This is the longest chapter yet at 6k+. I considered splitting it but it would have happened right in the middle and you would have missed out on Matt and Caroline (and that would be sad) so have an extra lengthy chapter. We'll return to our typical length next time (I think). Thanks for reading and your reviews are very appreciated!
Falling Out
"We need to talk."
All the air has been sucked from the room and it's even quieter than it was a few seconds ago. All Bonnie can hear is her own breathing and the rustle of her dress as she shifts in her seat. She wishes she'd been able to change clothes first. Considering the circumstances, she feels ridiculous in this dress. She just wants to wipe off all her makeup, kick off her shoes, and go to sleep in her bed. Anything but this.
Elena tosses her purse down on her bed but doesn't step away from the door. She keeps her back straight. "Okay," she says. "What about?"
"I daggered Elijah."
Elena's face is a mask. Impenetrable and unreadable. Judging from her expression Bonnie could have told her that she bought a new pair of shoes. No, that would probably elicit more emotion than this. "Why?" Elena asks, her voice cold.
"You know why," Bonnie says, equally detached. Elena's not the only one who can do the mechanical thing.
"You killed Damon and Stefan."
Bonnie sees them like it was just yesterday. Damon is hallucinating in the tomb, and Stefan is tied to the chair in front of the fireplace. Damon slips in and out of lucidity, and Stefan broils with rage, knowing exactly what they did.
"Yes," Bonnie says.
"With Tyler and Jeremy."
"Yes."
Elena opens her mouth to say something else but Bonnie cuts her off. "Why did you bring Elijah here?"
Elena's eyebrows knit together and she stands up even straighter, if that's even possible. It's like she's bracing herself to give her answer. Bonnie is, too. At least she'll know the truth now.
"It was something Jeremy said," Elena explains. "I remember his exact words. He said, 'Bonnie alone is a pretty big deal, right? And there's me. I know you think I'm still a kid, but I'm a hunter. That means something. Tyler's a hybrid, and you and Caroline are vampires. Okay, so Matt's human but we can take care of him.'" She sounds robotic as she recites them. They've been committed to memory as if Elena's repeated them to herself many times. "We would lose against you," she adds.
"Lose?" Bonnie questions. "Lose what?"
"In a fight."
"Who's fighting?" Bonnie asks. "It's not a war, Elena." Not between them at least. For so long they've had a common enemy. First it was the tomb vampires then Katherine then Klaus.
Elena lets out a noise. It's a cross between a laugh and a sigh. "You killed Stefan and Damon. That's one hell of a declaration."
"We weren't declaring anything," Bonnie says wearily. Stefan and Damon had titles and responsibilities. They were Elena's...whatever they were. Boyfriends? Lovers? Friends? Protectors? Their only purpose was to love her, obsess over her, and kill for her. And sometimes for each other. There's no one to do that now. The recent balance of Mystic Falls has been destroyed.
"You were trying to say something."
"So were you. Why did you bring Elijah here?" Bonnie asks again. "So you would win? How exactly did you plan on doing that? Sending a horde of vampires after Jeremy? Going after Tyler's mom? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with you?"
Elena pushes herself off the wall and Bonnie rises from the chair instinctively to meet her, but Elena doesn't come close to her. She pauses suddenly, and tilts her head, narrowing her eyes in disbelief. But there's daring there, too. If there was ever an expression that could perfectly encapsulate Stefan and Damon both, Elena has managed it. "Are you going to use your magic on me, Bonnie?"
I don't want to. "I found your herbs," Bonnie tells her, "so I will if you make me."
Elena makes a sound in her throat, a hiss of indignation. "You killed two people that I-" She breaks off and sucks in a breath she doesn't need to take -"that I loved. And you're threatened by me?"
"You sent vampires after your own brother."
"No," Elena says, taking another step. Her room has never been small in Bonnie's opinion, but now it seems miniature. A few steps will put them right in each other's faces. A few steps will mean something physical, and even though it will be easy to drop Elena with an aneurysm, Bonnie doesn't want to do it. She's never had to, and she never thought she would. She decides she'll make a barrier instead, a wall of energy that'll do the same job with no pain - no pain for either of them.
