The Closet Chapter. Part Two. I told you I was gonna write another one of these. So I did. References from Shakespeare, Weird Al's Albuquerque song, and the Demented Cartoon Movie aren't mine. And for that matter, neither is Fruits Basket. Oh, the woes of being an adolescent fox-human hybrid! I don't even own my cat! How angsty!
"Ancient damnation!!"
"What?"
"Shigure locked us in the closet again."
"Dammit!"
"Well, yeah."
"Damn dog…"
"Kyo, you know fully well that I don't deserve that."
"You locked us in the damn closet! You DO deserve that!!"
"Hi…"
"Hey, Ritsu."
"Wha- How'd you get in here!!?"
"I was still in here from the last time…"
"Oh."
"Sohma-kun, would you like a piece of fish innards?"
"No. No with all my heart."
"Okay, Shigure, what did you do here."
"Tori-san!!!"
"Yes. I'm Hatori. Now why have you locked us all in here?"
"Where there's a closet, there are hot bishi make-out sessions. Where there are hot bishi make-out sessions, there are fangirls."
"So this all is just to get fangirls?"
"Yup."
"IDIOT."
"Yo."
"Hi, Haru."
"'Sup?"
"Nothin'."
"Zooky booky dook!"
"…"
"Momiji, you aren't going to yell like you did last time, are you?"
"No. I have learned my lesson."
"Pumpernickel? I love pumpernickel!!!"
"Who was that?"
"Rin?"
"Hm?"
"Did you say that?"
"Say what?"
" 'Pumpernickel? I love pumpernickel'?"
"Uh, no."
"Okay. Who said it, then?"
"Who knows. A closet monster?"
"There are MONSTERS in this closet?!?!"
"Relax, Tohru."
"Bu…bu-bu-but…"
"Butts? Where?!"
"SHUT UP, SHIGURE!"
"Well, of course the dumb Shiggy-san must shut up, for it's his nature to spout stupid sentiments like Mount Rushmore. I mean, Old Faithful. Please pardon my inconsistencies. Anyways, where is my little brother? I brought him peaches again, because EVERYONE loves peaches, and whyever not? They're juicy and orange!"
"Whatever, Aaya. Go away."
"Did you cheat on me while I was gone?"
"How could I cheat on you, 'Gure?"
"ALL RIGHT!"
"Do you guys ALWAYS have to do that?"
"Yes."
"…"
"I'm going to bash Orangey over the head with this lead pipe."
"AAHHH!!!"
"Heh! Joking, joking."
"D…don't do that!!!"
"Do what?"
"Who invited wave girl?"
Thwack.
"Okay, okay. I mean, who invited Hanajima?"
"I did."
"Besides you, rhymes-with-witch."
"I take offense to that."
"Well, that's your problem, Ren."
"Who invited Ren?"
"I did."
"Akito, I thought I told you that Ren is a demented hamster-tomato hybrid!"
"I take offense to that."
"SHUT UP!!!"
"I take-mmph."
"Thank you."
"Who did that?"
"Um, me."
"Me being?"
"Haru."
"Shweet."
"KAMIKAZE WATERMELON!"
"Shut UP, Momiji!!"
"O…okay… (sniffle)"
"Flame, flame, how I like to flame…"
"Ayame?"
"Yes, my dear little brother?"
"Shut the hell up."
"Oh, if you put it that way it sounds SO much more desirable…"
"Shut up."
"Fine. I can tell I'm not wanted."
"…I take offense to that."
"SHUT UP, REN!!"
"That wasn't Mommy-san."
"Then who was it?"
"Shiggy-san."
"SHIGURE!!!!!!"
"Eep!!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"So…"
"Yeah…"
"Moving on…"
"Quirrribble!!!"
"WTF?!"
"Well, it seems that Kyo is utterly confuzzled!! Oh, the horror!!!"
"What the hell does confuzzled mean?"
"(gasp) How can you be without such an influx of culture?!?"
"Sooooobaaaaaa…."
"SHUT UP, REN!!!!!"
"Fine, I can see I'm not wanted here."
"That was a pretty impressive yell. Let's do that again."
"…NO."
"…"
"What happened to Hatori?"
"His fangirls took him away to a better place."
"Ah."
"I need a ferret."
"Momiji, are you feeling alright?"
"Um…no…I need a ferret."
"FLESH EATING WEASELS!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
"What was that?!"
"Oh, just some flesh-eating weasels eating Kakeru's face."
"Oh. Well, that's going to have to be amended."
"Indeed."
"My naked weapon is out."
"Shut up, Haru."
"I'm quoting Shakespeare. Shakespeare is GOD."
"Ahem, ahem?"
"…you don't count, Akito."
"I was BORN to be loved! So angsty!"
"…"
"We don't care."
"Some family you are."
"Suit yourself."
"Rin? Let's go make out."
"Yay!"
"…"
"That was…special."
"It was special indeed, mon petit frere! I cannot but help to writhe in joy from your exquisite pronunciation that escaped your soft lips like a butterfly's wings!"
"That made no sense at all."
"…Soba?"
"SHUT UP!"
"Hey, Hatori? Ya need help getting Ren off of ya?"
"Naaaw. I want you to cut off my arms with a chainsaw."
"Okay!"
RRRMMMMMNNNNNNNNN.
"Whoa! No, no, I was being sarcastic! No! Put the chainsaw down!!"
"Okay."
"NOT ON THE FLOORRRR!!!!!!!!"
RRNMmnnbnb.
"The chainsaw has died."
"A horrible, horrible death."
"So…"
"SHUT UP, REN!"
"…ba."
"WE MEAN IT!!!"
"Machimachimachi mariachi…"
"Who keeps on saying random stuff?!?"
"Kyo, breathe."
"I vow that I will not sleep, will not eat, and will not rest until I find the perpetrator of the random sound maker."
"Okay?"
"After I go beat up some random person."
"Okay."
"If the world was flat, how would people skydive?"
"SEE?!?! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHEN I SAY RANDOM SOUND MAKER!!!!"
"That is pretty random."
"I told you!!"
"You're putting the wrong emphasis on the syllable."
"Gosh!"
"Yo, no Napoleon Dynamite references. Napoleon Dynamite is God."
"You just said that Shakespeare was God."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah."
"Then I'm polytheistic."
"WTF?"
"Kyo, use your words like a big boy."
"What?!?"
"Much better."
"Kagura?!"
"I'm angsty."
"Whatev."
"KURENO'S ANGSTY!!!!!!!"
"We know, Ritsu."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
And so the 2nd closet chapter comes to a close.
The last bit…heh…inspired by the review of The Little Cog Girl- didn't you say that was your favorite part? Woot.
Give me ideas, I usually use them.
Anyways, on a completely different note, I am currently trying to get one of my friends to make me an Ayame costume so I can scare small children. Or go to an animecon...not that I'm ever going to be able to...
I have just been alerted that I have a 7th grade fanclub. I don't know whether to be afraid or just...annoyed.
-blake
