A/N: I don't know if you guys even remember this story. I've returned from hibernation and I simply thought I'd post another chapter. If I get a little feedback (even one small review really helps motivate me, believe it or not!) I will continue posting the rest as well. I hope you guys are still interested! Here goes. :)
Credits: This chapter contains dialogue adapted from "Bloodlines" written by Richelle Mead.
Chapter Nine: Adrian
And you are folded on the bed,
where I rest my head,
There's nothing I can see, the darkness
becomes me
But I'm already there, wherever there is
you
I will be there, too
I was in Sydney's bedroom.
Her bedroom was just as I'd expected: neat, clean and organized. Very Alchemist-like. But with the sunlight streaming through and highlighting all her features in a surreal beauty; I knew there was more to this girl than what met the eye.
The image shifted slightly, and her father was now standing over her bed. Sydney woke up with a haggered breath; her eyes filled with terror. She must have been having a bad dream. She looked into her father's eyes, he looked agitated. "Dad?" She muttered, trying to sound as respectful as possible even though I was pretty sure she was still half-asleep, reeling from whatever she'd been dreaming about. "Sydney. You wouldn't wake up."
He didn't even bother apologizing to her, not that it came as a surprise; he was Jared Sage after all. He didn't do apologies. "You need to get dressed and make yourself presentable," he sounded so harsh. "Quickly and quietly. Meet me downstairs in the study." Her eyes widened a little but she knew what she had to do: nod polietly and agree.
"Yes, sir. Of course."
Sir? She had to call her own father that? What a jackass. I couldn't believe she was as endearing as she was; being the natural product of someone as crude as that. Her dad muttered something about her sister and panic began to rise in her chest. "Zoe?" Her voice was unhinged, "What do you need her for?" He chastised her to keep her tone down, "Hurry up and get ready. And remember—be quiet. Don't wake your mother." He stomped out; shutting the door behind him. Sydney stared on at where he stood a few seconds ago.
A dozen dismal thoughts were swelling up in her. I could feel it. Her thoughts, her fears. Like I was a passenger inside of her—er, in her mind. I tried to look at my own form, but I was transparent, like a ghost. Sydney's horrors were unlimited. Re-education centers being at the top of the list. There was more of course. Fear for her sister, for her future. Fear of being condemned to one of those terrible facilities, where they sent all the alchemists who 'screwed up'. They did things to them in there; brain-washed them, until there was nothing left but empty, hollow, robot-like shells of the people they once were. Scary.
Sydney gulped, biting back all the nagging fears and thoughts. She scurried to get ready in time; still wondering why her father wanted Zoe. I wanted to focus on the way that Sydney was feeling—but I lost all train of thought for the next few seconds.
She stripped down. Right in front of me.
Of course; she didn't know I was there. Some gentlemanly part of me asked me to turn around, but all I could do was gape with my jaw dropped and my eyes wide. I'd never seen Sydney naked; not really. She was quick; unfortunetely, so I didn't get to see much. What I did see however, blew my mind. She was beautiful; I could paint a body so perfect. She was slim, a little overly slim; but I knew she was going to put on some weight soon from my coaxing. She had long legs, tender arms, her stomach was flat. I wanted to brush my knuckles over the golden hairs on it, but bawled them into fists to keep from trying it.
When she was changed; I tried to divert my mind from her naked figure. It was tough, but somehow miraculously, I managed it. She was trying to fix her hair now, frowning into the mirror. I thought they looked adorable. All dissheleved and naturally fluffy. She tried to smoothe the golden strands down a little with some hair spray before leaving it be. She was out the door in barely a few minutes.
The image shifted; and I was still scrooging it. It's like nothing we've ever done before. These kinda spells are intimate. I wish Sydney had emphasized on exactly how intimate. She hadn't mentioned this blast from the past detour.
A living room came into focus. It was dark, but the light making it's way through one of the doors told me it was early morning. She walked through that door and stopped abruptly at the entrance. Her father was back; eyeing her, scanning her, his eyes swivelled dangerously over her face to feet; like he had x-ray vision. He nodded in approval before opening his trap, "Sydney," he said vaguely, "I believe you know Donna Stanton."
A lady who looked as Alchemist-like as it gets stood near a window. I could tell from Sydney's thoughts that she was a formidable one, too. They were all business, looking sharp and ready for whatever they had planned. Hell, if I didn't know better, I would have thought they were a group of very well-groomed terrorists about to plant a bomb.
