"You have a little piece of heaven here, Jack. I am impressed with the way Heartland raises it's cattle.," Ray tells Jack.

"Thank you," Jack politely informs Ray.

"Are there any pieces of land up for sale in this area," Ray inquires.

"Mmm…. not that I'm aware."

"Looking to move up here Ray," Tim asks.

"Yeah, my son and his family are around this area. So, my family and I would like a place close by," Ray informs them.

"So, this isn't just about the cattle, you want real estate as well," Tim verifies.

"Yeah, a bit of both although the having a quality supply of cattle was always on the cards. We are always looking for the best quality cattle and expanding our exports of beef to our many customers."

"We have a lot more demand for quality beef then we can supply. We've been looking for a good bit before Heartland came onto our radar for its organic cattle that are raised a certain way that appeals to our us," James further elucidates Jack and Tim.

"Heartland cattle seems to ticking all the boxes so far. Its as authentic as we've come across," Jason praisingly tells Tim and Jack.

"Although we have to test the water first. So, if you don't mind take us to a place where their watering hole is. After we can really see about getting into business," Jamie pushes forward asking them to show him the drinking area.

"You boys go along, with Tim and Mitch. Jack and I will take a leisurely ride back, I want to take in some more of this beautiful land. You can catch us on the way back or at the barn. If that's okay with you Jack," Ray states.

"Yeah, no problem," Jack replies.

"Lets go boys, lets see if you can keep up," Tim encourages them.

Heartland is exquisite the trails, the creeks, ponds and lakes are all breathtaking. The view of the mountain peaks and the valleys are awe inspiring.

"Jack, do you not wish for your cattle to be sold to my company," Ray asks Jack bluntly.

"I would like Heartland stock to bought by your company. Having Heartland as your company and affiliates preferred supplier will be a coup for Heartland no doubt." Jack informs Ray.

"You don't seem all that enthused by the prospect of a partnership if I do say so myself," Ray lets Jack know honestly.

"Ray sometimes there is a lot more to life than the prospect of a great business deal. I want nothing more then for Heartland to thrive for my family. Sometimes what I want for my family and what is possible are two different things," Jack vaguely reveals.

"Yes, that's true Jack. I understand whole heartedly. While our looking for another cattle partnership with someone has always been on the cards it's not the overriding reason for our enthusiasm. As I said before my son and his family are around this area and my wife and I want to have a place closer to them and the grandkids."

"That I can understand."

"My wife and I never thought we'd see our oldest son settle down. He has been a military man since he was sixteen and hasn't wanted to put down roots. But his finally found the love of his life and now has a family, has roots here so naturally we want to be closer to them. Grandkids growing up too fast for my liking," Ray confides in Jack.

"You want to spend time with your grandkids that's natural. But somehow, I get the feeling there is more to it then that."

"You're pretty perceptive, Jack. My boy has been in love with his girl since he was twelve. He broke her heart when he left at sixteen never to look back. I just want to be around to make sure that he doesn't throw away the best thing thats ever happened to him."

"Fair enough. Your son is a lucky man to have a father that's willing to go to such lengths to ensure his happiness."

"You seem like a man that would do the same for the people you love Jack."

"Sometimes people don't know what's good for them until they don't have it anymore. Obviously your son learnt that lesson and got a second chance and stepped up. So, I think you don't have to worry too much."

"Josh loves her there has never been any doubt about that. But he hurt her and I don't want her to go through that again. She's been through enough in her life, grew up without anyone to look after her. Josh broke her heart and abandoned her for the military and she's always had a solitary life, used to taking care of herself and others by the pure dint of her will. She hasn't had any luck with the men in her life it seems, they've always fallen short and somehow abandoned her one way or another. Josh did that once, I won't have him do that to her again and leave her to raise my grandchildren alone," Ray passionately gets out.

