In which Izzy wonders about the sanity of her gay best friend while stalking her cousin on a date


"Izabera! Izaberaaaaa!"

Izzy sighed heavily as she stood alone in her kitchen. Perhaps if she just remained quiet...he would think she wasn't home. Maybe, just maybe, he would just leave her alone for the day like he previously promised.

"Izzy! Didn't you hear me calling you?!"

Orr...maybe not.

The brunette sighed for the second time before looking over her shoulder. Her best friend of eleven years scowled at her before storming into the kitchen. He stopped next to her and dramatically made a show of folding his arms across his chest. Izzy only pursed her lips at him. "Hello, Hikaru. Can I help you? Do you remember your promise about leaving me the hell alone for today?"

Hikaru only huffed and rolled his eyes. "What? Is your boyfriend here or something? That's why you don't want me around, Iz? Is that it?"

This time it was Izzy's turn to roll her eyes. "I'm sure we'd actually get some peace and quiet for once if I didn't have you around, Hikaru. No, Takashi isn't here. He's busy tonight," She explained shortly before turning back to the sandwich she had just finished preparing. She lifted it up to take a bite out it only to stop when Hikaru wildly slapped the sandwich out of her hand.

"Okay, what the hell, Hikaru? What the hell? What do you want? What, did we forget to feed your or something at a certain time? Is this one of those temper tantrums you tend to throw? Explain to me why I shouldn't slap the living hell out of you right now."

Hikaru only scoffed, placing his hand on his hip. "Do you know of Fufu's plans tonight, Iz? Do you know where your sweet, innocent, naive cousin is going tonight?"

Izzy only stared at him, still wondering why her sandwich had been slapped out of her hands. "She's going on a date with some guy," She stated tonelessly, squatting down to pick up the ruined pieces of her sandwich. She had her night all planned out, it was going to be a perfect night to relax. But nooo.

"Do you know with who?"

"What is this, twenty questions? I don't know, some guy named Kyohei or something."

Hikaru let out a dramatic wail as Izzy threw the ruined sandwich away. She turned back to him, lips twisted up in annoyance. "No, you amazon! She's going out with Ootori Kyoya!" He shouted loudly, throwing his hands up. Izzy only continued to stare at him, not quite understanding the big deal about any of this. Noticing her look, Hikaru threw the magazine he'd been clutching down on her table top. On the cover was a shot of a black haired man with black eyes to match and sleek glasses perched over his nose. Izzy glanced at it, eyebrow quirked. "I know you can read Japanese, Iz! This is the Ootori Kyoya," He pointed to the magazine.

"Is there any other Ootori Kyoya I should be aware of?"

"Oh for the love of...look! He's one of Japan's top bachelors! He's like one spot ahead of Mori!"

"But Takashi isn't a a bachelor..."

"Shut up! They don't know that! Wait, that's not the point. We're not talking about your boyfriend, you mutant! We're talking about the fact that you threw your innocent cousin to a wolf to be devoured!"

Izzy's eyebrows twitched. "Hell, maybe she needs to be devoured..."

Hikaru stared at her for a minute. "Whose been corrupting you, Izzy? Has Hisa been corrupting you? That perverted harpy has corrupted you, hasn't she? I told you about her, Iz," Hikaru scowled at the mention of Izzy's other best friend.

"You're only saying that because she called you a gay pixie that one time."

Hikaru's face turned red and he opened his mouth to retort only to snap it shut. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "We're not here to talk about that harpy with a bad dye job, okay? We're here to talk about Fufu going on a date with one of the most eligible bachelors in Japan."

"Yeah, okay, I get that and everything, I really do," Izzy opened her fridge, intent on making another sandwich. "But I don't see what that has to do with you slapping my sandwich out of my hand."

Hikaru grabbed her by her arm, jerking her away from the fridge. "Can't you think about anything else other than feeding your face?"

"I can think about punching you in the face."

