WHOA, i feel terrible about the delay :/ so im joining a 4-h equestrian drill team in a week, trying to pass lit and running barrels and poles. though i will be updating this story as much as i can. about my story New Soul, im not sure if i will be continuing... i feel that not many people are reading it at the lack of reviews. i need inspiration and i havent gotten it. On a better note, i have given some serious thought recently on making Source of the Past more than a one shot. not sure though, rite now my main concern is finishing this story. i have no idea when that will be or how long i will make this story. i plan to go until i run out :)))) ANYWHO... on to the story


I sighed as Dimitri pulled through the gate at Eddie's. Over the past few months I had been helping him with training some of his colts so he could get a better price. Since times were getting tough for some, they only spent there money on one that wanted to work at something already. He said he thought this one would be a cutting horse and I was thrilled to have the chance to train him. Dinero, Jd, and Fly were doing good at barrels, fly being the only one who didn't compete regularly. He was just getting the rating right so we still had a ways to go before he was ready.

Dimitri parked and I hoped out just in time for Eddie to scoop me up in a bear hug. I giggled and he finally put me back on the ground. He and Dimitri shook hands and immediately began talking as he led us through his yearling barn. I looked in each stall, every time seeing a gorgeous head staring back. I was trailing behind, not paying attention to their guy talk so I didn't realize they had stopped until I ran into Dimitri's back.

I glared at him through my eyelashes and peered over the door to see a stud colt lying lazily on his side. He propped his head up and looked at us. I laughed and let myself in. He simply lied back down uncaringly. I looked to the two guys.

"I like this one already." I said smiling. Eddie laughed before replying. "I thought you might. Appalachian Aftershock is quit the bum." I giggled as the colt huffed and scrambled to his feet. He was classic champagne colored and already stood close to 15 hands. He dropped his head to my stomach before popping his nose and head butting me. This making me laugh harder.

"His name doesn't fit him. It seems like Appalachian Aftershock would describe one with more spunk." I looked to where my hand was rubbing circles on his ear. I glanced at his face and saw his eyes drooping. I snorted and moved to get his halter. I slipped it over his ears and lead him out, noticing the swift movement of his legs. He was graceful that was for sure. He was definitely built for cattle.

"I'll work with him but I'm not sure I can get him to do anything." I said with another suppressed laugh. Eddie snorted and told us to be careful as we loaded up.

It took a day and a half to make it back home but I happily pranced in the main house and scooped little Alek up in my arms. We soon arrived at 'our' house and I took Alek in while Dimitri settled Hoc in. I shortened his mouth full of a name into hoc. I don't know how I made it up it just came to me. I lay Alek in his crib while I walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle. Alek ate and was soon asleep and I was settling him down when I heard the front door close. It was dark by now and I flipped the kitchen light to see Dimitri setting at the table unlacing his Justins.

When he finished he set his boots aside and looked up at me. "Where's supper darling?" He drawled out I snorted and rolled my eyes as I slapped some peanut butter on bread and set it down in front of him. He looked at it before sighing and taking a bite. I laughed. "I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else." He said as he winked. I huffed. "Awww Roza, you know I'm just playin' with ya."

He got up and kissed my cheek before thanking me and picking his boots up from the floor and walking up stairs. I sighed, completely confused with why I still felt something towards that tall, dark, cowboy. I walked up stairs not really paying attention to where I was going or that the water in Dimitri's bathroom had stopped running. As I rounded the corner I bumped into something solid. Well damn.

I looked up in time to see his eyes close and him pinch the bridge of his nose. "What's wrong?" I squeaked in a high voice, not oblivious to just how much clothing he wasn't wearing. His voice was dangerously low when he answered. "I have made it clear how I feel, and this is not a promising situation for you if you don't feel the same."