"Well, she must love him and definitely must see something in him to have had children with him. Fatherhood sure does change a man, maybe that's what he needed to settle down. And this woman seems life a tough cookie, I'm sure she can manage no matter what happens."

"Well, if Josh doesn't keep his house in order there will be plenty of men knocking on the door to take his place that's for sure."

"Really?"

"Yes, she is a rare beauty. Benevolence, beauty and brains."

"That is rare. Your son Josh should hold on and do everything in his power to never let go. Everyman needs a good woman."

"True but on the other hand as I'm so fond of telling my wife 'every woman needs a good man in her life. And it's a good thing she has me'," Ray laughably tells me.

"I seem to have heard that before or rather something quite similar." Jack half-smirks and laughs for the first time in a very, very long time.

"There has got be to a story behind that because you have this cat that ate the canary look on your face. The prospect of a multi million dollar deal couldn't get that look on your face but a something you just recalled certainly did the trick."

Jack mirthfully chortles with that half-smirk plasted across his face which makes those soft, gentle, wise green eyes blaze with a fire so intense it shifts something inside of me.

"I'm sure you'd be much more enthused if you sorted what is ailing you, Jack. Maybe I could help because I want you to be the driving force of this venture because I do want Heartland stock to be my companies primary product, provided the water sample comes back clean. Other then that I don't see why a deal can't be struck between us."

"Thanks for the offer Ray but I dropped the ball and lost my chance with a wonderful woman, but that's beside the point. While I might not seem outwardly over enthused by it now, I assure that I am as happy about it as I can be at the moment. Tim and Mitch have been full on with the cattle so it's in good hands and I assure you they will have the requisite enthusiasm for you should that be the sticking point."

"Ahh, Jack you're honest to the bone. Something I like in a potential business partner." Ray laughs encouragingly.

Just as Ray finishes James and Jason come racing up ahead of Mitch and Tim. Tim and Mitch come to walking pace beside up to try and gauge if we've made any sort of deal. "So the quick initial water tests came back good, now we have to wait for the detailed water test to get back from the lab but all looks good wouldn't you say Ray," Tim encourages.

"Subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal, isn't he," Jack sarcastically gets out amusingly to Ray.

Ray laughs uncontrollably while mentioning he quite enjoy's country similes as they make their way to the barn.


After getting back to the barn Jack leaves Ray and his sons with Tim and Mitch's capable hands as they wait for their ride to get here. Jack has taken off to exercise Lightening Dexter and bid his goodbyes to Ray, James and Jason.

"Anyway guys my girlfriend Casey is having a rodeo party this weekend in Hudson. If you're interested in some good old fun, food and dancing you will be welcome to join us."

"That sounds wonderful Tim. Thank you and if my wife agrees, I will be there," Ray informs him.

"What about you guys? If you got someone or want to ask someone out this is an ideal opportunity to get to know people in the area," Tim encourages.

"That would be a problem Tim since they both want to ask the same girl out," Ray scoldingly looks at them.

"I don't know why that would be a problem dad," Jason tells his dad.

"Anyway we all know she'll choose me anyway," James cockily states.

"Please ignore their juvenile behaviour. Because they can't ask her out."

"I don't understand. Why can't they ask her out?. Wouldn't it be better if she chooses and they know for sure, who knows it may end up into something real and will last for one of them," Mitch interjects.

"They can't ask her because they both have a thing for their brother Josh's girl," Ray informs Tim and Mitch.

"Oh…. Definitely can't ask her to choose between you two because it appears she's chosen a third option." Mitch deadpans.

"Okay, you two, you have go out and meet other woman to forget about this girl. Find someone just as wonderful as she is that the right fit for you. Otherwise you'll always have a thing for her," Tim advises them.

"Ain't nobody going to measure up to how fine she is," Jason informs Tim.

"Joshy is lucky,"Jamie replies.

"Oh come on guys! You guys are totally crushing on her. She really can't be that fine or even if she is there has be a downside," Mitch tries to help the guys out of their infatuation.

