A/N: From now on the story will be told in the present tense from Lea's POV.


You know that moment, don't you? Everyone's had it. Those seconds that made up the minutes that made up that specific moment you wish with every fiber of your being that you could take back. Edit – Undo. Sorry, but in real life that function doesn't exist. Lea Michele went from being "in a relationship" to "single." That hurts. In 140 characters or less what would I say, "alittlelamb left and took my heart with her. #miseryissoaddicting" No. That wouldn't change a damn thing.

Words. Why do they have to be so powerful? Because I give them power. Why am I answering my own questions? Because I am alone now. Because my thoughts are taking over. My memories are all I have.

God, talk about emo. I thought I was passed this part of my life. Didn't I grow up?

If only someone could have warned me it was coming. I would have left it alone, it could have hurt less. No, that's a lie. Let sleeping dogs lie, or so they say. At least then my chest wouldn't feel like this empty decaying cavern, a direct result of the car that careened straight through my heart at 70 mph while on fire. Cause and effect.

Ok, so I have a flair for the dramatic, but that doesn't make it any less accurate of an analogy. Metaphor? Hyberbole? Anecdote? Antidote? It's too hard to tell these days: truths, lies, and the in between. That's where my head resides. My heart? Didn't I mention it was gone already? Not like The Grinch. He always had a heart, you see; it was shriveled like a prune, but provided with the right stuff, love and acceptance, and it grew. (Yeah there was Christmas cheer in there somewhere, but we don't celebrate that and it was just another metaphor thing anyway. "We," I meant "I.")

The wooden floors are cold and hard beneath my bare skin as I sit staring at her chair. Is that another metaphor? Who cares anymore. The floor feels like me or I feel like the floor. We're one in the same. If I stare at her chair long enough maybe I can will her to come back to it – wishful thinking. It replays over and over in my head. A torturous film reel that I can't tear my eyes away from. Maybe it'll end differently this time, a surprise ending... nope, still the same.

How did I not see it coming?

"I don't like to wear it in public too much or else people will start to suspect more than they already do. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful Lea, but I just want tobe practical."

"I have back to back events to go to everyday for the next two weeks with Alex. Just silly press stuff and parties with people in the industry. I miss you, can't wait till it's over."

"I'm so tired I'm just going to crash here."

"Sometimes I get so nervous during my interviews with him, I find myself falling over my words. Wish you were here for moral support."

"I'm going to London with Alex. We're doing the European press circuit. I might see his parents, too. I'll try to bring you back something."

An engagement ring was not what I was expecting, especially when it wasn't even for me. Talk about wanting to show chemistry between the leads, but I don't remember this being anywhere in the plan. When was I left out of the loop? When they got real or when I opened my eyes to see that I was the dellusion? Now I'm just being cynical. I wasn't an illusion I just wasn't permanent.

One scene flashes by after the other. The air was fairly brisk while standing outside on Chris' balcony. It was nice of him to throw a pre-premiere movie premiere party. I didn't have to hear her or see her to feel her eyes stab the back of my form. "Hey," I said out loud.

"Hey you."

"This is nice," I said making the small talk I make with strangers or people I don't want to speak to. I wanted to leave; I couldn't face her.

"We need to talk," she said disregarding my avoidance. I should have seen it coming. Those four words never did anyone any good.

"Yes we do, but not now. Not here," I attempted to avoid again. We hadn't spoken since before she left to hop across the pond, why should we start now?

"Can we step outside for a bit?" Damn.

"We're already outside," I smarted back.

"You know what I mean, Lea." Double damn.

The gravel grinding beneath my feet should have been a warning sign to the impending sounds her feet would be making on my heart. She could have at least taken off her heels.

"So. How have you been? It's been a while since we've been able to hang out."

I couldn't believe her gall. 'Hang out?' Is that what we were doing for the past two years? "That's an understatement, Dianna," I replied. I watched for her reaction to my use of her name instead of my usual term of endearment. I was on my guard, but I was severely under prepared. Who brings a knife to a gunfight? More like a nuclear testing field, really.

"You're right, Lea. I could have done better." She was so ready. The meaning and depth of her words were not lost on me. I nodded dumbly allowing her to control this verbal slaughter. Who's the masochist, now?

I didn't need to be humiliated publicly so I walked a few steps away from view of the doorway to a small space between some SUVs, hoping to use their shadows as a cover from the expectant watchful eyes from within. Cory, the ever perfect offscreen lesbro, was concerned with the blonde's intentions. Theo could see it, too. It had happened to him before, and after growing close to each other, he couldn't bear to see his PR-gf to be heartbroken.

With whatever ounce of courage I had left in me, I took hold of the soft hand that was always a perfect match for mine, and told her to give me the courtesy of honesty. It was the least I deserved.

"Have you read Perez lately?" she pussyfooted about.

"I asked for honesty. You know I read it everyday. Please, please just be honest. Is it true?" my question came out barely above a whisper. It was the first time I acknowledge the possibility aloud to myself.

"I'm trying to. I... I... I don't know what to say. Something just kind of happened."

"'Something' happened? What does that mean, Dianna? Did you forget to buy stamps at the post office or did you fall on his fucking cock?"