Sydney was getting worried again. She was afraid that these people were here because they were still upset about her role in helping Rose get away. I didn't think that was the case. It was surprising; the amount of tumultous thoughts in her head and how her face showed absolutely no sign of any of them. To any unsuspecting on looker, she would be calm and composed. The picture of confidence. Her inner thoughts told a different story; however.
Suddenly, another girl walked in. She was young, probably Jill's age and had her brown hair tied in two ponytails. She looked cute, like that girl from Alice in Wonderland. If Alice in Wonderland had brown hair and wore jeans and sweatshirts and was part of an Alchemist lineage. The girl looked afraid, trapped; overwhelmed. Her father stared at her dissapprovingly. Insantly, I felt Sydney's kind heart go out to her. "Zoe," said her father.
Zoe cowered against her sister; and Sydney held her own, like a protective mother.
A protectice, sexy mother.
"I don't understand, Jared," Donna said, "Which one of them are you going to use?"
She spoke so nonchalantly, she could have been talking about toothbrushes. It was disrespectful; the way they treated Sydney and Zoe like objects rather than people. "Well, that's my problem," Jared's voice was like steel. "Zoe was requested… but I'm not sure she's ready. In fact, I know she isn't. She's only had the most basic of training. But in light of Sydney's recent… experiences…"
Sydney flinched ever so slightly and her mind took off again. I felt like bawling my invisible fists again; not that I could actually do anything about this. Still, I didn't like Jared's tone. Sydney was slightly relieved, deciding that this wasn't about a re-education center after all. Thankgod. That, would have been a nightmare come true. Sydney realized that she'd been woken up for some kind of mission. She was afraid for her sister, she couldn't let them take her. Jared was right about one thing; she wasn't ready. Sydney didn't want to see her sister get into any kind of trouble. She stepped forward.
"I spoke to a committee about my actions after they happened," She explained; trying to sound as impassive as possible. "I was under the impression that they understood why I did the things I did. I'm fully qualified to serve in whatever way you need—much more so than my sister. I have a real-world experience. I know this job inside and out." I could tell she wasn't lying; she was super smart and had all the knowledge there was to know about her duty. I was surprised the Alchemists didn't worship her, some of the things she knew went even beyond their own fortes.
"A little too much real-world experience, if memory serves." Taunted Donna. There was a third person in the room now. He backed up Donna's taunts, and even made pretentious air-quotes. Sydney thankfully, was resilient. She masked her anger quite well, I would have punched these uptight, arrogant excuses for authority figures right in their smug faces.
"I understand, sir. But Rose Hathaway was eventually proven innocent of the crime she'd been accused of. So, I wasn't technically aiding a criminal. My actions eventually helped find the real murderer."
That was true. And Rose was many things, but a criminal she was not. Again, my blood boiled, along with Sydney's. The third man snorted and rambled about how it still didn't justify Sydney's actions. Sydney frankly admitted to believing Rose's innocence all along.
"And there's the problem. You should've believed what the Alchemists told you, not run off with your own far-fetched theories. At the very least, you should've taken what evidence you'd gathered to your superiors."
I didn't like that word. 'Superiors.' It was right out of the dictionary of some condescending old bastard like this guy. Sydney's mind was racing again, she knew that it wasn't going to be simple to explain why she did what she did. She'd known it. It had been an instinct, a feeling. She also knew Rose; yes, she was a creature of the night but no, she was not a murderer. Someone who had been that kind couldn't have been. It didn't matter, though. These people wouldn't buy it. She had to feed them something that they would register.
"I… I didn't tell anyone because I wanted to get all the credit for it. I was hoping that if I unconvered it, I could get a promotion and a better assignment." She lied, cleverly. Her face showed not a hint of doubt. I was impressed.
She knew she sounded slimy and shallow, but then again who here wasn't? This was the only way they were going to let her off the hook and Sydney had to do this, take up this mission, save her sister the struggle. They all seemed to believe it; just like we expected them too. Stupid fools. Donna looked slightly doubtful, but she nodded too.
Her father said something and the third guy mumbled something I didn't bother listening to. I was too focused on Sydney. Still, my ears perked up when they mentioned something. "Re-ink Sydney," Donna mused. "Even if she doesn't go, it won't hurt to have the spells reinforced. No point in inking Zoe until we know what we're doing with her."
