"Wait, what?" Besides that double-syllable response, my roommate is practically frozen on the spot.

"Well, getting your first official drink is pretty much a rite of passage when you come of age."

"I meant the second part."

"Oh, that. Well, getting laid supposedly brings all sorts of happiness to a person. I mean, just to make sure, you are interested in girls, right? If not, that's cool, and my point still stands."

"Your first guess was correct." By the quiet nature of his tone, it sounds like this a conversation he'd rather not have.

"Thought as much. And I reckon you're a virgin…"

He now looks even more uncomfortable but still nods. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess. So what better way to herald your coming-of-age than through coitus?"

"A-and how is this going to happen?"

"Simple: we head out Sunday night, kick off your birthday with a toast, party a bit, and, eventually, end the night — technically very early morning — with you leaving with a girl; coitus should eventually ensue. Also, since we don't have class on Mondays, it's not like you need to wake up early.

"So what do you say? By the way, it's all on me so you won't have to pay a copper."

"R-really?" Dio looks up at me with wide, almost disbelieving, eyes.

"It's your birthday after all. So you don't have anything to lose."

Minutes pass in silence, and I use the time to begin working on other stuff. Finally, the kid murmurs a soft, "Okay…"

"Hmm?"

"Okay. We'll go with your plan. But what about you?"

"What about me?"

"The way you phrased things, it almost sounds like only I'm going to be leaving with a date." The look on Dio's face seems to be equal parts confusion and concern. "It seems kind of unfair to you."

Even though it's obvious he doesn't know any better, I find the statement hilarious, which just increases the level of confusion on the kid. After my laughter has subsided, I state, "Yeah, you don't have to worry about me."

"I don't get it."

"Let's just say that the desire to commit to coitus ain't exactly a priority to me." Since the expression of confusion doesn't dissipate, I decide to go all analogous. "Some folks play for the same team, some for the opposite side, and others for both. Me? Well, I ain't even in the arena."

Finally, comprehension appear to dawn. "So you mean that—"

"— I will feel no urges stemming from hormone-based biochemical reactions if you show a naked person to me, no matter the gender, complexion, or body type. Which is just as well; just the idea of that sort of intimate bodily contact is absolutely appalling.

"But that doesn't mean that I still can't be your wingman."

"Wingman?"

"Wingman. Buddy system. Courtship support, if you will. I'll help you scout out individuals, assist conversations along, and head-off unwanted company if need be."

"Oh. That sounds helpful." Suddenly that confused look reappears. "But if you're not interested in girls, how can you help scout them out?"

"Just because I ain't attracted to others, doesn't mean I can't recognize attractiveness when I see it."

"That doesn't make any sense…"

"Okay, think of it this way: are you attracted to guys?"

"No…"

"Then what do you think about Finnick Odair?" Besides the whole being chewed-up and blown to pieces bit…

The way the kid blushes tells me all that I need to know. "Exactly."

"I-I'm not comfortable with the direction this conversation's headed…"

"Okay, think about it another way: if you come across a well-made piece of art, you'd think it looks good, right?"

"Sure."

"But would you want to date it?"

"Uh… no."

"That's how I view a physically-attractive person; ah, I see you're getting it now. Anyways, I can also be on the lookout for other things such as personality and the like. In some cases, I may recognize somebody and can either point her out to you or warn you that she's bad news. Make sense?"

"Yeah it makes sense… and I'm thankful for your help. There's only a little problem."

"And that's."

"What do I… um… do?"

"Huh? Oh… Oh… You never got the… uh… talk?" I was hoping we didn't have to get into this. I got the talk when I was real young but have since forgotten it all.

"I didn't have time for it." Wow.

"Well, uh… here! I'll give you some info." I take my tablet and transfer some informative articles and guides to the kid's. "That should help." Though, when he takes a look at the info, a frown appears.

"I'm not sure—"

I huff a bit in exasperation. "Here's a human anatomy guide as well. Really, the principle should be the same."

"Uh… thanks then."

A few hours later, he asks me, "What about talking to them?"

"What do you mean talking to them? I already told you that I'll help get a conversation going and keep it running if need be."

"But that's the thing. You shouldn't be doing all the work. Not to mention that there seems to be the emotional component about this."

"I… ah, fuck." Why does this kid have to ask me the hard questions? And it's not like anybody else is going to help him. Unless… "Follow me."

In no time at all, we are out in the common room and in front of the doorway to another dorm.

"Ned, I don't think we should bother other—"

Dio's fidgety plea is cut short with my sharp raps against the door. Almost immediately, it swings open to reveal a beaming RA.

"Ned! Dio! Good afternoon!" The weeks definitely have not dulled Delly's freakishly-sincere exuberance. On the upshot, she's pretty much been the only other peer to treat Dio in a decent and friendly manner; come to think of it, while she treats everyone in that way, there seems to be some familiarity in how she views the kid."Is there anything I can help you with?"

