body wandering obliviously around some distant town, with a fake name and a vapid smile, she had undergone a significant metamorphosis in regards to her opinion of the Warehouse. Despite knowing that she had been her own worst enemy, she began to resent the Warehouse for insinuating itself into her life in the first place. True, without it she would never have met Myka, but wouldn't have known any better so could never have missed having her around. Her own foolish arrogance had pulled her away from her daughter too often, but without the Warehouse's influence, she might never have had that opportunity.
Boone had been a poor attempt to deny that part of herself, but while there, she had begun to appreciate the simple joys of a normal life. Even if it had ended bitterly, the imprint of that fake life had a significant effect on the way she led her current daily existence. She had been trying so hard to play the 'normal' role of mother and significant other that she had forgotten how not normal they all were.
She had jumped from one extreme to the other and was paying for her mistakes once more. I hope that this time I can minimise the fallout.
Wanting to be ready for when Myka arrived at the bed and breakfast, HG shrugged her arms into her bulky winter jacket, which reached almost to her knees, and slipped out the door. The short walk gave her very little time to gather any optimism so, as she lingered in the doorway to the dining room a short time later, she was annoyed to find that their grumpy director had taken up refuge in there and had several files open on the table. A brief glance confirmed her suspicions as to which case he was reviewing.
"Agent Wells," Artie greeted her without looking up. "We need to meet for a debriefing soon. I know tomorrow is Saturday, but artefacts don't recognise downtime; I'd rather you were up to date on everything before Monday."
She nodded slowly. "Very well," she answered apathetically.
A disgruntled but sympathetic face finally rose to take in her appearance and observed her stiff stature for a moment. "Are you having regrets?"
Thinking that he might choose to refuse her voluntary service in favour of her fiancée once more, Helena's expression hardened. "I do not regret wanting to keep Myka and the baby safe."
"So what is it then?" He pushed for more information, recognising the shadow of something she was struggling with. Now that she no longer hid behind an act, she was very easy to read. He supposed that was the point; she had worked hard to gain their trust once more and had sacrificed a part of herself to do it. When he'd worked closely with her in the beginning, she had been cold and uncaring. Perhaps she had worn a different mask with Myka in private, or else had let his favourite agent peek behind the mask a little, but the HG Wells he'd known then was nothing like the woman who sat before him now, afraid but determined. He was reminded of an alternative time line and the personal sacrifice she had made for Myka. "Out with it," he grumbled.
Eyes narrowing, the inventor reluctantly took a seat opposite the director. She leant back slightly, her gaze alternating between the table, door and her companion as she struggled to find the right words. "All I seem to end up doing, regardless of any effort to the contrary, is to force her into situations that don't suit her. I do appreciate the concessions she makes to accommodate my failings, but I always come to this realisation too late. She sacrifices too much for me. What if all I ever do is take advantage of her?"
A raised, bushy eyebrow stared back at the inventor in surprise. "We all make sacrifices for the people we love," he responded shortly, thinking of his family back in Russia, his son, his agents, Vanessa. "You have to discuss this with Myka. I doubt the answer will be simple. What I do know," he added begrudgingly. "Is that she's never been happier than when she's with you."
Nodding again, she felt a marginal easing of tightness around her chest. "The feeling is mutual." A hand pushed through her hair. "I just need to find a way of not destroying everything, as I am want to do." She shot Artie a self-depreciating smile and breathed a long sigh.
"Mrs. Fredrick told me about the rings," he confessed after a moment of companionable silence. "I've never been a big believer in 'beneficial artefacts'. There are always side effects. I've been told, under no uncertain terms, to leave the matter alone, but I am curious. Have you noticed anything unusual since she started wearing your grandmother's ring?"
Helena hesitated only briefly before divulging some of the incidences where she and Myka had felt so close that they were almost of one mind, one being. They discussed the unlikely circumstances surrounding the brunette's acquisition of her family heirloom and the possible meaning behind this event. Fate became the topic of conversation for a short time until neither of them could reach a satisfactory conclusion and eventually, they agreed to leave the subject and continue to observe the effects.