"I didn't," Elena continues. "Elijah did. Jeremy's my brother, Bonnie. I love him! Even though he..." Her voice cracks and she looks down at her fingers, where the daylight ring Bonnie made for her seems to have grown in size. Or maybe Bonnie's just hyper aware of its presence right now. Elena might be looking at it as well because she covers it with her other hand and hides it from view. "He's a Hunter now. He couldn't control it."
"Whatever makes you feel better, Elena," Bonnie says. This is going to be the general consensus it appears. Jeremy's Mark made him do it. Well, at least one of them will have an excuse should they choose to feel badly about this later. "What about Tyler's mom?"
The way Elena's gaze tries to avoid Bonnie's tells her all she needs to know. It's Bonnie's turn to take a step forward and Elena's to backtrack. This push and pull - the two of them both wanting and fearing to be right next to each other - can go on all night. Somewhere along the way Elena must realize what she's doing, that she's moving away, and it must bother her for some reason because she stops to let Bonnie get slightly closer than they were before. She's near enough to make out the muted glimmer of Elena's eye shadow, visible even in the dim light. There's still some lip gloss on Elena's mouth. She lifts her chin defiantly.
Bonnie tries to see her. She really, really does. She tries to find the girl in that picture on the nightstand, the one with the high, bouncing ponytail and easy smile. But she can't see her.
"Who are you?" Bonnie asks.
Elena's eyes go dark. The veins that sprout beneath her eyes come and go so quickly Bonnie almost believes she imagined them. When Elena's eyes find hers they are brown again. But they are still enraged.
"Who am I?" Elena demands. She smacks her hand to her chest and her manicured nails dig so far into the skin that Bonnie can see small indentations that give way to blood. "Who are you? The Bonnie I knew - the Bonnie I've known forever - wouldn't have killed anyone. She wouldn't have killed Stefan and Damon."
"The Bonnie you knew would have because she did," Bonnie says. "And she would again."
Welcome to Mystic Falls, there are no regrets.
"Do you want to come in?" Caroline asks when Tyler pulls to a stop in front of her house. The porch light is on but he already knows Sheriff Forbes isn't inside. He can't hear anything except the rattle of the heater and the hum of kitchen appliances. They'd be alone to talk. Caroline looks at him hopefully, awaiting an answer.
"Okay," Tyler says eventually.
He follows Caroline into the empty house where she asks him if he wants anything to drink. Soda? Water? Blood?
"I'm fine," he says. "Maybe we should sit down."
"We can go to my room."
He's about to protest because going to her room seems like a really bad idea. How exactly is he going to tell her he killed her hero Stefan Salvatore when they're sitting among Caroline's random cheerleader paraphernalia and other Caroline type things? How is he going to tell her he did that but he doesn't feel bad about it? That he was willing to lie to her for all this time? That he'd still be lying if not for things out of his control that happened tonight? But Caroline's already headed that way, and he has no choice but to follow her. She sits at her vanity in the corner to take off her jewelry and drop it into her jewelry box.
There are pictures stuck in the sides of the mirror. Caroline, Bonnie and Elena in their cheerleading uniforms; Caroline and Bonnie a couple Halloweens ago; and Caroline being crowned Miss Mystic Falls. There used to be one of the two of them up there, from one of the decade dances but it's been taken down.
"So," she says, looking at him in the mirror, "what did you want to talk about?"
Tyler stands beside her bed, unwilling to sit down, but really wishing he could. He doesn't know where to put his hands, but he finally settles on putting them in his pockets.
"Me and Bonnie and Jeremy," he begins. His throat feels dry and he doesn't know what words he wants to use. There's no way to make it sound better. He wishes he could have a long preamble, explaining the way he felt after Hayley died. If he could do the why first, he would. And he could. But he really can't. The ending will make anything prior unimportant. He stares at Caroline's floor, at a spot where the carpet is slightly darker than the rest. "Me and Bonnie and Jeremy..."
Look at her when you say it. It's not fair not to look at her. She was his girlfriend and he loved her. He can't not look at her.
