First thing is first and I'm so sorry it took so long to get this one out.
It seemed like everything happened at once but I won't bore you with all that. Time really did get away from me and it annoyed me so much since I was trying to be constant with this thing.
To Guest who has been on my back, I'll have to say thanks for showing so much interest and that you can be sure I will be finishing this story one way or another. I don't want to leave it unfinished at all.
Anyways, I think updates are going to be a fair bit more random from this point on. I'll be away for five weeks soon but I'll try to write then. Also I will be heading back to uni and the path to med school is tough.
End of the day, I promise you will see the end of this story.
The silence was heavy in the room. Out of all the things TJ could have done, maybe he chose the wrong option.
"Spin I… I didn't mean to do that."
She was stunned. It took something big for her to stay quiet but when their lips touched it was like someone pressed the pause button on her body. Her mind was racing and working overtime. Does this mean that he like likes her?
"Please say something." TJ was worried. "We can just pretend this never happened if you want."
Normally TJ would know for sure that if she wanted to forget this then he would be heartbroken. This time, in all honesty, he didn't know what he wanted out of this. Where things would lead to was a great mystery to him in this moment.
"TJ, why did you just kiss me?"
"I don't know. I just felt bad about how I left and I want you to know that I didn't mean to make you sad. It's just that I have been feeling really bad…"
Something had stopped him dead in his tracks. Spinelli leaned over and kissed him, this one being a bit longer than the first. TJ thought the first kiss was the best thing he's felt but that second one made the first look like a walk in the park.
"Hey Teej?"
"Yeah." TJ sounded like he just awoke from the best dream in the world.
"How about we don't tell the others about this. I don't want them getting all nosy and annoying."
TJ felt a small twang in his chest. She didn't want anyone to know?
"And I don't want to rush whatever this is. I don't want this to ruin our friendship."
"No no, I get it. Let's just umm… go with it, I guess."
The kiss was meant to bring clarity to their relationship, decide what it is to become or not. This was not expected. Both TJ and Spinelli seemed loss when standing so close. They needed time to discover if they really wanted to move on and perhaps maybe they would learn to accept each other.
It wasn't long until the gang decided to meet up together again and spend some time together. It was definitely a relief for TJ as he has been feeling worse and worse lately, mentally that is. He would zone out occasionally and his enthusiasm was diminished to a time lower than when he was on the bottom on the monstickers pecking order.
He had believed that being home would have given him his life back but it was only now that he realised that being away had kept him away from his heartache. His desperation for another form of distraction is what TJ has been using to drive his need to go out and see other people, because then he could clear his mind.
It was Kelso's for lunch and the food was just as amazing as it always had been. The only thing missing was Kelso himself. He would no longer be present everyday of the week, despite his wife's nagging, and the gang sort of missed the old guy. He was a part of their tradition in visiting his shop.
The laughter was soothing to TJ. The sound of them grasping for air, particularly Mikey, between taking bites of his food. It all sounded so... alive and not… nothing.
"I'm just ahhh, going to the toilet. I'll be right back." TJ stood up abruptly from their table, the negative thoughts returning quickly.
Vince gave him a look. "Didn't you learn to go before you leave the house." Just like his mum used to say.
TJ really needed a break from them at the moment. "Oh ha ha Vince. I did but can't a guy go again."
Reaching the restroom, TJ locked the door behind him. It was a small room, typical to what you would find at a petrol station as opposed to a shopping centre or a larger businesses in general. It was a good place to take a moment and think.
Vince sounded exactly like his mum. Always checking up on him to make sure that he did the basic things that she knew that he did, but asked anyway. Maybe it was just her way of finding an excuse to talk to him. To get some form of contact with the teenage boy that was always out with his friends.
One time she had drove up all the way to their eighth grade camp, over 2 hours away, because he had clumsily fell and sprained his ankle. She heard on the phone that he had fallen and hurt his ankle and she didn't listen to anymore before she was in the car.
His dad always agreed with her too. That was his job though. To back her up in any and all situations. If he didn't want to eat his vegetables as a kid and she did, he would force him. If he wanted to go out when she was organising to have people over, he got him to stay. If he ran into a window and she thought he had a fever, he agreed.
All the small things that you overlook when someone is still around are the things that plague him now. Knowing that he will never experience any of those things again brought him the worse pain he has ever experienced.
Knock knock.
"Hey Teej, you good in there?"
That shook TJ out of his thoughts quicker that you could say 'tender'.
"Yeah Spin, I'm coming out now."
TJ splashed some water on his face and headed towards the door only to find her waiting for him on the other side.
"You alright?"
She looked sincere. Or at least as sincere as a person who said she wanted no one to know about them kissing, the best moment in his life.
