Chapter 9: Friends.
Rem was still sitting on the balcony of the outpost with his back against the wall. The guard was still there, clutching his weapon, but he wasn't paying Rem much mind anymore. He was just there to make him feel like he couldn't go anywhere, and Rem just understood, so he stayed there, thinking. In his drunken state of mind, he didn't, at all, regret what he had done. He slapped her because what she said was wrong, and aside from that, it stung him in likely the only tender region he had; his undeniable, his undying, desire to help people. If there was anything he had ever been proud of, it was that. And when someone came along and completely disrespected and attacked his good will, he just couldn't handle it. Had it coming, he thought, leaning the back of his head against the wall. Helping people isn't easy, he figured, considering what he had been through in the past. Help hadn't always been appreciated in his line of work. But man, it's never been this fucking hard to, either . . . his eyes closed, and he dozed off.
That sleep was deep. Deeper than he had slept since he had woken up in the outpost emergency room. However, when he was conscious enough to realize he was sleeping as he lay there, the first thing he remembered was slapping Autumn. God damn it Rem, you fucking idiot, he thought as his eyes burst open and he straightened up. He was still on the outpost balcony, and it was morning time. The sun was up, and he wasn't surprised when he realized that nobody had shown him the courtesy of bringing him inside. He knew why, but most importantly, he also understood why. You never lay your hands on a woman the way he did last night. Especially not a young woman whose brother had just been eaten right in front of her. The thought made him cringe. His eyes lidded in frustration and he reached up to rub his face. His ability to reason coherently came back, and unfortunately, it started to utterly permeate him with guilt. So, he started to stand.
Despite the pain, he did, and he used the wall as a support to head into the outpost door. When he did, he saw people there, and all of them stopped talking just to look at him. He felt their disdain immediately, whether it was there or not in as much concentration as he thought it'd be, but he felt relieved when they all simply looked away and went on about their business. He walked in, started heading straight for the room where all the patients rest, and he saw Sandra there, with Casey. So, he walked straight towards them, and Casey turned to see him. "Woah, Rem," he grabbed a crutch, which were easily available in the outpost, and handed it to him. "Thanks," Rem said, as he took it and supported himself with it. It was a relief to see that Casey wasn't vindictive towards him. Sandra opened her mouth to speak but Rem cut her off, "Never drinking another sip." She paused, almost spoke again, but shook her head in disapproval instead. "No really, never. Second off . . . I'm sorry." Casey watched him, and so did Sandra. Somehow, both Sandra and Casey simply knew that Rem was a sensible person, and up until last night, he looked like very little could hurt him. But understandably so, there was something. Something that definitely could.
"Where is she?" "Where's who?" Sandra responded. "Autumn," when he said that, Sandra raised an eyebrow. "Why?" Rem glanced at her, a little hesitant to answer, "I want to say sorry." "I think you should just stay away from her." Casey added, "Yeah, I think- - " Rem cut him off, "Listen, I know you guys are right. I probably should stay away from her, but I should also say something. Just sorry. That's all." Sandra shook her head and looked away, "I don't have time for this. If you cause another scene, I'm kicking you out of here. Don't care if you're still crippled." Casey turned to Sandra as she went on about checking patient statuses, leaving Rem and his problems behind to settle themselves. Casey looked back at Rem afterwards, "Just . . . don't go anywhere near Gail. If Autumn is with her, just don't do it." Yeah, he hadn't even thought about how Gail felt about everything. But when he did think about it, he knew she had to be fuming. "Right." Casey watched as Rem walked away, on a crutch, and headed out the door.
When he found Autumn, it wasn't a very welcome sight. Gail was right there with her. They were sitting at a comfortable distance from the outpost. Somewhere still in sight but somewhere nobody could really hear them talking. By then, their talk about what happened last night had been long over. Now, they were talking about other things. Things that could help Autumn escape from her current reality. "I'm from San Francisco, originally." Autumn raised her eyebrows to that, "What's it like there?" Gail smiled a dreamy smile just then, and Autumn found that so . . . odd. When she smiled, it was like she was long lost in thoughts about a . . . a haven. A place far removed from wasteland atrocities. What she didn't know, however, was that Gail didn't smile because it was safe, she smiled because her family was there. Her family, which she loved and missed so much. Companionship went a long, long way in the post war world. "Same as anywhere else, I guess." So why was she smiling like that? Autumn stared, about ready to ask that question, "My family's there." Autumn watched, "Oh."