Caroline's paused her movement. She's still holding her delicate earrings in between her fingers. "You and Bonnie and Jeremy..." she prompts. When he still doesn't say anything, she laughs a little, and spins around to look at him. She might be expecting some kind of story, something humorous and benign. "What did you guys do?"
Tyler pictures Bonnie and Jeremy with Elena and Matt. They're doing this, too. He's not the only one uncomfortable. They're in this together, even if they're apart. If they can do it, Tyler can do it.
"We killed Damon and Stefan."
Jeremy sits at the bar while Matt's in the back room. He's on the phone with Jim, telling him something about inventory, and a shipment that didn't make it. Jeremy tries to imagine what that's like. One minute you're thinking about a shipment of meat or cheese or ketchup or whatever and the next you're friend is telling you they killed Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Matt wasn't close with either of them. His tolerance of them was purely for Elena's sake, but that might be enough. It's been enough before.
Jeremy pinches the bridge of his nose. Maybe if he mentioned Vicki Matt would understand? She was his sister after all. If Damon hadn't turned her, if Stefan hadn't staked her, she'd still be here. Maybe Matt didn't feel the need to turn to bloodshed, but he'd understand. He didn't love Damon or Stefan like Elena did. He wasn't friends with them like Caroline. If there's one of them who will take it somewhat well, it's Matt. He's been on the same level as the rest of them. He was powerless like Jeremy was, easily compelled. They were both defenseless if a reeling Damon decided to take out his anger on them.
Matt may get it.
"Okay," he says when he comes back out. "We can go."
"Actually," Jeremy says, "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Is this about Bonnie and Tyler?" Matt squints at Jeremy as he sits on the bar stool beside him.
"...No," Jeremy says, raising an eyebrow. "What about them?"
Matt shrugs. "I just thought you might be having a weird thing."
"You know he likes her," Jeremy realizes.
Matt smiles sheepishly and drums his fingers on the counter top. "Yeah. I heard him and Caroline arguing about it."
Jeremy scratches at a place above his eye. "Well. That's not what I wanted to talk about." He doesn't know how he'd explain that particular situation either, but it might be preferable to explaining this one. Matt might find the story of the kissing and dancing more amusing at least. At least he can be sure that news won't make Matt storm out.
"Obviously," Matt says. "So what do you want to talk about? Elena?"
He's getting warmer.
"The three of us," Jeremy says, seeing Bonnie and Tyler in his head. Bonnie's getting to the bottom of this thing with Elena,and Tyler's with Caroline breaking her heart. They all might be cutting ties tonight. "Bonnie, Tyler and me." He sighs heavily. Rip the band-aid off, he thinks.
"We killed Damon and Stefan."
Elena is twisting the daylight ring. Around and around and around. It's the only thing she could think of to do with her hands apparently. They have that in common. Bonnie's hand has dropped to her wrist to feel for her bracelet. The silver is warm and the feel of the carved words is comforting in this room that feels tiny and suffocating.
Elena shakes her head from side to side and shifts her weight from foot to foot. She's looking for something to say. Bonnie's fine with waiting. She doesn't know what to say either. She feels her phone buzz in her bag and she pulls it out to glance at the screen. A text from Lucy. Found Ramona. She's leaving.
Tyler will be relieved. Bonnie is, too. She returns her phone to her bag and looks up at Elena again who is standing totally still and staring at her.
"Who was that?" Elena asks. "Was it Tyler? Jeremy?"
"Neither," Bonnie says. "It was my cousin. She found Ramona. She won't be helping you anymore."
Elena's eyes widen. "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing," Bonnie assures her. "I paid her."
Elena wrings her hands and goes back to her shifting. If she's freaking out because Elijah and Ramona are both gone, she's hiding it well. If this somehow messes her up, if there is something to mess up, she's good at pretending. Finally she says, "Why did you kill them?"
That's the obvious question, isn't it? Bonnie believes it has an equally obvious answer, but if it was obvious they wouldn't be here right now. If it was obvious Elena and Caroline would have known as soon as Bonnie decided to embark on this mission. They would have helped her if it was obvious.
"Can you really not see why?" Bonnie says.
"No, Bonnie, I can't! Explain it to me!"