"Does Mori like his women violent? I bet he doesn't."

Izzy shot him a poisonous look and closed her fridge. "Hikaru, where is this conversation going? Because I swear to God, if there isn't a plot line to this story, I'm going to hurt you."

"Of course it has a plot-line, you freak of nature! We're going on a stakeout!"


Izzy blankly swirled her glass of red wine. Honestly, she was surprised this restaurant even carried her famous family's wine. That had been the only reason they managed to get into the restaurant without any reservations made. "Why are we here, Hikaru?"

"Why else? To protect our Fufu's purity."

"She's twenty-three, I don't think she even wants her purity anymore."

Hikaru glared at her, muttering about her perverted and warped mind. His golden eyes swept the lowly-lit restaurant. Izzy didn't bother helping him look for her cousin and her date, she busily read through the menu, intent on eating. "Look, there she is...what are you doing?"

Izzy glanced over the menu and scowled at him. "What does it look like? I'm going to order something, I'm hungry. And you smacked my sandwich out of my hand like some deranged fairy," She reminded him with a bitter scowl.

Hikaru shot her a look and thought about kicking her underneath the table. Deciding that invoking her wrath, especially when she was hungry, probably wasn't a good idea, he didn't bother. "Is that all you think about? Food? It's going to go straight to your giant hips. And then what? Hm? Think Mori is gonna still be attracted to you?"

Izzy rolled her eyes. "At least someone's attracted to me, you flaming homo."

Hikaru gasped at her audacity. "Listen here, you tranny! I'm not a flaming homo and I find that offensive!"

"Oh yeah, like I don't find being called a tranny offensive?"

The two best friends glared at one another before Hikaru's eyes flickered. Izzy quirked an eyebrow at his sudden fixation on something across the room. Instead of asking him what he was staring at, she placed in her order and ordered a salad for Hikaru. He'd been grumbling about his diet when he chanced a look at the menu earlier. "Izzy, look," Hikaru nodded his head in the direction of her younger cousin sitting along with a dark haired male. Izzy placed her chin against her palm and eyed the couple. Now that she looked at Kyoya, she recognized him from some dinner party Mori's parents had thrown a month or two ago. She hadn't really spoken to him but she did remember his face.

"What about them, Hikaru? They're enjoying their date," She uttered blandly. Hikaru sighed heavily and ran a hand through his copper-colored hair. He straightened up and shook his head at her blase attitude.

"No, no, you gargoyle, look past them. Three tables over there's two guys dressed in all black staring at Fufu and Kyoya too. Do you see them?"

"Hikaru, you colorblind fool, that's not two guys. The brunette is a girl."

Her best friend bugged his eyes out at her. "I think I know a cute guy when I see one, Iz. That's a guy," He huffed with a frown. Izzy rolled her eyes and squinted at the lanky blond sitting with the tiny brunette. She pursed her lips and sipped some of her wine.

"That's a girl."

"You're blind, mutt, it's a guy."

"You know, there's a reason I prefer Kaoru over you sometimes."

"That is beyond mean."

Izzy was already cutting her baked chicken into pieces to devour. She hadn't eaten since noon that day and all that had been was a granola bar and some yogurt. Not that she was trying to be healthy or anything. Hani had stopped by her office and when he saw that she'd been planning on skipping lunch, he made her eat at least that much. Hikaru offered her a dirty look but said nothing, opting to eat his salad. Izzy was only a couple bites in when Hikaru made a strange noise in the back of his throat. "Why are they staring so hard at Fufu?"

"Who knows. Maybe the blond is attracted to her."

"Or maybe the brunet is."

"Too bad Fu isn't a lesbian."

"She doesn't have to be. That's not a girl."

The two continued to bicker when Izzy paused with a frown. "They're looking over here," She suddenly said. Hikaru glanced over only to see that the two were indeed staring back at them. He let out a small curse.

"Why are they staring at us?"

