Title: Back to Reality

Pairings: America/England, France/England, Germany/Italy, Russia/China

"Sometimes I just wish that I wasn't a country!" America learns that he better be careful what he wishes for, especially when he has an alien friend who can make it happen. America's world is turned upside down as he wakes up as some guy called Alfred Jones, but if he's not a country anymore then who is he? More importantly...what happened to everyone else?


America winced, attempting to shift his body. For whatever reason his brain wouldn't send the correct signals to his arms and legs, telling him to move. He slowly twitched his head, eyes flickering open a fraction to get a look at where he was, attempting to remember what had happened to him. The American's eyes eventually opened, he blinked slowly a few times but couldn't take a guess at what had happened. He appeared to lying sprawled out on the hard, cold floor. His head pounding with the beginnings of a migraine and his body seemed to have gone into shut down mode.

Flexing his fingers a miniscule amount; the feeling slowly started to come back into his body. America blinked slowly a few more times, coughing slightly to clear his throat, "Wha...huh, where...wha?" he choked out, raising a hand to clutch at his throbbing head.

"Alfred!" the American's ears pricked up in surprise, not expecting to hear a responding voice. Within moments someone was by his side, their hands gently cradling his own. America tilted his head, squinting up to see through the dim light. He quickly rubbed at his glasses to get a better view, and when he strained to see once more he could just make out the outline of the blond haired Brit by his side, who was staring down at him with concerned eyes. "My God are you okay?" England asked in panic, gently squeezing America's hands.

America attempted to lift his head but the pain throbbing through it faltered him. He rested back down on the hard ground, gazing back up at the Brit in befuddlement, "Huh...England?"

England smiled with relief, gently leaning over the American. "Yes, I'm here..." he said softly, gently stroking the back of his hand.

America blinked slowly, taking a few moments to process what was going on. "England..." he croaked softly, managing a tiny squeeze back.

"I was worried." England said; the Brit's eyes bright with concern only confirmed what he felt. "...are you okay, are you hurt?"

America nodded slightly, flexing all of his limbs in turn to make sure they all still worked, "...I...I think I'm okay..." he attempted to sit up but the pain still wracking through his head threw him off balance, "...head hurts a bit..." he muttered, resting back down.

England smiled sadly, resting back on his knees, "Come here." he said softly, gently manoeuvring the blonds' head to rest on his lap, "...is that better?" he asked, softly petting America's hair like he was stroking a cat.

"Oh 'ow sweet, would you mind being just a little more gay Arthur?" France's voice sneered from somewhere in the not too far off distance.

England turned around to glare at the Frenchman, cheeks going red, "Oh shut up frog."

America's forehead wrinkled with confusion at this new voice. "Huh? France is that...is that you?"

"Oui." came the slightly echoed reply.

America still looked utterly bewildered; he gently tugged on the Brit's sleeve, carefully attempting to pull himself up from off England's lap.

"England...what happened? Where are we?" he asked, his eyes flitting around the dim room he started to become aware that it wasn't just him, England and France who were here.

What was even more confusing, not to mention worrying, was the cold, rusty jail bars that had them all trapped. America managed to sit up, ignoring his headache as the confusion was now the only thing occupying his mind. He blinked slowly, trying to recall what had happened, what was going on..."What happened?" he tried again.

"We thought you would be the one to tell us." he heard the German growl from the other end of the jail cell. The blond was leant back against the opposite brick wall, a trembling Italian curled up against him.

America gently pulled away from England, scooting down closer to where all the guys were congregated, "What?"

"Do you not remember what happened to you Mr America?" Japan asked from where he was sat on his knees beside China.

America bit his lip in thought, threading a hand into the hair at the back of his neck, "Uhhh...not really, I was...aww man my head..." he groaned softly, clenching his eyes shut as a painful throb struck his mind." I was urm...I was looking around for Russia, in-in the spy base, I think, and uhh...I dunno...I think something hit me on the head, but it came out of nowhere...that's all I remember."

"They must have put you in here when they knocked you out." China said, not sounding the least bit concerned for America's safety.