"I shouldn't have to!" Bonnie counters. "You were there for all of it. You were there when Damon tried to kill me and when my Grams died. Maybe you weren't there when they flipped that coin to decide if it would be me or my mom they killed but you were there after. You were there every time Damon said anything to me, and every time Stefan spewed his own crap. It's obvious, Elena."
Elena falls silent. And those are just Bonnie's reasons. Tyler and Jeremy have their own.
"Try to defend them, Elena," Bonnie says. "I want to hear what you come up with to make it sound better. I'll tell you what Stefan said when we talked to him. He said it was for you. Everything was for you. I was disposable. So were Jeremy and Tyler. We didn't matter."
She doesn't say anything but she holds Bonnie's gaze anyway. Maybe it's pride that keeps them both from looking away.
"I should have killed them a long time ago," she adds.
"Then why didn't you?" Elena hisses. She's not vamping out again but she might. If she does again, she might not be as quick to suppress it. "It's been over a year! You were perfectly fine with them for this long. What happened to make you wake up one morning and decide that you would kill them?"
"Everyone has a limit."
"What was yours?"
"I didn't reach one," Bonnie answers. "Tyler did."
"It was his idea?"
"He brought it up first," Bonnie concedes, "after Damon killed Hayley. But I wanted to do it. When Tyler asked me to help him it made perfect sense, but I still hesitated because of you and Caroline."
She remembers that afternoon on Whitmore's campus where she left Shane's musty office to find Tyler waiting for her. He was so determined, so resolute in wanting them dead. She recalls his quiet grief, his infectious excitement, and his barely contained rage. She can't pinpoint the exact moment when his conviction molded with hers, but at some point it did. And then there were three.
"I didn't have a limit really, did I?" Bonnie says thoughtfully. "I hated them but I loved you. I'd do anything for you. I died for you. Not once but twice. I've done anything."
Elena presses her lips together until they form a line, and turns her back to Bonnie for a moment. Bonnie can see her shoulders shaking, and she can hear the sobs she's trying to muffle. When Elena turns back around, her face is dry, and it's hard to tell she was crying to begin with.
"You'd do anything for me except let them live?" she says. "Did you even think about how me and Caroline would feel? Did you even care?"
"I thought about it a lot," Bonnie admits.
"Not enough not to do it."
No, not enough not to do it.
"I hated them," Bonnie says, "for a really long time. But my hatred for them was outweighed by my love for you. For you and Caroline."
Elena's face crumples and she hides herself behind her hands this time like she's lost the energy to turn away. She reaches for tissues on her nightstand and wipes her face. When she speaks her voice is still shaking. "When did that stop? When did you stop loving us?"
"I didn't." She can't imagine not loving Elena and Caroline. She will never stop loving them.
"You must have!" Elena says. "We wouldn't be having this conversation right now if you hadn't!" Fresh tears roll down her cheeks but she doesn't wipe these away. She clenches and unclenches her fists. The tissue in her hand falls to the floor and gets stepped on when Elena starts shifting again. She sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. "I never asked Damon or Stefan to do those things."
"You never asked them not to," Bonnie says quietly. "You never got angry with them. You did at first but then something happened. I don't know what. Maybe you just got tired." It's been over a year, like Elena said. They're all tired in some way. "I don't think they would have listened, but you would have still said something."
"Then you should have told me! We could have talked about it!" Elena's voice fills the whole house. Maybe it's the emptiness or maybe everything just seems louder right now, but it's a cavernous yell. Her voice is a little over a whimper when she speaks next. "You didn't have to kill them."
"Yes I did," Bonnie says. "No one else would have. They would have kept doing the same things. Over and over. Damon would find someone to kill. Stefan would find several someones. They would sacrifice me, Matt, Jeremy and Tyler. Again. If we hadn't killed them they'd still be here."
Elena looks horrified. "Do you hear yourself? You sound like a crazy person! You killed people."
"Damon and Stefan weren't people, Elena," Bonnie snaps. "I'm a person. Tyler and Jeremy are people. Elena, when did you stop loving me? I sound like a crazy person but Stefan and Damon were sane? Everything they did was okay?"
"No!" Elena says. She shoves her fingers into her hair like she wants to pull it out. "No! I-I-I-" Whatever that train of that was, Elena gives up on pursuing it. "You didn't have to kill them! We could have figured something out."
