Hey everyone, sorry for the late update. Real life was getting in the way very much, and now I'm posting the new chapter without having written the next one yet. Hopefully I'll find the time tonight. But I have a good excuse because I was at... HobbitCon yesterday! :) It was absolutely fantastic, the actors were the nicest and funniest guys ever, and the costumes, oh my god the costumes! It was my first Con and it was only a day, but I'm hooked and can't wait to go again next year!
So here's the new chapter, prepare for Fíli-angst and please read the A/N ;)
9: When all falls apart
Sweat was running down Sam's forehead when he had finished off the last spider that tried to kill him. He was panting heavily, for a moment just staring at the enormous, dead creature on the ground. When he'd been a little boy, he'd read adventure stories and imagined himself to be part of them. He'd slain beasts and discovered wild lands, and he'd wished to find himself in one of his fantasy worlds someday. And now he was here, but his dreams of young had turned into a very real nightmare, just like the monsters under his bed had come to life eventually.
He scanned the area searching for Dean. He could see Ori, the young dwarf shaken, but seemingly unhurt while Dori was fussing over him, not caring about the blood running down his thigh. Bilbo, the hobbit, was staring at his bloodied sword as if he could not believe what had happened. Spots of dried blood were covering Dwalin's stony face as he stood with his back to a pile of dead spiders. He stared straight ahead, and when Sam followed his gaze his heart dropped.
Fíli was lying on his back, coughing and wheezing when Thorin and Kíli dropped to their knees at his side, and as Sam slowly approached the small group he had a clear view on the scarily scarlet blood running down Fíli's chin. Dean was standing a few feet away, apparently unable to move.
Óin, the healer, rushed past Sam, almost knocking Balin over who stood in his way.
"Turn him on his side!" he commanded, "He's choking!"
Thorin did as he was told, putting a firm hand onto his nephew's shoulder as he turned him, but Sam could see his own shoulder shaking as he did so. His blue eyes were wide with fear as he looked up at the healer.
"Óin, for Mahal's sake, do something!"
"I can't do anything if I don't know what poison it is. I cannot risk giving him something that might interact negatively with the poison in his blood, it might kill him!"
"He's already dying!"
Thorin's eyes widened at Bofur's words, and the kind dwarf clasped his hands over his mouth as if he could make the words unsaid. A choked cry escaped Kíli's mouth, and to Sam's horror the proud king's blue eyes became suddenly suspiciously shiny. For a moment the only sound to be heard was Fíli's gurgling coughs as he tried to fill his lungs with the air he so desperately needed.
"Breathe, Fíli," repeated Kíli over and over again, one hand on his brother's back, the other on his blonde hair, "Breathe in, breathe in."
"Can't breathe," choked Fíli, and for the first time since the orcs' attack Sam could see what he hadn't seen in him before: Fear. He was scared to death, and Kíli knew it.
"You have to!" he urged him, "Come on, Fee, don't give up now!"
But with every small, painful breath Fíli took, only more blood seemed to seep out of the dwarf's mouth, and his face was white as he grabbed his brother's arm. The scene was painfully familiar to Sam, conjuring one of the many memories he'd rather not see again. Watching Dean spitting blood onto the floor was a sight Sam would never forget, and here in Middle-Earth there would be no Ruby to the rescue. No witchcraft would save Fíli as it has saved Dean, not unless Gandalf returned and not too late.
"I'm drowning, Kee," wheezed Fíli, "I... I can't... Kee I don't think I'll –"
"Don't you dare!" cried Kíli, shaking his brother with tears in his eyes, "Don't you dare!"
Fíli didn't respond, and blood dropped onto the forest ground and sunk into the earth, draining him of life as it drained Sam of hope.
"No, no, no! Don't leave me, please!"
Kíli was weeping openly now, cradling his brother in his arms as he spoke quietly to him.
"Ma imrid. Ma imrid. Tarukhi menu, nadad!"
He looked pleadingly at Thorin and Óin, silently begging the older ones for help when Sam knew that they couldn't do anything. Thorin looked at his nephews with vacant eyes, his whole posture suddenly smaller and frailer than Sam would have thought possible. He wasn't looking at a king in that moment. He was seeing someone losing the most important person in his life without a chance to prevent it. Sam had been there, and he knew the iron grip that would grab your heart, the pain emerging in your chest unlike anything you'd ever felt before, and the feeling of despair and self-loathing when you asked yourself if you could, somehow, have taken another path and changed fate.
Suddenly Kíli got up from his position next to his brother. Tear streaks were standing out as silvery lines on his weary face when he put his arms under Fíli's limp body. The blonde didn't stir when Kíli moved him, only the expression on his face proving the distress the sudden movement caused him.
"What are you doing?" asked Óin sharply.
"Seeking help," replied Kíli, with a slight quiver in his young voice. "I'll find someone, anyone... the elves must be here somewhere, and they'll help."
"Kíli, this is insane!" cried Ori. "You cannot go there alone! And what if they refuse to help?"