"Yeah, it's just a toilet. I'm pretty sure I can handle any danger in there." He faked a laugh to show just how fine he was.
"Good, let's go then. We are all done eating anyways."
She grabbed his hand and held it. Not to drag him back to the others and not even to walk back with him. She grabbed it, soaked in the feel of it and then let go. He was left to follow her retreating form out of Kelso's and back onto the street.
Like nothing happened.
"I know, I know, I promise I'll come back and visit but it's hard to get out there."
TJ was once again on the phone explaining why he can't visit the skatepark. The relief that it gives him being so far from his troubles is well worth it but it is also what keeps him at home. He shouldn't be running from his problems and leaving Becky by herself after all the time he was already away.
"I have heaps going on right now that I need to get sorted and… no it's not like that. Look, you guys know I want to see you all, and I will, but I can't now."
They clearly had him on loudspeaker and the voices he was bombarded with were quickly overwhelming him. They all sounded either angry or disappointed about his absence and he really wished it was the former.
The voices were so quick and fast that TJ couldn't recognise the owner of the one particular sentence that stood out from the crowd.
"That's not true, I don't pick any friends over another one. I only see them so much because they are always here… I didn't mean to say you are stuck there… Listen to me!"
TJ's breath was all that could be heard from both ends. It really shouldn't have to be this hard to say that he can't see them. They represent his escape and it is all that he wants, to be in a perfect life.
"If you want me to be honest then all I can say is that I can't wait to come out and see you. The problem is that when I do I leave my sister here with all the work to herself. When I can come I will, trust me."
This type of self expectation that TJ is placing on himself can rid a child of their innocence, and it has. TJ doesn't not want to be outside but he feels that it isn't as important anymore, in comparison. It's like placing a mental rope around your neck and only allowing yourself to move so far away from your mental cage before it chokes you.
"Hey umm, I got to go. I'll call you guys later if I don't hear from you before then. Alright see ya."
Hanging up the phone, TJ looked out of his window to see who knocked on his door, assuming it was for him since Becky was out.
Keeping to his usual luck of people trying to keep him from doing what he plans to, Mikey was waiting for him patiently to answer the door. With a sigh TJ made his way to the door.
"Mikey, how's it hanging?"
"TJ, I'm glad you're home."
"What's up big guy?"
Hopefully there was nothing major going on. Becky would be home soon and TJ wanted things ready for her.
"I was just bored so thought I'd get out and about. Vince and Gus are trying to win some concert tickets in some trivia fundraising event for the children of less fortunate circumstances, Gretchen is in the lab again working for a better future and Spinelli is a wild spirit never to be tamed by someone who is simply bored."
So he's checked in with everyone already, nice.
"I have to go out to the shops and get some supplies for dinner so…"
"Oh marvellous, what are we making?"
TJ took a wild guess and supposed he had just invited Mikey to go with him.
"Burgers are the plan, I just need some mince and other stuff that goes with it all."
"Let's go then."
Maybe bringing Mikey along wasn't such a bad idea in the end. TJ was ready to just roll some meat into a ball but Mikey apparently had secret methods with food, he does love the stuff.
"Are you sure they're going to taste good?"
"Don't worry young TJ, I do this all the time."
Mikey had the idea of mixing in a dry packet of chicken noodle soup flavouring into the meat for 'extra flavouring'. As quirky as Mikey was, it was one of the reasons TJ got along with him. They were both misunderstood in a way. Once people thought Mikey was a bully and now he gets called gay, when he has never been either.
TJ empathised with him after all the people that have judged him. Hero of third street and saving summer when really he was bored and lonely, the romantic man of women's dreams when he played a prank with valentines cards. Now he was the strong kid with no parents when deep down he was struggling to stay afloat.
"So what else have you been up to TJ?"
"Nothing really. I wish I could say I had been busy but all I've been doing is stuff to help out Becky."
"And I'm sure she appreciates it."
The small gesture of reassurance seemed to accomplishment it's purpose, he felt like there was maybe the possibility that things would work out. That there was hope for the future.
"Thanks Mikey, it means a lot to me. You staying for dinner?"
"I wish I could stay and enjoy the culinary creations we have conjured up but I must bid you farewell. I'll have to take a raincheck."
"You're welcome anytime."
Mikey left TJ with nothing but the prepared food and a smile on his face. It was nice to hang with his friend without anything bothering him and still get everything done. Mikey was just the type of person to help out others just for the sake of satisfying his want to help. A true friend that never intrudes on others personal lives.
The thing around about the world is that it will keep spinning, and the thing about people is that we invented time. Mix this with day to day life and it meant that school was always ready for a new day.