"We didn't want to figure something out. We wanted this."
Elena squeezes her eyes shut. More tears roll down her face to fall drip over her mouth and fall onto the satiny bodice of her dress. When licks the tears from her lips and opens her eyes. "Good for you, Bonnie. You got what you wanted."
Caroline was amused with him at first, with his mysterious nerves, and strange inability to articulate what he was trying to say. There was a smile teasing at her lips and a glint in her eye. Now she's confused. Her fingers have wound in the skirt of her dress and she bites down on her lip. Her eyes are wide.
"That's not funny," she says finally.
She was waiting for the punchline. Tyler almost wishes there was one.
"No, it's not," he says.
"Are you serious?" she asks as she stands. He already knows she realizes he's being totally serious. Her hands are shaking.
Tyler nods. "Yes."
Caroline's earrings fall onto the carpet and bounce in opposite directions. One rolls very close to Tyler's foot, and he almost stoops down to pick it up. If he offered it to her, it would be a weak peace offering, but it would be an offering. His fingers twitch in the direction of the tiny thing.
"Caroline-"
"Get out."
"I can-" Explain. He can explain. That's true. There are explanations, reasons he can list. They are valid - more than valid.
"Get out," Caroline repeats. She grips the back of her chair, her knuckles white. If she squeezes any harder she'll break it.
He makes a third attempt. "Caroline, let me explain." He takes a step toward her as if to comfort her or something.
"Don't come near me!"
He hears the tears in her voice and they haven't even started falling yet. There's something else there, but he doesn't know what it is.
"I'm sorry," he says. Not that Stefan and Damon are dead, not that they killed them, but that she's hurt by it. That somehow Stefan made her think he was worthy of her friendship or her loyalty, that even in death Stefan still has it.
She's crying. Her mascara must be waterproof because it's not running. There are just transparent wet tracks falling down her cheeks. "Get out!"
He realizes what that other thing he hears is: fear.
She was always scared, when they talked about it at Elena's. She was scared from the start, scared of the people that killed Damon and Stefan, who she believed were surely coming for them next. He thought that would change if she knew who it was, but it hasn't.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Caroline. I would never-"
Tyler moves just before the chair can strike him. It flies past to smash against the wall where it shatters into pieces. "Get out!"
"Okay," he says, holding up his hands. "I'm going."
When he gets back to his car, he sits for awhile. He can hear her inside. She's crying harder now, and he can hear her fumbling around for something. She drops curses occasionally then he hears the tone of buttons on a phone being pushed. He can hear the dial tone then the automated voice telling her to leave a message.
"Elena," Caroline says between sobs. "Please answer your phone. Tyler was just-Tyler was just here. He said-He said that-" She's interrupted by a sob that wrenches itself from her throat. Tyler leans his head back against the seat and closes his eyes. He can't bring himself to drive away yet. When she composes herself a little, she starts again. "Elena, please answer. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I-"
There's a beep. She's run out of time.
"Shit," Caroline says. She sniffs as she presses more buttons. She gets Matt's voice mail next. Its his voice instead of the automated one telling her to leave a message. She doesn't leave one this time. Instead she just cries.
Tyler knew this would happen, but he wasn't prepared.
Caroline's still crying when Tyler finally puts his key into the ignition and drives away.
"This whole time it was you?" Matt says. He didn't say anything at first. He just sat there, taking it in. For a minute Jeremy thought he might not have heard him or maybe he'd been distracted by something about the inventory. He was so quiet. Not anymore. "Are you fucking with me right now?"
"No." What else is there to say really?
"After Damon died," Matt says, "when Elena was almost catatonic, you guys were just doing what? Toasting to your victory?"
Yes, Jeremy thinks to himself. He doesn't dare say it out loud though.
"When Caroline was freaking out because she thought we were all going to be systematically picked off, you just sat there? We're all thinking we were going to be killed and you guys just let us?"
"We thought you might..." Jeremy says but his voice trails off and it seems like a weird thing to say out loud. They thought they might want to kill them for it.
"You thought what?"
"Nevermind."
