Part 2
Barney stood, facing the ocean, burrowing his feet into the cool sand. At last… he was sure. After weeks of thinking it through, he was sure that he'd made the right decision.
Someone called his name and he turned around. A skinny dude with short, spiky black hair and thick, horn-rimmed glasses was picking his way across the sand towards him.
"Hey Nathan," Barney greeted him casually.
"B!" The other man said embracing him like he'd been gone for a year, not a few days.
No one in LA called him "Stinson". There were no glass-walled offices, no penthouse apartments, no sky-scrapers. He lived and worked amongst people like Nathan and he'd never been happier. But now it was finally time to leave.
"So…" Nathan said with a half-grin, squinting his eyes against the rising sun. "You're really going?"
"I really am." He said, smiling. He felt calm inside. Serene, almost.
"We'll miss you…"
Barney sighed. He'd known this was coming. "Nate, they've got computers in-"
"I know, I know… But it won't be the same when you're not down the corridor, when I can't just pop down and ask you stuff, show you stuff?"
Barney shrugged. What could he do? He couldn't stay, but that didn't mean he didn't care. "I'm sorry," he said.
"You sure you won't stay on..? I just know we could get you that fellowship. Then everything would be gravy, you wouldn't have to work all hours… you could focus on-?"
Barney laughed out loud at the idea that Nathan was bringing that subject up again. That was the trouble with academics. Everything was about qualifications, research papers, theories, problems. They were as single minded as the corporate dorks he used to work for were about money. Barney realised that he'd simply traded one obsession in for another.
Nathan gave him a sad look.
"That was never my plan," Barney said gently. "You know that." He sighed and shifted his weight. His pants stuck to his legs, damp, despite the fact he'd tried to roll them up around his calves. He'd walked along the ocean's edge for hours that night, thinking, trying to work things out. What he'd said to Robin had been true - it didn't matter where in the world he was, or she was. But at the same time, it sort of did.
"You're not going to throw me a surprise going-away party are you?" Barney looked up, eyeing Nathan suspiciously.
Nathan blushed. Of course they were.
"It's okay, I don't mind. It'll be great to get everyone together." For one last time, Barney thought. He doubted he'd be coming back to LA any time soon. He just hoped his memory of this wonderful place, the place that helped heal him, wouldn't fade as quickly as his tan.
"It's at eight o'clock," Nathan said, his voice a little strained. "Act surprised?"
Barney grinned. "I will. Despite what you think," Nathan had the decency to look guilty. "I'm not running out on you. I'm not running from something this time. I'm running to something."
Nathan didn't look convinced. "It's the least you can do to say goodbye to everyone."
Not everyone, Barney thought. There was one last person he had to go and see.
Barney turned back to look out at the blue, blue ocean. "I'm going to miss this."
*--*--*
Barney took a quick, scalding hot shower before throwing on a plain white T and a pair of battered jeans and heading out to confront Mo.
Mo Lang was the second person he properly talked to when he first arrived in LA. The first was Nathan, although, strictly speaking, did Nathan count? He'd met him on the plane on the way over to LA. It didn't matter. Mo was the second friend he'd made in California.
He'd lived over her coffee shop for six months now, graduating from customer to lover to employee and good friend in that time. He'd made new memories here, to replace the painful associations that coffee houses had always had for him. Ten years of pain since Shannon, replaced by laughter and freedom and maybe even love. He had Mo to thank for that.
He'd never lied to Mo, never promised her anything. But he wasn't a saint, either. And yes, he'd taken comfort in her arms sometimes. There was the fact that she was smoking hot to contend with and he was still a man, no matter what crazy stuff had come out of his head. And, yes, he'd probably gotten too close to her.
Just like he'd gotten too close to Nathan and to everyone else.
It had surprised him - the speed he'd put down roots here, how quickly he'd craved company, friendship. It made him realise how much he'd devalued his friends in New York. That wasn't right, he realised. Not right at all. It was something he needed to make up to them.
Mo was behind the counter, the bell tinkling as he swung the door wide open. She glared at him and headed out back, forcing him to follow her.
"Mo…" He began, spreading his hands in front of him. He didn't know what to say. "I'll write?" He promised, earnestly.
"I've seen your writing. I can't understand it."
She was talking about the journals. He'd written like a demon since coming to LA - thoughts, theories and philosophies pouring from him, through his fingers and on to the page. He'd been lucky enough to get someone to pay him for some of his musings.
But this was different.
"No, Mo… I mean it…" He tried to corner her against the double sink but she looked up at him with fire in her eyes. She was shorter than him by a good foot and a half but her angry stare was always enough to cower him. "Mo, please… I don't want to leave like this."
She had tears in her eyes. Mo, the ball-breaker, her eyes were shining. "You're a bad boy, Barney."
"Never said I was anything but, Mo."
"And you're really leaving?"
Barney smiled, placing his heart on his chest. "What can I say? I'm in love…" He grinned.
