No Return: Chapter 9-Haunted
Disclaimer: this piece of fiction is purely for entertainment purposes, no copyright infringement intended. Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown Publishing are the respectful owners of the Twilight Saga. I own nothing!
A/N:
Greetings readers! I've picked up some new readership and want to welcome all of you aboard; I love your comments and reviews. I hope everyone has been enjoying life in between these terribly long updates. I've been very busy lately, started a new photography business in addition to my regular full-time job. The madness never ends. But behind the scenes I'm still writing. You just haven't seen it yet because it's taken a while to get it polished. Anyway enough of my lame excuses for being a horrible author and not updating sooner. On with the chapter!
Chapter 6 picks up in Edward's POV and is taking place the day before Alice and Jasper take Bella back to Forks. Lots of important details in this chapter that are foreshadowing the events to come. Pay close attention. I appreciate all of you for reading and reviewing, and if you've sent me a message on I'm sorry but I wasn't able to reply.
I know most of you do not like the Edward/Allison storyline. Even you die hard Jakers don't want Eddipus with another human… it really does seem quite wrong when you think about it. I mean its Edward, right? Perhaps I'll make Allison a mermaid or something equally marvelous, so she'll be easier tolerated. Nah, she's still a human girl.
Since we haven't heard from Edward in awhile let me recap his character as it relates to this story. Edward's on a journey of self rediscovery and Allison is just a part of that. It seems unfair that he spend eternity alone, of course if Alice's vision is accurate, that may not be the case entirely. (mwhahahahahaha) Edward is trying to live, trying to feel. Allison is the catalyst for that, she fills a void and although Edward doesn't realize it and he is trying hard to fight it, she is replacing Bella. But can Bella be replaced? Wasn't his love for her devoted and committed for all eternity? It's hard to imagine, and in reality we know you can't replace your true love with a similar substitute. He's not looking for a replacement. He has a genuine love for her, but not to the depths of his love for Bella!
Before I actually begin, let me apologize for all of the grammar errors, comma splices, and general misuse of the English language. You see my regular beta went and got herself all married, and I didn't want to interrupt the honeymoon ;) I couldn't find a replacement beta so you're getting this straight from me. I'm sure you'll notice a huge difference LOL! PS if any of you beta and want to take on another story, I'm finishing up chapter 10 right now.
Chapter 9: Haunted (Edward's POV)
I had purposely avoided Allison since my sister's horrific unveiling of the possible future. It was a bit unfair of me, but I couldn't be near her and not be tormented by the things Alice saw. Every thought, every memory, was haunted by Bella and the tragic turn her life was about to take. Her fate was sealed by my carelessness and no amount of nobility or sacrifice would change that. To make matters worse I was sailing in familiar waters with Allison, foolishly risking her life as well. It was complete hypocrisy for me to entertain the thought of enjoying being with another human. Was I so foolish to let desperation and emptiness control all of my good sense? I had to clear my head, figure out my purpose, my plan, and having Allison around only clouded my already questionable judgment.
The day Alice revealed the vision to me I left a message to convince Allison that I was staying in Paris with my brother and sister in law. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Emmett and Rosalie had been estranged from our family for quite awhile and their absence only added to the emptiness in my life. I missed them, and deep down I knew that my mistakes were the reason that they were now gone.
It was hard for me to be so dishonest with her. I had been committed to keeping our relationship as sincere as I could, without revealing what I truly was. My sacrifice had proved daunting, and I was slowly unraveling one thread at a time. Loneliness and insanity were the only friends I had, and I occupied myself by listening to music in my room, drowning in sorrow and regret. Carlisle and Esme were out of town on a romantic retreat. Alice was missing in action, and Jasper had left just moments before to go on an emergency hunting trip, muttering something about being "well prepared this time." His thoughts revealed nothing other than the usual devotion for my sister and fears that his past life as a monster could resurface at anytime. Jasper lived in a world of guilt over that night with Bella, blaming himself for his lack of control. Once our family reunited I began to see the self-inflicted torture that he put himself through for that one mistake. He reacted simply out of instinct. I was the fool who had constantly put her beautiful life in jeopardy.
