Title: The Fundamentals of Family

Chapter Nine: The Problems with Indecisiveness


"Hey, Sayu?"

"Yes, Misa?"

"What time is it?"

"… Late."

"Oh. How late?"

"Late, late."

"Like… really late?"

"Are you retarded more so than usual right now?"

Misa gave her friend a drunken stare as she staggered over her own feet.

"Maybe…"

Sayu Double-Face-Palm.

"Of course you are."

"Where do you think Raito went?"

Sayu sighed as she pulled out her cell phone and called a cab, not even deigning to answer the slightly older woman's question as the blonde staggered beside her, light brown eyes glazed and disoriented from both alcohol and… well, Misa was just about always disoriented, so really, it was to be expected at this point.

"Saaaaaayuuuu…"

The brunette sighed as she tuned out her friend.

'Hello Karma, thank you for biting me right on the ass…'

"Oh, Raito… you are so in for a world of doom and destruction once I find your bitchy male-menopausal ass… just you wait and see."

"SAYU!"

CRASH!

SPLASH!

Doom.

And.

Destruction.

Damn it.

"Heh, heh, Sayu-chan went crashy-crash into a puddle full of dirty water and worms. YAY! LET ME JOIN!"

SPLASH!

'Preferably in that order.'


Two Weeks Later…


Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

"… I'm doing it wrong again, aren't I?"

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

"Now," Raito felt his eyebrow tick in agitation as the slightly older man fidgeting next to him watched his index finger continue to drum out a beat against his polished wooden table. "Why would you ask that, Matsuda?"

Matsuda sighed as he pushed the large schedule he had been formulating for his client away from his person as he rubbed one of his eyes with the back of his right hand. "Because only you would be so anal-retentive that you would actually build a repetitive little song from one finger because you're annoyed at someone not doing something right and thinking they're complete ass-hats?"

Eye twitch.

"… Cupcake?" Matsuda held a pink-frosted cupcake in good natured camaraderie as Raito gave him his one of a kind Super Glare (Which was so powerful in all its awesome glory that it needed to be capitalized, damn it).

"Matsuda…"

"Yes, Yagami-kun?"

"Just shut the fuck up and get the flipping cupcake out of my damn face."

"Yes sir!"

Matsuda moved away from the distressed-looking artist as he glimpsed over at the complete set of paperwork still in front of him, still not sure whose name to put on the top of the forms, even after a good two weeks of pondering.

'All three of them were so cute and smart and… and… just everything I've wanted in a child! Well, minus obedient, but what the hell, life can't be as perfect as I am.' Raito tapped his pencil against his paper as he heard a loud crash emanate from the kitchen and Matsuda swearing heartily about his now burnt fingers and flame-encrusted palms. 'Besides, I'm sure once I have one of them here, they'll act a lot better than the way they did when they were at the orphanage! It was probably just the competition of other children that was talking…'

"OH MY GOD, MY WRIST IS ON FIRE TOOOOOOOOOO!" Matsuda hollered as more banging was heard from the kitchen, Raito sighing as he brought out a small notepad from his pocket and opened it up.

'Maybe I should write a list of good qualities and bad qualities about each one…'

"SOMEBODY, PLEASE CALL A DOCTOR FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES!"

'Then, I'll have a clearer idea about who L and I will be most compatible with! Damn, I come up with awesome ideas…'

"WHY, OH WHY WON'T SOMEONE JUST HELP ME! GAH! OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY PANTS! HOW THE HELL DID THOSE GET ON FIRE TOO?!"

'Hm… Let's do this from oldest to youngest…'


Mihael-

Good Qualities:

Seems to be very honest with his… err… emotions

Very... playful? (In a semi-psychotic sort of way…)

Likes sweets like L, so shopping won't have to change very much at least

L gets along with him fine, miracle of miracles

Is very cute – Might even be able to pass him off as a girl… (Dress Up Time! Yay!)

Bad Qualities:

Loud

Annoying

Needs to be tranquilized on a daily basis

Hates everything and anyone that gets him mad… which just about covers everyone and everything

Very easily turns to violence

Would most likely wreck house the first day in coming (And I just got my new drapes in yesterday damn it!)