Sydney seemed at relief again. I was flabbergasted by the way the lady spoke about the kid, like a chess piece that she wasn't sure where to place. The other part of her sentence surprised me a little less, tattoos were the way they kept their people in line. I wanted to scream and tell Sydney not to do it, I wanted to tell her to stick one finger in the air and stomp out of this place but I knew that this was just some kind of movie reel. It wasn't the real thing. It was an event of the past, a ghost, something that had already happened.
I stayed in my position. Watching her. She had some priest-guy waiting to get her inked. He muttered a disrespectful incantation about keeping the 'taint of evil' away. I scoffed mentally. The only evil I saw in this room was them. There was a briefcase with all kinds of viles that looked like poisonous experiments straight from Frakenstein's lab. There were hazy labels on each of them, I couldn't make out the wordings.
The liquid was dark red. Like blood. I thought that was ironic.
He did his work and finally pulled out the needle. Sydney held her cheek up for him and I felt her flinch. I bet that was going to hurt. The needle prickled at her skin, and it stung. I didn't know how she beared the pain, I thought it was too much, she was strong, though. Barely felt it. It was like she was becoming numb; immune to the suffering that they brought on her.
"Can you brief us on what's happening while we're waiting?" Sydney's dad asked, his voice slightly frantic. "All I was told was that you needed a teen girl." Sydney rolled her eyes when nobody was looking at her, of course that's all he thought they were. Donna Stanton told them that they had a 'situation' with Moroi. She spoke our name with distaste, like we might as well be the Anti-Christ. I wish I could find that lady, go all Dracula on her just to freak her out. Anyway, I was now pretty sure I knew where this conversation was headed.
Sydney's thoughts were conflicted. Relieved again, that this wasn't related to Strigoi, a little afraid of what's to come. I was taken aback when she thought that we seemed human at times. I didn't think the old Sydney ever acknowledged us, apparently it was all a façade. Deep down, she knew the truth. If I'd been in corporeal form, I'd be beaming.
The third guy explained everything to the rest of them. At one point, Sydney asked them about Jill's wellbeing, I was proud, but her father threw daggers at her. Even Keith came in at one point, that glass-eyed idiot.
Finally, the image shifted and I began to see something else entirely. I almost wished I was back at the Sage home now.
I felt like I'd stumbled right out of one world and been tossed into another. I was pretty sure I was going to wake with a concussion of sorts. When I righted myself and looked around me, I felt my bones stiffen. If I even had bones... I wasn't sure how my body worked in a gaseous state.
And I was in hell.
Fires burned all around me. People running, screaming, clutching one another. Others running after them, wielding weapons of all sorts. Everything was painted in flickering shades of red and orange, gold and black. The scent of smoke, burnt wood, and flesh made the air feel thick. It was disgusting, and freaky. I was still Scrooging it here. People were running past me without ever acknowledging my existence.
That was a relief. I'd probably get blown up or shot. It looked like World War Three had broken out. I couldn't figure out why I was being shown this, or what it was. Past, present or future? I frowned slightly, walking around a little; amidst all the chaos.
"Terrible, isn't it?" I turned around so quickly my heart leapt into my throat. It was a girl... Rose? What on earth was she doing here? She looked as beautiful as ever. Her features were regal; different from Lissa's though. Lissa's were more queen-like.
Rose had the melachony beauty of a warroir.
Her long, wayward, brunette locks flapped about behind her in the wind. Her lips were pink, her eyes as precious as ever. She was dressed in a... white wedding gown? That was strange. Did that Russian Timelord finally get her to tie the knot? Despite the strange pang in my incorporeal chest that rose as I saw her, I didn't feel the pain that used to come laced with it. I was in love with Sydney now; I always would be. Sure, sometimes seeing Rose stirred up compressed feelings and old memories, but she didn't make me feel the way she used to. Sydney did that now, but it was what I felt with Rose multiplied by ten with her.
Like every part of me was set ablaze.
When my mouth finally managed to form words, I tilted my head. "What's happening, Little Dhampir? Why are we here?" She smiled; it was a sad, wistful smile. Like she knew something I didn't. "I'm not sure. I think your mind is trying to tell you something. I... I'm not actually her. I'm simply a guide."