With my family away, unfortunately, I still was not alone to figure out the mess I had created. Dexter was home and my tolerance of him was growing thin. Avoiding him generally worked out well as he cared no more for me than I did him. But today he seemed to be an extra nuisance. I needed to wallow in my thoughts, but I was constantly interrupted by Dexter's animated phone conversations with the local town council. He was a bit shortsighted, and when something lay heavy on his mind, he would stop at nothing to resolve the situation. It was easier to give in than fight, and most of the time he got what he wanted. He was similar to a spoiled child in that he rarely heard the word "no." His current dilemma centered around securing the remaining property on State Street, just another event in his ill-conceived agenda. His plight for the land was much more than procuring seclusion for our family, as he led Carlisle to believe. Dexter had an agenda, but he kept the details of which hidden away from me. He and Carlisle had bought the house we were living in just a few months ago and subsequently the surrounding lots. Now only one other property remained on the historic street. Although a one-time busy place, the property was now deserted. The dead-end street's entrance was barely visible from the roadway, and for several hundred yards all that remained was debris and fragments of the homes that once stood there. The business district and most of the residential areas had migrated closer to the water, leaving the historical area of Astoria abandoned and desolate. It was with that thought I could finally relate to the place I seemed to loathe.
Dexter had spent the greater portion of the day persuading Astoria's city council members to agree to sell the remaining lot of land. One by one he gave the same tiring speech.
"The property has sat empty for a great many years, it is of no use to the city. I've already began to develop this street as my private residence and that last piece of property is vital to the completion of my plans. I'm offering a generous amount that could benefit the city by building parks, or other recreation sites that people can enjoy."
Like most of us, it didn't take too much to persuade humans to see things our way. And after a few minutes of debate most everyone obliged. But it was the last member to stop the train in its track.
"Its historic value is of no real significance. Dr. Howard is commercialized all over this town, you don't need his run down childhood home…" Dexter argued bitterly to the person on the other end of the line.
"Councilman Jennings, I'm begging you to reconsider. All the other members have agreed. The mayor wants a unanimous decision. You're holding up my progress." The councilman was concerned with allowing the last bit of history to be forgotten. The land had belonged to Dr. Howard's family, and he grew up there. The land had been in his family until the city bought it, along with the rest of State Street, twenty years ago. "I really don't feel like it would be in the best interest of the city. My vote is no," the councilman announced.
"You'll be very sorry," Dexter threatened with a poisonous hiss. I had hoped that would be the end, but I heard a number being dialed, and the next voice was the Mayor of Astoria.
It was exhausting suffering through Dexter's campaign, and I had two options. I, momentarily, thought about killing him, but decided against it as Carlisle would be terribly upset. My other option was to just leave the house, and I was contemplating doing just that when I heard the engine of Dexter's Cadillac purr away from the house. Relieved, I sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes. It was these moments I wanted to be able to drift into unconsciousness, to escape reality. Instead I was left to play out every possible scenario leading up to Alice's image. It was possible that her vision wouldn't come to fruition, and if it did I wasn't certain I could change it anyway. I had tried that plan before. I wasn't Bella's savior. I couldn't allow her memory to haunt me and control me forever. But I couldn't let go either.
As the sun came up signaling a new morning I found myself alone in the woods just behind our house. A fresh kill of deer in my hands, and a momentary satisfaction on my lips, I was able to think clearly. I set about from tree top to tree top, allowing the wind to pass as I silently moved through the tall Oregon oaks. Bella's face was all I could manage to see. My mind so plagued with guilt and remorse it refused to think of anything else. I was uncertain of what was coming but I vowed that no matter what I would fight for Bella's life. I had given up everything to see that she remained human, I was in no way surrendering to fate now. I made it back home by mid day and noticed that Dexter's Cadillac was still gone, his familiar place undisturbed since he left yesterday.
The sky was covered by a muted painting of grey clouds, and with determination to make the day better, I decided I had to visit Allison. I could only deprive myself so long and she deserved better than lies and betrayal. Although it hurt to admit it, I was hoping to replace the images of Bella in my mind with happier ones of Allison. It seemed inequitable that Allison could never be more to me than a replacement…but if I were being honest, that's exactly what she had become on many levels.
Normally, I wouldn't have bothered her during volunteer hours, but I was growing more and more barren. Her smile could wipe away the worst of feelings, and I had been void of her goodness for too long. The assisted living center was on the opposite end of town, about a half mile from the main highway.
One quick stop by the candy store, and fifteen minutes later I was walking into the assisted living center. As I began to assess the minds inside the home, I became acutely aware of the fragility of human life. Given my eternal position I had never discounted it, but at the same time I had never fully appreciated it. I could eerily sense that for many of them around me the rest of their life could be calculated in mere days, and in some grand sense I became saddened by the loss that would come. Days, hours, weeks meant nothing to my kind, and to these people it was all they had. I dreaded the thoughts of another sunrise, another season, and the ones living here had no other hope. It was a sobering revelation and my mind immediately went to Bella. I quickly shook the vision from my head. I had thought more of her in the past few days than the days just after I left her. Bella was a piece of me, and in the depths of what could be considered my heart, I loved her. Without a claim to her my love, much like my nobility, was in vain.