Kids are lucky in the sense that the majority of them live in their own bubble of the world. Their social life revolves around who they are forced to see everyday, roughly six hours spent locked up but with the biggest lunch break that they will get in their lives and financial support from their family.
TJ now fully understood just how well he had it now that he has lost some of what he considered to be a staple in his life. Participation awards were created to give the impression that everyone was special and that they will be rewarded for, essentially, nothing. How he was wrong to believe such a thing.
"Penny for your thoughts TJ?"
Gretchen was partnered with him for chemistry, she was saving him in this class.
"I think I need to leave school and get a job."
"And what made you come to this conclusion?"
"I'm not going to be mixing…" "Titrating." Gretchen added. "Right, 'titrating' chemicals for the rest of my life and I don't want Becky to have to work so much."
"That is mighty selfless of you TJ. Have you told her of your current opinion?"
"No."
He knew he'd have to but he also knew what she would say. She would somehow say that he has to stay in school and get a good job. Like he was going to get a good score in the end of it anyway.
"Then I believe that your next course of action if fairly obvious. You two will have to discuss and find a suitable compromise, since I'm assuming you haven't asked her from fear of objection."
"You hit the nail on the head yet again Gretchen."
Does she ever really need to ask. She looks at people like a science question and solves it before even thinking about just being social. Then again, her brain is way bigger than the average.
"Ok class it's time to start cleaning up before we finish because I am not being stuck with this mess again. Now get to it." The teacher's voice echoed throughout the room.
Five more minutes until study break and only a couple more hours until he can get home. It's probably best that he uses his time wisely this time and make a start of the English novel he was meant to have finished.
"Okay man, that's it. What is up with you?"
TJ snapped out of his daydreaming and turned his focus on Vince. It looked like he had been trying to get his attention for a while and he had clearly had no response until now.
"What's up with what?"
"Oh I think you know what. Spinelli."
"What!" This caught him off guard. "What about her?"
"Maybe the way you keep looking at her, like now through that window."
Had he really been staring at her? Taking a conscious look through the window, she was indeed outside with her camera, probably for her photography class.
"I wasn't looking at her. I was in my own head and was just staring at nothing."
'Yeah, nothing meaning staring at her."
"If you want some truth, I'll give it to you. I think there's too much going on right now to even try and even if there was nothing in the way I still think it won't work."
He was bending the truth just a little bit. He had already tried.
"Besides," he continued, "she doesn't seem like the type for anything official or public like that." That was the truth.
This was the most Vince has ever heard TJ talk about his blatantly obvious crush on Spinelli. This called for the jokes to be stopped and for the guys to be a bit more serious than usual.
"And why do you not want to even find out?"
"I just… I don't think I'm ready."
"Pease, you've been ready since fourth grade."
TJ was deep in thought. He wanted to tell Vince about it all and get a second opinion but Spinelli said that they should keep it a secret.
Taking a deep breath, TJ looked back towards his friend.
"When the time is right, I will."
"So how was school today?"
"It was good, I nearly started my English book today."
Shaking off that comment, Becky looked over her little brother sitting at the dinner table. Those burgers were a nice surprise the other day and it seemed like he wanted to help out more than he was. However, she was working so hard so that he wouldn't have to. So that he could just enjoy himself like he should be.
"You know what? As much as I appreciated dinner these past couple of nights, we should make it a bit more even."
"If you want it to be more fair then you gotta let me do more around the house."
"No, I meant I want you to go out with your friends more and enjoy yourself."
"I do that already."
Becky shook her head slightly at the stubbornness of TJ.
"I've noticed you home more often and don't lie. It's ok to still have fun."
"No, it's not."
TJ looked like he was on edge from this conversation and she had clearly hit a nerve.
Becky pondered on what the right thing to say was but the silence of her thoughts gave TJ the opportunity to continue.
"I need to be here to help you. There's no one else here and our 'so called' older brother left in an instant."
"He still has to carry out his tour."
"Yeah and that's bullshit."
Their friendly dinner conversation had quickly heated up until they now realised they were arguing, not conversing.
Not wanting to continue, TJ rose and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?"
Becky didn't want to leave such feelings left open like this, but it wasn't her choice to make.
"I'm going out. I need something to take my mind off of everything."
"Let's just figure this out now."
"I'll see you later tonight if you're up."
The door closed as TJ set off to find any suitable form of distraction to get rid of the emotional pain he was in. He would walk of the energy and then come back for a hot shower and a sleep.
Not a few seconds later he passed Spinelli's house, as usual for being neighbours. He wished things had ended differently that night but she has still been acting normal around him.
Breaking off his glance at the two story house, he kept walking.
Anywhere was a good place right now.
