Author: DreamCager
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sure. What do I care?
Problems: Hmm... this seems as if it could almost be considered a HikaruxKaoru-supporting chapter. ALMOST!! It's not really, though, so sorry to all of ya'll who like that. It's just majorly twin-centric. Not really any Haruhi in this, so sorry for all of you who have been waiting for her involvement. Please, just rest assured that she will be taking up a substantial amount of the rest of the story pretty soon. Other than that, mainly the possibility of OOCness and such. You know, the usual.
Notes: Much of this has been written while I was doing finals and transitioning back into small town living, so I hope you've been willing to bear with me. Not to mention, while I've been home I've bought my Nintendo Wii and my Ouran PS2 game came in (who could blame me for being distracted?) This is a rather long chapter, though, so I trust you'll forgive me. Oh--please don't forget to leave a little something for nicey-nice D.Cager, hopefully in the form of a lovely review!
Extra Love-Love Note: Congrats to The Broken Path for earning 50+ reviews at Loves for all who have reviewed there and elsewhere!
The Broken Path
Chapter 8
A Northern Star
"I can't... I can't pick up the pieces...
" ...so let me go and you will find someone."
Yellow Card, Only One
Hikaru was, by nature, a cynical person. He was a spoiled, rich cynic but a cynic nevertheless. Despite being able to buy anything he wanted the older Hitachiin was not one to let just anything humor himself for long. New things were either amusing or boring. Things that were once amusing would one day also become boring and would be replaced. That was how the world worked for Hikaru.
Kaoru was, in this sense, actually the polar opposite of his twin. He was an idealist. Where most others would take simple occurrences for granted Kaoru always noticed them in a new light. He was a true romantic. No where near as much as Tamaki was, yet still quite the whimsical rich-boy.
It was funny how two such completely different boys could be identical twins. That, however, was their secret. When they were in public they put on a mask of indifference and acted childishly on purpose. No one would have known they were different when it was just the two of them, lying in bed and talking about their day--a day seen by two identical sets of eyes with such drastically different points of view.
Even if someone were to take a quick look in their bedroom itself all they would see was the ever-so-perfect symmetry--another mask of the Hitachiin brothers.
No one knew that inside the right desk, hidden in the locked drawers they would find a young man's treasure trove--a box of ancient coins; a book on astronomy and physics; economics journals; collector's edition model airplanes; National Geographic article clippings; a miniature chess game; and elaborate architectural sketches.
No one knew that inside the left desk, hidden in the locked drawers they would find a young man's treasure trove--sheets of multicolored origami paper; scattered CDs of random genres; a box of colored pencils; books on modern poetry; a personal journal; small, water-colored paintings; and some carefully preserved dried flowers.
Yes, the Hitachiins knew they were different even if the world they had lived in could not see. They did not want to show these differences to the world knowing it would make them vulnerable--and they did not want to give anyone any clues as to how to tell them apart. They wanted someone to be able to look at them--and just at them--and know who was who. Haruhi had, so far, been the only person to do just that. She opened up their eyes to a world that could possibly accept them as the same. Accept them for being different and yet the same. But they weren't going to go any easier on the world, oh no. They were still hoping. Hoping and dreaming one day they would be complete accepted. Until then they would keep things the same, except when it came to Haruhi. She was their exception.
Haruhi was not just their toy though Hikaru continued to call her that at times, even sometimes during their senior year. As for the rest of the world nothing much had changed but the twins were content with just Haruhi. For now.
Now, Hikaru had grown comfortable in the fact that he and his brother were so perfectly in-tune with one another that he never, not once, believed his Kaoru, his twin, would ever have the initiative to leave. That was just not Kaoru's way. Up until that point, or at least as far as Hikaru knew, Kaoru had always followed his lead. Always.
Whatever had pushed Kaoru so far as to run had to be something problematic. Something that was just not right. Hikaru hoped it wasn't irreparable.
