Cooking Ninjutsu Chpt

Cooking Ninjutsu Chpt. 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Check the reviews, I got the idea of this chapter from the Peter guy and the recipe from Kirsten. Thanks!! I do own Teras, Katsya, and Nisatsu though. I never used Itachi before, so let's see how OOC I'll turn him into unintentionally!


Sakura: Welcome back to Cooking Ninjutsu! I'm your resurrected hostess, Haruno Sakura! Mind you, I'm a tiny bit hungry. Braaainnnss… Stalks off.

Naruto: What the hell?

Sakura: Brains!! Leaps from under the table and drags a shrieking Naruto off the studio.

Teras: Yawns and casually sprawls onto Katsya's lap. Okay, then. We need a new host. Again.

Sakura: From outside the studio. There are no brains in Naruto!! Then again, what else do I expect?

Katsya: This author has got to get some mental help. Every chapter someone gets killed. Wheels around and stabs Sasuke with a stiletto. See what I mean?! Bursts out in tears and smashes Kiba's head on the table.

Kiba: Blood pours out from his head.

Akamaru: Whimpers.

Katsya: I need help! Runs to the nearest grocery store. Yeah, I need some Vogue®, Playgirl™, and some Nyquil©!

Zombie Sakura: First off, it's Zmobie Sakura, and is that Vogue®?! The models in there are so hot!! Run/hobbles over to Katsya groan-squealing.

Teras: Umm… Looks confused. Well, there goes two people. New host??

Director: No, we're just cutting it here. Launches to credits.

Two months later… in that hideously dirty hellhole from the depths of a very dirty Hell, which you may call Fox Networks- I mean studio!

Director: Okay, let's start again! Tries to turn on the camera, it breaks. God dammit! Whips out a random tentacle camera. Okay, let's try this again for the 70th time! Hopefully this thing won't burn up in flames or get nuked or call Czechoslovakia!

Author/Satan: Actually, Czechoslovakia's dead now; it split into multiple countries, two of the more noticeable being Czech Republic and Slovakia.

Director: Like I care?

Author/Satan: No, not really. Whatever. Starts plotting out his latest torture plan/new story idea. That works… that doesn't…

Director: Okay, just start! Turns the thing on. Thank god, it's working!

Author/Satan: No, I just decided to get rid of some more you flipping out for no reason at all to save annoyance about this taking so long.

Director: Shut up.

Itachi walks on stage.

Sasuke: Itachi-teme! I'm gonna kill you!!

Itachi: Grow some balls first, Duck-butt. Then try to kill me.

Sasuke: Sobs.

Itachi: Okay… I'm your new host: Uchiha Itachi, also known as the one who slaughtered Sasuke's and my family. We're brothers, by the way.

Katsya: It's Bring Your Psycho Homicidal Hottie Of A Brother To Work Day?! WOOT! Teras, get your brother!

Teras: He's way dead now.

Katsya: Oh, yeah.

Itachi: Okay, so let's make some chocolate pie. Whips out chocolate. First you mutilate the chocolate. Mutilates the chocolate. Then you remove its organs…

Naruto: Wait, how does chocolate have organs?

Itachi: You don't want to know.

Seven disgusting minutes later…

Katsya: Barfs.

Itachi: Then you kill the chocolate. Strangles the mutilated bar of chocolate somehow.

Zmobie Sakura: Can I have its brains now?

Itachi: Hmph. Flings the organs at Zmobie Sakura's head.

Teras: Wait. How can chocolate have organs?

Naruto: I just asked that, BELIEVE IT!!

Author: Because I said so!

Teras: Whatever.

Zmobie Sakura: Brains and other goodies! Dives under the table with them.

Itachi: Then, you stuff the thing into a pastry dish with a bunch of vegetables. Does that. And you shove it in the oven for twenty minutes! Throws the dish in the oven and stalks off reading Icha-Icha Paradise.

Kakashi: Wait! I love that book! Chases after Itachi.

Twenty not very disgusting (Other than Sakura munching on brains and trying to get brains out of Naruto.) Minutes later…

Itachi: Now dig in while I read more of Icha-Icha Paradise!

Sakura: Does it have brains in it??

Itachi: Some.

Sakura: Yay! Devours the entire pie. It is good!

Katsya: I am going to kill you!! Whips out holy water.

Author/Satan: Holy water?! Runs away screaming.

Katsya: Not meant for you. Whips out a dagger and advances on the brain-searching Sakura.

TBC


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How did I do? R&R with new ideas! And yes, you know I love to botch recipes horribly. I don't do that in real life though, otherwise I'd turn out like the people in the first chapter. Jaws falling out… Icky!