As one o'clock approached, Helena felt her confidence begin to fluctuate again. What sort of mood would Myka be in? Would she listen to the inventor's apologies, even though Helena did not intend to retract her decision to go with Pete and Steve on their next hunt?
There was also a tentative excitement lingering in the back of her mind; today they were going to see their baby for the first time. Of the many modern technological advances, the ultra-sound was one of her favourites. Other than her own desire to see her second child, HG hoped that seeing the foetus would make the situation more real to Myka. Her lover had been right about one thing, she did process information more easily with visual stimuli.
She heard the sound of crunching footsteps on the path leading up to the front door and stood from the table. Moving into the hallway, standing beside the stairs, she had a good view of the pair who entered and felt a budding hope grow at the much calmer expression on her lover's face. As per usual, it was Christina who ran to her first with her usual cry of recognition. HG crouched and drew the girl into her arms, squeezing her tight and lingering over the kiss she placed on a cool temple.
"It's still rather cold I see," she pulled back to take in the rosy cheeks and bright eyes. "Did you spend all morning outside?"
"No, Mummy." Christina rolled her eyes. "We only went between shops and walked back from the diner. Are you going to bring back a picture of the baby? Will you find out if it's a boy or a girl?" She swiftly changed the subject, knowing that there wasn't much time before her parents had to leave.
"Yes, for the thousandth time, we will bring back a picture," Helena rolled her own eyes, mimicking the gesture. "You know very well from having read at least half a dozen books on the subject that we may or may not be able to find out the baby's gender. Now skedaddle! We'll be as quick as we can."
"Alright, bye Mummy," she kissed Helena on the corner of her mouth and returned to Myka to repeat the action. "See you later, Mama!" She called as she high-tailed it into the living room.
There was an awkward silence for several seconds where the American avoided her fiancée's gaze while biting her lip. Helena waited to see what she had to say.
Feeling the inventor's earlier comment playing on her mind, Myka hesitated briefly before blurting, "Did you really think I would keep her out in this weather for so long?"
Smiling, HG felt relief flow through her. "No, darling." She stepped gently toward her lover and placed a tentative hand on her forearm. "I'm sorry, I was teasing."
Prickling tendrils of shame brought a sigh to the brunette's lips. "No... I'm sorry." She ran an agitated hand through her hair. "I have to stop jumping to conclusions." She lifted her gaze to finally meet dark orbs. "Helena..."
HG placed a finger on now warm lips and shook her head slowly. "It's ok. We will sort it all out, as it should be. We'll sit down and discuss everything in due time, I promise. For now though, let's not be late for our appointment; I have to confess that I'm rather excited about this process, though nervous? Does that make any sense whatsoever?" She smiled warmly and Myka followed suit.
"Sure it does." She placed her hands on her lover's elbows, a flurry of emotion swirling behind green eyes as she gazed at Helena. "I love you," she declared in a whisper.
Slowly, the inventor leant in and placed a soft, gentle kiss on a waiting mouth. "I love you too," she returned, as she wound one set of digits with Myka's and guided her to the door. "Come on. Let's not tarry any longer. Before we know it, Christina will return to investigate and then we'll both be in real trouble."
After leaving Claudia's room, new blue prints in hand, Christina descended the stairs and wandered into the kitchen where she could smell something delicious in the air. Perching herself on a stool, she gazed at the worktop unseeing, rolling her new construction plans back and forth in front of her.
When she'd arrived earlier that afternoon, she had felt full of excitement and anticipation. She loved spending time at Leena's; Claudia was a great deal more relaxed than either of her parents, though her Mummy was improving and her Mama was usually only tense when she was tired. The red head was naturally excited about everything and didn't hold back when she felt like bouncing around to let that feeling out.
Today though, something lingered at the back of her mind. Her mothers had argued. They snapped at each other occasionally but those incidences were always followed by an apology. Then sometimes they fell into heated debates but those were soon laughed about afterwards. This recent fight was much rarer and left her feeling uncomfortable and, despite constant reassurances, worried. They tried to hide it, but they worried too.