Kaoru could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. It hurt so much... so much to just sit there as the car crept along the drive at what seemed to be a snail's pace. There was nothing he could do, however, to make the driver go faster. And there was no backing out of this.
Beside him Kiko was fidgeting in the seat, her hands grasping her skirt one second then clasping together in her lap the next. No music played over the radio. The silence was deafening.
The quiet reminded Kaoru of the girl's unusual behavior while in France. Other than the obligatory acknowledgement required from any servant when ordered by her master Kiko had not said any words during their brief visit. Not one word. That was Kaoru's fault and he knew it.
"... Gomen," whispered Kaoru as the car rounded the last bend in the extensive driveway, not able to speak any other words at that time. Whether or not Kiko heard him was impossible to decipher--she made no signs or noises of acknowledgement. After all, in such an instance she was not required to.
Hidori, who had also kept silent since picking Kaoru and Kiko up from the airport, looked up at them through the rear-view mirror. Kaoru could see wetness in his eyes.
"Welcome home, Kaoru-obocchama," he muttered softly as he pulled in front of the mansion's front entrance.
Kaoru could only nod in reply. He knew he was the cause of those tears as well.
The young man hadn't even gotten out of the limo when the front doors of the Hitachiin mansion flew open and Hikaru, looking as though he had been in the middle of readying for school, ran out as fast as he could. Kaoru, overcome, flew out of the car and rushed to meet his brother halfway.
At first all he noticed was the sound of the breathing. He could hear his own breath, deep and quiet. He sucked air into his lungs, exhaled it, then breathed in again. Hikaru's breathes, more ragged than his own, were loud to Kaoru's ears. Hikaru's mouth was near Kaoru's left ear as they both reached out, their arms encircling each other, embracing with all their strength.
"Hi-hikaru!" the voice that whispered the name sounded foreign to Kaoru's ears. It was his voice and yet it was different--tear-swelled and constricted.
"Kaoru..." was all the older brother could manage for a few seconds. And then: "Kaoru, never leave me alone like that again."
And suddenly Kaoru was laughing. Sobbing and laughing. It was relief and fear rolled into one.
Coming home like this... wasn't going to be easy.
Now Hikaru was dragging him towards the house, his hand clasped in Kaoru's with a grip that seemed unbreakable. He was still breathing hard but his breathes were now steady, and a smile was beginning to shine once again in his eyes.
My brother...
Kaoru noticed then that Kiko was nowhere to be seen.
It was a talkative pair that had breakfast in the main dining room that morning. Hikaru had told Hidori to call the school and inform them that they, the Hitachiin brothers, would be absent for the day due to a family emergency. Hidori, though he wasn't really the one to be asked to do such a thing and would, in any other context, probably have objected instead did exactly as he was told. He knew the brothers needed to work out some problem and any problem that was big enough to split his obocchamas apart had to be an emergency. However, it seemed to everyone in the mansion that the twins, instead of trying to work on their problems were in fact doing their best to forget the cause of the prolonged absence of Kaoru. This caused Aiko and Kiko, who felt as if they had been worried sick about their oocchamas and each other for naught, to cruelly take a day off from work and leave a helpless, newly hired maid to care for the Hitachiin's needs.
Before lunch the new maid was running full-throttle from the mansion, her hair matted with what seemed to be some kind of vegetable matter and her arms slightly nicked here and there. She was screaming something along the lines of how she would never have taken the job had she known the boys were so violent to new employees. Her words, however, were a little less than polite. The rest of the staff took this as a sign to make themselves scarce until dinner was ready.
After a long day of fun at their newest, ex-maid's expense and enjoying each other's company the Hitachiin brothers retired to their bedroom for the night in high spirits. Neither of the two were particularly sleepy--the excitement of being together again had not yet begun to wear--so they each sat backwards in their desk chairs and turned to face each other, Kaoru on the left and Hikaru on the right. They grinned at each other, mirroring their respective halves perfectly. Then Kaoru's eyes softened and a gentle sigh parted his lips.