"They won't. I'll make sure of that," answered the black-haired dwarf, his voice suddenly unusually cold. Bofur stepped forward, avoiding Thorin's gaze as he stood before Kíli.
"I'm right there with you, laddie."
"No, Bofur –"
"Stop it, all of you!"
Kíli froze for a moment, then squared his shoulders.
"I will bring him to the elves, uncle, whatever you say, I don't care."
"Kíli –"
"We should have done that immediately, and now my brother is dying because you wouldn't risk delay!" the youth spat out bitterly. "Don't even try to hold me back!"
He struggled to lift his brother up, and it was evident to Sam that the young dwarf would never be able to carry him for long. Fíli was heavy even without his armour on, and Kíli was worn out and tired. But the fire in Kíli's eyes told him that he would rather go down with his brother than not go at all.
"You will not take him!" yelled Thorin. Balin made a step towards him when Kíli looked at his uncle aghast.
"I told you –"
"I will carry him."
"What about Durin's Day?" asked Dwalin after a moment of stunned silence, which earned his a stern look from his elder brother. Thorin faced the rest of the group, who looked at him questioningly except for Kíli, who was still tending to Fíli.
"We can still make it," said Thorin, his voice almost as confident as his words. "But I cannot let him die. I won't. If any of you think otherwise, feel free to stay or go wherever it pleases you."
Nobody moved or said a word, and Thorin nodded as if he hadn't expected anything else. Quickly the dwarven leader was at his nephew's side, gently taking Fíli from his brother's hold. Kíli stumbled backwards, all energy to protest having left his weary body as he watched his uncle putting his right hand to Fíli's pale cheek. The blonde opened his eyes a little at the touch, and Thorin put his forehead onto Fíli's for a brief moment.
"I'm sorry, Fíli," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I'll make this right, I promise. Gajut men."
Fíli's blue eyes flickered for a split second, but then clouded with pain and fear again. Sam could see that he wasn't breathing properly, only taking in small amounts of air as if anything else was too much to bear. Even now each rise and fall of his chest, though barely visible, kept the thin bead of blood running steadily down from the corner of his mouth. He was drowning, and breathing in might kill him. Not breathing at all definitely would.
The young dwarf glanced at Kíli, who was standing a few feet away, staring at his brother and uncle, and who suddenly looked much less like the warrior he wanted to be, and more like the child he actually was. For a moment Fíli's eyes were filled with nothing but love as he spoke to his uncle.
"Look out for him."
He said it quietly, his weak voice almost inaudible through the rustling of the trees, but they tore at Sam's heart in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. Four words, but they told of so much more. They spoke of fear and love and lost hope and trust and family.
A single tear was running down Thorin's face, barely visible for anyone who didn't look closely, but Sam saw it and when he turned his head in a foolish attempt to unsee what he had seen, his eyes met Dean's for the first time since the spider's attack. And Sam thought that the only thing worse than witnessing the proud and strong king cry was seeing the tears in his brother's eyes.
"Don't say that, Fíli," murmured Thorin with a strained voice, "Zuznuizu, katafurukhizu Fíli. Mahmazr! Mahmazr, inùdoyul."
Sam didn't know what Thorin had said, but Fíli smiled weakly at his uncle. The dark-haired dwarf took the younger one in a fireman's lift, the movement causing the younger one to press his eyes shut in a pained expression, and followed by Kíli, Thorin walked slowly down the barely visible forest road.
Ma imrid. = Don't die. (I'm alsways insecure about the imperative, but there's what Thorin says to Thranduil, "Imrid amrad ursul" which means "Die a death of fire", therefore I conclude tat imrid is indeed the imperative.)
Tarukhi menu, nadad. = I need you, brother.
Gajut men = Forgive me. (Learned that at the Khuzdul workshop :))
Zuznuizu, katafurukhizu Fíli. = You are strong, you will survive, Fíli. (Not so sure about the formation of 2nd person singular)
Mahmazr, inùdoyul. = Fight, my son. (I know Fíli isn't his son, of course, but first of all I couldn't find the word for nephew and then I thought that it might make this scene even more emotional if Thorin refered to Fíli as his son. After all, he is like a son to him and cares about him just as much as he would care about his own son.)
A/N: Remember when that orc in DOS said that Kíli would choke on his own blood? Well, he didn't, but that doesn't mean it can't happen, right? And Fíli's fear when he felt like he was suffocating is actually from my own experience. I suffered from asthma as a child (still do, but not as severely) and one day I had been struggling all day and then on the way home it got worse. Our house was up a kind of steep road and I was standing at the foot of the "hill" and I couldn't breathe. I really thought I was going to die (I was 8 years old, mind you!) and someone ran up to our house and thank God my mum was at home and brought me my inhalor which I had forgotten just that day! I was really scared then, and I imagined Fíli to go through the same - plus the minor detail that he's choking on blood and someone's just said that he'll die LOL