"Yeah..." America nodded his agreement, his hazy mind starting to formulate an image of what might have happened. He could distinctly remember approaching the building; he'd tried to stay hidden as much as possible in the shadows as he searched for an entrance. The American had gone in through a back door that appeared to be unlocked, and it had taken him into a storage room full of boxes and rather scary looking blunt objects. He could remember leaving the room, but he wasn't sure where he went after that. America could only remember searching. Just darting down corridors, keeping low as he dodged in and out of the shadows...most of the lights in the building were out, which, whilst creepy looking, helped to mask him as he sought out the Russian.

He'd checked several rooms. The American could remember that much. He never dawdled long enough to get a good look however, just a quick peep to check for Russia then he'd be off again. Wait...there was something else. A face...and a pair of eyes that were suddenly locked onto his own. He could remember how he ran; the sheer terror running through him at the prospect of being seen, if only for a split second. That's when the objective changed from finding Russia to getting the hell out of there as fast as he could. America could remember pausing for breath, crouched down in the shadows...then pain. A swift, sudden sharp pain in the back of his head...and everything went black.

America nodded again. He knew what had happened now. He'd stupidly gotten himself caught in the Russian spy base whilst the guys sat safely and comfortably outside in the car...wait. In the car...?

"Hang on." America said suddenly, holding up his hands. Everyone looked at him curiously; the American was sat staring at them with his mouth gaping open in confusion, "...why the hell are you guys in here with me?"

England looked at him, equally confused, "...well...you told us to come and look for you if you'd been missing for an hour."

"So we attempted to come und find you." Germany said gruffly, still rubbing Italy's back soothingly, attempting to calm him.

"Th-Then those scary Russians attacked us and put us in here..." Italy squeaked quietly, burying his head into the blonds' chest.

America stared at them, jaw dropped to the floor, "Are you guys serious?" he asked in utter bewilderment, voice taking on a sudden angry tone.

England jumped slightly at the change in America's voice, glaring at him slightly, "What?"

"How the hell could /all/ of you get caught?" he demanded, shaking his head in disbelief.

England's fuzzy eyebrows bunched together in irritation, "Well I'm very sorry Alfred but there happened to be a lot more of them than us!"

France nodded, leaning back against the wall, "Oui, zey over powered us."

America just continued to stare at them, the pitch of his voice increasing rapidly because he couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Couldn't have just one of you come to look for me instead of all of you?"

England looked him, getting slightly irritated, "What good would that have done?"

"Well you guys obviously got caught cause you're all together and you drew attention to yourselves!" America said in exasperation, "I mean the Russians are gonna notice if a load of foreigners are just wandering around their base you know."

"In our defence we did not think it would be wise to split up in a Russian spy base." Germany growled, also becoming increasingly annoyed at the American's sudden sour tone.

"You didn't have to split up!" America said, aggravated, "Just one of you could have come looking for me."

France looked at him sceptically, "Zen how would we know if anything 'appened to zem?"

"Ja." Germany agreed, arms tightening protectively around the Italian's waist, "What if Feli had gone missing?"

America rolled his eyes, groaning in frustration, "As if you'd send the weakest guy here to come and look for me on his own!"

"Hey!" Germany barked harshly, "Watch your mouth you ignorant American!"

"Man you only ever get testy when it's about your little boyfriend, don't you?" America growled.

"Alfred would you stop being an arse?" England shot at him, glaring at the American, "Look we all tried our best."

"Well your best wasn't good enough!" America yelled back, "Now we're stuck in a cell in the middle of a Russia spy base in the middle of Moscow and there's no one to rescue us!"

England glared at him, swiftly hitting him over the back of the head, "We didn't have to come looking for you at all you know!"

America sighed, rubbing the back of his head, taking a few calming breaths, "Okay okay, I'm sorry alright? Geez..." he muttered, crossing his arms moodily. He let out another sigh, his eyes drifting closed as he leant his head back, "...well at least it can't get any worse." he said softly, causing someone to clear their throat awkwardly. The American's eyes flew open at the sudden tense silence. He looked up at them all, their nervous, slightly shameful faces weren't doing anything to help with his unease. "...what?"

