Hello again! This one actually came out much better and faster than I expect it to. So that's nice.

Next story at some point; I've got to write it too. These two keep sneaking moments up on me. I swear after the next I'll finally be back in the buffer of moments that I've had written for ages.

Warnings: suicide-discussion of, around, and reflecting on someone's attempt at it. Also some rather painful brofeels.

Timeline: This happens in parallel with the chapter 8.


The Space Between Stars

"So," Tony says conversationally, reaching across the table to get a roll, "what did you guys end up doing with your brother anyway?"

Every eye at the dinner table turns to Thor, conversation silencing. Thor shifts, his chair creaking, something dark in his face that Steve's never really seen before. Thor is usually quietly cheerful, occasionally somber but rarely does he look so... hurt. Like he's lost a part of himself.

Even though Steve knows where Loki is, actually knows that at this moment he's out with Olek for dinner and drinks, he is no less curious about what Thor will say. Loki had told Steve, once, that he is now human, but not much more than that. Not what that involved, if that would change at some unnamed future point.

"My brother has been dealt with, friends. You need not worry."

"That can't be all you're going to say. What, did you just slap him on the wrist or something?" Clint. Steve watches his face, but Clint's just curious right now, not angry.

Thor's face darkens.

"I will not have you ask when you do not have any true concern as to what has become of him You are my friends, and I am grateful to you for your aid, but you need not know more than that he has had judgement passed. You would not understand."

"Hey, we helped take the guy down, I think that gives us some 'concern' what his fate is," Clint fires back. Thor is glaring outright at them now.

"Now, guys, don't—"

"Oh, don't take his side, Cap, come on. You know you want to know too." Steve frowns at Clint.

"I think," Bruce interrupts before dinner escalates further, "that if Thor wants to tell us, he can. We'd appreciate knowing if there's a reason we need to worry about him causing more trouble, Thor. But we don't have to know." The last bit Bruce directs at Clint. Clint scowls at him, but settles back.

"Yeah, what he said," Tony adds. Clint is openly pouting; usually when Clint and Tony take the same side on anything, they manage to get their way.

Thor hesitates, then looks at Natasha.

"And what say you?"

Natasha does her single shoulder shrug.

"He only tried to take over our planet."

Thor sighs, rubs his face, and finally, finally:

"Loki is human now."

Everyone else at the table looks around at each other; Steve keeps looking at Thor, though. Thor looks devastated, heart openly bleeding, electric blue eyes cast down to his hands.

"Huh," Bruce says.

"Mind like that, I imagine must not be too bad." Tony looks thoughtful; Steve doesn't doubt he's planning on starting to look through and make sure there aren't any new hotshots in his industry that match Loki's description, and is suddenly glad Loki works as a musician and composer.

"That's it?"

Steve looks at Clint. Clint's leaning forward a little, his face gone serious and angry, something brittle just beneath the surface. No matter how well he hides it, Clint still hates Loki, still can't let go of the what Loki did to him; it's so much of Steve's guilt.

Thor looks up.

"So what? You guys do some waiting around and he does something worthy and then 'ta da!' Loki's an Asgardian again? How foolproof is that, because the fucker knows how to lie, or did you guys-"

"I told you you would not understand."

"Then explain better! What do we not get?!After what he did to me, you guys just slap him on the wrist, that's it, just make him human for a little while, just like you, eh? He'll go find some pretty chick and-"

"My brother is dead!" Thor shouts, fist slamming the table and static crackling in the room. Clint rocks back in his chair. In the silence, thunder rumbles, and through the window Steve can make out clouds roiling together. Thor closes his eyes, struggling to breathe.

He opens his eyes, looking down the table at them.

"I am not sorry," he begins, then stops. Breathes again.

"You don't need to be," Steve says. "What do you mean, though? I mean, if you don't mind explaining. You said he's human, and then you said he's dead. What are we missing, Thor?"

"It is not as my banishment was," Thor says, meeting Clint's gaze. "He has been stripped entirely of what made him Prince of Asgard-no magic, no might beyond what your kind have, stripped of his title and exiled permanently from the halls of Asgard. There is no deed he can perform that will reverse this. None of my people may seek him out in his life here, and any who do or dare try reverse his punishment are traitors, punishable by immediate execution. When he dies-and he will die-that is it. So will end Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard. He will not be reborn among our halls, he will not be reincarnated among your kind once more. He will be no more than whisper of story in your legends.

"He has been set on your realm to live a life that will end in a blink as Asgard measures it. Yet with his now human perception, this same time will be both too long and too short, a limbo of dying and yet not in a body that remembers what it is to walk the space between stars, to have fire at his fingertips, to have strength that could best a hundred foes single-handedly.

"Alone. Set here alone. And I cannot seek him out." Thor's face is etched with grief.

Clint looks away first.

Thor leaves.

Steve sits there, staring down for a few minutes. The rest of the team starts to talk again, but he can't hear it. Not really. And he will die.

Steve has no idea why it hasn't occurred to him before.