Mail-

Good Qualities:

Easily entertained

Likes Funions, apparently? (They are crazy-delicious…)

Isn't difficult to please

Very funny

Laidback, much like L

L also gets along with him, much to my surprise

Bad Qualities:

Is a smartass

Is addicted to gaming

Like Funions (After their crazy-delicious taste, they make your breathe smell like shit!)

Is an instigator (I sense a lot of fist fights in both L's and my future if we adopt him…)

Doesn't like to show much effort towards anything

Seems content to fall back unnoticed into the crowd

Nate-

Good Qualities:

Is very cute! (OH MY GOD, SO FUCKING KAWAII!)

Very compliant

Annoys the crap out of L (Hm… why is this such a good quality again…?)

Seems to be very attached to me already

Is quiet

Is so innocent, it actually hurts a little inside

Bad Qualities:

Manipulative (Hey, I can just tell at this point, damn it)

Annoys the crap out of L (This can be both a good thing and a bad thing, I say)

Uses his cuteness to his advantage (going back to being manipulative)

Doesn't really pay attention to the world around him

Is likely to say embarrassing things in public without thinking about it (who does he remind me of, exactly… hm…)

Very introverted - to the point of being anti-social, actually (Just what I need… another L. Shit)


Raito blinked as he looked down at the lists.

'This… well, this…'

Well…

That hadn't helped in the least, actually.

There were things he loved about each child and then there were things he hated that counteracted what he loved to begin with, only making the decision TWICE as difficult.

Raito sighed as he scratched his head.

This was not working out as planned…

"Whoo!" Matsuda entered the room once again as he patted his now bandaged hands against the fray of his shirt, his pants streaked dark charcoal black in various places… especially around the crotch and thigh area. "Thank God that's over… No more chaotic freak accidents for me!"

SLAM!

CRASH!

NOSE-SLAM OF BITCHINESS!

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY NOSE!"

"RAITO! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" Sayu stomped into the apartment as Matsuda lay on the ground, clutching his now bleeding nose with both hands. Pointing a finger at her older brother whom she hadn't seen in nearly two weeks, the unstoppable force that was Yagami Sayu was unleashed onto the poor unsuspecting apartment that had done nothing but… give living space. "YOU CAN EVADE ME NO LONGER, YOU LITTLE SCAREDY-ASS FUCKER! YOU'RE GORGEOUSLY PERFECT ASS IS MINE, PANSY-PANTS!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Raito shifted backwards as he tried to push out his chair as quietly as possible without alerting the she-devil of his imminent escape. "I mean really, are you alright, Sayu? I know you weren't carrying a full deck of cards to begin with…"

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A DUMBASS YOU OVERLY FLAMBOYANT TOM CRUISE IMPERSONATOR! You left me for dead at a strip club that I've never even been to before and then had the nerve to hide from for two damn weeks!"

"Like you've never done that to me before…"

"Alright, let me re-phrase for your own entertainment then; you left me for dead at a strip club that I've never even been to before WITH A DRUNK MISA and then had the nerve to hide from for TWO DAMN WEEKS!"

"… … Ok, you've got me there." Raito leaned back as Sayu came uncomfortably close to his face, his former escape plans withering away as her twitching eyebrow managed to scare the shit out of him far more than he would have thought possible "But it wasn't by choice. I was drunk out of my mind too. I don't even remember anything that happened after I went back on stage and tried to start stripping again…"

"Before, or after the random midgets came on stage with you and both men and women alike began throwing panties at your head as you proceeded to try to hump one of the poles?"

Raito sweat dropped.

"… … Ok. I officially do not want to remember, then."

"And if that weren't bad enough…" Sayu began to bawl as she threw herself on the floor, face in between her hands. "I missed whatever gangbang you and Ryuuzaki had planned afterwards! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I COULD HAVE MADE SELLING YOUR HOT SWEATY MAN-SEX LAST NIGHT?! I COULD HAVE BEEN BILL-GATES-OUT-OF-YOUR-FREAKING-MIND RICH, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Raito gave her a disgusted glare.

