As usual, special thanks to Andraste Straton! Also, thanks to MissBliss8527, the only one who reviewed the 8th chapter!
Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox (Yeah, we had figured that out on our own already.)! dis is frum da movie (No it's not.) ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers (Yes it is)! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE (So?)! and da reson snap dosent lik harry (He licks Harry?) now is coz hes christian and vampire is a Satanist (it's has nothing to do with Snape's history with James and Lily, no, it's just about religion)! MCR ROX!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. (He didn't cheat, both Draco and Vampire told you they dated BEFORE you to dated.) I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. (Somebody should really teach her how to be a man, man!)
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick (Voldy! What will his name be?)! He didn't have a nose (The 'no nose' wasn't all that clear, thank you so much for explaining it!) (basically like Voldemort in the movie (Like? So it's not Voldemort? Is it his twin brother! ? Or is it Ron, only his parents found him on the street, died his black hair red, cut of a random persons nose (Tom Riddle's nose maybe) and put it on his face so that he looked like a Weasley?) ) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic (So she does now that wearing black isn't the same as being gothic). It was… Voldemort! (Wait, what? His nose is like Voldemort's nose, 'cause he is Voldemort? Tara, your plot twists are amazing!)
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" (Imperio) and I couldn't run away (Because it's a Body-Bind Curse now. Petrificus Totalus is just too long.).
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. (Whahaha, that's the best thing ever! Attack Voldemort with a cat, amazing. Not even being sarcastic now, I honestly think that's awesome! And I'm sure no one ever tried it. Andraste: I think she meant crucio, but Crookshanks works better.) Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream (Not that weird, if there's a cat in your face.). I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (Sissy!)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" (Voldy talks like he's from Shakespeare's time, interesting.)
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes (so sexah) and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought (oh, now you're thinking.), what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? (Yeah, what if the thing they both tried to tell you is actually true?)
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. (It's surprises me how she keeps spelling his name right.)
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. (What happened to Avada Kedavra? Or her fangs, or just her incredible strength.)
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" (I just can't stop laughing. Voldemort was born 1926, not 1526. Oh Tara…)
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. (The whole school knows… He was running after you naked and you screamed about it like an idiot. Also, if Voldy lives in the forest (which wouldn't surprise me, since this was written in 2006, long before all the movies where made) not unlike he did in Harry's first year, he could have seen you two having sex.)
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face (At least Voldemort knows she's retarded. Maybe he can convince other people. Andraste: I would say that Voldemort is the most canon character so far, and that is almost scary. Aside from the whole Shakespeare thing). "I hath telekinesis."(telekinesis: the movement of objects by scientifically inexplicable means, as by the exercise of an occult power. So I'm guessing that Voldemort used his mind to move Portait magazine to him and saw some pictures of Ebony and Draco at the concert.) he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" (This Voldy is weird. Though maybe Voldemort would have won if he had used a gun instead of the Elder Wand.)he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. (He took his time. Did he get dressed?)
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" (Here they go again.)
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner (Messy eyeliner?) kind of like a pentagram (What?) (geddit (No!)) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked. (Weren't you mad? About the 'cheating'. Shouldn't he ask you this question?)
"No." he answered. (This is starting to get ridiculous.)
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. ('You can't expel me. I'll expel you. In fact, you're expelled! I just expelled you!' 'What? That's absurd! You can't expel me. We can't expel each other, can we?' 'I won't pretend to know.')
"That's okay." he said all depressed (Shouldn't he be happy now that he isn't dumped? Of wait, he still has feelings for Vampire, even though Vampire is dumped him for the female version of Ron, re-named Britney.) and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. (Enjoy it while you can, Ebony. You won't be making out when you shoot the love of his life.)
To make up for the chapter without any starkid references, I put an extra one in this. Actually, there where 3 Starkid references, one is very obvious, one is the Portrait magazine (I'll explain in a minute) and then there is the extra one. I'm wondering if somebody notices it, or could even find it if trying. So please review and let me know!
It isn't a legit reference, but I talked about Portrait magazine because the November issue of 2011 had Darren Criss on the cover, and the December issue, with the top 30 under 30, had Joey Richter on number two (after weeks of voting, he had over 350000 votes, only 7500 votes away from Jared Padalecki, the number one and over 300000 votes more than number three. I hope you know who Darren Criss and Joey Richter are, if not, you're missing out! (P.S. I wrote this back in December, when I had just spend a lot of time voting.)