Before my roommate can possibly interject and say that this is all simply a mistake, I state, "Well, Dio's eighteenth is coming up and I'm planning on taking him out to celebrate accordingly. Part of that is hopefully going to involve him getting first date. And, well, I'm not exactly the best person to talk to about picking up a girl… so… I've been looking for somebody to give him advice, and you were the first person that came to mind so—"

"I would love to help him out! And since I have nothing else to do currently, we can start right now." With that, she takes Dio by the wrist and maneuvers him to one of the sofas while she seats herself on a cushy chair facing it.

I clap my hands together and chirp with a grin, "Excellent! In which case, since I have nothing to contribute, I'll leave you two alone. Let me know if you need anything." As I retreat back into my room, Dio gives me a pleading look of utmost terror. I ignore it and simply wave as I shut the door.

With that out of the way, I now have some free time to relax in solitude.

~oOo~

"EDWEN BANNON!"

"AAH!" Hey, you can't blame me for being startled. When someone comes suddenly barging into a room with a voice as shrill as hers — she seriously sounds like a mouse about to be fed to one of my mutts — the atmosphere of the immediate environment tends to veer a bit into the hostile side. Unfortunately, Belle is cradled in my hands at the moment, and in my state of being, my fists reflexively clench. Suffice to say, she doesn't enjoy that and lets herself known via clamping down on my fingers. "AARGH!"

After barely managing to catch the lizard and putting her back in her cage, I turn to casually address the irate RA. "Can I help you?"

"Care to tell me what kind of 'information' you've been giving Dio in terms of making love?"

"Well…"

"Because I've raised goats back home and helped my best friend raise his pigs. Funnily enough," — her tone and expression seems to convey the idea that the situation at hand is anything but funny — "when I asked Dio about what he knew about sex, he gave me an explanation that sounds suspiciously like a step-by-step livestock breeding manual. Then, when I asked him where he got this idea, he told me to talk to you."

From the sounds of things, apparently my advice given isn't appreciated. "Uh… But the process is the same, ain't it? Extension A into Port B. We're all mammals, and actually I gave him diagrams about human anatomy to supplement the information. So it's just case of… you know…" — I make sure to gesticulate vaguely — "adapting to the circumstances. Right?"

"Wrong. It's much more complicated than that." Finally, she sighs and squeezes her eyes shut while pinching the bridge of her nose. "Okay, at least he recognized that emotional needs have to be met, and we still have time so I'll give the basic rundown of what and what not to do. In the end though, it will be up to him when he actually gets around to it; hopefully, whomever he hooks up with will help him along. The good thing is that he's actually a fast and earnest learner. He just needs to be a bit more confident when it comes time to put things into practice."

I can't help but snort at that. "Good luck with that." When Delly gives me a withering glare, I raise my hands defensively. "What? It's the truth. The kid has barely enough self-confidence to keep himself together."

"Well, I think he has potential to improve."

"Of course he has potential; it's filling that potential that's the daunting part, and nobody else can do it for him. Anyways, is there any other reason you're he— and what are you doing going into our closet?"

"Dio gave me permission to look through here for a good combination for him to wear. It's nice that he's disciplined in how he dresses, but if he wants to get a girl, it'd probably help for him to look a bit more relaxed."

Another snort emanates from me. "Might as well stop while you're ahead."

"Oh, come on, it can't be that ba—… huh." I can see Delly frown and step back from my roommate's set of clothes.

As I sidle up next to the RA to look upon the source of her consternation, I mutter, "Freaky, isn't it."

Of course, Delly's not the type to use such wording. "It's… definitely well-organized." Talk about an understatement. Dio doesn't just categorize his clothes by — in this order — utility, climate, clothing type, hue, and lightness; he also makes sure that each wrinkleless article of clothing that hangs is evenly spaced from each other and each miscellaneous item is categorized accordingly as well. All that's missing are the labels. "At least I won't have any trouble looking though here."

However, after a few minutes of search, even she admits that the selection offered is a tad… lacking. "Where are you planning on taking him anyways?"

"Stygia." As Delly freezes at my casually-uttered location, I feel the need to add, "I have a membership there which allows me to sign on an extra person. So it's no issue."

"You're definitely not aiming low, are you," she murmurs.

"Why settle for less? Oh, and don't tell him; it's supposed to be a surprise." Granted, he's probably not familiar with the place anyways, but he could always look it up.

"Well, if you're probably going to be taking him to Tartarus," — she briefly pauses for confirmation from me; at which I give a nod — "then what we have here definitely won't do. In which case, do you have any plans tomorrow?"

I'm not sure where she's going with this. "Well, we have our Human Rights class in the morning. After that though, we should be free. Why?"

"Because we're going to go shopping."

Oh… "Welp," I chirp while turning and commencing a nice purposeful walk towards the door, "in which case, I hope you two have fun. Turns out that—"

A hand lands on my shoulder and firmly clasps it, effectively stopping my little attempt at escape; when I turn around, I see that Delly is giving me a wide grin and stare that could only be described as maniacal. "And of course, we'll need a second opinion on this. So come on… It. Will. Be. Fun."