"It's nice to be with you again, Hikaru."
"You wouldn't have felt so lonely if you had just not left in the first place," Hikaru chastised his brother but the half-smile on his face belied his own gladness.
Kaoru sat up in the chair, stretching his arms towards the ceiling with a smile still in place.
"I am surprised you called me, though, Hikaru..."
The older brother's smile faded and an eyebrow quirked as he watched his brother's arms fall limp to his sides. Kaoru's eyes were closed in contentment as he took a deep breath and arched his back in another stretch. He continued:
"I half-expected you to come running after me to France."
Hikaru smiled again once he understood his younger twin's reasoning but was soon scowling, recounting the past week's memories.
"It's not like I didn't try at all, Kaoru!" he huffed. "I was angry, of course. Plus, Hidoris-san refused to let me take a plane to--."
"In other words," Kaoru interrupted with a wry grin, "you threw a tantrum and refused to come. Then, when your pride finally allowed it, you tried but Hidori-san, ever the sensible one, told you no."
"Kaoru!"
Laughter bubbled up in Kaoru's throat at the look of flushed embarrassment that crossed his brother's ticked-off face. It felt as though he had never left.
Hikaru continued to scowl and let his eyes fall grudgingly to look at some spot on their plush floor. The redness of his cheeks slowly began to fade but he suddenly seemed truly upset.
"It took you long enough to check your phone, Kaoru..."
The younger twin's laughter stopped at Hikaru's resentful statement. Kaoru waited for his brother's eyes to return to his own before offering a small, sad smile.
"I knew you would be angry with me, Hikaru. I even thought you would possibly hate me... I guess I'm just a foolish worrier though."
Kaoru's eyes stared quite seriously into Hikaru's. The identical face before him no longer bore any animosity, only concern. It was comforting.
"You truly are... my dearest friend, Hikaru." Kaoru knew the words sounded cheesy but he meant them, more than he could express.
Hikaru, his cheeks again flushing the peachy-pink of embarrassment, stood up and moved to get ready for bed. Kaoru soon followed suit, smiling all the way. He knew, though nothing else was spoken, that Hikaru was pleased. Lately they had both been referring to Haruhi as their best friend. It was nice to some form of affirmation that was just between them--something to remind them they were each other's best friend too.
They continued to ready for bed in silence, stripping down to their boxers for the night and all the other nightly rituals. Hikaru must have taken longer to brush his teeth because Kaoru found himself crawling into bed first. With the lights off and only one of their window's blinds pulled to let in the moonlight the room of the rambunctious twins looked rather serene.
Pulling the thick comforter up to his neck, Kaoru turned onto his side and waited for Hikaru to come in. He only allowed his eyes to shut once he felt the bed dip suddenly behind him. He relaxed his muscled and snuggled a little deeper into the covers. The quiet, however, didn't last long.
Hikaru had lain down next to him but Kaoru could feel the older boy's eyes on him. The continuous rustle of the sheets indicated that the older twin was restless but didn't seem to have the drive to say what was on his mind.
"Hikaru?" Kaoru asked in concern though he didn't open his eyes or turn.
A moment of silence.
"Kaoru," began Hikaru unable to hold the inevitable question in anymore, his words coming slowly, "why... why did you... leave me?"
Kaoru stiffened. He had been under the impression that Hikaru hadn't brought it up in their conversations because it hurt him, but now the young Hitachiin realized his brother didn't know.
Haruhi didn't tell him? The shock of it all made Kaoru momentarily speechless.
"Kaoru, don't hide from me," insisted Hikaru sternly, bringing the other twin back to his senses.
With a sigh Kaoru turned to look at Hikaru. In the darkness his features were hidden but the bond they shared always made their feelings easy to sense. It communicated very well the feelings of sorrow and humility Kaoru expressed while he whispered softly in the dark.
"You would be angry with me, Hikaru. You would hate me."