He looked physically strained and his voice was gruff, eyes still closed. I stupidly took my eyes from his face to his muscled chest right in front of me and my legs quivered simply at the looks of him. And I wondered how I came out with a kid that was his. The man was a god for sure. I squeaked out something else barely intelligible and ran for my room.

DPOV:

I sat on the edge of the bed and let out a shuddering breath I didn't know I had been holding. That was close. To close. I got up and put on a pair of pajama pants and sat back down. Well fuck me sideways. I wanted her desperately, no scratch that, needed her. She just didn't know. Not that she ever would now, I had ruined that opportunity. Shot it in the foot and left it to bleed. Now I was a friend. Back to where I had been before our relationships.

Friend. That word rung through my head over and over, continuously. I sighed. I would be the one to pick her up when guys broke up with her or things simply didn't work out. Tell her "you'll get um this time" and "it's their loss". Even as much as it would hurt me. As long as she's happy I'll be happy. Though I know that's a lie. I won't ever be completely happy without her. Though as long as I'm in her and Alek's life in some way I can find it in me to go on. We had talked about us finally getting back on the rodeo circuit the other day, and I knew I would follow whatever circuit she decided on. I could never be away from them for very long. Not now.

I looked at my hands and they were shaking. This weekend had been great. To go back to how things were. Seeing Eddie was nice to, he had made a nice living for himself and I planned on going back to get me a paint quarter horse colt I had seen. I already bought it but was waiting for Eddie to ween him in a few months. Rose didn't know because she was off playing with that lazy Hoc colt.

I walked downstairs and flipped on the t.v. Rose had obviously gone to sleep already, it was around 1 in the morning. I didn't sleep much nowadays anway. I turned on some weird sports channel and saw a rodeo on. It immediately had my attention. Ever since I could remember I was entranced by these things and promised myself one day I would be there. On that bull. And now look: I was sitting alone on a couch, listening for my son and wishing Roza would love me again, waiting to go travel the circuit with them. Whoever in the hell thought this one up deserves credit. I certainly wouldn't have thought of it turning out like this but I was somewhat happy. My career still looked promising, Roza didn't despise me, and I have the cutest little guy anyone could ask for. Ever. So in the grand scheme I was lucky compared to some of the guys who came home to an empty house. I looked to the screen just in time to see a guy get stomped. I touched my ribs unconsciously. Yeah, I didn't have it bad at all.

I finally got up and collapsed in bed to get what little sleep I could.

I woke to Roza shaking me. I looked up sleepily to see Roza extremely excitied. When she saw that I was coherent she plopped down beside me and lent her back against the head board. I slowly followed suit while looking at my clock. 6:30. Great. I gave Rose a questioning glance.

"Sooooo, Momma told me she would watch Alek tonight and tomorrow night so I could go to the rodeo a county over….." She looked up at me from underneath her lashes. I sighed. And you want me to go and help with JD and Dinero and haul your asses up there…"

She simply looked at me. After a few minutes her bottom lip jutted out and she batted her eyes a little and my control was gone. I sighed. "Why not." She squealed and grabbed me in a hug. Squeezing as tight as she could. She was after all only 21. I ignored the slight tinge in my rib and hugged her back just as fierce.

For the next hour we sat there simply talking about high school and the good days. I had an arm around her shoulder and her head was against my chest. Around 7 we took Alek to the main house and ate breakfast with the family. Rose kissed Alek on the forehead before walking out. I looked my son in the eyes and hugged him to me before handing him over to an eager Janine.

We spent the next 6 or 7 hours washing the truck, trailer, and both horses, loading everything we would need for the next few days, primping the horses and finally packing our things and showering before loading up. I had told Abe I would take a look on his bulls he leased out to the certain circuit to make sure they were doing fine.

I slipped my cowboy hat on and pulled on my pair of red justins to match my red justin logo t shirt. They do after all sponsor me so I felt obligated, not to mention it was clean. I took mine and Roza's duffels to the trailer and slung them in the living quarters. Soon the horses were loaded and we were on our way.