"Super fine and zero downsides," Jason immediately answers.

"Super gorgeous and no downsides," followed by Jamie.

"Ray, help us out here," Tim tries to get him to get Jason and Jamie the error of their ways.

"Sorry Mitch, sorry Tim. But they are right she's about as perfect as they come. But that does not mean they shouldn't go looking for their own someone," he encourages them.

"Okay it's settled guys. You'll be coming to the rodeo party with your folks and will meet some woman to rival your crush," Tim states with conviction.

"I won't hold my breath," Jason replies.

"Neither will, I," Jamie's counters back just as defeated.

Mitch, Jason and James go towards the pen where Any is working and watch her work with on of her client horses. Mitch tells them the story of the Any the miracle girl.


Lyndy walks towards the barn and notices Tim with a man. "Excuse me, Tim. Do you know where Jack is?" Lyndy enquires.

"His out exercising Dex, Lyndy," Tim relays to her.

"If you see him let him know I want a word with him," Lyndy communicates to Tim and leaves.

Ray looks confusingly at Tim. "I'm sorry I don't mean to pry but who was that?" Ray inquires.

"Oh… That's, Lyndy."

"Lyndy… Lyndy who? Ray prompts.

"Lyndy Bartlet."

"Is she Jack's wife?" Ray inquires quizzically.

"Ahhh…. Yeah," he hesitatingly get out.

"I was under the impression Jack didn't have a wife. Because he implied that he lost the chance to have a wonderful woman in his life and that it was too late to do anything about it."

"Jack really say that to you?" Tim asked surprised at Jack's openness.

"I guess I had Jack all wrong. I didn't see Jack as the cheating type. I mean how he or anyone lives their live isn't my business but I can't believe that I misjudged the type of man Jack is," Ray disturbingly gets out at his perceived lack of judgement.

"Wait a minute, Ray. You had the right idea about Jack. His a stand up a guy as you will ever find. By the way that's coming from his ex son-in-law."

"I don't understand how you think I had the right idea about Jack while he was or is having an affair with some woman that is not his wife."

"It's complicated Ray and I'm not just saying that. It's not what you think either. Hear me out fully before passing judgement on Jack. That's all I ask."

"Okay, have at it but I don't think you'll sway my mind Tim. In my experience it's never complicated only complicit but I'll hear you out anyway."

"Lyndy is Jack wife legally. I know you thinking, what does that mean? But hear me out okay. Jack was married to Lyndy many, many moons ago. They had a daughter and Lyndy with Jack were a family in the early years. But later down the road Lyndy contracted cancer. She was dying of cancer. Anyway to make a long story short, she was approached by a pharmaceutical company to try an experimental drug that could put her into remission. She accepted the treatment of this new drug at their facility in the States. She didn't tell Jack about this because she wanted to spare him in case it didn't work. But what she did was had her death faked with the pharmaceutical company's help. She went of to the States leaving a devastated family at Heartland. Her treatment obviously worked but after she got well, she didn't want to come back and stayed in the States to live a new life unbeknownst to her family. That was a long, long time ago when she left her family and eventually Jack moved on with a lady friend. Jack and his lady friend were together for some years until they broke up for whatever reason, something nobody is privy to. Anyway just couple months after their break up, Lyndy shows up wanting to play happy families. So that's the situation we find ourselves in. Jack doesn't know what hit him when Lyndy pitched up out of the blue, Jack being a family man wanted to give his family want they wanted. But Jack's still in love with his lady friend. He might be married on paper trying to please his family but he cannot erase what he feels for his lady friend."

"Well, there is a first time for everything, because this is complicated," Ray states thoughtfully.

"And Jack is not having an affair with his lady friend. They broke up as I said but it doesn't mean that he isn't still in love with her or has regrets. And, with regards to his relationship to Lyndy, like I said they're only married legally. Jack doesn't even stay in the house anymore he doesn't know how to be a husband to her nor does he want to. His got to be pretty messed up about everything that has happened in the last few years, I don't think he knows what to do. So there you have it," Tim finally finishes.