I felt my frown deepen. I wasn't sure I was registering a word that she was saying. She spoke up again, like she had read my mind. "The world is a funny place, isn't it? Humans are too busy looking at the big picture to notice the little things. Silly, each and every one of them. Blind to the dangers that lurk in the shadows. Gripped by denial and unfazed by the terrors that they face ahead; they can only absorb what their compact little minds can register. Anything beyond that..." Her voice trailed off. "And still, they fight. They hold their own. They latch on to each other like leeches; vowing to face death in order to save their puny little race; the ones they love... Love is a complex thing, you see. It can heal and it can bruise. It can mend a wound; but it can also be the one inflicting the pain. It's one of the less narcissistic things about your species."
The only thing that I could comprehend right now was that the way she was talking hinted that she wasn't a human. I groaned, "Okay, so you're definitely not Rose. What the hell are you talking about? If... if you aren't human than what are you? And why are you showing me all this?" Rose sighed, shaking her head, then she grabbed my hand. It was stone cold, like a brick on a sleet covered wall. Suddenly, the pandemonium dissipated and was replaced by a dozen something people. Their faces were sullen, they looked... they all looked dead. Like zombies. Their eyes were endless and shallow, staring into nothing. Their clothes were torn and their bodies bruised. Some were worse than others. Few had broken limbs and impaled chests. I recognized someone within the midst and my breath caught. It was the girl I'd saved. Tessa... was her name? She had a wiper sticking out of her chest and her head was bleeding. My heart started to pound.
"But..." my voice failed me. Dead Tessa was staring blankly at me, but the expression on her face was like a ghost of a smile; like she was taunting me. "I saved you!" I exclaimed. Dead Tessa did not reply and dread began to creep it's way up my spine.
"Stop it!" I growled, "I don't want to see all this." Rose didn't budge, "You have to see it. You have to face the truth. You know that she doesn't belong in your world; not anymore." I felt like my entire body was going to turn to liquid and I saw red. "You don't understand. I had my reasons!" Rose's voice remained neutral. "I'm sure you did. Come..." Again, she grabbed my hand and our surroundings began to change.
This time the vision was strong and the light in front of us was so bright it was blinding. "Am I dead? Is this the light at the end of the tunnel? Am I going to have to watch my life flash before my eyes, because I don't think I'm ready for that." I mumbled earnestly, Rose shook her head; like one does in front of a toddler who doesn't understand the world.
"Don't be so naive, Adrian. You know exactly why I am here." I bit my lip.
No, I don't. If I did, I wouldn't be losing my freaking mind.
"So what are you supposed to be, exactly? The Grim Reaper? The Spirit Guide to the Underworld? A Death-Eater? Look, I don't know what you want or why I'm here but it would be great if you let me in on the magic show!" I grumbled, Rose once again, seemed oblivious to my issues. She just pointed, "Look."
So I swiveled my head to the other side. It was her. It was her in all her ice cold glory.
Her hair was white like a dozen icicles, her eyes like a frozen pond on a cold winter night. There was this joke about a woman being so beautiful that it hurt. This was the same thing; but not in the good sense. There was pain engraved into her beauty. Laying eyes upon her made my entire body rigid and suddenly I felt like I was sleeping on a bed of spikey needles.
She was laughing, and everything around us began to change again. She stood in an endless empty desert. Both the moon and the sun were up high in the sky, and her eyes were closed; like she was asleep. Literal sparks of energy emanated from her essence. Like she was made of power. "She was once a human being too; like you. Power and ego corrupted her. She had more of it than a mere human body can handle... It ruined her. Now... She is like poison. A ticking time bomb that when exploded, will obliterate everything in its path. Causing destruction and disarray." Rose mumbled softly, her eyes narrowed.
"That's what you were showing me, wasn't it? You were showing me what will happen if she... succeeds with whatever she's planning." Rose turned to me, her face slightly incredulous, then the expression shifted... she looked sympathetic. "Oh, she's already succeeded. Half of the process is complete. However; time remains... She can be stopped."
I looked at the sleeping demon, "What is she?"
"She's countless things. A demon, a witch and... she believes she is a goddess. While this is not true; she wields such power that she might as well be one. When she became extremely powerful. She was... banished from the village she came from. Frowned upon, rendered a monster and an abomination. Exiled from the world. A long time ago."
"She whispered to me, something about the end." I explained, Rose nodded.
"That's what she said she was. The end. She's not powerful enough yet, to break-free from wherever she's been, but somehow she's crossed paths. She causes storms and insanity. She plans to absorb all elementic magic, use it to break free. If she does this, your world as you know it will break into absolute chaos and crumble into nothingness."