"I wouldn't hate you, Ka--" started Hikaru hastily only to be cut short by his usually less aggressive twin.
"I kissed Haruhi."
This time it was Kaoru's turn to notice unease in his twin. There was a pause where neither of them spoke. Kaoru could only take it to be Hikaru's inability to communicate his feelings about the statement. He knew this couldn't be easy to take--it was hard enough to admit he had done it knowing full-well the consequences of telling the truth.
"I wonder why she didn't tell you...," mused Kaoru.
"She didn't say a word," replied Hikaru, his voice strained by conflicting emotion. That voice made Kaoru's heart ache.
"I'm... I don't have anything to say in my defense. It happened and I can't take it back."
Beside him Hikaru sat up and stared at some place in the darkness. His bearing portrayed his anger and hurt. Kaoru simply sighed and turned away, curling up a little in the blankets.
"...I knew you would hate me."
"Aggah!" snarled Hikaru pressing his fist against his forehead. "I don't hate you, Kaoru. I'm just aggravated! I mean, why would you... when you know I... when you encouraged me...!"
Suddenly Kaoru was chuckling. Hikaru, stunned by his brother's actions, turned to find Kaoru literally shaking with laughter. He scowled fiercely.
"This isn't funny, Kaoru!"
"I know," laughed Kaoru rolling onto his back and half-covering his face with a hand. He couldn't seem to stop laughing. "I just... I realized that I've become so very selfish."
"Selfish?" Hikaru couldn't follow the surprise change of subject.
Kaoru removed his hand from his face and smiled up at his brother, tears blurring his eyes. He no longer had the need to hide them. So many things had already come out into the open so there was no reason to stop anything else from becoming exposed.
"I had a plan, you know," began Kaoru as his chuckles began to subside. "I had it all in my head, too. My plan to get you and Haruhi together."
Hikaru sighed and crossed his arms.
"Kaoru, would you start making some sense?"
"But you have to understand, Hikaru! I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving me!"
Hikaru blinked a few times and his arms fell to his side. He looked a little exasperated.
"I wouldn't leave you--"
"Please!" interjected Kaoru knowing full-well his brother's loyalty to him could change drastically this very night. "Hikaru, let me finish."
By this time the laughter had completely stopped. Hikaru also quieted but didn't seem pleased. Kaoru now pulled himself to sit up next to his brother and looked down at his hands, feeling suddenly weighted. He continued to smile, however, even as he began to bear his feelings to his brother.
"The truth, Hikaru, is that I love Haruhi. I truly love her, but... I knew that if I ever chose her over you in anything you would feel betrayed."
"That's not true, I--"
"I'm not finished."
Hikaru fell silent again.
"You're very selfish in that aspect, Hikaru," said Kaoru at his sincerest. "You know you hate it when you feel neglected. You... we're both so used to having someone else constantly by our side. It's natural for us to have overly strong feelings for companionship."
Kaoru reached over to take Hikaru's hand in his own though he remained with his head down, staring intently at their clasped hands.
"You're my twin. I care so much about your happiness... but, still, I care more about my own."
Hikaru, no longer angry, only replied to this by squeezing his brother's hand.
"I decided to try my best to get you and Haruhi together, not for your sake... but for my own."
Kaoru finally turned his eyes on Hikaru, letting the tears run freely down his face.
"So, you see, I really am selfish. Selfish for wanting both you and Haruhi in my life forever, not as fate would have it but through my own stupid will!"
Bursting into tears, the tears that had threatened to break free after years of suppressed emotions and secret feelings, Kaoru did nothing to hide his shamelessness from his brother. It seemed like everything had just come crashing down--like millions of liters of worries had all been building up just to burst. It hurt so much...
It shocked him then to suddenly feel Hikaru's shaking arms surround him and pull him close. It was Hikaru's turn to chuckle as he eased them both back down onto the bed and held his weeping brother in his arms.