Maggie's

While picking up some feed from Maggie's, I decide to go inside for a coffee while I wait for my order to get processed. I walk in and order a coffee, taking a seat at the far end of the counter at the window. I pick up a paper nearby and page through reading what interests me. I hear a voice I wish I didn't, ordering some coffee as well. Dan Heartfield the most pompous man I'm likely to come across in Hudson. I keep my head buried in the paper hoping he'd get his coffee and leave without noticing me.

"Jack didn't think you ventured out of Heartland anymore, you know after that heart attack of yours," Dan snidely states.

"I'm here Dan so, obviously I do," I state just as sarcastically.

"I was glad to hear that your wife comeback into your life. Lyndy was quite the musician from what I hear. She's much better suited to you than Lisa ever was."

"Jack your coffee is ready," the waitress call out from behind the counter.

"That's me so, goodbye Dan," I get out as fast as possible trying to escape him.

"I hope you finally got it into your head that Lisa was not in your league."

"Lets not do this Dan, its pointless."

"No, Jack you're pointless."

"Just give it up Dan," I say pleasingly to him.

"You know Lisa has a family now. Something she always wanted, but I guess that's why she dumped you, you weren't man enough for her to give her that. She had to go looking for it somewhere else Jack. She had to get it from a young stud because lets be honest there was probably no lead left in your pencil for that," Dan viciously throws out.

Before I know it Dan's holding his broken nose in pain. All of a sudden Maggie's, is full of people and we have an audience. Dan takes a plate and crashes it one my forehead with Tim and Caleb breaking us apart.

"You had no business being with Lisa at all," Dan carries on.

"Well, she didn't think that now did she," I counter.

"At least I was her husband, Jack," he smirkily informs me as though that will make him victorious.

"WAS being the operative word. EX husband Dan, get it through your head."

"What exactly were you Jack, NOTHING," he condescendingly counters.

"That's enough both of you," Tim bellows at the both of us.

"You were never good enough for her Jack. She has NOTHING to show for the time you spent together. You were NOTHING, not even a footnote in her life," he disdainfully snaps say me.

"Well, I got news for you Dan. She obviously didn't think you were good enough for her or good enough to be the father of her children because she divorced your ass as fast as she could. Isn't that right Dan?," I reply victoriously.

"Fuck you Jack," Dan spits out furiously.

Before I can reply Tim puts his hand over my mouth dragging me outside.

Outside Tim finally lets me go. I wipe whatever is running down my face with my hand. Only to discover, it's blood from a deep cut on the side of my forehead, where Dan smashed the plate. I put my handkerchief on it but it still bleeds profusely.
"You need to go to the hospital," Tim states worriedly.

"It's just a cut. I'll be fine," I reply tersely.

"It's a deep cut Jack. It's still bleeding leaving a trail behind to follow. So you need to at least see Trish," Tim determinedly states in agitation.

Tim and I fashion the handkerchief as a make shift tourniquet to try and stop the bleeding.

"Fine I'll go. You take the feed which was my purpose for coming to Maggie's anyway."

"Jesus, Jack what the hell happened in there?" Tim tries to find out.

"Nothing, okay," I evasively reply.

"Really? You breaking someones nose is nothing." Tim raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"Breaking Dan's nose, is nothing. He had it coming, he pushed me too far," I say vengefully.

"He always goes too far Jack but you don't take the bait," Tim informs me worriedly.

"I snapped, okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I frustratingly get out.

"No, it's not. Let me get someone to take the feed to Heartland then we'll head to 's."

"No, Tim you take the feed. I'm fine to drive. I need some space, I need to be alone to cool off, okay. Just take care of the feed," I notify Tim as I make way to my truck.