"Yeah," began Gail, "My family's all there. I came here seven years ago." Autumn found that weird, "Wait, how old are you?" Gail responded without skipping a beat, like she simply didn't mind answering, "Twenty six, or so." Autumn was surprised, "Oh . . . wow. You look like you're no older than . . . twenty two, maybe. Do you have family here?" Gail shook her head, and Autumn added, "Then why are you here? If . . . you don't mind me asking." Gail responded, still comfortable, and it made Autumn feel easy when she was asking so many questions, "I came here with my boyfriend. Back then I felt like I didn't belong with my family so I came here, with him, looking to work as traveling merchants." Autumn was suddenly scared to ask what had happened to her boyfriend. Somehow, she just knew he died. "He was killed by night stalkers about a month after we arrived in the Mojave wasteland." "Oh Gail, I'm so sorry," Autumn covered her mouth with her hands. Gail stayed silent for a couple of moments but eventually spoke, "Yeah, well, things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to."
Autumn saw how it looked like Gail was over it. She was so strong, but also pretty, with her small, delicate face, and she looked like very little could hurt her emotionally. "Why don't you go back?" Gail responded with a shrug of her shoulders, "I've thought about it but if I did, what if I got there and they weren't there anymore? I think I'd rather stay here and fantasize that they're still alive over there. Raising big horners and brahmin, thinking about me every once in a while." Autumn smiled when she heard Gail talk so warmly, so happily in some . . . enchanted tone. "Before you know it, you'll be thirty. You should start thinking about who and where you're going to settle down," Gail smiled immediately. "No, uh-uh, nope," she answered, seeming thoroughly repelled by the idea. "So long as I get mine every once in a while, I'll never bother settling down." Autumn looked confused, like she didn't understand, "As long as you get yours?"
"You know, mine, as long as I get mine," Gail grinned mischievously, "As long as I can blow off some steam- - " "Gail!" Autumn paused, looked shook, "What the hell?" Gail leaned back nonchalantly, folding her arms behind the back of her head, and closed her eyes with a shameless smile on her face. "What? Just being honest," she shrugged her shoulders. Autumn stared at her, couldn't believe it at all. Then again, why not, she could. Gail, all of a sudden, just seemed like that type of person. While she was thinking about all that, Gail spoke, "How old are you anyway?" Autumn responded quickly, "Seventeen." Gail continued smiling and she shook her head, "Do you know what's good yet?" Autumn understood this time, "NO!" Then she calmed down, embarassed, "I mean," she sideglanced, "No."
Gail started laughing.
When Rem got as much rest as he did nowadays, it was really hard to sleep for lengthy periods of time. Usually, he'd go to sleep at about the same time most everyone did, but it wasn't rare when in the middle of the night, his mind would be restless and he'd wake up. His eyes would open to the darkness of the barracks and when he looked around, everyone was asleep, and it felt like he couldn't sleep anymore. So, he'd step out. That night, he did the same exact thing. He did so as silently as he could and each time he was almost out the door, he'd glance inside to see if he had woken anyone. This time, everyone was still sleeping, so he closed the door as gently as possible and went out the outpost exit. He dragged his leg along and stepped out, and when he did, he took a glance at all of the guards. Some of them were perched atop other high places around the outpost and others were on level ground, near the outpost.
As he walked to the railing that lined the outpost balcony, an algid night breeze swept by, fluttering some of his blonde strands of hair, bringing a very familiar scent to his nostrils. He called it the scent of the Mojave wasteland, created out of the immense amounts of sand, barrel cacti, and any number of other things native to this part of the world. All the while, he continued dragging his gaze along the immediate distance and then he found something. He found Autumn, sitting all by herself, on the floor with her eyes straight ahead. He saw her like this a lot, but not this late at night, and all he could wonder just what, exactly, was going through her mind. She was probably thinking about Jesse, and about how she had been slapped two nights ago. Rem sighed, still regretful of that.