"I'm so sorry you didn't have the chance to intrude on my privacy and exploit it for your own gain, then. I promise to be more considerate to yourneeds next time." Raito muttered sarcastically as he shook himself out of his revolted stupor.

"YOU SHOULD BE!" Sayu trembled for one more moment before taking in a couple deep breaths as she attempted to ground herself once more. "But that's ok… that's alright… I'll have other chances to fuck with your head and gain satisfaction from doing so. Just. You. Wait. Raito. I will get my payback, and then some."

The sexier of the two brunettes gulped as Sayu wrung her hands together and smirked evilly.

"Raito-kun?" L poked his head from over railing of the top of their stairs as he held a plate of cookies close to his chest. "Hm… I thought my 'Raito-is-about-to-get-fucked-up' sense went off, and I came to see if any of said action was about to take place and by whom. But it seems it is only an impending ass-whooping about to take place, so I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Hey, Ryuuzaki!" Sayu chirped as she looked up at him, her cheerful grin once again in place as she stood up and brushed off her pants, completely ignoring her older brother who was staring at her as if she had just Magyver-ed her way out of a paper bag. "Just stopped by to say hi to our little man-whore in training here ("Hey!" Raito cried out in outrage.) and not-so-subtly allude to future mind-fucking that will somehow completely humiliate him in all ways possible! So… how have you been?"

"Ah… I see." L ate another cookie. "I am fine, and thank you for asking."

Raito almost fell out of the chair he was still sitting in (fortunately) as he gaped at the two them like a goldfish.

"Why is it that I get the death threat, but he, the person who foiled your plans to begin with, gets a 'Hi, how ya doin' Ryuuzaki?' instead?!"

Sayu blinked.

"Well, because he's seme of course. Throwing me off isn't just natural to him, it's his job."

Raito Super Face-Palm!

"Of course…"

"Urgh…" Matsuda finally got up from the floor, his face covered in blood and fingerprints. "If it makes you feel better, Yagami-kun, I think you'd make a great seme!"

"SILENCE!"

"OW!" Matsuda placed both hands over his right eye as a cookie bounced harmlessly to the floor, L glaring stagnantly as his cookie hit right on target. "MY DAMN EYE!"

"You are so immature." Raito deadpanned as L shuffled down the stairs, eye still twitching from time to time. "Can't you just accept that I-"

"Raito-kun and Sayu-chan were just finishing up their conversation before Matsuda so rudely interrupted." The dark-haired pervert slouched over to his boyfriend, still holding onto his plate of cookies as if life depended on it.

"Oh, I have nothing else to say. I just came by to warn Rai-chan of what may come so that he couldn't' say I didn't give him any warning ahead of time. Though, just as a consolation prize…" Sayu smirked mischievously before giggling in mad glee. "BRING OUT THE DANCING MONKEYS!"

"Dancing… wha-WHAT THE FUCK?"

'How… the hell… DID SAYU DO THIS, DAMN IT!?' Raito thought to himself as L continued to chomp on his cookies, looking completely unaffected at the onslaught of random animals now rushing down the stairs from what Raito could only assume to be their bedroom and doing strange dances in front of them as Matsuda (who looked as if he had gotten into a fight and had just about gotten his ass kicked all over the place) and Sayu scurried out of the front door, the younger Yagami snickering all the while in an ill attempt to conceal her morbid amusement.

Oh, small bits of revenge certainly was sweet and just.

"WHY ARE YOU NOT FREAKED OUT BY THIS?!" Raito flailed as his lover then picked up another cookie… and began mimicking the monkey's dancing with said cookie.

"I have Raito-kun beside me and cookies within reach… I think I have my priorities in correct assortment, Raito-kun. The monkeys may dance away if it makes them happy."

"ARE YOU NOT EVEN WONDERING HOW IN THE HELL THEY GOT INTO OUR APARTMENT YOU WEIRDO?!"

"Hm…"

"…"

"…"

Raito felt his eye twitch in aggravation.