My mind in anguish. Dan alway did know how to push my buttons. I pretty certain it's only because his Lisa's ex. Otherwise, I wouldn't care what garbage he spouts out that pompous mouth of his. I'd be able to walk away and not want put him in a hospital bed. What did Lisa ever see in that prick? God, I need to reel myself in.

I wasn't nothing to Lisa. We may have not have been married but we loved each other. That love wasn't nothing. And that jibe about my not being a real man and being able to give Lisa the family she wanted. I still feel the urge to broke as many of Dan's bones as I can. Lisa never ever brought up that she wanted a child with me. Now that I think of it, It seems absurd that we didn't discuss it at all. We were together long enough but I guess this was one of the reasons Lisa wanted us to take a break. She didn't know what she was in my life therefore couldn't broach the subject of children with me. I hate myself for doing that to her. I didn't mean to cause her so much pain with my at arms length approach to certain areas of our relationship.

Now it doesn't matter, she has a family with another man. I wish more than anything, I was THAT man. I would give anything to be THAT man. Dan's mark about not even being a 'footnote' in Lisa life pains me. Is that how people viewed what Lisa and I had? Because that's not true, in fact it's so far from the truth, it's ludicrous.

What we had was special. It may have not been recognised by any institution but what we had was noteworthy, in its own remarkable way that only the two of us would know about. I know Lisa backed out of marrying when I asked her around the time Lou was going to get married to Peter. I also know she did that because she sensed that I was uncomfortable with the idea of marrying her. It was't that I wasn't uncomfortable marrying her, it was that I didn't know how I would navigate my marriage with Amy and Lou on top of me wanting leave the door open for Lisa to always have a chance at finding someone more suited to her. It laughable now that those were my reasons, because when they came out of Dan's mouth all I wanted to do was ram then straight back down his throat.

I've always been conflicted with my feeling for Lisa, not the part about how much I love her but what to do about that love. I wanted her there is no doubt but I always felt like she could do better. It's ridiculous because right now THAT man that she's with, I wish disappeared from her life because I know he couldn't love Lisa the way that I do. I want Lisa. LISA IS MINE. That's all I can think about when I hear about HIM.


Finally, I pull up at 's office. My head still anguish but a little clearer of what it is I want. Not necessarily of what I can have, but of what I want. I walk in to doctor's offices with Trish's receptionist directing me immediately to an empty examine room. Obviously Tim has called ahead and Trish has given instruction to her staff to follow with regards to me.

I don't even have time to look around the exam room before Trish walk in giving a sceptical look at mu head.

"Lay on your back Jack and see what we dealing with, Rocky," Trish states amusingly with the Rocky inference.

I do as ordered. I just want to get his done and over with. The story of my life since Lisa and I broke up. takes off the temporary tourniquet and immediately needs something to stop the bleeding. Shit, I guess it is a deep cut. She manages to expertly stem the bleeding somehow but has a frown on her face.

"Jack there appears to be a foreign solid substance in your would,"

"Do you have any idea what it could be? If you know what it is this will be quicker. I'll know exactly how to treat it," she enquires and reassures me after.

"Yeah, a plate smashed into my head."

"Distant or close range,"

"Close range."

"Okay, close your eyes. I need you to try and relax some. The tension on your forehead is not helping to attenuate the bleeding."

"Okay got it, Doc."

That's better I hear Trish say as she gets to work on the cut.

"It's really, really deep Jack. I would be more comfortable if you went to the hospital," Trish pronounces.

"No, if you can't do it. I'll take my chances with a bandage. I just need to get home," I reply flatly which earns me a chastising look.

"Fine, Jack, I'll do it but I want hear why you got into a fight with Dan Heartfield."

"How do you know its was Dan?

Because they sent me pictures, they needed to know if he needed a hospital or if I could take care of it."

"Which was it? Hospital or you?"

"Hospital, it looks very badly broken in two places with other minor fractures as well."

"Good."

"What the hell Jack? What is wrong with you? Trish admonishes me, surprised at my vindictive tone.