I could see Allison in the thoughts of the residents as I narrowed in on her current surroundings. The front hall led through a maze of offices and storage closets, a closed dining room and another hall leading to the outside area. The memories and thoughts all seemed fond, and I knew she was special. What kind of person devotes their time to help those in their last chapter of life? It took a very special person to do that, a person that I was putting in jeopardy because of my pitiful selfishness. I began to think it would be best for me to leave, but as my mind teetered on doing the moral thing, my legs began moving, and my fingers encompassed the brass knob on the French doors leading to the courtyard. I couldn't help but to think that another sunrise, another spring time, would mean much more to me if she was around.
Allison was just within my grasp, and I could hardly contain myself. I couldn't wait to see her eyes, hear her laugh, touch her hand. Touching her was incredible, her warmth and life coursing from her body into mine. She usually allowed me the liberty of caressing her hand or arm, never wincing at the frigidity that was my flesh. Allison was intuitive and intelligent, but she never questioned my oddities. She ignored the obvious, and focused more on the moment and the feelings that accompanied that single moment. Completely content with the present, she was exactly what I had always needed-capable of accepting me without desiring any more of the mystery. Perhaps if Bella had been less inquisitive…. I had to diminish the thought quickly. The past and the present had a very thin border. A border I had to be careful not to cross. There was no comparison, the situations were different, and the needs were different. But the consequences were potentially the same.
The courtyard was more an eyesore than an actual abyss of comfort. A non-working fountain adorned the back wall along with several broken trellises and rusty park benches. A few plastic tables scattered the space in between potted fruit trees. There were only a handful of residents outside and at the middle table smiling brightly and heavy in conversation was Allison.
"Excuse me," I said quietly approaching them, careful not to go noticed.
"Edward," she beamed. "What a surprise!" Her smile was full of excitement, and I wondered if she had thought I wasn't returning. She stood and without thought wrapped her delicate arms around me. I breathed her in, her sweet smell taking me away from reality. My mouth watered as her scent burned through me. There was no craving to steal her life for my own desires. The reaction, contrarily, was because she allowed me to feel like I was living. I was content to stand there with her forever, feeling whole and complete.
Locking my arms tight around her I picked her up off the ground and squeezed her tight. Her body molded against me and instantly I was warmed by her goodness and purity. It was those split seconds when I felt the best, when I was no longer a monster, and I was the reason why she smiled. In the distance I heard some very obvious throat clearing reminding me that we were not alone. Breaking apart from her in pure agony I held onto her hand. I had to touch her to know she was real and that the excitement running through me was real.
"Um, Wilson this is my friend Edward. Edward this is Wilson," she introduced us.
"Nice to meet you sir," I said graciously to the elderly man with whom she was talking with just moments ago. He didn't seem very approachable, giving me a hard stare before speaking.
"I assume you've come to steal my date. Very well, I need a nap anyway." He turned his wheelchair to face her and with a nod and a wink he said, "Sweetie, when you get tired of this fellow, you know where to find me."
"I'm sorry to interrupt, "I said once the older gentleman had gone back inside.
"No, I'm glad you're here. My shift was over about ten minutes ago. But Wilson, well he's lonely."
"You're very righteous," I complimented her, finding her fingers and wrapping them in my own.
Allison laughed. "I only wish that were true," she replied dropping her eyes to the ground. She nervously traced the lines of the patio stone with the toe of her shoe, and I backed away.
"How was Paris?" she asked finally meeting my stare. Her eyes were warm, and any insecurities she possessed a moment ago had either been concealed or wiped away altogether.
"European," I responded allusively. I hoped that if I seemed uninterested she wouldn't press further. "Get your things and I'll meet you out front."
"Where are going?" she asked digging through an oversized bag for her keys.
"That's up to you," I said prying the bag away from her and tossing the keys gently at her.
"Thank you," she responded. "I'm not used to having you all to myself."
"Well, I suppose we could always go back to your dorm," I suggested noting the absence of the sun from the sky. I normally didn't visit Allison until after dark, but I was confident the sun would not be returning today.
"I'm afraid that is not an option."
"You're not on campus anymore," I asked a bit dejected from behind her as she fumbled with the door lock. It was selfish but I felt that I'd see her less if she wasn't on campus. Finally, she opened the door and turned to answer me.
"No," she responded eagerly. "One of the residents here owns a duplex just a block from campus, on Church Street." I knew the area well. Church Street ran adjacent to most of State Street. I felt pangs of fear just thinking of her being in proximity to our family. We weren't a threat to her, but exposing our secret was a very real possibility.