Matt slams his hand on the table. "What the hell, Jer? Why'd you do this?"
Why does everyone keep asking why? It's not hard to grasp. The concept of hating Stefan and Damon Salvatore is not a difficult one, and Jeremy doesn't understand why so many people are having trouble with it. Him, Bonnie, and Tyler understood it just fine.
"Don't tell me you can't understand," he says. "Not after what they did to Vicki."
"Don't," Matt snaps. "I hated them for that and you know I did. But I didn't kill them. Did all three of you collectively lose it or what? Look, I don't know what happened with Bonnie and Tyler or why they did this, but I know your Hunter thing is-"
"My Hunter thing isn't anything," Jeremy says. "It gave me the means but it didn't give me a reason. Damon and Stefan did."
"And now they're dead," Matt says, "so now what, Jer? What happens next?" He sighs down into his hands, and something seems to occur to him. "Why are you telling me this now? Did something happen?"
Jeremy swallows. Then he explains everything that happened tonight. Elijah and Elena threatening to hurt Tyler's mom, them undaggering Rebekah to dagger Elijah instead, and the three of them deciding to put everything out there so they could figure out what Elena's trying to do, so they don't have to lie anymore.
"Elena did what?"
"Yeah," Jeremy says. He doesn't know what to make of it either.
Matt rubs his face with his hands. He looks like he's aged in the few minutes they've been there. Eighteen going on thirty. "What the hell is going on?" He shakes his head and mumbles something to himself. "This isn't right. This isn't us. This isn't you." As if to distract himself, to give him anything to look at besides Jeremy, Matt pulls out his phone. "Caroline called."
"Tyler told her."
Matt sighs deeply. "Then she's probably out of her mind right now. I gotta go over there. Do you still want me to drive you back?"
"No," Jeremy says. He doesn't want to make Matt take him home, and he doesn't think he'll be able to stand the silence of the drive. It'll either be silent or it'll be more of this. He doesn't like either of those options. "I'll walk."
Jeremy follows Matt out and waits while he locks the doors back up. "I guess we'll talk more later," Matt says, jingling the keys in his palm. "About...this."
"I guess."
Jeremy watches Matt get into his truck. He waits until Matt pulls away to start walking.
Elena slumps onto her bed, resting her elbows on her knees, and covering her face. Bonnie's still standing. She feels more secure on her feet. "I wasn't going to hurt Tyler's mom," Elena says tiredly. She reaches for more tissues. "Elijah suggested it and-"
"You considered it."
Elena swallows but doesn't look at Bonnie. "As a last resort. I didn't know what you'd do to us. I told you we would lose against you. I just wanted to make sure we were safe."
"We weren't going to hurt you."
Hasn't Bonnie always protected Elena? Hasn't that been her priority from the start? Elena's in trouble so call Bonnie. If Elena's in trouble, Bonnie will help her. If Elena's in trouble Bonnie won't mind being hurt to save her. When did Damon and Stefan become synonymous with Elena? When did hating a Salvatore mean hating Elena? Why does killing a Salvatore mean you must want to kill Elena?
"You thought I would hurt you," Elena says as she crumples up the tissue and then flattens it against her knee. "Didn't you?"
"Yes," Bonnie confesses.
"I wasn't," Elena says. "Jeremy's my brother. I've known Tyler since we were little." She lifts her shoulders and lets them fall again. She seems to be trying to choose her words carefully. "You're my best friend."
When Elena turns to Bonnie she's reminded of Jeremy. Even with the muted blood they share, they look very alike. It's probably the eyes in that same disarmingly warm shade of brown, now shimmering with tears. The mask Elena wore earlier has fallen to be replaced by a face as open and as honest as her brother's. She's the Elena who Bonnie knew over a year ago, the Elena who still had parents, and had no idea vampires existed. She's the Elena who now seems to only exist in photographs. That was the Elena who Bonnie trusted with her life.
"I called Elijah here because I was scared," Elena goes on. "I knew - I thought - he'd be able to protect us, or that he'd at least make you think twice about trying anything." She laughs to herself and looks back down at the tissue. She begins to tear it into tiny pieces. "So much for that."
