"Elrohir, this is a waste of our time. Thranduil says he is not here. I do not know why you insist upon this."
Elladan had been nagging him the entire trip about the futility of their journey but he refused to listen. He knew Legolas would be here, he had to be. In his glade, amongst the trees and near the sea, his place of sanctuary. If he was as troubled as Elladan believed then this was where he would come.
Why Thranduil hasn't found him there was a mystery he couldn't understand. But HE would because he knew Legolas, the new Legolas, like no one else. He was convinced it was just a matter of him searching and all would be well. Thranduil had obviously been looking in the wrong places.
It was a crushing disappointment to find out he was wrong.
As soon as they entered the glade he knew Legolas was not there. He could sense nothing. Still his brain refused to accept the obvious and he climbed into the talan shouting Legolas's name as he went in increasing desperation.
He was not there. The talan was abandoned and obviously had not been inhabited for some time. He stood for a moment confused and bewildered, he had to be here...he had to. He had been so sure. If not here then where?
"Come down Elrohir. He is not here." His brothers voice floated up to him.
"He has to be here somewhere." He replied, not ready to face reality quite yet. " I just haven't looked hard enough. If I just think..."
"Brother..." Elladan's head appeared in the doorway. "He is not here. Thranduil has searched every inch of this place. There has been no sign of him. You must accept it so we can move on to a more useful search."
"I do not know where else he could be. I was so sure."
"Perhaps you do not know him as well as you thought?"
"I do!" Legolas had told him this was the only place in Aman he found peace. If he was troubled why would he go anywhere else?
"Perhaps he is somewhere near? Somewhere else in the forest?"
"Elrohir, do you not think Thranduil has already looked? There will not be a stone here he has left unturned. Let us go and speak with him. He may have some new information."
He was forced to reluctantly accept his brother was right. Legolas was not here and had never been here. He had been so completely wrong. And worse than that, this meant they did not know where he was. Time was stretching out and Legolas was still missing.
His heart ached.
Standing in front of Thranduil was an uncomfortable experience on this particular day. His mood was a foul one and he was not pleased to see them.
"Did you not think I had already established Legolas was not here?"
"I thought you may have missed something...a new set of eyes...I was sure Legolas would have come to the trees." Elrohir tried to defend himself.
"And I had told you he hadn't. Did you doubt my word?"
"No of course not but I know Legolas and-"
"Oh?" The words dripped with sarcasm. "And you think you know my son better than his own father?"
He had thought exactly that but he was not about to admit it. Not standing in front of Thranduil exposed to that glare.
Elladan chose that moment to step in and save him, much to his relief.
"Do you have any ideas where we should look next. We are concerned-"
But Thranduil cut across him.
"We have not seen him here."
"Is there anywhere else he may be?" Elrohir could not resist pleading for information.
"I will tell you, Elrondion when I have information I think you should know." Thranduil was dismissing them with nothing, with less than nothing. But he was not prepared to give up easily.
"I am worried...Elladan says Legolas was not well when he left."
"Legolas has been unhappy for sometime." Thranduil said abruptly, "This is not news to me. Many of us have been trying to help him for years before you appeared here. I do not need you to illuminate me as to my son's problems."
"I only thought to help...I know-" It seemed everything he said Thranduil took umbrage with.
"You know nothing about Legolas or what it is that weighs upon him. If you think we have all been sitting here waiting for you to appear and mend things for us you are very much mistaken."
He opened his mouth to reply although he knew his frustration meant it was probably unwise. This conversation could only get worse.
"Leave it Elrohir." His brother hissed in his ear. But he didn't want to leave it. This was Legolas they spoke about and he was being shut out for no good reason.
"Why will you not accept our help?" He cried, "Surely the more of us there are looking the more chance we will find him."
Thranduil fixed him with a stare that stripped him to his bones but he did not flinch although it took all his willpower not to do so. Then the Kings face softened, almost imperceptibly,
"I promise I will tell you any information we come across when I am able." He said quietly, "and that will have to do. Go home to your own father Elrondion for he has missed you. Leave me to worry about my son for now. I will do all I can to keep him safe. That should be enough for you."
