Tonks felt the room spinning even before she opened her eyes. Her head pounded and her mouth was so dry she felt as though she had been sucking on cotton balls all night.

For several moments, she laid still and tried to make the bed stop moving. For those blissful moments, she had forgotten what had put her in this position.

"Oh, damn, damn, damn!" She groaned, clutching her head. "Please tell me I didn't do that."

Of course no one responded.

Tonks pushed herself up to a sitting position and rubbed her eyes. Her head was spinning in the opposite direction the room was moving and she squeezed her eyes shut. Forcing down the nausea, she took three deep breaths and tried to get control of her situation.

Memories of the night before washed over her and she groaned again.

"Please tell me I didn't kiss Remus," she asked the quiet room. "I can't believe I did that."

Realizing that this was a very sensitive situation, Tonks did the only thing she knew would help.

She laid back down and pulled the old blanket up over her head.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince her mind to allow her to slip back into the blissful ignorance of sleep. An overwhelming need for water had her slowly rising from the bed.

Downstairs, Remus and Sirius sat at the kitchen table. Sirius was plowing his way through a pile of eggs, sausage, and biscuits, not realizing his friend was about to drop a bombshell on him.

"I'm, uh, I'm going to go tonight," Remus said.

Sirius looked across the table at him and tried not smile. "Where are you going?"

"I figure it wouldn't be very safe for me to transform here when there's a guest…"

"You mean Tonks?"

Remus ignored the interruption. "And so I'll go to the Shrieking Shack."

Sirius leaned forward. "What are you running away for?"

"I'm not, I'm just thinking about her safety."

"Moony, if you take the Wolfsbane and stay in your room, you're not a threat."

"I'd rather not chance it."

"If this is about last night, she was drunk, she didn't know what she was doing."

Remus rubbed his hand over his face. It hadn't been an easy night for him, he had tossed and turned all night with visions of Tonks in her tight dress and tasting her on his lips. She had wakened something that had been asleep within him for so long. After years of self-imposed celibacy and loneliness, he wasn't sure he could handle someone like Nymphadora Tonks.

"Come on, Moony, this is your home now," Sirius said.

"I know, Padfoot, and I appreciate it."

"Talk to me."

Remus stared down at the uneaten eggs on his plate. He had no appetite. Hadn't had one since Tonks had moved in. "What about?"

"About Tonks."

"What about her?"

"Come on, Remus, I know you better than you know yourself. I know you have feelings for her."

"She's a great girl."

"She told me you kissed her."

Color flooded Remus' cheeks.

Sirius studied his friend a moment. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"What's the worst that can happen? I'm a werewolf, Sirius!"

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."

"I'm serious."

"No, I'm Sirius, and you're a moron."

Remus stood and carried his plate to the sink. "I appreciate your hospitality, Sirius, but I will be finding a new place to stay."

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. I haven't seen you like this before. You're in love with her and so you're running away."

"Mind your own business, Sirius."

"I don't understand what your problem is."

"My problem?" He whirled around to face his friend. "Well, let's see. I'm thirteen years older than her, I have nothing, no money, no home, no job, and there was something else…oh yeah! I'm a werewolf!"

"She doesn't care about any of that."

"I do."

"Shouldn't you talk about that with her? Shouldn't she have a say in this?"

"It isn't like that."

Sirius stood and walked over to Remus. "Maybe you should talk to her about it."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"What if…" Sirius was interrupted by a crash in the hallway followed by his mother shouting and Tonks cursing loudly. "Just give her a chance," he said before leaving the kitchen to help his cousin.

Tonks sat on the bottom step, clutching her head and groaning.

"Rough morning?" Sirius asked as he pulled the curtains shut over his mother's portrait.

"You have no idea," she grumbled.

He took her hands and hauled her to her feet. "Come on, let's go see what we have for a hangover."

"How about a gun."

"Hey, I tried to warn you."

"Now is not the time to rub it in."

Remus had finished washing and was putting away his dish and mug when they walked in. He turned, saw Tonks and fought the urge to smile sympathetically. Her red hair stuck out in untidy spikes, her face was pale, and her eyes were swollen. "Good morning, Tonks, how are you?"

"How do you think I am," she muttered, avoiding his gaze.

"Nymph is a little hungover," Sirius said as he put a kettle on to heat up.

"I can tell." Remus began digging through the cupboards. "James and Sirius discovered firewhiskey in our fifth year. Over the years, I learned how best to deal with hangovers."

Tonks lifted her head and watched as he stirred a white powder into a hot cup of tea. "What is that?"