"It was a good move," Bonnie says. She doesn't know what she's trying to do anymore. Is she trying to make her feel better? Is she trying to make them both feel better? In the course of a couple of weeks, she's forgotten how to talk to Elena.
Elena acts like she doesn't even hear her. "I'm used to losing people, Bonnie," she says. "I'm not used to you being the one to take them from me. How was I to know that you three wouldn't come for me, too? I don't think I know you anymore. We don't know each other anymore." She turns her head and catches sight of the framed photos on the nightstand. With another small laugh she reaches for the one of the two of them. "I gave you this picture for you birthday," she says, touching the glass, "because I wanted to remind you what we used to look like. I thought that if you saw us like this you would remember and you wouldn't want to hurt me."
"I wasn't going to hurt you," Bonnie repeats. "No one was."
"But I thought you were," Elena says, still staring at that picture. "I've never thought that before. We've never been on opposite sides of anything. Not even once. I've always trusted you to be with me through anything."
"Me, too," Bonnie says. First days of school, cheerleading tryouts, first dates. None went by without Elena at her side.
"Now what sides are we on?" Elena asks, her voice thick.
"I don't know," Bonnie says. It should be easier, she thinks. Now that Stefan and Damon are gone they should be able to be those girls again, the ones who were sisters and best friends. Maybe it could have been that way if Elena never found out or maybe it never would have gone back to that. Maybe too much has changed. She joins Elena on the edge of the bed, and isn't surprised when Elena shifts away from her a little. "I'm your best friend. I-"
"If you were my best friend," Elena says, focusing her stare on the floor, "you wouldn't have done this."
"If you were my best friend, you never would have it let it go this far," Bonnie says. "But I'm not blaming you."
"Sounds like you are."
Bonnie shakes her head and tries to find the words she wants. "I'm not," she insists. "For the past year all the choices I made were to help you, and I always got hurt in the process. With my Grams, with my mom. Always. And I-"
"I never asked you to do those things for me," Elena says, sounding manic. She's talking fast, and she's still not looking at Bonnie. "I never wanted those things to happen. I didn't want any of this to happen."
"You're right," Bonnie says. "I didn't have to do it, but I did because I thought we were on the same side. I thought you would do the same for me."
Elena jumps to her feet and faces Bonnie. That Elena Bonnie thought she saw has disappeared. The picture falls to the floor with a loud thump but it falls face up, so Bonnie can see both of their faces still. If the girls in that picture could see them now what would they think? "I would!"
"But you never did," Bonnie says, looking up at the present day Elena. She should accept it. The Elena of the past is gone. Maybe that Bonnie is, too. "You never did anything. So I did it myself.
"So it is my fault?" Elena says. "It's my fault that the three of you decided murder was the only choice you had?"
"No. It's Stefan's and Damon's fault. They did what they did, and they're the ones who paid for it."
"I'm paying for it, Bonnie! Caroline is paying for it!" Bonnie's glad she doesn't mention Matt. "You can't kill people that we care about and expect us not to feel anything!"
"I don't expect that," Bonnie says. She's suddenly very exhausted. It was probably that word that did it: murder. She just wants to go home and see Jeremy and Tyler. They won't ask her why she wanted to do it or call her a murderer. They'll understand in a way that Elena never will. "I don't expect you to forgive us. We did what we did and we can't go back. There's no bringing them back."
Even if there was, Bonnie wouldn't do it.
"So I should just get over it then?" Elena says snidely. "Right? That's what you're saying."
"I'm saying that after my mom was turned into a vampire, you expected me to keep working with them," Bonnie says, "and I did because that was expected. I had to get over it."
"You didn't get over it!"
"Maybe you won't get over it either," Bonnie says. Elena blinks at her as she understands. "Maybe you'll want to do what we did. If that's the case, then fine."
"Bonnie," Elena says softly. Her voice is a whisper. "I don't want that. Do you?"
"Of course I don't."
She might be relieved.
Elena lifts her hands, palms open. "So now what?"
"I don't know."
Elena must not know either because she doesn't say anything. Instead she lowers her eyes to the floor, where the picture still lies among the shreds of tissue she dropped there.
It seems their conversation has ended.