The guys exchanged awkward glances. France slid a hand into the back of his hair, biting his lip slightly, "...we better not tell him what 'appened to ze teleportation device..."

America's head snapped to stare at the Frenchman, "...what happened to the teleportation device?"

England bit his lip, tentatively patting the American's back. "Now look...don't get upset."

"What happened?" America said slowly, shrugging England's hand off his back. He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath to calm himself, "Where is it?" he asked, his voice just enhancing the awkward silence throughout the room. "...guys?"

"...we didn't want to leave it in ze car..." France said, cringing slightly as he spoke.

"So...we kind of...took it with us when we came looking for you..." England muttered awkwardly.

"In case we needed to make a quick escape." China pointed out.

"...und well..." Germany cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck, "...we don't urm...we don't exactly..."

Italy bit his lip, "We don't exactly..."

"...have it...anymore." England finished softly.

America blinked slowly, a sudden numbness setting in. "...what do you mean...you don't have it?"

Germany sighed, "We mean what we say, we don't have it anymore."

America looked at them all, his face unreadable. "Where is it?"

The guys exchanged some more awkward glances for a few moments. England sighed, folding his arms across his chest, "Well when you're carrying a piece of equipment like that around with you...and the Russian spies get a look at it well...let's just say they may have taken a shine to it."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" America spat, causing everyone to jump.

England stared at him, "Alfred!"

"No England! Just shut up okay? No!" America yelled, scrambling up off the floor. He almost fell with the force of his sudden movement but he was in too much of a blind rage to care. "That is just...no! No this can't be happening! You guys can't have lost it! No no no!" he bellowed, slamming his fist into the all behind him repeatedly, "We NEED it! How the hell are we supposed to get back to Washington? Goddamnit you guys!"

England just sat still, staring at him with his mouth gaping open, "Bloody hell Alfred, would you calm down?"

"No I will not calm down!" he snapped, glaring at the Brit, "We're trapped in a gaddamn Russian spy base with no way of getting out and no way of getting home! And it's all your fault!" America yelled directly at the Brit before he turned his glare on the rest of them. "You guys are useless! All of you! You've really fucked everything up, you know that right?"

Everyone sat in complete silence, America's words stinging through them. But England was just looking at him, eyes narrowed. He slowly got to his feet to face the American, shaking slightly as he spoke. "Oh...well I'm very sorry we put all of our lives in danger so that we could rescue you." he muttered darkly, glaring at him, "I'm sorry we brought the teleportation device with us just in case the worst happened and we needed to escape." he slowly shook his head, "I'm sorry we even wasted our time." he growled, pushing past the American he stormed to the other end of the cell, sitting down beside France.

America swallowed heavily, feeling a flicker of guilt, "England..." he said softly, holding out a hand in vain hope but the Brit was done listening to him.

"This is the worst thing that could possibly happen...how am I supposed to get home to my wife and my children?" China said in despair, resting his head in his hands. The American's outburst suddenly reminding him of their predicament.

"I should never 'ave come on zis stupid adventure." France sighed, leaning into the Brit's shoulder. Who, to America's annoyance, just let him! "I could be back in Paris where I belong, with all ze glitz and glam and ze horny women shoving money into my underwear..."

"I'm not sad." Italy said quietly, chewing on his bottom lip. "Because without this adventure, I would never have met you Luddy..." he gazed up at blond from where he lay leaning against his chest, "I just wish we weren't stuck here, it's so dark and scary."

Germany looked at him sadly, holding him close, "We'll figure something out Feli, I promise." he said, gently cupping the back of Italy's head, tilting him up to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

America frowned, slumping back against the brick wall he sank down to the floor, sighing deeply. Everything really had gone to shit. Aside from the obvious reasons; being stuck in a cell in a Russian spy base, no teleportation device and no way of getting home; France was happily cuddling up to England in the corner and the Brit wasn't protesting! America sat sulking at the opposite end of the room, glaring at the pair of them. He had to resist the urge to say something when England wrapped an arm around France's shoulders; the Brit was just doing it to annoy him...and it was working.