"The place is amazing; it's so beautiful and inspiring. I just love it. And as of right now I'm the only tenant," she began to explain. "Why don't you just follow me over there, and see for yourself."
I nodded and methodically did as she suggested. I seemed to be having a moment of revelation and regret when I had come searching for a moment relief.
I was a bit relieved to see that her new home was not in close proximity to our residence. I put the car into park and cut the engine. Allison was already out of her jeep and walking toward me. The wind caught her hair and she looked incredible. I grabbed the gift bag from Sweet Treats and met her at the corner of the driveway.
"I have something for you," I said walking behind her up to the house.
She stopped and turned, raising her eyebrows at me speculatively, but then she cautiously grabbed the red gingham bag and untied the white ribbon to reveal its contents. I had never given her a gift before, in fact I tried to keep our coupling as untraditional as I could.
"This is a lot of gummy bears," she said into the bag. It was only three pounds. I had to admit I didn't know very much about human food consumption, but three pounds didn't seem like very much.
"They're your favorite," I said.
"Yes," she responded with her face still halfway into the bag. "Do you realize that it will take me all semester to eat these?"
"A semester isn't very long," I assured her with more awareness than she could ever know.
She grinned, began to speak, and reverted back to smiling. She walked on to the door, turned the key and pushed it open.
Allison was excited to give me a tour, pointing out her likes and dislikes. I paid no real attention to the details of the house, finding Allison's enthusiasm more engaging. I did notice a piano in the front room, and a beautiful veranda off the back of the house where eventually settled for the evening. The sun had never made an appearance, and the birth of a new night loomed in the humid air of darkness. I sat contentedly by Allison in a metal glider on the veranda as she spoke on and on about the history of the house, and all the things she had fallen in love with.
I loved conversations with her; I loved being near her. She was interesting and poetic, a true individual with confidence and assurance. But I couldn't help but wonder if her curiosity was getting the best of her. If the reason she avoided the subject of us was because she was skeptical of what I was. It was only human nature to question, and she was observant. I had to seem very strange to her.
I wanted nothing more than to peek inside her thoughts. My own curiosity was running amidst. I had been faithful to my desire not to impose on her innermost feelings, but the end of the debate came when I realized that if I made myself aware of her perceptions then I could prevent repeating my past mistakes. If she's the least bit suspicious, I vowed to bring our relationship to an end. I argued that I could save both of us from the pain, but truthfully it already hurt me to think of losing her.
Her mind, as always, was a beautiful melody. Her thoughts were admiring and pleasant. She seemed so fragile sitting beside me, her legs tucked comfortably beneath her, and her head laid against the metal of the glider, just a breath away from my arm. Her mind was fixated on her new home, and making it her own.
"Allison," I said methodically trying to prompt her thoughts. I placed my hand gently against hers. Her eyes fluttered and she smiled timidly. She seemed so innocent and honest, and I was being deceitful and unfair. If I wanted to know her feelings I needed to be honest and ask. Instead, I was trying to trick her like the deceitful monster I pretended not to be.
"Allison," I said again, this time with a different agenda in mind. Was there anything more difficult than to resist knowing her feelings? I knew, no matter how badly I wanted to, there would be no satisfaction if I imposed on her thoughts.
"Edward," she responded confused by my obvious incoherency.
I could only smile at her. I was unable to betray her by listening to her mind and I didn't have the courage or the will power to learn the truth by asking. I closed her thoughts from my mind, and concentrated on just being with her. I really wanted to know how she felt, but I wasn't prepared to accept her feelings, no matter what they may be. For the remainder of the evening I pretended that everything was fine, and that everything I was doing was right. I held her as we watched a romantic comedy, and when she fell asleep in my arms, I moved her into her bed, lying beside of her. I wasn't guaranteed another moment of feeling as complete and whole as I did when I was with her. Bella floated in and out of my thoughts for the entire night, but I was quickly able to push them away. When morning presented itself, I slid away from her and into the kitchen. I had learned a great deal about cooking since being with Bella. It seemed my entire family liked to cook food for fun. I assessed the stock in the cabinets and fridge, and waited patiently for my sleeping beauty to wake. I was beginning to think of her as mine, and I knew that I had no claim to her.
"French toast?" Allison asked as she walked into the kitchen. She had pulled her hair loosely into a ponytail, leaving a few strands to accent her face. I guessed she hadn't left them there purposely, but she looked ravishing.
"Yes," I answered prideful, still admiring her beauty.
"European," she said with a smirk. "Smells good." She sat down at the breakfast table and I poured her a glass of orange juice. She eyed me cautiously, but never asked why I wasn't eating. I no longer pretended to be a human, we were far past that, but where exactly was still unclear.
