WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR GINTAMA EPISODE 203.

I DO NOT OWN GINTAMA. This is merely a spin off of episode 203 and all rights and credit, etc., are reserved for Hideaki Sorachi, the honorable creator of the Gintama series.

En-joi! (clever word play there huh? ;D)


"Stop!" Otae cried out as she shielded the bundle in her arms, "You've got it wrong!" Still Shinpachi charged forward at his sister with a raised paper fan ready to be brought down full force.

Despite the seemingly harmful intention of Shinpachi's action, his intentions were only to knock away the wart— or more specifically the infectious alien called Q'Sai Nettle— that was infecting his sister. The Q'Sai Nettle had infected a great deal of Shinpachi's closest friends and acquaintances and Shinpachi vowed to return everyone to normal, starting with his sister. Shinpachi couldn't stand the image of Otae being married to that gorilla. Especially not after he had seen Otae and the gorilla's fake married life which even if it was caused by the warts, was still a creepy sight to behold. Even worse after seeing Otae with a Shinsengumi uniformed man at her side, Shinpachi's worst fears were that Kondo was no longer a stalker and was actually welcomed by his sister. But in his angered state Shinpachi couldn't even begin to suspect that the mysterious Shinsengumi uniformed man at Otae's side had not been Kondo but instead; Hijikata Toshiro .

"The father of my child is actually . . ." Otae screamed before revealing the face of the baby wrapped up in her arms, "Look at the hair!" It was revealed to be a peacefully sleeping face with round cheeks, a rather average looking baby, except it was hard not to notice the prominent v-shaped tuft of hair over the baby's forehead. V-shaped bangs that were identical to Hijikata's.

Hijikata immediately slid in front of Otae and blocked Shinpachi's attack with his own paper fan.

"What are you doing?" Shinpachi stared at Hijikata in shock as Hijikata looked back at the baby in Otae's arms.

"Th—that hair . . . that v-shaped hair is—?"

"Of course not! How could the two of you have a kid when you barely even know each other?" Shinpachi in angered bewilderment withdrew from his attack and screamed at the two. Hijikata straightened and looked over at Otae as she ran forward to him. Her hand came to rest on his chest,

"Forgive me Toshi-san. I couldn't hide my true feelings. Even after pretending to be married to Goril— ah I mean— Isao-san . . ." Otae looked up and met Hijikata's gun-metal blue eyes. Shinpachi in utter disbelief shouted but his voice fell to the background in Hijikata's ears as he stared back into Otae's dark brown eyes. Shinpachi's previous outraged words repeated in Hijikata's mind.

'. . . you barely even know each other . . .'

"Please take us away to a world without gorillas!" Otae pleaded.

"Hijikata-san don't be fooled! You don't have a kid!" Shinpachi screamed in an attempt to bring Hijikata back to reality. Hijikata continued to stare at Otae then his eyes wandered down at the child in her arms, the child with v-shaped bangs,

This isn't real . . . Hijikata brought his hands down on Otae's shoulders after confirming his thoughts. "You thought you could fool me with such a cheap trick?" . . . even so . . . "Give me the kid and scram." with a completely serious look on his face, "I'll look after it,"

"You've been completely fooled!" Shinpachi responded in shock. Hijikata took the bundle from Otae and faced Shinpachi,

"Hey, can you spare the kid? Let me raise Togoro!"

"Calm down! Who the hell is Togoro?" Shinpachi screamed in disbelief at the worsening state of Hijikata's grip on reality. The situation only got worse when Kondo, having lost his mind over Hijikata and Otae's affair, appeared behind the three.

Of course events unfolded and eventually all were restored to their former sane state (well as sane as they technically were before). Hijikata was recovering at the Shinsengumi Headquarters in the same way he always did; by sitting comfortably in a kimono before the television set, a large bowl of mayonnaise on the kotatsu before him. Hijikata took a thick spoonful of mayonnaise from the bowl and chomped down on it. As he chewed on the rich consistency of mayonnaise a news bulletin sounded on the television,

"As most people should be aware of by now, Edo has experienced a breakout of mysterious wart infections, these warts have been identified as the alien forms called Q'Sai Nettle . . ." the explanation of the Q'Sai Nettle's infection process continued as Hijikata took another spoonful from his bowl of mayonnaise. "It should be noted that these aliens are attracted to ambition. People with more ambition have a higher chance of being infected, and the aliens will evolve according to that ambition." Hijikata's jaw moved up and down slowly as he pondered on those last words. An image of the little baby with v-shaped hair flashed across Hijikata's eyes.