"...are you okay Mr America?" America looked up dazedly as Japan slowly scooted over to him, looking at him with concern.

He was silent for a few moments before sighing, running a hand down his face. "...this adventure really did screw up...didn't it?" he muttered, pushing his specs up to rub at his eyes.

Japan looked at him sadly, "It was not your fault."

"Whose fault was it then?" England snapped suddenly, having been listening in to their conversation, "He should never have tried to look for the Russian on his own."

"I didn't see you trying to stop me." America muttered irritably.

England glared at him. "I told you to be careful."

"It's not like I tried to get caught!"

England was just about to yell back when a sudden loud bang silenced them all (apart from the Italian, who gave a slight squeak of terror at the unexpected noise.) The door to the jail or the dungeon or wherever the hell they were suddenly burst open, slamming into the wall just opposite their jail cell; two Russian men tumbling into the room. "Ivan." the man America recognised as the one who had been talking to Russia the first night they saw him was chasing after him, both of them yelling at each other in Russian. He grabbed hold of Russia's arm, yanking him around to face him. "Ivan!"

"Go away!" Russia yelled at him in their language, tugging his arm out of his grasp. He was still wearing his black suit from the birthday ball, his grey hair windswept and dishevelled from his daring escape.

"I need to talk to you!" the man insisted, grabbing hold of him again.

"Leave me alone!"

The brunette glared at him, grabbing a fistful of the scarf the Russian wore around his neck he pushed him up against the wall. "Ivan listen to me!" he yelled, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Dimitri is furious with you for aborting the mission! You were supposed to get Helga out of the country tonight!"

Russia stared at him, "Well what did he expect me to do? They'd found me!"

"He expected you to stay there and face the music!"

"So you mean he expected me to die?"

"Da, that's what Dimitri expects from all of us Ivan." he said, slowly releasing the Russian. "...you knew that when you signed up with us."

"...I never signed up for this." Russia said slowly, shaking his head, "I wanted to be a spy...I didn't want to run around telling a young, fragile girl that I am her long lost uncle, earning her trust and then betraying it by breaking her heart at her own birthday ball." he muttered darkly, voice shaking as he spoke, "...this is not what I signed myself up for."

"Life is never what we expect it to be Ivan...I thought you of all people would know that by now."

Russia sighed, leaning back against the wall. "...so what do we do?"

"We?" the brunette raised an eyebrow, "There's no we, Ivan, you're the one in hot water with the boss."

Russia glared at him, "You're not going to help me?"

"...what would you have me do?"

Russia bit his lip, he was silent for a few moments as he thought about it. He eventually sighed, fists clenched at his sides. "Go and talk to Dimitri, calm him now, tell him...tell him I'll go back and get Helga, even if it means I die."

He nodded, "...okay...for now you stay here and guard the prisoners." he said, casting a dark look over his shoulder to the strange foreigners they had locked up, who were all watching him and Russia with slight fear and confusion. "Find out who they are."

Russia nodded slowly, waiting until the man had left through the door they'd came in from before turning back to the prisoners, addressing them in English. "So. Who are you all?" he asked, leaning back against the wall opposite the cell.

America pushed himself up off the floor, "Well I'm-"

"You were there!" Russia said suddenly, eyes widening as he recognised the American, "At the ball, I remember seeing you...who are you? What are you doing here? Are you following me?"

"I'm America; I came here to look for you...so yes, technically I am following you." America said, moving closer to the cell bars.

"You're strange."

America stared at him, jaw dropping to the floor, "WHAT? You're one to talk! Where I'm from you're an absolute freak!"

Germany sighed irritably, "Gott sake Alfred is that any way to talk to the man?"

"What do you mean...where you are from?" Russia asked in confusion.