"Trust him," Sirius said. "He knows what he's talking about. James drank away many a bad memory of Lily turning him down."

"And you never let him drink alone," Remus added as he set the cup in front of her. "When you're up to it, you'll want to eat something as well."

She sniffed the tea and wrinkled her nose. It certainly didn't smell appetizing.

"Sip it, Nymph, trust me," Sirius said with a smile as he sat beside her.

"There are still some eggs on the stove, they'll keep warm," Remus said as he put away the small pouch containing the white powder in a cupboard near the sink.

"Are you going somewhere?" Sirius asked, glancing at Tonks who had yet to lift her head.

"Yes, I told Albus I would take care of something for him."

"Are you coming back?"

"Later. Good bye, Tonks."

She waved half-heartedly, barely hearing him over the loud pounding in her head. "Bye."

Remus nodded to his friend and left.

Sirius sat down across from his cousin and watched as she sipped her tea. "Feeling any better?"

"No."

"Want something to eat?"

"No."

"Remus won't be back for a couple of days."

That caught her attention. "Where's he going?"

"The full moon is tomorrow night, he's going to hide out."

"Oh."

"Are you going in to work today?"

"I'm on call."

Sirius grinned. "Good, then you can spend today entertaining me."


Life at 12 Grimmauld Place became even more strained and stressful for Tonks. When she wasn't working for the Ministry, she was helping with the Order. It was both exciting and exhausting. There were times she felt like she was in an old-fashioned movie, living a double life, acting as a double agent. But it was all very tiring.

Sirius was down again. He had almost been caught when talking to Harry, Hermione, and Ron in the fireplace. And word had reached them that Umbridge was policing the fireplaces at the school, not to mention the suspicion that she was reading students' mail, he was having a difficult time contacting his godson.

Combine all that with the way Remus was obviously avoiding her and Tonks was beginning feel a bit down herself.

After the last full moon, he returned and went to his room to rest. The next morning he was up and gone before she was awake. It went on like this for several weeks. They both were busy with the Order and quite often on duty at different times. And even though the last time she had seen him she had been angry with him, Tonks realized she missed him. A lot. She missed the easy conversations they used to have and his calming presence. She missed his kindness and dry sense of humor and patience, his kind eyes, genuine smile, and handsome face. She missed him.

"Got to get over that," she muttered to her reflection. "I'm sure he's not thinking about me."

"Who, dear?" Her mirror asked.

Tonks shrugged, attempting to get her pink spikes to stick up just as she wanted them to. "Someone who has no interest in me."

"Then he doesn't know what he's missing."

She grinned. "Thanks."

Sirius was upstairs looking for Kreatcher when Tonks left her room. She heard his footsteps in the attic as he called for the house-elf. Down in the kitchen, Tonks made herself a quick breakfast of toast and tea. She had been on duty until midnight last night and she had to get up early to go into the Ministry so she just didn't feel like doing any real cooking.

"Good morning."

The hoarse whisper had her jumping and spilling tea on her robes. Swearing under her breath, Tonks turned to see Remus entering the kitchen. The full moon had been two nights before and he still appeared pale and tired. "Could you not sneak up on me, please?"

He smiled apologetically. "Sorry about that, I'll try and make more noise."

"I forgot you still lived here," she snapped, trying to clean up her robes.

"Yeah, I've been rather busy. Is that all you're having to eat?"

"I have to get to work and, well, I'm not exactly the best cook." She wasn't sure why she was feeling so cranky when he was being very polite to her. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed a little pride. "I apologize for snapping at you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Tonks, and we're all allowed to be snappy from time to time. Have a seat." He took down a couple pans and began pulling out eggs and bacon. "With all we have to do, you need to keep your strength up."

"You don't need to make me breakfast."

"I was going to make it for myself, so what's the difference if I add an extra egg?"

"You're a very nice man, Remus," she sighed, almost wistfully, as she sat at the table.

He tensed a moment, noticing her tone, but he chose to pretend he hadn't. "How did things go last night?"

"Fine. Nothing much happened."

"In this case, that's good."

"What about you?" She asked as he set a plate down in front of her.

"What about me?"

"Just wondering how you're doing with your work."

"Fine," he told her, sitting down across from her with his own plate. "Still no help from the werewolves underground. But I was helping Emmeline last night look into a report of some spies in Hogsmeade."

"What did you do?"

"We went to the Hogs Head and had a few drinks."

"Sounds like a date," Tonks said, teasingly.

He laughed. "Not quite. We were watching for suspicious behavior. In fact, we were only there for an hour before someone recognized me and I was asked to leave."

Her heart sank and she felt so sorry for him. "That really sucks."