"… … You somehow had a hand in this, didn't you?"

L blinked innocently as he munched on another cookie.

"Err… Sur-prise, Rai-chan?"

"Should I even say it?"

L sighed as he swallowed the last bit of chocolate-chip goodness within his mouth and hung his head in pseudo-shame.

"No, Raito-kun. I know I shall not be getting lucky tonight."

"Good, now make those monkey's stop doing the damn Macarena and staring at me like I'm a piece of meat. I'm going to call Whammy-san and afterwards, hope I can erase the last fifteen minutes of my life with a half a bottle of Grey Goose and some really explicit porn. If you'll excuse me, I need to go lament on the fact that I just lost fifteen minutes of my life I can never get back now."

Raito waited a couple of seconds as he glanced at his watch before slowly strolling up the long length of stairs leading up into the long hallway which led directly to both his and L's bedroom…

Smack!

CRASH!

"WAIT FOR ME, RAITO-KUN! THE DANCING MONKEYS SHALL BE ELIMINATED IN NO MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES AND OUR ONGOING LOVIN' MAY COMMENCE!"

Raito sweat dropped.

Really… he should just expect it all at this point.


"Raito-kun…"

The utterly exhausted brunette bombshell nearly kicked his lover out of the bed as L began to poke him in the forehead, trying to gather him from out of slumber. Sighing at the loss of such wonderful sleepy-time, Raito glanced at his lover as the later blinked owlishly, pointing at their cordless phone sitting right next time them as it rang.

"It's ringing, Raito-kun."

It took a lot of self-control to actually notkick L in the balls as he glanced at Raito once more before rolling back into bed.

The bastard.

Hefting himself over the thin lump of laziness still settled in bed (and who was wide-awake, by the freaking way), Raito nearly fell over the other side of the bed as he caught the phone, L choosing at that moment to shift almost completely over onto Raito's side of the bed.

The double bastard.

"Hello?" Raito answered breathlessly, hoping to all that was good and right in this world that whoever was on the other line (damn himself for not checking the caller ID!) would not get the wrong idea.

"Err… Yagami-san?"

Damn it.

"Whammy-san! How are you? I'm sorry, you've just caught me in waking!" The younger of the two artists nearly squeaked out as L (once again the bastard of the day) chose that moment to wrap his arms around the 24-year-old and pull him closer to his person.

"Ah, I see. I must apologize then, Yagami-san. I just wished to call to see if you wanted to make an appointment to see the children again and discuss a couple of things that have come to my attention with both you and your… spouse."

"Oh!" Raito pushed himself up, kicking L right in the ribs and throwing him off the bed in doing so. "When's the soonest you want us to come in, then?"

"Will Yagami-san be able to come in today if possible? If not, we have other appointments…"

"No, today's perfect! When do you need us to be there?"

"How about at ten? Gives both of you a chance to freshen up, yes?"

Raito glanced towards the clock on the wall, surprised it was only eight in the morning.

'Jeez… I must've really been out of it last night.'

"That's perfectly fine, Whammy-san. I guess we'll see you in a couple of hours!"

"Of course. Just meet me in my office and we'll speak there first. Otherwise, have a nice morning Yagami-san. Hopefully, I shall see you soon."

"Yes, goodbye." Raito almost squealed in glee before clicking off the phone and placing it back on its stand, barely giving L a second glance as dashed towards the closet and pulled two sets of clothes for both himself and his boyfriend.

"Raito-kun," L muttered, still kneeling on the floor next to the large bed in the middle of the room. "Please tell me we are not going into that godforsaken orphanage once more…"

"Hm… I would, but then that would be a lie, and even I'm not that desperate for you to come along if you're just going to act the same way you did when we went in there the lasttime." The lithe amber-eyed man snarked as he grabbed his clothing and folded it over his arm, barely giving the other artist within the room a second glance as he proceeded to walk into the master bathroom that lay adjoined to their bedroom and held the door within his free hand. "So here's your choice, Picasso. You can come with me and actually bother to be a part of this process, or you can stay here and wallow in your own assortment of baked goods while you wonder if I'll come home with a child or not. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn either which way; all I know is, I want a kid, and I'm getting one whether you come with me or not!"