"Where are you going, Steve?"

"After him," he says over his shoulder.

Thor is on the roof of the tower, legs dangling over the edge of Tony's landing platform as he stares down. His hands are clasped before him and though he does not look up he still speaks as Steve comes near.

"It is not wise to be in my company now."

Steve sits beside him.

The wind is loud with the faint noise of traffic just beneath, and overhead he can hear airplanes, but otherwise it lacks the bustle he's used to now. Steve can't quite make out people walking on the street, but he can watch cars moving, their headlights a ribbon of white and taillights red thread, pulse-like. Loki, he thinks, would like it here; he seems to have some fascination for being high up and looking over railings.

"Why?" Steve finally asks.

Thor glances at him. Steve keeps looking between his feet at the city below.

"It seems cruel, to not give him a chance to redeem himself. Does he know?"

Thor shakes his head.

"No. He might, I imagine, have guessed as much. Mother was allowed to write him a note explaining, and though I doubt she said it outright, he has always picked up what she does not say." Thor looks back down. "You are the only one who seems to see it for what it is."

"I doubt it. Did you see Tony's face after you explained?"

Thor chuckles.

"Aye."

"You know he's probably not alone, right? That he's likely found people here who care about whoever he is now," Steve offers.

Thor doesn't say anything; Steve doesn't need him to. He already knows what Thor is thinking-but they will not know what he was; he will not be able to speak of his past without seeming mad. They sit together for a while longer, not talking. Eventually, Thor shifts, sighing.

"Thank you, Steve. You are a good man."

"It's nothing. Really." Steve hesitates. "What happened to him?"

Thor raises an eyebrow.

"Before. Before he showed up here. Why did he work with the Chitauri? What led him to that?"

Thor looks out over the city once more.

"I... I do not know the why. Not really. Only the very little he said before he was sentenced. Loki spoke of keeping Asgard safe, of a threat much greater than our home could face." Thor grimaces. "It was not his best told half-truth. He would not speak of why he tried to take your realm for his own, nor would he defend his actions from... before."

Steve nearly tells Thor that it sounds like he doesn't know much more than Steve; he catches himself. Other than Natasha, who has only said that she'll keep this to herself, none of them know about Loki. That Loki lives in New York, what he does, who he is, that Steve dates him. Remembering the look on Loki's face when they first met on their blind date, Steve keeps himself from saying anything. As much as he wants to tell Thor, it's not his place. He doesn't know if it ever will be.

He rubs his hands together.

"Sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if he had not survived," Thor murmurs.

Steve blinks.

"What?"

"We thought him dead, when he arrived here on Midgard. And I do not know if it was better or worse to have the chance to have him back." Thor's eyes are distant, reliving memory.

"Thor," Steve asks, drawing Thor's attention back, "what do you mean you thought him dead? That he landed with the Chitauri?" Steve's mouth feels dry; this is not what Loki told him. Not truly. Loki had spoken only briefly of the Chitauri, implied it a poor choice he had made but one that was exactly that: a choice.

Made it sound as if he walked from Asgard and allied with them.

Thor is silent.

"Thor?"

"It is... it is not a kind tale of him. I know, now, what he discovered while I was banished. That is when it happened, while I was here, banished and learning."

"Would you tell me? I'll keep it to myself."

Thor smiles sadly.

"You would, would you not? You are a fine shield brother, Steve." Thor sighs heavily. "I was banished, you have heard of this yes?"

Steve nods.

"Well, my father, Odin, fell into what is called the Odinsleep-it is a period of regeneration, for when he grows weary. Since I was not there, my brother was made king until Father woke once more. I know, now, that before Father fell into the Odinsleep, Loki discovered his heritage and confronted him.

"Loki is adopted. My father brought him home after the war on Jotunheim, having found a child. We... neither of us knew this. We tell stories on Asgard of the Jotnar, scare children with tales of them, have fought many wars with them time and again. When I was a child, I would boast how I would hunt them all and slay them, though Father often said that I must not seek out war. I... I did not know, I tell myself that often, but it does not make it more excusable.

"Loki discovered that he is... was a Jotun. And before Father could say explain to Loki that he did not see Loki as Jotun, only his son, he collapsed."

Thor moves slightly, leaning forward, eyes distant. Steve feels something twisting inside him, to hear this-oh Loki had mentioned this, the war Thor had started with his recklessness, and his own attempts to do something to stop it, but Loki had said nothing of this.

"Loki would have been a good king," Thor finally continues, "in another time, when not all he knew as truth had been torn down. If he had chance to adjust to it, in a kingdom that had not just found itself in a war of his brother's doing. Most likely a better king than I would have made at the time. But instead he had found himself one of those we have fought so much of our lives, at war with that same kingdom, and all the responsibility of protecting his home on his shoulders. I returned to find him having just slain Laufey, Jotunheim's king, and in the process of destroying Jotunheim itself by using the Bifrost.