I gulped, this sounded like something out of a science fiction movie. We'd faced lots of insane stuff over the past year, even with Rose back at St. Vladimar's, I'd seen some things I could live without seeing. However... This... This was something else. A whole new level of crazy.
"How do you expect us to stop it? I'm nothing, I'm an addict, Rose. And a spirit user who is probably going to lose his mind very soon... I-I can't..." She shushed me, raising a cold finger to my lips. "It's inside you. Inside both of you. You are strong enough and... I... I believe our time is up. I wish I could stay, tell you more but this is all I've gotten. It was difficult to catch a hold of you, but luckily, your girl is intelligent. This spell might as well have saved your lives. I would tell you more but..." I couldn't catch the rest of what she was saying, her image flickered like bad TV reception, and so did everything surrounding us.
"Ivy!" She screamed as she dissapeared into the darkness till their was nothing left. Slowly, my own body started to flicker and...
I broke out of the trance with a gasp.
I was panting when I was dumped back into reality. Beads of sweat stroked my forehead and my vision was slightly blurry. The rest of me felt light, like I was weightless. My hands fell loose and numb to my sides, my throat was starting to dry up and I had to choke back a cough. I looked up at Sydney; she looked worse. I felt my heart leap as I looked upon her face.
I'd seen things. Stuff I probably shouldn't have seen... about her life. I'd felt the pain, the agony, the heartache, the nervousness and the trauma that came with every pivotol or traumatic event in her life. It was like I'd hitched a ride into her soul. It wasn't fair, of course. To her. There were certain... boundaries and limits to one's existence. A reason why things were kept private. And yet, I'd seen it all, experienced it all. I wasn't sure if there was anything I could say or do, to make her feel better, so I bit back any quips or one-liners because for once, my mind was blanking out. The spell works both ways. She'd seen it too, experienced everything I'd felt; in high definition. She probably knew me better than Jill did now. I knew that I was supposed to be afraid, nervous, angry even. All I felt was relief.
Like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
And Sydney. God, I understood her now. The parts of her being that I thought I'd never get a hold on, I registered them. I could see why she reacted in certain ways, I could believe why she behaved the way she did sometimes. Even the little things about her that sometimes agitated me now made perfect sense. I saw... clarity in who she was. She had so much love and warmth in her heart. Trust didn't come to her easily, her father being the root of this trait. She would crawl to the ends of the earth for the people that she loved. She stood up to what she believed was right. She was inquisitive, imaginative, genius. So many thoughts and feelings... a tornado of them, just gathering on inside of her. She had so many questions and even more answers. Reading had always been a passion; she was very insecure. Afraid of so much but capable of absolutely anything when she put all her energy into something. I even felt it. What was going through her head and heart when she was leaving me behind for Mexico... I'd seen what she'd gone through and it was... almost as painful as how I'd felt. Now I felt my heart breaking all over again. It wasn't out of self-pity. This time, it was for her.
It had been an impulsive decision, sure but she'd had her reasons. I could only admire her more now, I could feel my mind conjuring only the utmost respect for Sydney Katherine Sage. She really was the beautiful, vibrant soul I'd always thought she was. But there were other things too. She was brave, independent... She'd seen things a girl her age wasn't meant to see. She was only starting out in life but she'd learnt so much. Yet, she was strong, standing up with her tiny blonde head perked up a little higher every time she got kicked down. It was breathtaking. Like a revelation.
I'd lived in the delusion that I knew this girl from head to toe. I'd been wrong.
There was so much going on in that pretty mind of hers. So many things I couldn't even believe. She'd let me in, let me see... Her deepest fears, her innermost thoughts, the way she felt about... us. And I loved her. God, I loved her so much. I felt like my heart had grown a few sizes to make space for all the adoration I had for this one person. The thing was, she loved me, too. In her heart of hearts, she had the same feelings for me that I did for her. She'd been worried absolutely sick about me these past couple of weeks, and now I felt like I needed to ease her pain; reassure her that I was going to be okay. For once, I believed my own words.
I was going to be okay.
I was going to work through my doubts and my fears. I was going to walk through hell and back with a bloody smile on my face, I'd take anything spirit threw my way.
For... her. To be hers.
I looked into her amber eyes, they were the color of freshly ground honey; tears were welling up in them. Her chest was still heaving, her cheeks hollow and sucked in, she looked overcome with utter fatigue. The spell had worn her out. Her pouty lips parted ways, and she finally managed to speak through the haggered breaths.
"This," her voice was low, "Never happened."