SLAM!

L almost jumped as the pictures framing the wall rattled at the force the door was slammed, blinking in astonishment.

'To eat cupcakes, or to not eat cupcakes… that is the question.' The raven-haired insomniac sighed as he turned his head and stared at the white long-sleeved tee-shirt and jeans his boyfriend had taken out of the closet and thrown onto the bed, eyes narrowing in grudging acceptance. 'Damn you, Raito-kun. You're over-the-top temper tantrums and flamboyant over-exaggerations of such insignificant issues have trapped me once again.'

"You win this round, Raito-kun." The 31-year-old wannabe adult claimed as he stood up and cracked his still curved spine, shuffling over to the clothes and simply throwing them on over his shirtless chest and boxers (which he hadn't changed in three days-SCORE ONE FOR L!). "Oh, the things I do for you and your conceited wants."

"ONLY PASSED BY WHAT I DO FOR YOUR ANTI-SOCIAL ASS, L!"

"How the hell…?" L scratched his head as he walked out of the bedroom, deciding that wondering just how Raito had managed to hear his low grumble from over the loud rush of water pouring over from the showerhead of their bathroom was a mystery just not worth figuring out without losing his sanity.

"So not worth it…" The raccoon-eyed sugar-addict whispered as he made his way towards the kitchen, where a nice double-layered chocolate cake was calling his name…


"I wonder what he wants to talk about…" Raito wondered as L turned on the ignition of the car, pulling on his seatbelt over his sexy torso. "It seemed kind of urgent from the way he was talking on the phone. A little rushed, if still polite, ya know?"

"Perhaps he is trying to inform us of some impending conflict?" L suggested as he pulled out of their parking space and rolled out of the extensive driveway.

"Then why ask if we want to see the kids?" Raito wondered out loud, the niggling prod in the back of his head blooming into full-out doubt. "Hm. Something smells funny here…"

"Really?" L sniffed the interior of the car, making Raito sweat drop. "Are you sure, Raito-kun? I know I had the car cleaned out the other day…"

"I didn't mean literally, you smartass!"

L smirked.

"Of course not, Raito-kun."

"But that's beside the point…" The now surly 24-year-old pouted as he slumped within the car seat, chocolate-brown eyes darkening as the prospect of not being able to adopt became a bit more prominent. "Why lead us on if there's a problem? I would hate to become attached to one of the children to only be told that we wouldn't be able to take him in as our own."

"I'm sure nothing of the like will happen, Raito-kun." Taking one perilous hand off of the steering wheel and ruffling the other's hair with it barely took a second as Raito squawked in horror before pulling out his emergency comb and mirror to begin fixing the mess L had created. "You're obsessive-compulsive nature and my annoying habit of being extremely persistent will no doubt do the job if they attempt to deny us the right of having children at this point."

"Am not obsessive-compulsive…" Raito grumbled as he combed each hair back into place, cinnamon-brown hair glistening within the morning light.

"Sure you're not, Raito-kun…" L was almost tempted to snort in amusement. "Sure you're not."


"Ah, Yagami-san! Ryuuzaki-san!" The receptionist who had greeted them on the first day perked up at the sight of them, dark eyes glistening with amusement behind round-rimmed spectacles. "Whammy-san is waiting for you right inside. Please, go on in!"

Raito gave a small polite bow and smile as he murmured a quiet thank-you as L simply waved a hand and shuffled past the two exchanging pleasantries, wanting to get this meeting over and done with.

Giving another polite smile, this one of apology, Raito smacked the other man behind the head whilst he thought the receptionist wasn't looking.

Neither heard the man giggle to himself as he turned back to his paperwork, quite amused at the display of nagging wife and uncaring husband the two seemed to portray without even trying.

"Yagami-san, Ryuuzaki-san, how good to see the both of you!" Whammy sat behind his large oak desk as both men smiled (or at least, Raito smiled. L just sort of stared impassively like always…) and sat down in their respective chairs. "I know I spoke to you just a little while ago, Yagami-san, but I must ask, how are you both doing today?"

