Standard disclaimers applied. See Chapter 1 for further details.
Author's Note: I hope that you guys are not annoyed by my use of lyrics. This story is by no means a song fic. It is much more in depth than that. Still, I may be the only one who like the songs used here, so if the saturation of lyrics bother you, the readers, please let me know. I wouldn't mind omitting them when I submit the final draft.
Lyrics are from the song, Goodbye My Lover, by James Blunt. They don't belong to me.
You
touched my heart you touched my soul.
You
changed my life and all my goals.
And
love is blind and that I knew when,
My
heart was blinded by you.
James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
CHAPTER 9 Touched by the Past
Ann was meeting Jane Bennet at the mall for a bit of window shopping and then lunch. The elder twin called by Longbourn looking for her sister, but got her roommate instead.
"Sorry Jane, you just missed Liz. She had a lot of stuff to do around the office, so she left around ten this morning."
"Oh that's ok, Ann. I was just looking for a shopping companion. Do you feel up to it?"
The girls made plans to meet up in about 45 minutes before hanging up. Now, they were browsing through several department stores, oohing and ahhing at various items on display. Jane had wanted to shop a few decor for the reception and needed some advice. "Carson and I have decided on a beach-theme, so I'm just looking for stuff to go along with it."
It turned to a scavenger hunt. Jane wanted something simple but elegant and Ann had a good idea in terms of what match and what didn't. Three hours into it, they were giggling liked a bunch of teenagers.
"Does Carson give me so much liberty with how to decorate for the wedding?"
"Oh, I think he joked once that he should just elope and be done with it."
"Of course, when your mom finds out, she will have a heart attack."
"Liz may feel jibbed out of being a bridesmaid. Can't have that happening," Jane winked.
"I think when she sees how happy you are, she will forgive you."
"Touche. But what about you, Ann? Do you have a special someone?"
"No, not right now and don't you start Jane Bennet, Liz has been hassling me to go out forever now."
"Well, why don't you? You are an intelligent, compassionate young woman. I'm sure a lot of guys will want to go out with you."
"Now, you definitely sound like your sister."
Ann didn't really answer Jane's queries about her lack of a boyfriend in her life. In truth, she did date in the subsequent years after graduating from high school, but nothing too serious came out of most of them.
Flashback
Frederick had been the first to see her as girlfriend-material. She had just turned seventeen, and he was eighteen turning nineteen, when they began the tentative steps towards a relationship. He was so attentive, so sweet, but speaking in a solemn and serious tone. They were a block from her house when he pulled over suddenly and looked over to her.
"Derick? Are we lost?"
"I should hope not, Mei."
"So, what's wrong?"
"Mei, you are a sweet girl. I just- "
"Derick, you are probably one of the nicest people I know. You don't have to go out of the way to give me compliments."
"Mei, I want to be one to give you compliments. I just ..."
"Yes? Derick."
"I need to know something though, what would you say if we were to go out together?" He said the last part quickly and was met with silence. For a brief moment, he was afraid that she had not heard him correctly.
"I can't," she stammered and his heart dropped. "Auntie would have a heart attack before she gives me permission to have a boyfriend."
"But, if you were allowed to?"
"Then, you would be my only choice."
"Mei, I don't care if I can't take you out on a proper date. I want to hold your hand and drive you home. I like watching you when you fall asleep against the side of the window. I think it's cute that just before you dive into the pool, you get this sparkle in your eye. You are one of the few people who don't care whether I put on punk music or classical. I like you a lot, Mei, I'm willing to wait to see where this go."
She had to admit that her heart nearly did a flip to hear him say that he liked her a lot. She smiled and told him without words that she felt the same one. Before she knew it, he was leaning over and caressing the side of her cheek with his lips. She blushed when he settled back into his seat and drove the rest of the way home.
I
know your fears and you know mine.
We've
had our doubts but now we're fine,
And
I love you, I swear that's true.
In essence, nothing had really changed between them, except something had. They were having a really lively banter during their customary lunch break or study period. It was something so frivolous that nobody could really recall what started it.
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't."
"Yes, Derick. I can see it right now."
"No, Mei. Here let me prove it to you."
Fitz rolled his eyes and took it upon himself to settle it. "Why don't you two just get married and be done with it."
Crimson cheeks and opened mouths, they were both struck speechless. Frederick recovered first, "Well Fitz, not exactly."
It didn't take very long for Fitz to catch on. "You stupid arse! Ricker, why didn't you tell me that you guys were already going out? Here, I thought I was the best friend."
"Well, we aren't really going out," Mei put in with a smile, "we just made a promise."
Fitz snorted, "Right, a promise. Is that what you kids call it nowadays?"