Watching surreptitiously from across the kitchen, Leena finished wiping down some scattered flour and then approached the island to stand opposite her young charge. "Hey there CJ. There's a grey cloud hanging over your head. You want to tell me why?" She asked kindly.
Christina shrugged a little; a habit she'd picked up from Myka. "Why do adults argue with one another?"
"Have Myka and HG been at logger-heads?" Leena probed, receiving a small nod in return. "They do like having a difference of opinion, I think that's a normal part of their relationship. It's healthy for them."
Shaking her soft curls, the girl looked earnestly at her frizzy haired friend. "This time isn't like the normal arguments they have. Mummy slept in the basement. She always sleeps with Mama whenever they're just disagreeing, and Mama took me out this morning without saying goodbye to Mummy. Now Mama says she has to apologise, but for what?"
Leena could see the questions tearing the girl up inside and knew that her thoughts went much deeper than the average eight year old's. On a whim, she decided to share something with the youngest Wells that she'd never shared with anyone else. "Do you know, when HG first arrived in our time, she was confused and angry; she had a dark cloud over her head too," she waved a hand over Christina's head as if to chase one away, making the girl smile again. "But when Myka was around, that cloud drifted away for a while. No matter how sad your mother was or how angry they were at each other, Myka always chased those clouds away.
"Myka, on the other hand, didn't carry a dark cloud around." Now Leena moved around the island to take up a stool next to the girl, keeping her voice conversational and her expression light. "She was fairly content with her life at the Warehouse," she confided. "But the moment she met your mother, chasing her down to arrest her I might add," she said with a laugh, bringing a new spark of interest to dark eyes. "Myka's aura exploded. She constantly complained that your mother infuriated and confused her, but to anyone looking closely enough, and I was, she loved every moment of it. She became electrified by HG's presence and they formed a bond that I have never seen between two people before.
"Your mothers have a rare connection that others would envy if they could see it. They might upset each other from time to time, and perhaps they'll even need to be apart for a while, but they will always be pulled back together eventually."
"You really think so?" Hopeful, Christina leant closer to the intuitive woman and found herself being pulled into a hug. Somehow, it was easier to trust Leena on this subject than either of her parents. They rarely told bald faced lies, but they tried hard not to upset her and so sometimes they didn't divulge the whole truth.
"I know so," Leena assured the young Brit firmly.
Annoyed, Myka fidgeted on the hard plastic chair in the waiting room. How was her fiancée managing to sit so still? She let out a breath of frustration and dark eyes rounded on her with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. "How can you be comfortable in these chairs?" She asked in amazement.
"What makes you believe that I'm comfortable?" Helena's mouth twitched into a smile. "Years of training from my mother taught me to sit like a lady, no matter where I might be."
A frown forming, the American's twitching elapsed. "Are you saying that I can't behave like a lady?"
Chuckling, HG pulled a hand to her mouth and kissed it. "I think we both know that, beneath the surface, I am far less ladylike than you, darling." She observed her lover's posture and saw that she did indeed appear uncomfortable. Removing her coat from the chair beside her, she folded it carefully and bid her partner to stand. "There," she said as Myka sat on the makeshift cushion. "Any better?"
Doe eyes fell on the inventor. Though she felt taller than ever, elevated above the others around her, she did indeed feel more comfy. "Yes, thank you." Her gaze turning speculatively playful, she added, "You didn't happen to teach yourself gentlemanly manners on the side, did you?"
"Others may have considered them gentlemanly, but manners should be interchangeable between genders. I haven't become any less of a woman for offering my coat to a lady." Seeing Myka's amused raised eyebrow, HG realised that her tone had hardened slightly. "Yes," she confessed. "I had Charles and Woolly teach me some manners that were considered less effeminate."
Myka leant down from her raised height and kissed the corner of her lover's mouth. Helena immediately turned to face her and she risked another dip for a shared kiss.