Remus looked up and met her eyes with his own. "Yeah, it does."

"Do you get that a lot?"

He shrugged. "I try to keep a low profile so it doesn't, but very few people feel comfortable having a werewolf around."

"That can't be easy."

"You get used to it."

"You'll have to start taking your dates to the cinema where no one can spot you in the dark."

Remus laughed. "I don't think I've been to see a film since the summer Sirius, James, and I went on a lark, just to see what it was about."

"Really? What movie did you see?"

"Oh, I can't remember, it's been a long time."

"Yeah, I haven't gone to see a movie in a long time. My father used to take me when I was growing up."

"Maybe we should go see a film," Remus suggested lightly.

"Why, Remus, are you asking me on a date?"

He flushed. "I wouldn't exactly call it a date. I don't date."

"Why not?"

"Because…I never seemed to have much luck with it."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right woman."

"There is no woman alive who wants to take a werewolf home to meet Mum and Dad."

"That's a rather broad statement."

"No, it's a rather true statement."

"Remus, you're a good man, you're good-looking and smart. There is no reason why you couldn't get a date."

"No, there are three very good reasons why I can't get a date."

"And they are?"

He held up his hand and ticked off each reason on his fingers. "I'm old, I'm poor, and I'm a werewolf."

Tonks shook her head. "You are not old, there are more important things in life than money, and as for being a werewolf, you have that under control."

"The rest of the world doesn't see it that way," he said, standing to carry his plates to the sink.

She stood as well, following him with her half-eaten meal. "You worry too much about what other people think."

He turned, surprised to see her standing so close. "And you don't worry enough about what's good for you."

"Everyone seems to think they know what's best for me, Sirius, you, Paul. But none of you think to ask me what I think is best for me."

"And…and what do you think is best for you?" Remus asked quietly.

Tonks lost her nerve. As he stood so close she could smell the soap he used, she found she was unable to speak. She slowly licked her lips and noticed how his eyes shifted down to her mouth.

Fighting back the urge to do what he wanted to, Remus took her plate and abruptly turned his back to her.

"Remus." His name came out in a strained whisper as she tried to tell him what she was feeling.

He took a deep breath and left a sponge to cleanse the plates. Turning slowly, he faced her and spoke carefully, sternly. "Tonks, you are a pretty, young woman with the whole world open to you. Don't…don't settle for less than what you could have."

"I don't plan to," she assured him quietly, taking a step closer.

"Tonks," he croaked out her name as he took a step back, hitting the edge of the sink.

"Have you noticed," she said, taking another step closer. "That whenever you and I are alone together, we end up in a situation like this. What do you think that means?"

"That we shouldn't be left alone."

"Remus."

"Nymphadora."

"Don't call me that."

"Bloody hell," he groaned, closing the distance between them. His hand slid up her neck and into the surprisingly soft spikes of hair on the back of her head.

She leaned closer, her hands laying gently on his chest as their lips met. A moan came from deep within her as she felt his tongue touch her lips and she opened them to allow him entrance. Her hands slid up and around his neck, pressing her body tightly to his as his arm snaked around her waist.

"Well, it's about bloody time!"

They jumped apart at the sound of Sirius' exclamation. Tonks whirled around to glare at her cousin as Remus mumbled some weak apology and slipped past her, acting as though he couldn't get out of the kitchen fast enough.

"Moony!" Sirius called after his friend.

"Damn it, Sirius," Tonks snapped.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know you were going to be snogging in here? I would suggest that from now on, you use the privacy of one of your rooms." He replied lightly, crossing over to the stove. "Glad to see you finally broke down the wall he put up. When's the wedding?"

"You can be a real berk, you know that?" Tonks muttered as she left.


It was a particularly cold day in early December when Tonks found a new flat. As far as she was concerned, she couldn't get out of Sirius' house soon enough. She enjoyed living with Sirius and had a good time getting to know him again. But the fact was that she couldn't be so close to Remus all the time and not be allowed to act on her feelings.

In the weeks after their last encounter in the kitchen, Remus had somehow found even more places to go outside the house. She would go a week at a time without seeing him and it was killing her.

There was so much work to do and with Christmas coming and her mother nagging her to come home, it was just becoming too much.

"Can't you wait until after Christmas?" Sirius whined as he stood in the doorway to her room, watching her pack her trunk.

"No. It's a good place and I can afford it, but I have to take it now."

"Is it safe?"

"It's in a much nicer neighborhood than my last one and Kingsley and Mad-Eye said they'd both stop by to double check my wards."

"You'll still come and visit, won't you?"