Breakfast ended, and the conversation continued until eventually we were back outside in the metal glider as we were the night before. The dark clouds were still hanging high in the sky and I was happy for their return. It seemed fate was giving me another opportunity on a dreary Sunday morning. My thoughts quickly changed from bliss to apprehension and as my happiness slowly released, I realized I was back into the unknown place of wanting honesty.
"Allison," I said softly. She seemed lost in thought, sitting with her knees up and her chin resting lightly on them. Her arms were wrapped around her legs tight and her hands were clutched around the handle of an oversized coffee mug. She turned her face toward me, understanding and fear evident in her expression. Allison avoided the subject of "us" as much as I did.
"I need to know," I began, struggling through every syllable. I took in a deep breath. "You and I are on an unmistakable path, and its destination is still a bit unknown. We've never really said to each other where we hope it takes us…" I trailed off unable to continue. That beautiful tranquil place of comfort and living for the moment was gone. I had crossed the line and like a lunatic jumped headfirst into defining our relationship. A relationship that I knew was entirely wrong, and I was entirely undeserving of.
Allison straightened her body, angling her torso toward me and moving her feet to the stone paved patio beneath us. She too seemed like a balloon that had been deflated, trapped in that moment were the inevitable becomes reality.
"I've known from the very beginning that being with you is seasonal. I also know that our season will end much too soon. You are like magic; I soften when you speak. Like now, I let the walls come down and talk freely about feelings I've tried to hide for months. I think of you like a waking dream, and if I try to hold onto you that's when you will disappear. I don't allow myself expectation or anticipation. I only allow myself to absorb every second with you as if it will be the last magical second we have, as if you are not really real."
Her stare never left the sky. She spoke as if she was reciting a poem from memory, feeling every word in her soul and every emotion displayed with the way her lips moved, and the way the light flickered in her eyes.
She brought her stare to meet mine. She understood everything about me without knowing the truth. Her hands released their tight grasp on the mug and placed it gently on the patio floor. Was it possible to be that perceptive and not know? My body raged in hunger to be close to her. I wrapped her into me tightly. Her face moved closer to me and I held onto the last breath I had taken just before she spoke.
"Edward," she whispered. "Something deep inside of me tells me to run when you are near, but my heart tells me no. And it's an unfair fight because it seems so impossible to have you here and at the same time I never want you to go."
Her lips brushed mine delicately. Her taste and scent filled me with fevered delight. I was, for a split-second, alive. Her mouth molded into mine, and I dissolved into her. Her lips pressed eagerly against mine, her angelic breath floated against my face, and her heartbeat drummed against my hollow chest. A fire raged in me, sending sensations of life through every inch of my body.
I closed my eyes to savor the feelings dancing inside of me, rebellion for what I was running strong through me. I was free of the chains of immortality, if only for a second. It was that second just as my high had peaked that the fire stopped and the feeling of life fled from me as haunted visions of Bella shining in the sun consumed me and I broke away drowning in unbearable, regretful pain. Before I could explain to Allison, the haunting continued and I was immediately assaulted by a fragrance so strong and inviting, a scent singing for me to come and take pleasure in its goodness. My mouth watered as every urge in my body fought to flee, to run toward the music of satisfaction. Could it be? Had I completely gone insane? Had Bella finally incapacitated me to the point of utter lunacy?
There was no mistaking, it was her. She was close, and I had to find her. I sprang to my feet, not hiding the speed of which I moved, and I darted into the trees at the far end of the backyard. I clearly heard a pained broken voice call after me, "Edward, please don't go….not now."
END NOTES:
Wow! That was a pretty long and intense chapter. I hope it wasn't too confusing. I know the Dexter storyline is a bit skewed since you're just getting bits and pieces. Here's a cliff notes version of what has happened with his character so far.
Dexter and Carlisle are working on a secret research project that will change their life. Astoria, more importantly Dr. Howard's lab, is a pivotal part of that research. Dexter has impure motives, and is not as dedicated to the Cullen coven as they are to him. He has a plan to own all the property on the street where they live. He will be able to have private access giving them more seclusion from the public. In addition to that reason, Dexter has another motive that will be explained in future chapters. He spent the greatest part of Friday (the day before Bella goes to Forks) persuading the town council members to sell him the last remaining lot on State Street. His campaign is cut short when the last member, Frank Jennings, denies his request. Dexter is furious and leaves out in a rage. Edward notices Saturday that Dexter has still not returned.
There's the condensed version. =) If you got questions, feel free to ask and I will try to answer you (if ffnet will let me )
Now go show your love!