The waiting room they were in was sparsely populated, with only one other couple and a young woman, of about twenty-five, sitting alone in a far corner. Like her and Helena, the other couple were conversing in quiet tones, and the lone woman had her head buried in a magazine.
Regardless of the issues lying between them, the agents found themselves falling into familiar patterns. Eyes and hands sought their counterparts and conversed without words, while all around them, the world faded into the background.
When the obstetrician, Doctor Klein, called their names, several seconds passed before they responded and Myka felt a blush rise into her cheeks as she stood and handed Helena her coat. They followed the squat blonde into an examination room, exchanged introductions and pleasantries, and each took a seat.
"Right, let's get started then, shall we?"
Feeling infinitely grateful for Helena's supporting presence, Myka submitted to a blood test, height and weight measurements and answered the questions about her medical history. There was an awkward moment where they were asked which method of fertility treatment they used to become pregnant and she felt like she hesitated too long. Helena was quicker off the mark and explained briefly that they had used a mixture of their eggs along with a sperm donor so they had no way of knowing which of them the biological mother was. Dr. Klein made a notation in Myka's file and jotted down a few notes about the Brit's medical history too. HG couldn't help the small grin that tugged at her mouth when asked for her date of birth even as she smoothly recited her fabricated details.
Finally, Myka was asked to climb up on the examination table and she felt Helena's hand grasp hers as they waited. She flinched at the feel of the cold gel, the friendly blonde smiling at her in apology.
"Did you want to know the sex of the baby?" the doctor asked them in a polite conversational tone. The couple glanced at one another and smiled then nodded simultaneously. "We'll see what we can do."
Hawk-like, Helena watched the obstetrician move her instrument back and forth over her lover's abdomen, searching for the best position until at last, something vaguely recognisable appeared on the screen.
"Ah, here we go." She pushed further to the left and after a moment's deliberation, paused the image. "This large area here is the head. Here, you can see the shape of an arm." She unfroze the picture and fiddled with a couple of knobs. "And if we turn up the sound..."
Words floated over the inventor's head like little more than background noise. The rough monochrome image took some deciphering, but the moment she began to see body parts, it immediately became clear and she found herself gazing at her unborn child in complete awe. Myka's sudden gasp and tightening grip brought her focus back and she became aware of a rhythmic whooshing sound, like an underwater train running over its tracks.
In her own world of incredulity too, the lanky agent took in the shape of a skull, the curve of a spine and what she knew were tiny limbs. This was what lay inside of her? This miniature human; so oblivious, so defenceless? Unaware that its mother had thought so little of playing loosely with its life? She felt sick.
"And there's your baby's heartbeat." Dr. Klein measured the speed of the beats and made more notes. Then there was a moment when her hand holding the instrument moved and another large white area appeared. "Ah," she made a non-committal noise.
Myka's voice trembled slightly as she whispered, "Is that...?" Oh God. Having been pre-med, she was used to reading scans and x-rays; she saw the bulbous mass for what it was.
"What is it?" HG asked, puzzled. So entranced was she by the beating rhythm that she was lagging behind on the uptake.
Turning to the confusion on her partner's face, the American said in a half-believing tone, "It's another head."
Helena's expression lifted in pleasant surprise before she registered the slackening grip on her hand and the uncertainty behind Myka's eyes. "Twins?" She smiled reassuringly and looked briefly to the doctor for a confirming nod. "I can already imagine the happy-dance waiting for us at home," she added in an aside to her fiancée.
This brought a tentative smile to the prone agent's face and temporarily chased away the lingering worry, but through the rest of the examination, she stayed quiet and seemed almost oblivious to the questions she continued to answer.
HG paid extra close attention to their instructions when the doctor informed them that they would try again to sex the twins at the twenty-week scan, and Myka was told that she could get down from the examination table. Dr. Klein gave them some leaflets and their copy of the sonogram still. She then showed them back to the waiting room and wished them well before greeting her next patients.
