A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Kane or Carol Anne. I was bitten by a goofy plot bunny, so I apologize in advance. Story is in Val's POV, Val is in her 20s. Val sounds out of character here, sorry about that. But otherwise, enjoy!


I just couldn't believe the nerve of some people. I had started writing fanfic in an online community as a way to blow off steam in between cases. I was the only Kane/Carol Anne shipper and had matched her age to mine. So she was in her 20s like me. I didn't mean for it to, but the story had developed in a place and time outside the film series and somehow romance was working its way into it. I hate romance, it is so annoyingly girly and dense. Of course maybe being in love with Skulduggery and never being able to tell him had something to do with it, but still.

But at least the romance was hidden with both of them were denying their feelings. Kane would be about to say something, bring one of his bony hands up to touch Carol Anne and stop. Or he'd smooth out his suit or adjust his tie or hat. I tried really hard not to think of how much a skeletal man dressed in a suit sounded like Skulduggery.

Other writers liked it, even though no other shippers for that pair existed. Then The Fan showed up. No, that was his author's name. He never wrote anything, and he liked my stories, a lot. At first it was a lot of fun. He liked them holding hands in one scene or he liked something about the way Kane looked at Carol Anne. Then he started in, asking for a kiss scene. Maybe it is sexist, but coming from a male writer it sounded six kinds of creepy.

Not that he was a writer. All he ever did was private message me. I was sitting on the couch checking my messages when Skulduggery looked over.

"You seem to spend all day on that thing." He grumbled.

"I have to check on something, twenty minutes tops then I'm all yours." He grumbled something about checking his own messages in reply and got his mobile out.

Of course The Fan had written again. "They need a kiss scene, now."

I counted to ten and replied. "No, they don't."

He replied almost instantly. "Yes they do, it is so obvious Kane loves her. He deserves her."

I looked over at Skulduggery typing furiously. Something had to be up at the Sanctuary.

I frowned, and messaged back. "He WHAT?"

"He deserves her."

"You figured this out, how?"

"She turned twenty one three years ago. He's waited."

"That's creepy, Stalker Boy."

"I am not a boy, and it isn't creepy. He. Loves. Her."

Skulduggery was typing as swiftly as I was now.

"So what if he does love her? It doesn't mean she loves him." I messaged back. That would shut him up. Only it didn't.

"She's writing about him, its totally obvious she loves him."

"You lost me, she doesn't write in the story."

"She is you. You are writing the story. So therefore it is obvious."

"Right..."

"Kane deserves a kiss, especially now that he knows he's waited three years for you to say anything and that you feel the same way for him as he does for you."

"I think you're the Mayor of Crazy Town."

"I think you're hiding behind your characters, Valkyrie Cain."

I whipped my head up and saw Skulduggery staring at me intently. He typed without looking down and I opened his message. "Kiss. Scene. Now."

"Yeah, but if I'm writing a story I can't kiss you, now can I?"

"I didn't mean the characters." He said. Then he was standing over me, lifting me to him, pulling me into a kiss so deep I saw blackness then a universe of stars. When we at last parted I nuzzled back into him.

"You're right, they do deserve a kiss scene, both of them." At that he pulled me into another kiss and we both forgot about the story.


Note: So far as I know nobody ships the Reverend Henry Kane and Carol Anne. Though it wouldn't surprise me if they did.