"Oh, we're both great." Even Raito could tell how fake that sounded. "Just hoping nothing has come up to negate the process at all…?"

"Oh no! Well… nothing on your half, Yagami-san." Raito blinked as Quillsh smiled paternally before patting him on the hand. "I noticed that you seemed quite attached to three of our boys the other day, and I was hoping if you would mind spending some more time with them whilst I spoke to your significant other."

Raito blinked before turning towards L, watching the older of the two barely even twitch as he nodded in Raito's general direction, eyes not leaving the caretaker's form in the slightest.

"I am quite sure Raito-kun would enjoy that immensely." L responded for him, making Raito stutter a bit before nodding, noticing the sudden tense atmosphere between caretaker and artist.

"Does Yagami-san remember the way to the recreational room?"

"Uh…" Raito nodded emphatically as he made his way to the door, the stifling clash of blank stares and overly-familiar smiles making him want to run out a.s.a.p. "Yeah, I think I'll be fine. I'll just… be on my way."

Quillsh gave a razor-like smile tipped with steely dark eyes.

"That'll be fine. Just let my receptionist know as you're leaving the office, and he'll open the door leading to the main hall for you."

Raito gave his love one last glance as he closed the door, wondering if leaving L to his own devices was really such a bright idea.

'I'm going to have to trust L to not screw this up for us…'

Raito got the sense that he was officially boned already.


"Well, here we are. We have two other adults in here monitoring since Whammy-san is not going to be able to watch like the last time, so don't be freaked out by the two random-looking people watching you, ok?" Raito nodded as the receptionist smiled and patted him on the back. "Good luck!"

"Wait, wah?"

The door slammed shut with a small click as Raito entered the large room filled with children, all playing with each other and generally doing little kid things.

"Raito-daddy!"

The startled brunette almost fell over as a small bundle of silvery tufts of hair, white pajamas and dark eyes bombarded him at the entrance of the rec. room, taking him completely by surprise. The other children within the room stared at the normally emotionless toddler as he huddled himself within the brunette's embrace.

"I missed you…" The small child whispered against his right leg, head peaking up at the artist almost shyly.

Raito just about melted into a big pile of goop right into the ground as he felt his eyes tearing up at the sheer cuteness of the scene.

"Not as much as I missed you!" A small blonde came rushing forth from the same direction as the light-haired boy, dark clothing contrasting salaciously with his pale skin and rounded eyes. The brunette felt himself let out a small 'Oomph!' as another pair of arms wrapped themselves around his left leg and snuggled beside the first child. "I missed you way more than he missed you. He only kind of missed you; the other kids even said so!"

Raito sweat dropped as he felt the blood circulation to his legs slowly begin to cut off.

"Heh, heh…" A redhead with bright tangerine-colored goggles appeared next to them, gaming device (of course) still in hand. "The idiot brigade, here to bitch-fight over potential parents and just who is the more dominant of the two! I go for the blonde… he looks both feistier and happier, if you get my drift…"

"Shut the hell up, Mail!" Mihael kicked the instigating redhead on the knee as he giggled, not looking the slightest bit put off by the volatile blonde. "I am not happy!"

"Could've fooled the rest of the world, then. Didn't know they made leather cat-suits in child sizes."

"YOU BASTARD!"

"What did he mean by happy, Raito-daddy?" Nate wondered, his dark eyes gaining in size as Raito flushed. "Because I am very happy, Mail. Quite possibly the happiest person in this room next to Raito-daddy. Right?"

Raito sweat dropped.

"You want to know what I meant, Nate?" Mail leaned into the other boy's ear as Raito gasped, shaking his head. "I meant that Mihael likes to bend over and-"

"MAIL, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

Before either Nate or Raito could stop the inevitable fight, a large shadow loomed over the boy, frightening the both of them before fists could even be thrown. Blinking in wonderment, Raito turned around-

Only to just about fall flat on his face.

"Ryuuzaki?!"