"He was so angry. I did not... I still do not understand the depth of his anger. I have seen him like that only a few times before, always just before shattering, weight of some great thing on his shoulders and too much to bear. Loki always would get so angry when something bothered him."

Still gets so angry, Steve thinks numbly.

"We fought. I did not wish to fight him, only wished to stop what he was doing, only wished to keep him from destroying an entire people in his rage, but Loki has ever been best at knowing what is needed to coax fight forth. So we fought, until I pinned him under Mjolnir."

Steve looks at the sky. He remembers reading about the light from that night in the reports about Thor, about Thor's first visit in Steve's life time, and it hits him the sort of strength and Earth-shattering might Loki once had at his fingertips.

"The Bifrost had to be stopped. I broke it. The explosion sent both Loki and I off the remnants of the bridge; I reached for him. You understand that? Falling, without anything to hold onto, I reached for him. That is all I could think-I must not lose him. Not more, even after all he had done. I could not forget how much his eyes ached, knew that something must have happened to drive him to such fury. I held one end of the spear, he the other. Not even able to reach him, but he was there. He was holding on. My father had woken, and he grabbed hold of me."

Thor goes quiet again; Steve glances at him, sees tear tracks, and looks away again to give Thor some privacy. He can already see the shape of this, and doesn't like it.

"What happened?" he asks quietly.

"Us hanging over the Void, the space between the branches, where he would most certainly die, he let go. He fell.

"I saw it in his face, Steve. The moment he gave up, when he lost what last shred of hope was driving him.

"I saw. And I could not catch him. I could not reach him." Thor lets out a short, choppy breath, heavy with weight of repressed sob. "A part of me died that day."

It is nearly five minutes before Steve can bring himself to say anything, to ask anything.

"The.. this Void. How far a fall is it?"

"It is endless. Well, not. Clearly, look, he landed with the Chitauri and ruined your city." Thor gestures at the city beneath them, parts of it still slowly being repaired. "But I do not know how long he fell. I do not know when he arrived with the Chitauri. I do not know if they found him, or if he landed amongst them, though I suppose it makes little difference. It was two Midgardian years before he appeared once more, and time passes strangely in the Void. It could have been longer than two of Asgard's years if he were... less fortunate."

Steve thinks of Loki, leaned over the edge of their favourite rooftop cafe, peering at traffic below, some odd fascination in his eyes. How Loki seems to enjoy heights, and wonders if it's enjoyment so much as being able to see where he will land if he falls.

It makes Steve feel sick.

"I'm sorry," Steve tells Thor, honest.

Thor smiles wanly.

"Thank you."

They sit there in the quiet for a bit longer. It's cold out but it hasn't snowed yet. Steve watches the stars and wonders what it would be like to fall between them endlessly. Wonders what it is to want to end everything, to have lost hope.

(fears, sudden and sharp, that that hopelessness is still there, beneath the surface, and that Loki might let go again; remembers Bucky falling and not being able to grab him)

Selfishly, all Steve wants is to hold Loki, to kiss him, to find some way to show the other that he is wanted, loved, to reassure himself that Loki is alive, well, not letting go.

"Thor."

"Yes?"

"If you ever want to talk about him, you can. You know that right? I'll listen."

Thor regards him seriously, then his lips quirk a little.

"You are too kind, Steve."

Steve shrugs, looking down.

"It sounds like he wasn't himself when he showed up here. Not like you knew."

"Not at all. You might have enjoyed his company, I think, if I could have convinced him you were not like all my other companions." Thor stands, shaking off his grief though still melancholy. "I am going inside. I owe the others apology for my abrupt departure."

"Right. I'll be out here for a bit longer."

Once Thor is gone, Steve stares down, trying to process everything.

The thing is, it isn't as if he expected Loki to tell him everything or even the entire truth. Especially not the more he's grown to know the other man and realized just how little weakness Loki is willing to give away. That Loki had said as much as he did that one evening in the summer was far more 'weakness' than Loki would typically show, brought on by the stress of the day and worries that Steve would decide that Loki had been exactly like every other guy Steve fights who tries to take over the world. Steve has expected Loki to have done worse than what he said, but no. That is the same; Loki had not hidden that his actions were not laudable, that he did many things in service of his kingdom that he thought best at the time but perhaps were not.

How much shatter-break hurt that Loki has hidden though...

Even at his absolute worst, when he was so far down that it felt as if he were in some dark hole, Steve has never wanted to kill himself. The entire idea is foreign; Steve cannot imagine such a place. It frightens him, that Loki has been in such a place, that he might end up there again.

He remembers talking to Loki a few nights ago, the argument, and how Loki will not tell Steve what is wrong.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He reaches for it, then blinks. He's been chewing his thumbnail.

He hasn't done that in ages, not since his mother was sick and dying.

The text is from Olek, asking him to swing by and pick up Loki if it is not too much trouble; that Loki has been asking after him and they are both too drunk to get to Steve's themselves.

Steve hesitates a moment, then gets up, sending a response back as he walks.