We got there around 7ish and got our rig set up. Or I did while Roza mingled with people she knew from local rodeos she had been attending. I over herd one say something about her boy friend and I looked up. I caught the red heads eyes and she blushed and looked down. Roza looked to me before replying something and the others shrugged. I cocked my head to the side asking her a silent question to which she mouthed later.

I set up the hay nets, had the horses tied, connected the electricity to the outlet given at the fairgrounds, as well as the water and sat in one of the two fold out chairs we had brought. As I sat under the canopy of the trailer I saw rig after rig come in and set up. Many of the bull riders came by to say hay or ask how my recovery was going. It was nice seeing some of my friends from highschool again and simply catching up. Up until I saw an old friend that brought memories crashing down on me. Oksana came and hugged my neck as her fiancée waited. Her brother, Ivan had been my best friend since I could remember. Had been. Senior year that changed. We were breaking a horse for one of his friends when the crazy assed thing jumped up and fell on him backwards. Crushed his ribs, punctured his lungs, killing him instantly. My fault. I hadn't been able to save him, to keep the horse under control. If Roza hadn't been with me I don't think I could have made it through that.

"How have you been Dimitri? Seems like forever." I chuckled and gestured for her to take a seat. Mark sat on a hay bale by her side as he let us catch up. They had been together since she was a freshman in high school and Ivan and I were merely in the 7th grade.

Oksana sat as I filled her in on the last two and a half years of my life. She sat silent for a minute after I finished before she jumped up and hugged me again.

"I want to meet her! I've seen her on t.v. and such but never officially! And now y'all have a baby boy together?" she squealed in delight. I rolled my eyes. "O don't be pissy, you'll get here back, believe me. She can try to resist you but from what I've herd…. She loves you Dimitri." Just as she winked I herd Roza walk around the trailer.

"And this must be her!" Oksana said, way to excited. "I'm Oksana, practically Dimitri's other sister. I herd you had his baby boy. Do you mind if I come see him?" I was about to scold her for being such a child when Roza cut in.

"Absolutely, I'm sure Dimka will give you directions to MH come on by anytime!" She said with a smile on her face. She had said Dimka. And by the looks of it she hadn't even meant to, it was just natural. I smiled. Soon Oksana said she was going to get a seat in the stands and that she would save me one if I wanted. I told her we may come up after Roza's event was over.

Roza asked me to saddle JD while she got dressed. I had the saddle and bell boots on him with his splints velcroed to the stirrups, about to put the bridle on when she walked out of the trailer. And man did she look stunning. Her shirt matched her saddle pad and splint boots, as well as her own boots. They were royal blue and she had a belt to match as well.

She stood beside me as I finished tacking him up, thanking me when I was done. She soon stated that she was going to warm up with some of her friends before the grand entry. I kissed her cheek and watched as she trotted off.

I closed my eyes for a second before opening the again. Damn did I love that girl. I just wished I could have proven it better.

I walked to the chutes to help the bronc riders get ready. I recognized a boy Roza had dated for a little before we got together in high school. I think his name was Hank. He was a real trouble maker. I never did like the way he treated Roza either, but I knew they still stayed in touch. He asked me a few questions about how we were and was actually civil. He congratulated me on Alek and I wished him luck in the go round he nodded before he sat down in the chute.

The gate opened and out the horse, wanting nothing more than to get Hank off and get him off fast. Hank managed to ride the full 8 and I turned to look for Roza behind the chutes. Just as I turned I her a clank, that only a horse and rider hitting the side panels would make. The sound was terrible and gut-renching. I herd a scream and I knew I found her. My eyes landed on Roza as her face contorted into a mask of horror. In that moment I knew, she would lose yet another person close to her.


I hope it was okay, i havent wrote in a while so i maybe a little rusty LOL ;) let me know! like i mentioned before i need the inspiration, especially rite now :)))