That evening, Harry could hear the distant sounds of Ruth giving Lucy her dinner, while he locked himself in the bathroom. He really wanted a shower, but he'd found that it could be a trial to willingly submerge himself in water. It was very much a force of willpower, which sometimes he just didn't have, and gave up. He wanted to think it was getting easier, but he wasn't entirely sure that it was.

He stared at the bathtub, two images at war in his head. He had a vivid memory of Ruth in this bathtub, about five months pregnant. She'd been absolutely glowing as they both sat in the warm water. It'd been a tight fit, even in the generous bath with the three of them, but it had been a highly entertaining evening, even if half the water had ended up on the bathroom floor. That beautiful image was warring with the memory of him being suffocated in ice cold water so often, he genuinely thought he was going to drown.

"Breathe Harry," he said to himself. "Just breathe." He leant over the bathtub, holding on as if for dear life as he tried to clear his mind. It worked, but only after a long mental struggle. It was enough for him to have a quick shower, then dry off without any more torturous images invading his mind.

Hanging on the back of the bathroom door was Ruth's dressing gown. He pressed his nose to the fabric, inhaling her scent. He was a little afraid of getting too close and intimate with Ruth, and that he knew would fade. He still wanted her, but worried that if he had sex with her now, he'd only be using her to forget himself for a few blissful minutes. It wouldn't be the same as it had been before, and it certainly wouldn't be right. He refused to use her like that.

He dressed, and left the bathroom, surprised to see the house in darkness. He'd been much longer than he'd thought. He walked along the hall, until he came to Ruth's bedroom. Their bedroom, he supposed. A light was on, he could see it under the door, so he knocked once and pushed the door open.

She sat in bed, reading a book but slipping in her bookmark when she saw him.

"It's late," he said simply. "I didn't realise."

"Yes," she said.

"Why didn't you…"

"What?" she asked. "Disturb you?"

"Well, yes," he said.

"I wasn't going to do that," she said. "I wasn't going to fall asleep either in case you needed me, but I didn't want to intrude." She spoke softly and it hit him like a wave just how much he'd missed her. Missed her calm steadying presence, her soft gentle voice.

"I've missed you," he said, voice full of feeling. She smiled and sat up.

"You could sleep in here," she said. "Even on the floor."

"I can't," he said. "I just… can't. Not yet. I'm sorry."

"No," she said. "Don't apologise." She yawned and blinked once or twice. "I'm going to sleep."

"Goodnight Ruth," he said.

"Night."


Harry slept well, and awoke to a pair of blue eyes staring at him, very closely. His heart gave an unpleasant lurch, before he recognised Lucy.

"You're sleeping on the floor," she said simply.

"Yes," he agreed, sitting up and rubbing his face to try to return to his senses.

"That's strange," she said, blinking at him innocently.

"I suppose it is."

"Lucy, don't disturb Harry," Ruth's voice said, as she came through the open door.

"It's fine," he said, seeing Ruth's worried face. "I'm fine," he added. She smiled at him in a way which warmed his heart.

"Come on, Luce. Let's leave Harry alone and come and have your breakfast." Ruth left him alone to get dressed and he joined his family in the kitchen as Lucy finished her cereal. He moved towards Ruth and gently kissed her cheek.

"Can I take her out today?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Ruth said after a moment. "Just an hour though. Let her get used to you a bit."

He turned around and saw Lucy watching him as if she knew she was being talked about. "Do you want to go to the park?" he asked.

"Yes!" she burst out with a wide smile which had Harry grinning.

"It's just down the…"

"I remember where it is," Harry said, eyes intensely staring at her. She blushed and looked away, but she knew exactly what he was remembering.

"I need to sit down," Ruth said breathlessly as they saw a bench. "God, I feel so tired these days."

Harry smiled at her, putting a protective hand over her pregnancy bump. "You've still got a few months yet."

"Don't remind me," she said darkly, making him laugh as they sat down. The bench was in a small children's park, which seemed a bit old, abandoned and run down as it was nowhere near any houses except their own.

"In a few years our son will be playing here," Harry said, kissing her behind her ear gently.

"No he won't," Ruth countered. "Not until the council changes the swings. They're covered in rust."

"You're going to be a protective mother, aren't you?"

"I've seen too much, Harry," she said. "Yes, I will be." She gasped, grabbing Harry's hand as the baby kicked somewhere underneath her ribcage. He smiled as he felt the movement of their child. The novelty hadn't yet worn off, and every time the baby moved, she felt obliged to grab Harry's hand and press it to her stomach.

When the movement subsided, Harry kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms tightly around his wife. He couldn't imagine life without her, couldn't even remember what it felt like to not be in love with this remarkable woman. "I love you," he said. She smiled at him, but didn't reply. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes in happiness as his arm went around her.

"Do you know something?" she asked. "I'm so happy."

"Good," he said. He kissed her hair, then continued as she shifted, kissing her temple, her cheek and moving lower he kissed her neck. Ruth breathed heavily, and shied away.

"Not in public," she said.

"There's no one here," he murmured, carrying on as she sighed against him.

"Oh God, Harry," she whispered. He laughed against her collarbone as his hand slipped under her blouse, stroking the round of her stomach in a way which made her skin flush and her heart race. "We're still in public," she reminded him as he sucked her earlobe.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, vocie reverberating through her.

"Oh, never."