I totally do not gulp at her statement. "Hooray…"

~oOo~

Just as she promised, and to my significant chagrin, Delly is waiting for us when we get back from class. At the very least, since it was her idea, she agrees to pay for the stuff; also I have veto power, which is a plus. Dio just looks sheepish and acquiescent as he follows us in tow towards the Northern Boardwalk district.

While still relatively high-end, the Northern Boardwalk is way less expensive than its southern counterpart. The fact that the campus is nearby probably contributes to that. In general, this area tends to cater to families and younger demographics in terms of dining, shopping, and entertainment options.

After narrowing down the stores to just a couple, we begin our little foray. It usually goes like this: Delly picks some articles of clothing for Dio to try on; he obediently complies; I veto anything shown; we're back to square-one. Usually the clashes between me and Delly involve her idea that the clothing should be fairly "trendy" and help show him off; in contrast, I maintain the point of practicality and preservation of masculinity. It doesn't help that when we ask the kid for his input, all he does is ask for it to be comfortable as he doesn't have any experience in anything not assigned to him. After a while though, we fortunately do begin to narrow our options down and notice what works and what doesn't. A pair of jeans even almost passes the test until I see that it's over three silvers in cost; I may not be paying, but there's no way that jeans should be more than a silver.

After over two hours of browsing, choosing, and vetoing, we finally get what we need: a slim dark pair of jeans — though not practically spray-on like what many Capitolites like to wear; one of the few things Delly and I agree on — and a light blue sleeveless athletic shirt with orange highlights; the latter is something he can actually use when we go on our runs. Oh yeah, and we also make sure to get some protection for the kid; for that part, I adamantly insist on staying outside while the two browse in the "entertainment" shop.

On our way back, I do offer to buy something for Dio to wear over the shirt since Tartarus isn't the only place we'll be visiting; he'll need to look a bit spiffier the rest of the time. It doesn't take much browsing to land on something that feels adequately practical and Two-ish, while not being stuffy: a light and form-fitting belted jacket. Fortunately, there's no argument from Delly about my choice, and above all, the kid seems to like it.

~oOo~

The rest of the week, when we're not at class or studying, consists of Delly coaching Dio some more while I either nap or go out for a drink. It also seems that my little ultimatum to Natt paid off as the rest of his group is keeping civil.

Before long though, Sunday rolls around. After spending a good chunk of the day resting, we head out a little before 1800; Delly makes sure to wish Dio good luck and tells me not to force him to do anything stupid.

The train we catch is the same that we took to the Boardwalk earlier in the week. However, we stay onboard as it keeps on heading west, gradually increasing in elevation in the process. By the time we reach to the northwestern foothills and turn southwest, glittering skyscrapers have given way to the stately residences of East and, after crossing a valley-spanning bridge, West Caelius. Even when it's clear that District Town and the surrounding lower-class neighborhoods can be seen from here, the affluence of the suburb is retained due to the, by now, over-five-hundred forested feet of elevation separating it from the main city below; the rail line itself practically serves as a lower boundary of the community.

Upon reaching the western valley that contains the industrial and transport sector, we cross the mile-plus-long bridge that effectively serves as a boundary between it and the rest of the city; at the ground level, it's known as the Capitol Gate. By crossing that bridge, we enter into Esquilinus, which is even more affluent than Caelius and considered to be the wealthiest, per-capita, community in the nation; it's also the terminus of the line. Somehow, despite its status, the place managed to survive the war relatively unscathed. Where there are not massive estates containing grand mansions set upon vast gardens, there are small shopping plazas selling the trendiest designer items and housing high-end restaurants. However, those spots aren't where we're headed.

After walking around a bit — I allow the kid to wander as he gawks at the surroundings — we pass underneath an ornate archway and come across a just-as-ornate funicular. In comparison to the various means of transport around the city, the cable-operated tram seems almost like something you'd find in Twelve; however, it's actually quite reliable, and the furnishings shows that it belongs in this community despite the modest machinery. After I press a large brass button, the doors shut, the machinery comes to life, and the thing begins its rapid ascent up the slope and past various expensive neighborhoods. In just a couple minutes, the funicular slows to a stop near the top of the ridge — down below, the city is already a complex multicolored patchwork of light in the rapidly-darkening dusk — and we disembark to behold the vast and stately complex that's pretty much luxury and opulence exemplified.

I begin to stride forward, but it's not hard to notice that there's no additional sound of footsteps alongside or behind me. Granted, when I look back, I'm not exactly surprised to see that my roommate is stuck in his tracks and gaping stupidly at the location in front of him.

"Well, are you just going to stand there like an idiot, or are you going to come on in?"

My query seems to successfully jolt Dio out of his initial state of shock and he hurries to join me at the main gate.

When the kid finally reaches me, I pat him on the back and state with a smirk, "Welcome to Stygia."


A/N: Just because the Rebellion was successful doesn't mean that wealthy neighborhoods would cease to exist in the Capitol; granted, this assumes Coin's not the one running the show. Of course, the disproportionate-to-the-point-of-starving-districts excesses such as those banquets would be discontinued, and many Capitolites are likely to have lost their wealth. But the wealthy will still exist and now are joined with those from the districts.

The transition from pure dialogue to pure narration was unintentional.