I nodded, not that I believed the words about to come out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it. I needed to reassure her, nod along for the first few minutes. I knew how she must be feeling now, I could assess it all in my mind. She must be overwhelmed, afraid, she must feel violated and upset. So I simply nodded. Yep.
"Never happened."
xxxxx
I was staring at a blank canvas again.
Rowana had called earlier today, with more assignments from class that I had to attend to. For once, though, I was filled to the rim with some serious inspiration. Only... I was having a difficult time putting my thoughts into paint strokes. Mrs. Valentine is the Art teacher from Hell. All her assignments are so complicated and hard to work with. "Painting is a form of art, a way to express yourself in a world where it's absolutely impossible for one to do so. Think of the world as your canvas, keep a paintbrush in your pocket; wherever you go. Paint the town red, colour the skies a brilliant navy blue and let your creativity shine!" She'd ramble on fanatically. It was creepy, really, when the lady talked about art. She'd get this look in her eyes and... and - sometimes there was drool.
I shuddered at the thought, staring at the empty aquarium that sat atop the cabinet opposite to my bed. Huh. I hadn't expected to miss Hopper so much, I guess I'd grown attached to the little guy. I could almost hear it... his screeching. Sydney had taken him back with her earlier today, speaking of her... We hadn't spoken since we'd packed up after the spell. I wanted to give her some space, we could talk tomorrow. It's not like we had a choice. Rose, my spirit guide - whatever, had warned me about what was to come. I could still remember the way she was yelping 'Ivy! Ivy!'.
I wanted to puzzle out what it meant, but my mind was taking off again. I groaned, suddenly feeling a little testy, I pushed the canvas away and capped the lids of the open paint bottles lying around, without bothering to clean up my mess, I stood up and walked over to my liquor cabinet. I stared at it longingly for a few seconds, debating whether or not to go down that road. I was trying to cut back, I'd been drinking a little too much eversince Sydney had left me and now that she was back I knew that I had to try and remain focused but not just for her, for myself as well.
I didn't think Sydney wanted to get stuck with a mental patient for a boyfriend.
I sighed, managing somehow to temporarily repress my alcohol urges and laying down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling for a while. That spell had been extremely surreal, seeing Rose like that... And the fate of the world if whatever it was that this goddess person was trying to achieve actually worked... God, I'll admit I've seen some twisted shit in my life, but this takes the Nobel Prize for twisted. And then there was Sydney herself. Was I ever going to lose interest in her? Unlikely. Was she going to make my life or break it? I scoffed internally, only a few hours ago, I had decided that I would keep ahold on myself, but clearly, the pessimistic, neurotic part of me was still stuck to my brain like a leech. I thought about texting her, but then decided against it. Before she left, I used to have a habit of sending her random texts throughout the day, fantasy escape plans of how the two of us could runaway together. They were lame, but they made her laugh.
So instead of texting Sydney, I texted Rowena: Want to head out 2night ? She replied a minute or so later: Can't. Got coursework to complete. U ok ? I sighed, tossing my phone away, not even bothering to respond. Not that I'd ever tell Sydney, even if she already knew now thanks to that spell; but my mood swings were getting worse by the minute. Spirit's effects were starting to worsen too, eversince I'd brought that girl back from the brink of death. I'd known it when the idea had dawned upon me, I'd known it when I was doing it -the price that I would have to pay for it. But I kept feeling like it was worth it, at the end of the day. Isn't it a small price to pay for something as miraculous as saving someone's life? I knew Sydney didn't think so, but I did.
Spirit is not all bad, is it? No. No. Not her. No, God. Please no. It was another secret I'd kept from Sydney, how in my darkest moments lately, I imagined conversations with my dead aunt. Tatiana's voice literally spoke to me inside my head, and the ghastly thing about it was that it sounded exactly like her. It was one of the most terrifying things that had ever happened to me because while certain actions might be jokingly called crazy, there was no question that imaginings of ghosts actually were crazy. "Go away, Aunt Tatiana," my voice was hesitant, and I knew it. I've missed you, my dear boy. I cringed, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," I said dryly. "So please just... Leave me alone." I thought that if Aunt Tatiana's ghost was in a physical manifestation, she would be chukling right now. You needn't be afraid of me, sweetling.