"If you want talk some more," Bonnie says, "you can call me or come by or something." Elena nods her head silently. Before going to the door, Bonnie picks up the photo, and rests it on the bed's edge. It's not Picture Elena and Picture Bonnie's fault this is what they are now. "I'll see you at school I guess." She's at the door when she stops again. "You should know that we had to use Rebekah's dagger on Elijah tonight. She'll be awake soon."
Elena turns around and shows her teeth in a disbelieving smile as she points her eyes to the ceiling. "Great," she says bitterly.
Bonnie turns back to the door. She's halfway out when Elena calls her name. "Yeah?"
"Will you tell Tyler I'm sorry?" she asks. She's playing with her ring again. "About his mom. I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't going to hurt her." Bonnie smiles to herself a little bit but it fades when Elena says, "I'm not like you."
Bonnie huffs in annoyance, but she nods her head. "I'll tell him."
She starts back downstairs. She gets to the front door when Elena joins her there, little more than a blur. Bonnie tenses, her hand on the doorknob. "I thought we weren't trying to hurt each other."
Elena's mouth twists into a frown. "We're not. I just had a question."
Bonnie releases the doorknob. "What?"
"Who killed April?"
She sees white skin in the dark. A green dress and a red neck.
Bonnie answers. "Stefan."
With Elena's eyes turned to the floor and her lower lip trembling, Bonnie pulls the door open, and steps out onto the porch. She closes the door behind her and that panel of wood seems incredibly thick, packed with everything they said tonight and everything they've done. The night is cool. Bonnie didn't realize that she was sweating up there, but now her skin tingles in the air. She thinks she can hear Elena crying on the other side of the door, but she can't be sure. When the porch light flicks off, Bonnie exhales, closes her eyes, and thinks of home. It's not until she's in her bedroom, her feet firmly planted on the floor, that she starts to cry.
Tyler can hear Bonnie upstairs when he comes in. It's only because he's become so attuned to her lately because she's not making any noise, but he can hear her breathing and her steady heart. When he finds her in her room, she's lying on her bed staring at a picture of her and Elena on the nightstand. There's no light except for the candles scattered around. She hasn't even changed out of her dress.
"You're back," she says when she notices him. "Have you been with Caroline this whole time?"
"No," he answers. "I've been driving around for awhile. She threw me out right after I told her."
"Sorry."
Tyler shrugs his shoulders and tells himself that was the reaction they were expecting. He certainly wasn't expecting a warm hug and instant understanding, but it would have been nice if that's what they'd ended up with. "What happened with you and Elena?"
Bonnie rolls over onto her back and pats the side of her bed. He slips out of his jacket and drops it unceremoniously in her desk chair. When he lies down next to her, he exhales. It feels good to lie down. "What happened?" he repeats.
"She told me to tell you she's sorry," Bonnie says. "About your mom. She wasn't going to do anything to her."
Tyler turns his head to look at her profile but finds himself staring at her straight on instead. "Do you believe her?" he asks.
"Yeah," Bonnie says. "She was scared of us. She thought we were going to kill her, too."
He thinks of Caroline flinging that chair at him. "That seems to be the running theme."
"She's angry, too," Bonnie says. "But I think she was mostly scared. She brought Elijah here because she really did want him to protect her. From us." She sounds exhausted. He is, too.
"Lucy said we're scary," Jeremy says, stepping in through the door. Tyler didn't even hear him come in. He must be more tired than he thought. Jeremy pulls off his tie and jacket as Bonnie beckons him over, too.
"I thought she was just being funny," Tyler says as the bed shifts and dips with Jeremy's weight.
Bonnie has to move closer to Tyler to make room. Even then they're all still pressed together. Tyler doesn't mind. He's too tired to care.
"How did Matt take it?"
"Probably not as badly as Elena and Caroline did," Jeremy answers. "But not very well either."
"Elena asked me who killed April," Bonnie says, her eyes turned back to the ceiling. Her heartbeat picks up a little bit. "I told her it was Stefan."
Technically that's true.
Bonnie takes Tyler's hand, and he knows without looking that she's taken Jeremy's as well. She's quiet. They're all quiet. Then she says, "It's just us now."