. . . evolve according to that ambition? Hijikata's thoughts wandered back to the feel of the small bundle of a child in his arms. It was warm and if he had had the time to check, Hijikata was sure the child would have had a very 'new born baby' smell. Quickly pushing those thoughts away Hijikata scratched the back of his head, an expression on his face that was a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. His thoughts continued however and they came to fall on that moment when Otae placed her hand on his chest.

'Forgive me . . . Toshi-san' Hijikata's poker face stood strong but her voice repeated itself again in his mind, 'Toshi-san . . . Toshi-san . . . To—' Hijikata bent over, his arm leaning against the kotatsu and clenching the spoon in his hand tightly, his other arm was wrapped around his waist. A look of confusion and reddening cheeks erased Hijikata's usual calm unreadable face. He was clutching his waist trying to convince himself that he had eaten too much mayonnaise and that's what this weird feeling was. But he couldn't ignore what was really bothering him, it was not his stomach, but rather his heart tightening in his chest. In such a moment it just had to be that Sougo slid open the door to reveal Hijikata crouched over in pain (or complete utter joy, although Sougo would prefer the first over the second).

"Ah? Hijikata-san what are you doing?"

"Nothing, go away,"

"Eh it doesn't look like nothing Hijikata-san," Sougo blinked as a thought occurred to him, "Could it be you've been infected by the Q'Sai Nettle again?" Sougo then pulled out his bazooka rather naturally from behind him, "I'll blow it away for you," the bazooka locked on Sougo's target and clicked in anticipation,

"YOU'LL BLOW AWAY MY HEAD!"Hijikata screamed up at Sougo. Hijikata grunted and looked away. Sougo loosened his finger on the trigger, another thought occurring to him as he asked in all seriousness,

". . . Are you constipated?"

"GO AWAY,"

"It must be all that mayonnaise—,"

"I said. Go. Away." as Hijikata grumbled his warning threateningly, Kondo ran into the room behind Sougo, an excited look on his face as he waved around the slim slips of paper in his hand.

"Look at the baseball tickets I bought for—," Kondo stopped as he regarded the knelt over Hijikata,"Eh, Toshi, what's wrong?"

"Hijikata-san's constip—,"

"LIKE HELL I AM!" Hijikata angrily interrupted Sougo and being too distraught to come up with a proper excuse Hijikata tried to hide his still flushed face from Kondo and Sougo. Kondo raised an eyebrow as Sougo lowered his bazooka. Sougo annoyed at not being the cause of whatever made Hijikata bend over in such pain, turned from the room with a disappointed,

"Tch," Kondo watched the little sadistic First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi walk away with the bazooka propped over his shoulder. Kondo shrugged and turned back excitedly to Hijikata. As Kondo took a seat across from Hijikata he happily continued on about the tickets in his hands,

"Neh Toshi, do you think Otae-san likes baseball?"

"Eh?" Hijikata blinked and looked over at the wide eyed Commander of the Shinsengumi before him. Kondo seemed embarrassed all of a sudden and with a slight blush began to explain,

"Mahh it's just— that well— I bought these tickets hoping to ask Otae-san out on a date. Everyone likes baseball right? Well it should be ok— eh, Toshi, is something wrong?" Hijikata, unwillingly, had begun to grimace and it seemed like that pain in his chest had started to grow. Slowly Hijikata shook his head,

"No, it's nothing . . ."

Kondo blinked, "Eh . . . could it be— Toshi . . .?" Hijikata winced, afraid that he had underestimated Kondo and that Kondo had seen right through him, "You're really constipated?"

"I'M NOT, I'M TELLING YOU! FORGET ABOUT THAT WILL YOU?"


So remember my comment at the end of chapter one? That child now has a name. Togoro~