"Kaoru, you baka," snickered Hikaru fondly as he stroked his brother's head in comfort. "You just made things harder for yourself, pushing Haruhi and I together while rejecting your own feelings."
"How else was I supposed to keep you both with me?" demanded Kaoru suddenly, his voice bitter. "The two people I loved the most... but, now I know. It's impossible to have both of you. So,"--Kaoru took a deep, shuddering breath--"I have chosen you, Hikaru. Between Haruhi and Hikaru... I choose Hikaru!"
"Now hold on a second, Kaoru!" Hikaru reprimanded the face that was now busy burying itself into his shoulder, "You shouldn't have to choose like that! Sure, I... like... Haruhi but I won't get upset if she chooses you over me, especially now that I know how much you truly care."
"No...," whispered Kaoru as he looked up at Hikaru through the corner of his eye, "It has to be this way. She's applied to colleges already and will be leaving us once graduation hits. You're the closest to her right now, so you have the advantage--"
"Advantage-whatever!"
"--the advantage to even ask her before she leaves."
Hikaru suddenly got quite. He didn't quite understand what Kaoru was trying to say.
"... Ask her what?"
Kaoru, brushing away his tears but still sniffling a little, looked up at his brother.
"Ask her to marry you."
"Marriage!?"
Hikaru nearly jumped as he pushed himself up, hoping to get a better view of his brother's face in the dark to see if he was just joking. But this was no laughing matter to Kaoru. He was dead serious. But at Hikaru's outburst a look of surprised confusion came to the younger Hitachiin's face.
"You mean... you don't want to marry Haruhi?"
"Marry Haruhi, Kaoru?" chuckled Hikaru nervously as he scratched his head in sheepish embarrassment. "I don't think of those kinds of things yet."
"Really?" Kaoru's voice was soft and a bit dispirited. "... That's what I've been hoping you'd do eventually, you know? Ask Haruhi to marry you, so you two would always be together and I would always be with the two of you."
He sighed and rolled out of Hikaru's arms, staring straight up at their room's high ceiling. Kaoru felt defeated, suddenly realizing his plan would have never made it to fruition in the end if Hikaru's heart hadn't been focused on marriage.
"Then she's going to leave, huh...?"
Hikaru frowned and then sighed angrily, also turning to lie on his back to look up.
"You really are screwed up in the head, Kaoru," he muttered.
"Yeah..."
"But," he whispered as he folded his arms behind his head, "you do love Haruhi, don't you? You even wanted to marry her."
"Not if it means having to leave you alone, Hikaru."
Selfish? Yeah, right, thought Hikaru with a silent sigh.
"You're starting to sound like a mother, Kaoru," he said wryly, trying to keep the night from ending awkwardly. Like he hoped, Kaoru chuckled.
"Then we should probably get some sleep, before the night makes us any more emotional," he joked back as he turned on his side towards Hikaru, bringing forth once again his soft, sweet smile.
Hikaru turned towards him and also smiled. He watched as his brother closed his eyes and began to slow his breathing. When he was sure Kaoru was almost asleep, he whispered to him softly.
"I love you, Kaoru... Thank you, for loving me. Arigato... itsumo."
Hikaru yawned loudly for the fourth time as he slowly picked away at his breakfast the next morning. He seemed so sleepy he was about to nod off into his cereal.
"Hikaru, wake up!" laughed Kaoru as he dripped syrup all over his pancakes and toast for that morning. "Do you need me to spoon-feed you your breakfast?"
"Shut up, Kaoru," groused Hikaru, rubbing his eyes angrily. "I'll be fine by the time we get to school."
"Have bad dreams last night?" inquired the young twin with only a smile this time.
"Something like that..." replied Hikaru vaguely as he shoveled a spoonful of his cereal into his mouth.
