What the fuck.

I am on the floor biting on Gilbert's ankle, while straddling Antonio, punching Ivan, and pulling on Francis' girly as hell hair. All in one motion. Now before I get into how fucking badass that is, let me tell you how I got into this position.

It all happened after me and Artie were -*cough*RUDELY*cough*- interrupted. It seems that everyone gathered at the eating area and wanted to socialize after lunch. It was one of those no big deal things, so we agreed to go. However when we arrived I felt something crawling near my leg, but I brushed it off as my imagination.

So we sat down, we had lunch, and were just talking amongst ourselves when I felt that wierd sensation again, but this time dangerously close to my crotch. So I stood up, stuck my hand in my pants, and dug through there. There were only boys so it was nothing embarassing. HERO'S AIN'T GOT NO SHAME!

Finally, my digging paid off and I grabbed something fuzzy and pulled it out!

"Holy Jesus! A spider!" I gave a -Heroic- shout and promptly threw it at the person who sat right across from me. Sadly that person was Romano, a bad tempered little Italian with a potty mouth. Seems he also hated spiders because once it landed on him, he gave a girly scream, swatted the thing away, and threw a punch at my face.

My face.

My Heroically handsome American face. Oh fuck no, shit's about to go DOWN. I aimed a puch at Romano to return the favor, but before I could Antonio launched himself at me and slammed me into the ground. I looked at him like what the hell as he started begging,

"Por favore! Don't hurt Romano!" He was just getting in the way so after a bit of rolling on the floor, I was able to get on top of him to keep him from interferring. Then Gilbert came in like the wierdo he is, screaming about how he was so awesome, while Ivan began to shoot photos of me in my supposed 'Gay Orgy Moment' to send back home.

I don't know why, he said something about Americans being stupid or some shit like that but I was too busy beating the shit out of him. By the way Gilbert hates to be ignored, he's an attention whore.

I know this because when he wants attention, he does stupid shit. Stupid shit meaning he ran at me, tripped over Antonio's head, fell over my shoulder, and began slapping my ass. So I bit him on the leg. Sounds totally legit right? Agree or I will...do SOMETHING!

So then Francis came out of nowhere and being the pansy he is, he tried to solve the problem with words. No one listens to words, they want action. Like America! That's why my country is so badass! Anyways he kept calling me friend, which I am not, and tried to free Antonio. His hair was right in front of my face.

That bothered me. A lot.

Too bad I didn't have sissors, finally do that Frenchie and cut it off. Oh well, yanking it out also works. So there you have it. Why I'm in this posittion and beating everyone's ass!

"WHOO! AMERICAN'S RULE! SUCK ON THAT!"

"Alfred F. Jones! Stop this childish behavior at once! Do you want to get us all in trouble!"

"Shut it eyebrows!"

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU JUST CALL ME, YOU ALBINO BASTARD!"

"Kessessessesse!"

"BITCH, I WILL CUT YOU!"

And that is the story of how the Amazingly Heroic Alfred and his Super Hot Sidekick Arthur, where found in the sheriff's office being handed a $500 dollar fine for 'Disturbing the Peace, Domestic Violence, and Assault. The others too but there not worth mentioning.

"I hate you Alfred! This is all your fault!"

"What did I do Artie?!"

"You iniciated the fight!"

"Ah-...um...Well they tempted me!"

"Whatever! I don't want to hear your excuses! I'm going out for drinks, whether or not you accompany me!"

"NO! OH THE HORROR! PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"WANKER!"


Sorry it took so long I just enter school again and it was just horrible! A big thanks to all who have reviewed, this was for you! Oh! Before I forget! I got a review from a anyonomous Selene.

To Selene:

I know it does not sound like I have been to a college, I've been to a college twice so I'm basing this on what I witnessed. Also if this sounds childish to you, keep in mind this is in Alfred's point of view. I'm writing this on how I would think he would describe it. If you do not like it, I don't care and I mean that with love. If you want to flame, be my guest. I don't really see the point in that, but oh well.

That goes to anyone, this story is for laughs and romance. Don't like, don't read. I'm not changing a thing. So yeah...Review

-Awesome Empress

ALFRED: HATER'S GONNA HATE! ;D