She hit him in the arm. He was reminded strongly of Lily Aldrin and of the group of friends he'd dismissed so casually. The guilt settled in on him again.
"That's not the reason!" Mo said, but she had softened, he could see that.
"No, it's not." He smiled, leaned forward and kissed her, very softly on the lips.
"I'll miss you." She said.
Why was he always leaving? Always hurting people? Barney closed his eyes briefly. He didn't want to hide from this feeling. Running away from his emotions never solved anything.
"I'll miss you too, Mo." He answered her.
And he really would. But, finally, he was going home.
*--*--*
The week after Robin left for Moscow, Barney returned to New York City.
He'd thought long and hard about it. New York was where he belonged; it contained his friends, his family. Somewhere along the line he'd lost the reason why he'd run away from it in the first place.
Sure, it was the birthplace of a string of bad habits, but those were habits that he'd (largely) broken. What was more important right now was that he was near the people he loved. Especially with Robin so far away. Especially with how they'd left things.
He deliberately hadn't told Robin that was moving back. Not to hurt her; not to be deliberately mean or duplicitous. He just couldn't bring himself to put that kind of pressure on her. When she'd asked him to go with her to Moscow, he knew he'd made the right decision… because she might have changed her mind, stayed in New York just to be with him. And she had so far to go, could fly so high… he'd never forgive himself for clipping her wings.
Russia wasn't so far away.
*--*--*
"Barney, oh my god!" Marshall rose to his feet and enveloped him in a huge bear-hug and Lily quickly joined in, practically smothering him in their enthusiasm. A smile rose up inside him, a spark of pure joy at being back, being in MacLaren's, being with the people he cared about before he'd ever met Robin. He had kind-of expected it to feel weird… because it had felt weird on his previous visits. But there had always been the stress of seeing Robin and the knowledge that he'd be leaving her soon after. Barney had always tried his best to cut himself off from the pain of saying goodbye. But now tears pricked his eyes as Lily pulled Marshall away, complaining that they were going to suffocate him if they didn't watch out.
"Dude, what are you doing here?" Marshall said, clapping him on the back. They sat him down between them. "You were only here, like, last week? And with Robin in Moscow, we didn't think we'd see-"
"I'm moving back to New York!" Barney announced, unable to keep the news to himself any longer.
Lily's squeal was so high pitched that Barney swore that all the dogs in the neighbourhood must have sat up and taken notice!
"No way, no way, no way!" Marshall bounced on the bench.
"Yes way," Barney replied, grinning.
"What did Robin say? Is she totally excited?" Lily said excitedly. Barney's expression must have given him away. "You have told her?"
He shook his head reluctantly.
"You have spoken to her since she's been in Moscow?"
Barney opened his mouth to explain but then closed it again with a frown. How could he put this in a way that didn't make him look like a total jerk?
Lily hit him in the arm. He bowed his head. "Yeah. Deserved that."
"Barney!" Lily sounded exasperated. "What am I going to do with the two of you? Seriously! Bang your heads together?"
Even Marshall was scowling at him now.
"What was I supposed to do, Lily? Robin's got this incredible job in Russia and she may not ever want come back…" He didn't want to admit how his heart broke a little bit at the thought. "If I'd told her I was moving back here, it would have totally screwed with her… made her feel bad for leaving."
"I… guess…" Lily said.
"No… dude!" Marshall interrupted his wife. "No, that's stupidest thing I've ever heard. You're in love with the girl. She's in totally love with you. Of course she's coming back! You need to be with her. What are you doing, man?"
Barney shrugged with a helpless grin. "It's not like I wasn't going to call her… it's just…"
"It's just what?" Marshall's eyes flashed.
"The last thing she said, before I left… was that she wanted to take a break… from me… from us. That while she was in Moscow she didn't want to have to worry about me." And there it was - he'd finally shared something that had been weighing him down since she'd said those words. Because as convinced as he was that he'd made the right decision, Barney couldn't help but worry that he'd given Robin so much space that he'd let her fly away from him; that he'd managed to lose her completely.
"Oh honey…" Lily said.
"Barney, will you just man up?" Marshall said, clearly exasperated. "Just tell her you love her. And if you don't want to force her back home, then you've got to go and see her." Marshall looked over at Lily. "Because sometimes a guy needs to go get his girl. You're the one who taught me that, dude."
Barney sat between the two of them, feeling the depth of their love wash over him and for a moment it terrified him, made him feel like he was drowning in it. Then he felt Lily's hand squeezing his and he opened his eyes with a gasp. He hadn't even realised he'd closed them.
"I guess…" He said, hesitantly. "I guess this doesn't come easy to me. Commitment. Grand, romantic gestures. That's not me… that's…"
"Ted!" Lily called out as their friend entered the bar.
Barney sagged back against the bench. He'd come such a long way - right across the country and back again. Now he suspected that his travels weren't yet over.