I was afraid. I was scared out of my mind. Aunt Tatiana would always hold a special place in my heart, her tragic death had come as a hefty shock to everyone, but it had almost destroyed me. She had been the one person who believed in me even when others didn't, she always told me that she saw the beauty in me; whatever that meant. Point was, she was the family that I had procured and then lost, the only person I truly loved in such a respect before Jailbait showed up. My parents were never much of a family to me, girls came and went, Aunt Tatiana, she'd been a constant. She pampered me and gave me wise words of advice, she came off to a lot of people as cold, narcissistic and aloof, I recalled; thinking of Rose's erstwhile hatred towards her. What they didn't know about her was that she was kind, loving and regal, I wasn't just saying this because she was my aunt, I truly believed that despite the facade she wore; she was a great queen. And then someone had to go ahead and kill her. Not just anyone, someone I knew. Christian's aunt if we were being precise... Before my blood started to boil, I leapt off the bed and stomped over to my restricted liquor cabinet in defeat. A voice inside my head that thankfully wasn't Aunt Tatiana but sounded too much like Sydney's told me not to; but I couldn't help myself.
I had to shut her out. Aunt Tatiana wasn't talking to me. This was not real. It's all been in my head, a delusion.
Are you sure about that? I groan as I struggle to open the cabinet with trembling hands, "What do you want?" She is quiet for a moment. Oh, I think you know the answer to that. "Now if I did, I wouldn't be talking to myself like a fool! Would I?" I growl, with as much repulsion as I can conjure as I finally manage to swing it open. I grab the first bottle I see and chug it down. I take languid sips, the warm of the alcohol burns my throat in that familiar way until it settles in my stomach. I only stop chugging to breathe and then continue till I'm down more than half of it. I'm still here. Tatiana taunted. "Yeah," I muttered, as I walked in a slight daze, back to my bed. "But not for long."
I took another swing. A smaller amount, this time. You can't run away forever, my darling boy. You know that. I gasped, almost choking on my drink. That sounded less like Aunt Tatiana and more like... her. Suddenly, it struck me. "Ivy?" I asked, maybe that was the bitch's name. Took you long enough. "So Aunt Tatiana - It was all you. All this time? How... How are you getting into my head?" I am your Aunt Tatiana, child. You are in danger. I have been trying to warn you since I first came to visit, but you don't respond to my signals at all. You can block me out with a single malt whiskey; but you cannot block her out. When she comes. Not even with the world's largest supply of liquor. I could literally feel the hairs on my skin stand on end. I felt like screaming, trapped in my own head, unable to do anything about it. I groaned, clutching my head and banging my own fists against it. "Go away!" I yelled, "Go away!"
"Adrian?" I rolled around on the bed, still clutching my head and groaning. "Oh, and now you sound like Sydney. Stop it! Leave me alone, Aunt Tatiana! And... whoever you are! Get out!" Suddenly, there's a small intake of breath, like a sudden exclamation. "Adrian," her voice is gentler now. I freeze. It's her. She's actually here. Shit.
She walked over to me; tenderly taking my wrists and placing my hands back down to my sides. She sat down next to me then, and ran a finger down my cheek, I winced at the small shiver it sent down my spine. Her eyes were full of so much emotion that I couldn't stand to look into them. "Hey, look at me," her voice was soft. I couldn't do it, though. "Look at me, Adrian." She repeated. Finally, I managed to meet her eyes; but I couldn't look into them for long, because my head was starting to spin. "You'll be okay..." She muttered, registering my semi-drunken state. I didn't realize it, but the booze's effects were starting to affect me. My eyes were getting heavier, and my chest ached. I could still hear her, inside my head; but having Sydney sitting down so close to me with that distressed look on her face... I managed to shut most of what she was saying out.
I could feel my chest heaving as I tried to control my breathing, still not looking into her eyes. For a minute, none of us spoke. We just sat there. I, reeling over Aunt Tatiana's surreal words and booze while she just stared at me, contemplating what to do. She must have figured it out though, because to my surprise, she flung her arms around me and gave me a big bear hug. I breathed into the fabric of her shirt as my mouth rested against her shoulder; she smelt like coconut shampoo. She patted my back with one hand, and stroked my hair with the other. I was quite frankly floored, I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect out of her after our little 'experience' together. This was better than I was hoping for.
I knew that I must be looking like a mess, I was unravelling and she was witnessing it. I didn't like it. Her being able to see me like this, but at the same time, thinking about the journey that she must have had through my thoughts and memories and emotions... Maybe it didn't matter anymore. I calmed down a little, I was pretty sure she could smell the booze off of me but she didn't say a word about it. I hung on to her for a few more dizzying seconds, clinging to her arms, to the soft fabric of her shirt. Simply relishing in the fact that I had someone to hold onto. Like an anchor that was keeping me from the madness that awaited me.