In reality Hikaru had not gotten much sleep for a completely different reason. He had tried to at first but then realized he couldn't just allow his brother to completely give up on himself. It was true that Hikaru had never given any thought to marrying Haruhi before but if Kaoru had already considered it then it meant that he himself was ready. Hikaru had almost cried then. His brother, no matter how selfish his motive, had been completely unselfish enough to give up his own beloved for Hikaru. The thought was so touching yet it made Hikaru angry.
Why should he give it up? thought Hikaru while in bed, turning away from his sleeping brother and staring across the room in frustration. He still has time to ask Haruhi himself. He still could have a chance. He just doesn't want to take it. He refuses to--and that's when it hit Hikaru. Just as Kaoru had helped him in stepping forward, Kaoru himself also needed someone there to push him along.
He's afraid... The thought was sad but also a little endearing to Hikaru. He loves her but he's afraid to move forward. Just like I was... only he has more riding on this than I ever imagined.
He turned back to look at his brother, a fond smile coming to his face.
"He really is a baka," Hikaru said aloud to no one in particular before settling himself down once again. This time was different, however. This time he was going to be the one plotting for his brother's future. He was going to be calling the shots.
Poor, poor Kaoru, thought Hikaru as he now reached for some coffee, staring at his brother across the table from him as he enjoyed his own breakfast. He has no idea what I've got in-store for him.
This time Hikaru had the plan.
To be continued...
Author's Notes: Wow, what a chapter. Not the norm, eh? By the way, I hope you caught the meaning of Kaoru's selfishness in there. Quite a few chapters back someone at the FRoP forums commented that they didn't understand why I said that Kaoru was more selfish than Hikaru. I think this chapter cleared up that question well! When you think hard on how it all was working, Kaoru really was the most selfish in the end, I think.
There's a lot of emotion in this chapter, especially from Kaoru (like that's a surprise). It's a little disappointing, I didn't get to any real action but at least Hikaru finally understands the full extent of Kaoru's hopes and fears! I hope the end has left you hungry to see what Hikaru has in store for Kaoru! That should be answered in the end of the next chapter, so stay tuned! I've planned out the rest of the story completely in my head now and I've come to the conclusion that 19 or 20 chapters in all will be the extent of this fic. That means we still have over 10 more chapters of The Broken Path to go! Yays! Let's hope I stay motivated (much pressure on those of you who write reviews) and I don't develop amnesia any time soon!
Also, for those of you who may not know, I promised some that I would begin to explain the meanings of my chapter titles. It's not really important to know or understand them but someone was interested so I thought, what the heck? Here ya'll go! Prologue: Another Deck of Cards--This one comes from the Host Club having a new set of hosts. Just an introduction to them, like a new, unshuffled deck of cards ready to be used for play (i.e. this story). Chapter 1: A Complicated Mosaic--Here Kaoru explains more about our characters, their niche in the club as well as his 'big problem'. The relationship he has with all of these new characters is different from the ones he used to have with the other hosts before and he explains their relationships a bit here like he did in episode 20 of the anime/episode 32, volume 8 of the manga. I liked how they used stained glass in the anime but instead of using that as a sort of 'pieces of the puzzle' analogy I used a mosaic. Well, I hope that's enlightening... What? You wanted all of them? Sorry, but I'll only reveal one or two in each chapter notes. Sorry to be such a tease, but that's just how I roll.
Well, I think that's about it for this chapter's notes... not too many this time, it seems. As always, I love reviews in any shape, size and form... though I do prefer long, thought-out, critical notes anything is fine. See ya'lls around!
Extra Random Totally Unrelated Notes: Well, not too many people commented on this, but I still got a little feedback. Seems more people are interested in my dark fics and also there is slight interest in the future 'what if' fic and the slightly KyoHaru fic. I'm glad. Those are some of my faves! I'll be thinking more about it as this fic continues. Any more feedback on the ideas I gave in chapter seven then go ahead and post it in with your review!
Oh! And I don't believe I mentioned that I also have a HaruhixHoney fic in mind. It would be set in the future but not too far after Haruhi graduates high school. Does that sound interesting to anyone?