No matter how much time went by, it still felt like it wasn't over. Even after she emerged from that safehouse hatch, even after she had bathed and traveled here with Gail and Casey, it just still felt so much like it wasn't over. Sometimes, she'd get this deep, sinking feeling in her stomach when she imagined that this world, this wasteland, had killed Jesse, her only family member and the one she cared most about. Now she was just alone. She had to live by herself. Maybe not by herself, but without Jesse. That was how she felt just then, as she sat there on the floor, not mindful of the eyes that might be watching her. Her feet were tucked in towards her body and her arms were folded on her knees. The breeze that occasionally swept by, fluttering her red hair, went on ignored despite how chilly it was. She barely even acknowledged the fact that she was lightly shivering. All she could think about was what lay ahead.
Still though, she held her head up and sideglanced at nothing in particular. Just the wasteland, probably, and she realized just how numb she was towards what had just happened in the outpost two days ago. Rem slapped her, the asshole, but then again . . . she may have been too harsh. She thought that maybe, just maybe, if it had been someone else, she would feel like Rem had done the right thing. She thought that it was just anger, sadness, and fear that drove her to be so convicting. And the screams maybe, and just the vivid, fresh memory of how Jesse had died. All of that was a lot to take in. So much that she never stopped to think about whether or not it had been hard for Rem to handle, which it very clearly was. She thought about the things he said. About how it hadn't been easy to hide in that hole while Jesse was being butchered. She closed her eyes and sighed, shaking her head, realizing just how time was more of a universal solvent than water. With time, she started to see things differently, feel things differently.
Walking around, it still felt like he had eyes on him. Judgmental eyes. It just felt like everyone knew what he had done to Autumn, and it also felt like everyone knew that despite the fact that he had helped rescue the supplies, only a pig would slap a young woman across the face. Especially a young woman who had just lost her brother in such a traumatizing way recently. Knowing that they would be correct to feel that way, however, made it worse. He had problems sleeping and a lot of the time he spent around the outpost, he'd just lose himself, thinking. Regretting. Wishing he could go back and stop himself from taking that one long drink of whiskey that put him over the edge. He was sitting on a chair on the outpost balcony, looking straight ahead when he digressed and thought, God damn it, Rem. He exhaled heavily and leaned forward, reaching up to his hair and dragging his hands along towards the back of his head in frustration.
The person he was constantly thinking about was helping out around the outpost, learning as much as she could before she'd have to head off. It had been three days since they had been asked to wait by the other outpost. Longer than expected, and honestly, it was starting to feel more and more like she was a burden on Casey and Gail. They were missing trade meets because of her. She mentioned it once, to Gail, but she was swiftly convinced that they didn't mind waiting at all. And she could really tell that they didn't, but still, she couldn't shake that feeling inside. "Pass me the bandages," she was brought back from her thoughts by Sandra's commanding tone. She paced towards a cabinet, where she had been taught these supplies were located, and got what Sandra asked for. She returned to her with them, and handed them over, "Here you go, ma'am." Working with Sandra was enlightening.
Autumn realized that before, her simple goal in the wasteland was to survive, but now that she had witnessed Sandra's passion and dedication to helping people, she started to feel like she wanted to help just as much. It was just in her heart to do that, and she figured it also would have been in Jesse's. Furthermore, taking this route in her life just made her feel good about her future. Comfortable, more so, and it also felt like it was a good path to take to move into the next chapter of her life. "Can you get me a safety pin?" Autumn nodded and approached a small box with safety pins in it. She took one out and walked back towards Sandra and handed it to her, "Here you go." Sandra took it and used it to hold the bandages together. "All done, sweetie," said Sandra, and a little girl nodded her head. She still had an unsettled look on her face but what kind of child wouldn't? When she left, Autumn glanced at Sandra with a meek smile, and Sandra exhaled before she went on about her business.
Later that night, she was hanging out with Gail, sitting around a warm campfire outside. Gail was telling her about how she had gotten into the bodyguard business. "About two months after my boyfriend was killed, I was running out of caps, and when I realized that I didn't have enough caps anymore to invest in a brahmin, I decided I needed to find quicker work. Two days later I was scavenging and I found a ten millimeter hand gun and thirty five rounds of ammo for it. I didn't have a weapon up until then, besides a bat, and after two nights of having that gun with me I decided that I was going to offer my services to the next person I saw. I ended up escorting a woman from Nipton to Novac. By the time it was over, I only had five rounds left but I was paid handsomely. I bought ammo, leather armor, and the rest is just history." Autumn listened and watched her at the same time, "Turned out pretty well, I think."