It didn't take much for others to believe that they make a cute couple. Two days later, Georgia would gossip to Maria and Lisa that she saw Frederick and Mei engaged in a public display of affection. They began to notice the way that Mei would always anticipate Frederick's presence at every sports event or the way that he waited by her locker to drive her home after school.
Georgia once pointed out to Mei, "You and Frederick have very similar personalities, though you show it in different ways. You are both very passionate people - you are subtle like the water while Frederick is vibrant with energy. It takes a great deal of focus and attention to be so attentive to what you do, but you guys do it so effortless. When you are together, there are very expressive vibes."
"Vibes, Georgia?"
"Oh don't tease me, Mei. You know what I mean, you guys are very cute together."
Yet, despite what Georgia had so candidly said, how many people knew true love at such an young age? How many dreams turned to complete reality? They were both young and ambitious, but their futures were still hazy.
An-Mei had been talking so much about a boy named "Derick" that Su Hin thought it was better to be cautious or risked seeing her niece being hurt. "An-Mei. You are still young. You are bright girl with so much potential to become successful in life. Don't be so hasty to throw away your future. Concentrate on your studies, get an education. You will have plenty of time for boys."
"Oh Auntie. Derick said that he would wait for me."
"An-Mei. You will be busy and so will he. He may be trustworthy now, but what about later? Will he be tempted? Aren't you curious to discover yourself as a woman? What about his family? How do they feel about their son throwing his life away for a young girl? Don't forget who you are, An-Mei and where you come from. Don't settle for anything less than someone who appreciate you like the gem that you are. You are always your mother's beautiful child."
I
am a dreamer and when I wake,
You
can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
The logical part of her began to doubt and contemplate. Being Chinese didn't help matters. People naturally thought that she couldn't speak proper English. Her tastes in foods and traditions were so different than the Western culture. Not everybody would go out their way to change their lifestyles for another woman. She realized that she couldn't be the reason to tie him up for an undetermined amount of time. The separation was going to be hard enough, without the uncertainty hanging over them.
She went to him just a couple days after his graduation and told him that things between them just wouldn't work out. "I can't, Frederick. This wait is just going to kill us in the end, it just wouldn't be fair to you."
"Don't you think I should have some input in this, Mei?"
"It wouldn't have worked out. We are just too different."
"You're just going to drop everything like it doesn't matter to you."
"It does matter. Don't you see that?"
"No, I don't. I was willing to give this a try, Mei."
"I am sorry, Frederick."
"No, you're not. You can't just promise something and then just cast it away."
"I want you to be happy."
"Really? You have a funny way of showing it."
"Frederick, please."
"Good-bye, Mei." He said without a backwards glance and sped away in his truck. That night, she bawled and willed herself to forget one Frederick Wentworth.
And
as you move on, remember me,
Remember
us and all we used to be
I've
seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've
watched you sleeping for a while.
Frederick would later say that he had been hurt, embarrassed and angry at Mei's rejection. He had opened himself to be vulnerable and just when things seemed to be working out, she dropped the bombshell that she wanted to break things off. Seeing that his own sister was going to marry her high school sweetheart did not help matters. As much as he loved Sophia, he hated to admit that he was jealous at her felicity.
Of course, Fitz knew about the breakup, which meant that Georgia would eventually hear about it too. They were sympathetic but Frederick just wanted to get away from it all. He didn't want to their pity, and he certainly didn't want anybody to sugar coat his life.
Then, things were happening between the Fitzwilliam and Darcy cousins. Frederick didn't want to be solving other people's problems. Right smack in the middle of this mess came the scholarship from UCLA. It proved to be an easy distraction. With moving out of state and going to college, things just became intense. After Frederick found out that Fitz and Georgia were also moving away as well, he just didn't have the time for anything else.
In UCLA, he set out to fulfilling his childhood dreams as a professional athlete. That was until his sophomore year when he tore his Achilles tendon in the middle of an important match. There had been scouts evaluating his performance, but after his injury, they quickly redirect their interests to another player. Some were willing to wait for his return onto the field, but the incident was enough to make him realize how his life was revolved around having a top-of-the-line body and winning games. He didn't want the rest of his days to be surrounded by the pressures of maintaining fine forms and signing agents.
He had been doing his undergrad in biology, so he decided to apply to a few professional schools. He had been surprised when he was accepted into medical school. Four years later, working on little sleep, and owning enough medical text to fill five bookshelves, he had the privilege of adding the initials M.D. after his name. During that time, he dated off and on, but nothing too serious, because his thoughts would always return to Mei, the girl who broke his heart eight years ago.
End Flashback
Goodbye
my lover.
Goodbye
my friend.
You
have been the one.
You
have been the one for me.
End of Chapter 9
AN: Angst and more angst ... I thought that this song matched the lyrics by Aerosmith from a few chapters before. Reread them if you don't believe me ;) especially the parts about dreams and watching you sleeping. Thought that it was a nice touch.