It was not enough of course. It never would be but he was defeated and remorsefully he turned to go. What more could he say? What more could he do?
"You do not know him Elrohir." Thranduil spoke softly as he neared the door. "You do not know what it is he struggles with, what drags him down."
"I do." He protested, for he was sure if it. "I understand he mourns still for Aragorn and for Gimli. I have tried to help him." He felt he had to defend himself.
"That is only a part of it. You do not know the whole."
"Then tell me!" His voice rose in frustration for why was he so secretive...why was Legolas for that matter.
"I cannot." Thranduil snapped back. "It is not for me to tell. Perhaps you should ask Legolas himself when next you see him if you truly wish to know."
"If I see him." He said despondently, "If I find him, for you will not stop me looking."
But Thranduil did not answer him directly.
"You will hear from me when I have something to tell you." He said over his shoulder as he strode from the room, and then he was gone.
"Did I deserve that?" Elrohir asked his brother as they departed.
"Perhaps..." Elladan looked at him thoughtfully, "It is not usually the wisest thing to suggest a father does not know his son."
"I didn't do that!" His initial reflex was to protest but then he considered his previous words, "Well maybe I did but that was not what I meant. I do not understand why he won't take all offers of help he can get."
"He does not want our help. Accept it. Perhaps he feels we are not the best people to find Legolas. Perhaps he feels YOU are not the best person."
"And why would he feel that?"
"Because...look I don't know Elrohir, I do not know what Legolas has told him, or what he has seen of you. Perhaps he blames you, after all Legolas nearly drowned because of you." Then Elladan shock his head, "No I do not think he would blame you for that."
"Then I will go back and ask. I will demand he tells me what he has against me!"
"You will do no such thing!" Elladan held him firmly by the arm so he could not turn back. "We will go home as he told us and wait for news."
At that Elrohir's frustration boiled over into rage.
"I will NOT sit at home and do nothing. I will look for him. How dare you tell me to give up on Legolas!"
"I did not tell you to give up. Will you listen for once? I told you to go home and wait, wait until we have something else to go on. Where will you go if you look? Where could he be? This is a big place and we have no idea. For all you know he will come to you eventually when he is done running and if you have taken yourself off to the wilds you will not be there when he needs you!"
All his rage and all his frustration melted away leaving despair in their wake.
"I cannot do nothing. You do not understand."
"You have no choice." Elladan replied, "At the moment you have no choice at all."
And so he retreated home to an emotional welcome from his parents that bought home to him just how much they had worried for him. But he was not happy, instead he spent his time brooding over all Thranduil had had to say. Did he really know Legolas as little as he seemed to think. Certainly before they had sailed they had known each other not at all save that one night.
He realised he had not spoken to Legolas about anything that mattered and of his grief for his friends, not at all after his one attempt to share the details of Eldarian's life that had gone so badly wrong. He had not asked him what was wrong he had simply assumed for he had thought it was obvious...but was it...really?
It was a shock to realise he actually had not even begun to scratch the surface of Legolas.
He should have asked more questions, even if the reaction was a defensive one. He should have delved behind the obvious and now it seemed it was too late for no news came, from Thranduil or anybody else.
"Stop moping," Elladan chided him. "It will do you no good." But he ignored him. He found himself consumed with worry over Legolas's whereabouts. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he safe?
He was haunted by dreams which kept him awake at night, dreams he took considerable time and effort hiding from his father. Dreams in which he was surrounded by water, it was all around him. He could not see an end to it. It suffocated him and he would wake gasping for air. He began to avoid the sea, rivers, the pond in the garden for they all of them filled him with an indescribable horror. He did not feel safe. It was strange because he could remember nothing of his accident, nothing concrete, so he wondered why the sea had begun to frighten him so. It was quite ridiculous.
And Legolas was not there. He yearned for his wild brightness, his confusing mercurial moods, his calmness.
And he could do nothing but sit and wait.
He could not find him for he had no idea where to begin to look.