"That's so . . . spontaneous." Gail shrugged her shoulders slowly at the statement, "I didn't have any other choice, honestly. I took what came first and dove in. Like I said, it turned out pretty well." Autumn couldn't help but admire Gail, just like she admired Sandra. They both helped people. Sandra did it with a scalpel and Gail just so happened to do it with a plasma rifle. In the end, it was nearly the same result, but Gail was the most surprising of the two. You wouldn't think it to see her, because she had this small, pretty face on her with short, brown hair. She was also shorter than her, maybe by around two inches, and had a small frame to go along with it. Somehow, however, she managed to look fierce. Fit, too, for survival.
Rem saw them from a distance. He was on the outpost balcony again, and they were at such a distance where he could only wonder what they were talking about.
"Yeah," Autumn responded, and looked towards the outpost balcony. She found Rem there, watching them, and she knew he had been even though he looked away and tried to play it off like he hadn't been. Ugh, sometimes she wished he just wasn't around. He was such a complex person to think about, because when she did think about him, she found herself considering so many things about him. Some days, she was grateful of what he had done for her, and other times, she just didn't want to see his face. Other times, it was worse. There was something she just couldn't stop wondering about. "Gail, can I ask you something?" Gail was glancing off to the side at one of the guards when she turned back to Autumn, "Yeah, of course." Something about the way Autumn asked the question garnered her attention absolutely.
"Nobody knows but . . . I tried to kill Rem," Gail, after having felt so relaxed, was suddenly a bit . . . shocked. "H - - how? When?" she asked, and Autumn responded without stuttering, "The first night we were back and he hadn't woken up from surgery." Gail stared at her, still surprised, but her face didn't show it much. She did sound concerned, however. "That night, Sandra let me sleep in her room. I snuck out when everyone was asleep with a scalpel and went into the emergency room. When I found him, I put the scalpel to his throat." As much as Gail would like to see Rem dead, something about Autumn doing it didn't settle right with her. She was starting to think of Autumn as a little sister, and killing was one thing she wouldn't have wanted her to do. "I was going to ring his throat but I stopped myself. I couldn't do it." Gail responded after exhaling, "It's a good thing you didn't do it." The way she said it made it clear that it was hard for her to say, because she felt Rem deserved whatever Autumn threw his way.
"Rem is scum, but guys like that, they're not worth it. Not for you, at least." Autumn listened to that. She wasn't finished, but she didn't cut Gail off, "He'll get what's coming to him. I wouldn't want you to soil your hands with that kind of business." Autumn nodded, and after there was a long pause and she recognized that Gail wasn't going to say anything else, she continued. "That's not all though." Gail glanced at her, "He saw me." Gail's eyebrows raised, "He woke up?" Autumn nodded, "Yeah. He woke up and stared me right in the eye." As Gail was mulling it over, she fidgeted with her fingernails, but Autumn added. "He never said anything about that though, so I'm kind of wondering if he remembers or not."
"Nah, I don't think he remembers. He was drugged out of his mind when he was in that hospital bed." "You think so?" Gail nodded in response, but she looked down at her fingernails in thought. When she further concluded, she took in a breath and spoke as she released it, "Yeeeah. I don't think he remembers. If he did, he would have mentioned it when you were ripping him a new one." Autumn couldn't help but silently disagree. Something inside, her instincts, actually, told her that he remembered it, and because of that, she couldn't stop losing sleep trying to figure out why he didn't mention it. "I'll be back," said Gail, and stood up. She started heading in the direction of the outpost, likely to visit the facilities. It left Autumn all to herself.
She continued considering it silently. Her mind fluctuated as incoherently as a river flow, and the more time went by, the more time started to simply blend in together. Eventually, she lost track of how long Gail had been gone. It felt like it could have been a minute or at least five. Crunch. That was why when she heard that, it felt like it'd be feasible for Gail to have returned already, even though it had barely been a minute since she left. She slowly started to turn her head towards the sound, and she even started opening her mouth to speak, but what she found wasn't Gail. She laid eyes on Rem, and his light, blue eyes were glancing into her green ones. Before she could even wonder what he wanted, she simply got irritated for two reasons. One, she just wasn't going to enjoy being in the same space as a person who slapped her before and two, this was just foolish. He was being childish to approach her when he was more than adult enough to understand that there should be no contact between them.
"What do you want?"