I couldn't really hear the words that were shooting out of my mouth, but I could feel their venom. It hurt me to say it, but it hurt more that I even had to. My words had struck a chord within her and her calm façade was breaking. I dropped her hand out of self-preservation. It felt like hydrochloric acid and I didn't need any physically scarring, not by her.

"Lea," she pleaded reaching out for my hand. I should have taken it. "No, it's not like that."

"Then what exactly is it like? Please explain it to me. I know to take those tabloids with a grain of salt, but when you haven't spoken to me in two weeks, avoid my texts and calls, and then I read that my girlfriend was seen ring shopping with her 'boyfriend,' what else am I supposed to think. I mean if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck…"

"I didn't answer your calls or texts because I needed some time to think. Everything was happening so fast and slowly at the same time."

I stared her down. I was owed an explanation.

"We hung out a lot over the past few months. It was different than being with him on set. I mean, then, we were just co-workers, but now we were supposed to be dating. At first we were acting, but then after getting to really know each other, things changed. He said he respected our relationship and for that I was grateful."

"Yeah, really respectful, Di. Was it the sex?"

"No, we've never had sex, but I wish I could say it was only a physical thing. There's just something about him that drew me in. Yeah he can be a jerk and quick-tempered, but you're feisty, too."

"Don't you fucking dare compare us! Don't you dare!What the fuck, Di? Are you trying to kill me by dragging this out? Just get to the goddamn point and end it! It's what you're trying to do, so just fucking do it!"

Sure I curse, but never at her. I felt sick to my stomach. I was hurting her because she was hurting me, which only hurt me more. Welcome to the masochist club. Here's your card.

"I… I'm not trying to compare you, Lea. I… don't want to hurt you and I don't want to lose you. We kissed and it was nice. While we were in London, it was all sort of surreal. I met his family and they were so nice. We were out in the shops for our scheduled paparazzi opportunities and we went to a jewelry store. He said that my ring… our ring… was nice, but if he were you he would have gotten me something like… well like the ring he took out on loan, just to try it out for a bit. I mean, I didn't know what to say or how to turn down such a gift, and it wasn't permanent. The next day I told him I couldn't accept it, but it was a nice gesture. He was so great, I couldn't believe that he was already willing to take such a big leap with me when we weren't even together in reality."

"That's nice, Di, but you seemed to be the only one here who didn't think you weren't in a real relationship. I knew this was a bad idea, but you wanted it. I mean, were you just looking for a way to, to, to get rid of me?"

"Get rid of you? What? No, Lea I can't lose you. I'd never want to get rid of you. And it's not like I'm the only guilty one here."

"What? You're going to turn this around on me?" I was screaming by this point. The fact that the police hadn't been called yet was pretty astounding. I'm sure there was an audience on the balcony or the doorstep, but I didn't care. What was that Spanish saying I learned? La ropa sucia se lava en casa. Well I can't be in a room alone with her and I don't feel like going home. We're going to settle this now out in the open.

"It's Theo. It's always Theo. I'm a jealous person, Lea. I'm not this saint you paint me out to be. I get jealous when you hang out with him. I get jealous when you kiss him. I get jealous when I read articles about your 'relationship.'"

"He's just a friend! It's called acting, Dianna. Some of us are just meant to play a certain role in life."

"If he's just a friend, then why do I feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest when I see you with him? Why is there a deafening buzzing in my ears when I see him hold you? Why do I feel like I could cry, throw up, and scream when he pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear? But most of all, why do I feel like I don't exist to you when you look at him?"

The fight was gone from her voice and it terrified me. How could she really think this? I couldn't leave it like this.

"Are you kidding me? He's gay, Dianna. Gay gay gay gay gay. You know that! We've even double dated. Alex is straight for fuck's sake. There's a huge difference! Don't you think I could see the way he looks at you? How can I compete with someone who has the right hardware that I know you miss? It was never really a competition, was it? What was I to you?" I was practically screaming. Maybe if I say it loud enough, she'll hear me better, and choose me.

She stared blankly.

"You've always been the only one for me. You're enough for me." I couldn't breathe anymore. My lungs were starved for air. I was gasping like a fish out of water. I was sucking in air but I couldn't expel it. "I thought I was enough for you." I sounded as broken as I felt. Stale air escaped my body as a new wave of tears surged onto my cheeks, stinging on their way down.

She was crying now. She was always so beautiful even when she cried. I wanted to reach out and comfort her and tell her everything was going to be ok, but I couldn't because she was the problem. She broke me. Hugging her wouldn't bring her back and it froze me from the inside out. Maybe she wanted him to comfort her. I could say I didn't care, but that was a lie. I'd attack him like a mama bear protecting her cubs… maybe the size proportions were off… but you can't protect someone that doesn't want your protection, when you weren't enough.

"It's the good advice that you just didn't take. It is ironic. You did hurt me."

"I don't know what to say, Lea."

I had one last ditch effort. "Then say what you mean; don't just mean what you say. It's not the same thing, you know."

She always looked beautiful when she cried. "I'm sorry."


A/N: I've been so excited to get to this big fight! I've reposted quickly, but that's only because this will have to tide you over for a while as I take a writing hiatus to concentrate on school some. Hope you guys had an awesome Halloween. "Why is that T-Rex eating the Jew?