She gets back to work on my cut and implores me answer her question. "I'm waiting Jack."

"He just has way of pushing my buttons, okay."

"But you haven't resorted to punching the day light out of him before so, what was different this time around?"

"I just snapped, okay. I don't know what else to say."

"But you're certainly no sorry about it. Given the chance I'm betting you'd do the same again, no matter the consequences."

"True."

"Jack you can be charged with assault. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No, because I don't care if jail was the end result."

Trish doesn't say anything for the next twenty minutes, digging around in the wound to take out all the fine pieces of the plate lodged into my forehead. She start stop stitch up my cut.

"Fifteen stitches Jack. That was a serve cut and most a concussion sustained as well. You need to be woken up every two hours tonight Jack."

"Okay will get someone to do that."

"Sit up and relax. I'll be back in a minute with you medication."

"Thanks, Dr Varani," Jake sincerely remarks to her as she leaves.

Trish is back in the exam room with my meds but she has an odd look on her face. Finally, it clears off her face. "Before I give your meds and send you on your way, I need to say something to you as your friend and not . Just hear me out fully, before you say anything."

I curiously look at wondering where this is going. "Just spit it out what ever it is."

"Fine, Jack I've come to know you quite well. So, as your friend I'm urging you to sort out whatever it is that is causing your out of character behaviour. I think you're severely depressed and your anger today that lead to your punching someone is a deep sadness you feel within. You need to find a way to deal with your depression or get outside help Jack. Because there may be another physical explosion from you toward another party and that might result in criminal charges and possible jail time. If you don't know who to turn to for help medically if you require the names of doctors I will gladly facilitate that if you were to ask for my help. That's all I wanted to say. If you have any question for me regarding this or with your head wound fire away."

"Do really believe I'm depressed?"

"Yes, Jack, I do. You're not a violent or vengeful man but like I said before, I'd bet the house that you'd do the same thing to Dan, no matter the consequences."

"Have you ever entertained suicidal thoughts?"

"The last two year it been a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But I've never contemplated taking my life. Although the last few weeks I just don't want to live, I feel like giving up like I have nothing to live for, I want it to end. Is that considered suicidal?"

"What do you, want to end?"

"The anguish I feel."

"What happened in this time period to bring the onset of this anguish you want to end? Can you identify a specific thing or is it a convergence of things?"

"I saw Lisa and her new family. I alway had hope that somehow we'd work things out but now I know that's no longer an option."

"And, does this sadden you and anger you?"

"Yes, it does both. I don't know how to stop it from taking over me anymore."

"Could you stop it from taking over you before?"

"Yes, I could."

"But now you can't. Why do you think that is?"

"I don't see the point."

"Because you no longer have the option of reconciling with Lisa."

"Yes."

"You not wanting to live. Do you think Lisa would want that for you?"

"I don't think Lisa would concern herself with any thoughts of me. She has a family now, people that depend on her, people that love her and that she loves, to concern herself with."

"Do you not think you're worthy of Lisa's concern?"

"No, I'm not. Especially after what I did to her."

"Jack, as your doctor I highly recommend you see someone for your depression. I can't force you but I urge you to please get help. And as your friend I'm here for you anyway I can be. You need to talk on the middle of the night or just need to not fee; alone you can call me anytime. I will do my best to there for you." Trish hands me the medication.

"You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you for everything. You're a good friend, Trish."

"Just one more question before you leave. Did you punching Dan have anything to do with Lisa?"

"Yes, but that's hardly surprising. Anytime Dan and I have a conversation it always ends up being about Lisa so, nothing new there."

"Except that today you hit so hard you sent him the hospital with a broken nose."

"Except that. Thanks Trish, after the conversation we had, no need for anyone to wake me up every two hours. I don't think I'll be sleeping a wink tonight."

"Take care, Jack. If you need anything, anything call me."

"Thanks again for everything."


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