America sighed, "Look, Ivan was it? I'm gonna level with ya. I'm from an alternate universe, a universe where us guys, we're all the representations of our own countries. I'm America, and this is England, France, Germany, Japan, China and Italy...and you're Russia. So we've all teleported here to Moscow to ask you to come with us."

Russia blinked slowly. He was used to dealing with strange people who break into their headquarters...but this was something entirely different. "...am I going to have to torture you for the correct information?" he asked with a sweet little smile.

"T-Torture?" Italy squeaked.

"Alfred I don't like zis man!"

America sighed, "No one is getting tortured alright?" he said firmly, glaring at the Russian, "Now listen here you ass, we've been through hell the last few days trying to get everyone together and I'm getting pretty sick of explaining the damn story, so just should believe what I'm saying alright?"

"Alfred for God sake what on earth is up your arse today?" England snapped, staring at him in disbelief.

Russia glared at the American through the cell bars. "You are not a very nice man. You shall be tortured first."

America growled irritably, kicking one of the metal bars, "For God sake you're not listening!"

Germany exchanged a glance with the Brit, shaking his head at the American. "Alfred would you calm down?"

"No it's not my fault! It's him!" America cried, pointing an accusing finger at the Russian through the metal jail bars. "It's always him, there's no reasoning with him!"

"You don't know me, why are you talking like that?" Russia demanded, glaring at him.

"I do know you, you ass! I know everything about you!"

Russia just stared at him, blinking slowly, "...you're my stalker?"

America cringed, leaning his head against the bars, "No...no I am not."

"Alfred we're getting nowhere." England said, sighing irritably, getting to his feet. "Look, Ivan I know this is a rather unusual situation...but we've been on a journey to find you and we need to you to join us...you're the missing link in this whole mission."

Russia looked at him curiously, "...mission? Do you work for MI5? You've come here to spy on us da?"

"No, Ivan, we're on our own mission from...well, from this idiot technically." the Brit said, nodding to the American.

America nodded, lifting his head up off the bars, "Yeah, and at the moment I am seriously regretting trying to recruit you."

"How did you get here?" Russia asked.

America sighed irritably; he couldn't stand this for one minute longer. "We teleported, now would you let us out of here so we can get the hell back to our own damn universe?"

Russia glared at him, "I will not do anything an American says, you're all crazy." he looked to the Brit, "He must have brain washed you da?"

America growled, hitting the bars with his fist, "Would you just listen to me? You God damn commie bastard!"

England slapped the back of America's head, "Alfred!"

"Capitalist pig!" Russia shot back, moving dangerously close to the jail cell.

America glared at him, "You wanna come in here and say that?"

"Stop arguing with him!" England hissed, giving him another whack for good measure. He looked apologetically at the Russian, sighing slightly,

"Ivan he hasn't brain washed any of us okay? We just...well to be honest I don't really know why we all agreed to this crazy adventure...I guess none of us really had anything to lose by taking a chance." he said softly, moving closer to the bar cells. "But for whatever reason Alfred has assured us that we need you to join us...and it looks to me that you don't really have much to lose either."

Russia sighed softly, "Da...but I cannot let you out. I am already in a bad place with my boss."

"Dude screw him!" America said, trying to focus his irritation on someone else. "Look I don't like you okay? And you don't like me. But dude whether I like it or not you belong with us okay? You're...well you're not really our friend, but you're a country and we gotta stick together, I mean..." he glanced back behind him at all of the guys, "I mean what about China?"

"What about me?" China asked, suddenly quite panicked at being picked out.

Russia looked past the American curiously to the long haired Asian sat in the jail cell, "Da...what about the girly man?"

"You're like creepy obsessed with him! You go around stalking him in a panda costume!"

China gaped at the American, absolutely horrified, "...aiyah..."

Russia blinked slowly, gazing at China for a few moments. "Da...that sounds like fun."

China shifted around awkwardly, "...I do not like this man."

"You gonna come with us dude or not?" American asked, looking at the Russian determinedly.

Russia dithered for a moment, shaking his head, "I cannot release you...I mean you would never make it out of the building alive."