A dark-haired scraggly man stood behind him, pale white shirt streaked in red (what the hell?) along with the man's long half-bitten fingers. Dirty jeans hung off the man's slim waist, giving the appearance of being thinner than he actually was as he quirked an obscured eyebrow upward, the familiar face actually a bit more gaunt and... much more menacing than the one Raito was trying to place.

"Who?"

"NO WAY!" Mihael screeched, pointing a finger at the random man hunched over in front of them. "HE'S WEIRD AND PSYCHOTIC AND NOT NEARLY AS AWESOME AS RYUUZAKI! I THINK HE EATS PUPPIES IN HIS SPARE TIME AND SHITS OUT EVIL SPIRITS HE NAMES GEORGE! EVERYONE THIKS HE WAS BORN OUT OF AN ELEPHANT'S WOMB AND BIRTHS ONLY SCORPIONS, SINCE HE DOESN'T NEED TO MATE TO MULTIPLY! HE'S EVIIIIIIIILLLLLLL I TELL YOU! EVIIIIIILLLLLLL!"

Raito blinked as he pulled Mihael back a couple of feet, wondering if all kids were secretely this crazy.

"Uh… ok?"

The person in front of them simply licked one of their fingers before rolling their eyes. "Stop fighting you nitwit. I'm trying to plot someone's demise here, and watching you're little temper tantrum is pissing me off. Do it again, and I'll rip out your eyeball and feed them to the redhead whilst I strap you down to a chair and play jump rope with your tongue. Got it?"

'What the…' Was all the brunette thought before Raito pulled the children back as he wondered just what kind of orphanage he was adopting out of. "Are you allowed to-"

"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! THE PRESSURE IS JUST TOO MUCH!" A dirty-blonde-haired man stood up from a corner in the far right side of the room that Raito hadn't even seen, running out of the room like a little girl who had gotten their hair on fire. "MY BRAIN HURTS! TAKE THE PAIN AWAAAAAYYYYYY! HELP ME BABY JESUS! HELP ME!"

"Third flipping time this week…" The L-look-alike mumbled before turning around and slouching after his companion whom had just fled the room, all the children still playing as if nothing had happened at all. "I need a freaking vacation."

"Kids…"

"Yes, Raito-daddy?"

"… … I think this place's crazy even surpasses both mine and Ryuuzaki's."

"Sadly enough," Mail mumbled as looked up from his video-game, still listening to the sound of one of the former sitter's screams reverberating throughout the hall. "I think you're right. Woe… is us. Like Mihael's gay leather vest. Get it? Both are sad, and yet allude to much gayer things in the future. Ha, ha."

"DAMN IT, MAIL! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Oh, don't try to sweet talk me. You know I love it just as kinky as you do."

"Kin… ky? What does that mean, Raito-daddy? Does it feel good?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"MAIL! STOP FEEDING THE KID MORE CRAP!"

"You first, honey-bunch!"

"GRAAAAAAGH!"

Raito Double-Face-Palm.

"And I thought there was a choice to be made…"


-Author does not promote the gratuitous use of alcohol this story may represent. The story totally does, though- ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN. But not the... author? Hm...

Lol. That was fun. And why dancing monkeys? Because I said so, that's why. Don't question me and my monkeys, damn it! XP And look! Cameos! XD I really have to thank Star-Jinin who gave me the idea to add a certain character in, and in doing that, I just couldn't help myself- I had to add in another as well. Perfect opportunities ahoy!

And you all thought you saw the extent of my immaturity. Wrong-o. I reach new and amazing levels everyday. I'm like the best thing ever, but better. And yes, that totally made sense, damn it. XD I'd like all of you to remember that these chapters are not beta-ed, so please, be kind and alert if you see mistakes. I love doing things half-assed, as is my motto, so proof-reading is usually... well, half-assed. ^.^; Though now that school is out of the way for the time being, I may be able to get these damn things beta-ed... Kit-chan, get ready then. Lol. I'd like to thank you all for reading, and if you would be so kind to review, that would be excellent as well (though never required for an update; remember that!). See ya guys later!