"It's okay," she murmured, her voice was soft but distant. I flinched. She probably felt me stiffen, "It's okay." she repeated. I took a deep breath as we broke the embrace. My bones ached for more contact, but I kept my distance, burying my head into my hands and striving to calm my racing nerves. The voices were gone. Aunt Tatiana was gone.
For now.
xxxxx
"What did you see, Adrian?" Jill looked tense.
The next day, Jill had come over to check on me after Sydney had briefly explained the events of last night, I'd told her not to elaborate, the last thing any of us wanted for Jailbait was for her to get all worried about me and flunk at school. The thing was, she probably would have found out without Sydney's witness reports as it is. I sighed, she'd traipsed over here the first thing after school. I'd been working on my stupid art assignments again, and drawing a blank as usual. "Lots of things," I told her thoughtfully, busting open a can of soda pop and handing it to her as I made my way back to the couch. "Adrian, I need more details than that." Jill pointed out. I smirked. "Go back to worrying about boys and nailpolish colours, Jill. I don't think 'insightful' is a good colour on you."
She gave me a look. One that told me she was not going to be taking any of my sharp wit today. It was sad, too - I had jokes lined up for this particular conversation. I sighed, finally; in defeat. Sometimes, I despised the power this little girl had over me, other times, I knew that maybe it was the only thing that kept me going.
"Rose was there, well not Rose in the flesh, anyway. She said she was some kind of... spirit guide, I don't know." I began, Jill nodded, taking a quick sip of her drink before setting it down on the table in front of her and crossing her arms over her chest; fixing her full attention on me. "She spoke to me about the witch or whatever it is we are dealing with. It's not something I want to tell you but -" she cut me off at that. "You have to stop coddling me, Adrian. I can take care of myself. I'm already in too deep in all of this, there's no coming back from that. I can handle a little gore, okay? Just be honest with me." She deadpanned.
"She told me that we aren't just dealing with something strong, we are dealing with something ancient and powerful. Something that's been rumored witch, demon, sorceress. Countless things, Jailbait. Creepy things. I'm not sure what everything Rose told me meant, but I can tell you one thing... Even Voldemort would be shaking in his boots." Jill frowned, looking more perplexed than afraid. I admired it, her courage and her understanding. It wasn't a trait young girls her age possessed quite frankly.
"No wonder she's able to manipulate elements such as the weather," Jill murmured. I nodded in agreement, "I did find out one thing though, which might be useful. I think her name is Ivy." Jill perked up at that. "Really? That's great news! I'm sure Mrs. Terwilliger and Sydney will know what to do with that information! Maybe they have books on her. Don't... Don't they say that names have power?" She wondered aloud, her eyes sparkling with exhilaration. I chuckled softly, "Whoa, hold your horses, Jailbait. I wouldn't get my hopes too up, this is just a random conclusion I've drawn. Whether it's accurate or not... I'm not really sure." Jill dismissed my words with a wave of her hand, "It doesn't matter. It's something. Something that we can work with. And stop selling yourself short, you're a smart guy."
I couldn't help but smile at her. You could count on Jill to make your day. "You've done all kinds of heroic things this past year, starting with saving my life. Don't forget that." She said. I sighed at her words. I didn't feel very heroic, what I did was all pure instinct - and I felt like resurrecting Jill was a selfish thing considering I needed her so much. Heroes were selfless, brave and relentless. I was none of those things. I couldn't help but feel extremely guilty. Jill counted on me, so did Sydney. They believed in me. So much... And I kept letting them down, over and over again. Last night, I broke again and chugged down over half a bottle of alcohol, I wasn't doing so good on the archaic knight front, and I knew it.
I didn't like it. People having expectations of me, expectations always led to disappointment. I knew that better than anyone. There was a reason I never bothered to let anyone see the good in me, I didn't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations. But now... things were changing. I had people in my life that I cared about, people I loved. People whose hearts would break if they saw me fail.
"I'm not a hero." I concluded. "No, you're not. But you don't have to be. You are a good person, with a pure heart. Anyone who knows you well enough can see it. I think that's all someone needs to really make a change in the world." She went on. I grinned at her, my heart simultaneously melting.
"Go compose a sonnet, Jailbait."