They walked in silence back to the car, Myka still lost in thought and Helena afraid to ask what was wrong while they were in the middle of a busy city street. The walk didn't take long though and the moment they were sat in the relative privacy of their vehicle, the inventor turned to her lover, concern written all over her face. She had only just opened her mouth when Myka's face crumpled and she burst into tears.
Over the gear stick, Helena somehow managed to find a way to wrap her arms around the distraught brunette and held her as she sobbed.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry," muffled cries came from HG's chest, where the American had buried her face. "Oh God, Helena; what the hell was I thinking?"
Keeping her arms wrapped securely around her partner, the inventor made soothing noises as she waited for a chance to make herself heard. A hand of icy regret had wrapped itself around her heart and was squeezing. She could only imagine that Myka was experiencing something similar. You drove her to this, a voice taunted in the back of her mind. Your weakness caused this.
She waited until the expectant woman cried herself out before she began to speak. "I don't blame you for wanting more than our simple existence. I know this hasn't been easy for you. A lot has happened over such a short expanse of time."
"I was selfish," the brunette's words erupted scathingly.
"You were frustrated by the restrictions I unwittingly placed on you. We are all selfish on occasion. It does not necessarily need to be a bad thing." She pulled back slightly to look into green eyes. "I should have listened closer to your desires. I might not then have pushed you into doing something so drastic."
"You can't seriously be trying to take the blame for this?" Myka sat up slightly and stared at her lover. "Helena, I made the decision to go to Artie, without consulting you, remember?"
HG ran a hand through her hair. She didn't want to have this conversation here, but with a long drive back to Univille ahead of them and Christina waiting at their destination, she didn't have much of a choice. "It wasn't a well considered plan, I agree. Why didn't you talk to me before going to Artie?"
Myka turned away slightly. "I didn't want you to try and stop me," she admitted.
"Precisely," the Brit exclaimed in defeated triumph. A few quiet moments passed before green eyes turned back to her and she lifted a hand to cup the side of her fiancée's face. "I'm sorry too, darling. Neither of us saw this coming. Let's not apportion blame. We've both been suffering a touch of myopia. We both have regrets. Shall we waste time making more?"
A short bark of relieved laughter filled the car for a split second and Helena smiled coyly. Their eyes met and Myka was reminded of the numerous occasions when the historical Brit had effortlessly brought a ray of hope and peace to her troubled mind. Often with just a few words and that look.
"Fine," the American muttered ruefully. "You're right." Her eyes closed for a moment and she took a few deep breaths, opening them only when she felt the press of lips against her own. She watched Helena withdraw, then, after a beat, close the gap again. Better prepared this time, Myka met her fiancée half way.
No matter that it'd only been two days since the last time they'd indulged their desire for one another, it felt like a lifetime had passed. While at odds, there had been no fleeting touches, no shared looks that spoke volumes, no 'just because' kisses in passing. In short, no contact to sate the constant desire that each felt for the other.
The relief of finally confronting their issues came over them like a tidal wave. Pete would have called their sudden passion 'make up smoochies', but that felt too common to Myka. Helena was an extension of her own existence and when they were separated, it was as if a part of her soul was missing. This physical expression of their love was a vital part of that connection and had to be obeyed.
Lost in their shared world, oblivious to the attention they were attracting from the occasional passerby, the couple parted reluctantly.
Green eyes sparkling now with something other than tears, Myka stroked the side of the inventor's face, smiling as she remembered how fortunate she was to have someone like Helena in her life. "I think it's time we started to head back home, don't you? I wouldn't want to be caught in a parking lot with you doing more than kissing." Her eyes swept over the Brit longingly before she added, "And I really want to do more than kiss you right now."
Swallowing an involuntary groan, HG resisted leaning back in, nodded and turned the key in the ignition. "Let us hope there is no traffic police on our way home then; I imagine a car chase would put quite a dampener on our evening."
Yay, they made up! Still lots of talk needed to get these two to their happy place again. Communication is key people! ;-)