She slammed her trunk shut and locked it before turning to him with a smile. "Of course I will. I've gotten too used to eating the good food here."

He smirked. "Do you need help?"

"Nah, I'll be able to apparate there and Paul and Frannie said they'd help me get my furniture out of storage and into my new place."

"I wish I could see it."

"Are you kidding?" She asked, levitating her trunk. "As soon as you're free to come, we'll have the biggest party you could ever imagine."

"Will Remus be invited?"

She snorted. "If he can stand the sight of me."

"You know that isn't what the problem is."

"I know."

Sirius gave her a quick hug. "Don't be a stranger, Nymph."

"I won't," she whispered around the lump that formed in her throat. "Thank you, Sirius, for everything."

"Any time, Nymph, any time."

Paul was waiting for her outside the building that housed her new flat when she arrived.

"You're late," he teased.

"I know." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "My cousin didn't make it easy for me to leave. Where's Frannie?"

"She, uh, she couldn't make it."

"You broke up with her, didn't you?"

He shrugged.

She sighed. "Come on, let's get this place set up so we can hit the clubs and get you a new girl."

"Tonks…"

"We have work to do," she interrupted, afraid of where the conversation was going to go if she didn't stop it.

Paul helped her carry her trunk into the building and from there she levitated it up to the second floor flat. It was a little bigger than her last one and it had a fireplace, which she needed. But the selling point had been the bathroom with its clawed-foot bathtub that made her want to live there. With visions of a long, hot bubble bath she put her whole spirit into apparating her furniture and belongings from storage to her new flat. Paul was a huge help and for a few hours, she was able to think about something other than Remus Lupin as they arranged her furniture.

"This place is great," he declared, falling back onto the orange sofa. "What are you making for supper?"

"Excuse me?" She asked, setting a framed picture of her parents on the mantle.

"I just spent five hours helping you move into your new flat, you owe me food."

"I thought you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart."

"You thought wrong."

"Give me ten minutes and we'll go find some food."

"You paying?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're quite the gentleman. Of course I'll pay."

"You expecting company?" Paul asked when there was a knock on the door.

"No." She looked nervously the door. The only people who knew she had moved there were the members of the Order, her parents, and Paul.

Wand in hand, Paul went to the door. "Who is it?"

After a moment's hesitation, a voice called out. "I'm sorry, I'm looking for Nymphadora Tonks."

Tonks' mouth fell open when she recognized the voice.

Paul looked at her and waited for her to nod before he slowly opened the door. "This is her place. Oh, hi, Remus Lupin, right?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, Paul?"

"Yeah, Paul Dunne. Come on in."

Moving cautiously, Remus entered, looking nervous. He held a small gift bag in his hand.

"What, uh, what are you doing here?" Tonks asked, obviously surprised.

He glanced at Paul before explaining, "Your cousin told me where you moved to and I thought I would stop by. Is this a bad time?"

"No, we just finished moving all the furniture in and I was unpacking a few bits and pieces. I'm sorry I don't have any tea or anything to offer, I haven't moved on to the kitchen yet."

"Don't worry about it, I just wanted to say hello and drop off a housewarming gift."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's just a little something," he said, setting the bag on one of the mismatched end tables. "I hope you'll continue to stop by and visit."

"Of course, I told S-," she caught herself before saying his name in front of Paul. "I told him I would stop by, especially for meals."

Remus smiled. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"I will, thank you."

He turned to her friend. "Paul, it was nice seeing you again."

"You too, Remus, take care."

The two men shook hands and he left.

Tonks was left standing in her new living room, shaking, and suddenly wishing Paul would leave.

"You okay, Tonks?"

"What? Oh, uh, yeah. You know what, I'm not really hungry, can I get a rain check on taking you out for dinner?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Did I just miss something?"

"No, I'm just very tired."

"Oh, sure, Tonks, not a problem."

She walked him to the door and hugged him. "Thanks for all your help."

"No problem, if you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me."

"I do and the same goes for you. Thanks, Paul."

He left reluctantly and as soon as the door was shut, she locked and sealed it. Turning, she faced her new, empty flat.

Maybe I'm not ready to be alone, she thought as her eyes settled on the bag Remus had left.

A small card attached to the handle read:

Tonks,

Congratulations on your new home.

Yours,

Remus

Nestled inside, wrapped in tissue paper was a potion bottle, green with a round bottom and a tall tapered top. Small birds were etched all over it and when she turned it over it was stamped with the words "Made In Scotland".

Confused, frustrated, tired tears welled up in her eyes as she set the bottle on the mantle beside her parent's photograph.