Italy squeaked, burying himself into Germany again, "I don't like this!"

"Come on Ivan, there must be something you can do." England insisted.

Russia bit his lip, "Well...there is-"

"Ivan!" the Russian jumped slightly as the door burst open once more, a tall, blond haired Russian swept his way inside. He an air of authority about him, and one long, deep scar dug into the side of his face, all the way from the corner of his eye to the bottom of his jaw.

"Dimitri." Russia said, backing up against the jail bars as the man rounded on him. "I-I'll go back for Helga-"

"That's not why I'm here." he growled in Russian, producing a strange device from behind his back. He pushed the Russian roughly aside, holding up the device to the foreigners in the jail cell. "You. American." he said, addressing him in English. "What is the purpose of this device?"

America stared at the device in his hands, eyes widening behind his specs, "Dude..." he looked up, smiling slightly, "Just uhh...you know...give it here and I'll show you what it does."

Dimitri raised an eyebrow, "Do you think I am crazy?"

"Just a bit." America muttered, gasping out slightly as England hit him in the stomach.

Dimitri glared at him, pulling a key out of his pocket. "Ivan." he growled, jamming the key into the lock on the cell door he wrenched it open wide. "Show our American friend how we deal with people trying to spy on our organisation."

America looked confused, "Wait aren't you all spies?"

"Oh shut up Alfred!" England hissed, face palming beside him.

"Dimitri I think I should be getting back to the Estate to deal with Helga-" Russia said unsurely, wincing slightly as the device was forcefully shoved into his stomach by the blond.

"Find out how it works. You have thirty seconds to get them to tell you or you'll be sharing their fate." he growled, shoving the Russian into the cell with the others. He locked the cell door behind the Russian, trapping him with the prisoners; he held up his watch to count down the seconds. "I'm waiting Ivan."

Russia swallowed slightly, scrambling around with the device in his hands, jabbing at all of the buttons, "What is it? How does it work?" he asked the men in panic, lights and words flashing up on the screen.

"Give it here!" America elbowed him out the way, grabbing the device from his hands. "Everyone grab onto me! We're getting out of here."

Germany was the first to act, jumping to his feet he pulled Italy up by the hand, grabbing onto the American's arm. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Washington, Russia." America looked up at the tall Russian, "You coming dude?"

Russia glanced back over his shoulder at his boss; who was starting to realise what was going on. He quickly whipped out his key again, desperately trying to get the cell door open. "Da, okay." he said, placing a hand on the device.

"What is going on Ivan?" Dimitri yelled, cursing in Russian as he dropped the key in his haste to wrench open the door.

France jumped up onto England's back, almost toppling him over in the process, "Hurry up!"

"For God sake, I can't carry you, you're too bloody heavy!" England protested, grabbing onto America's free arm as he continued to press and jab at buttons on the device.

Japan clung onto Germany's other arm that wasn't holding Italy, "Mr American, I do not wish to alarm you but this man appears to be getting angry." he said, casting a worried glance at the fuming blond, who'd finally succeeded in jamming his key into the lock of the jail cell.

"Shit!" America fiddled around for a second longer until 'Washington' flashed up on the screen, "Alright hang on dudes! China grab onto someone!"

"Take my hand." Russia said, holding out his arm to the Asian.

China looked unsure, dithering slightly, "But-"

"IVAN!" Dimitri burst the door wide open, scaring the life out of all of them. America couldn't waste anymore time with this crazed Russian mere feet away. He didn't even know if everyone was ready, but he slammed a fist down onto the big red button, sending waves of electricity and a blast of bright blue light surrounded them. China yelped out, throwing himself forwards into the light he clung onto the tall Russian who caught him easily, holding him tight as his other hand clung to the teleportation device. In an instant Dimitri vanished, his yells reduced to echoes that could be heard as they went spiralling off through the air, blinded by light and deafened by buzzing, bodies shaking uncontrollably as the were sent blasting off to their destination.


There's...not really an excuse to why I haven't updated in so long...writer's block? Lame excuse, I beg your forgiveness! *waves white flag*