"Oh, I don't know, could it possibly be that it's because we were staring first while loudly bickering over the gender of a stranger?"

"You know, your sarcasm is your least attractive trait."

"Oh, shut up."

Hikaru was about to say more when he suddenly froze. Fumiko's date was looking over at the blond and the brunet with a tense shoulders. The blond suddenly said something and pointed to his and Izzy's table. Izzy hadn't been paying attention when she was suddenly yanked out of her seat and under the table. "What in the God's name are you doing!?" She demanded harshly as she pulled her arm away. Hikaru pressed his finger to her lips.

"Shut up and move that butt, we've been discovered!"

"Hikaru, you know how sometimes I threaten to kill you but I never go through with it?"

"Crawl and talk, Iz. Crawl and talk."

"I think I might actually murder you this time."


"Unlock the door, you're being childish."

Hikaru stood in the parking lot of the restaurant they'd just escaped from. Izzy was in her car, staring blankly out the passenger side window at Hikaru. She quirked an eyebrow and rolled the window down just a bit. "I'm sorry, what was that? Did you say something?"

He shot a mean glare at her through the window. "You are childish and I'm telling Mori that he's dating a woman-child."

"No, screw you, Hikaru. First you smack my sandwich out of my hand and then you make me wear all of this black in the middle of summertime to go on some stakeout to stalk my cousin and then you force me crawl out on my hands and knees without even letting me finish my damn chicken. I hate you right now. I really do. I should just leave you here."

Hikaru sagged against the car, frowning. "Can you think about anything else other than your appetite?" He groaned loudly. He heard the engine start up. "Oh my God, don't leave me here, She-Hulk! I'm sorry, I'll take you out to eat somewhere else, okay? My treat!"

He glanced back into the car to see her relax only to see her face twist up in confusion. Before she could say anything else, Hikaru was being jerked around and pinned against the car. The lanky blond from before towered over him by a good couple inches, glaring darkly at him.

"Wow, would you look at those eyes? What color is that? Amethyst? Are they real? Iz, come here and look at this guy's eyes!" Hikaru shouted, hoping his best friend would move her ass a bit quicker and get this blond off of him.

"Why were you staring at Haruhi?" the blond demanded with a slight accent. It sounded European like Izzy's accent but not quite the same. Her accent had more of a Hispanic flare to it. This one sounded a bit more posh. Maybe an English or French sort of thing.

"Uh." Hikaru trailed off. How exactly was he supposed to explain that they'd been staring because they were debating on this 'Haruhi's' gender? He heard the car door slowly open and Izzy climb out. She casually rounded the car and with her amazon strength paired with the martial arts lessons Mori had been forcing her to partake in, easily wrestled the blond off of Hikaru.

"Back off," She scowled dangerously. The two were about the same height and with the look Izzy was wearing, she was pretty scary. "He doesn't mean any harm, he's gay."

"What does that have to do with anything, Izzy? Honestly, why don't we just paint it on my forehead?"

"It has everything to do with this because this 'Haruhi' is a girl. That's a girl's name," Izzy rolled her eyes before turning to the blond. "Look, sorry for staring at your girlfriend but my friend here mistook her for a guy. Must have been the short haircut."

The tall blond blinked owlishly just as the small brunette in question appeared. She quirked an eyebrow and glanced at her companion. "I told you to leave these people alone, Tamaki," She sighed heavily as she readjusted her black shirt.

Tamaki only wheeled around, looking down at Haruhi. "They thought you were a boy!"

"Uh, excuse me, I did no such thing. I knew she was a girl."

Haruhi only blinked while placing a hand on her slim hip. "You thought I was a boy the first time we met, Tamaki. It's not a big deal, it happens all the time. That's no reason to try to intimidate them," She pointed out with a blank look. "I just wanted to enjoy my night in but you just had to drag me on this mission to stalk Kyoya and his date. She's not even crazy like the last one..."

Hikaru laughed and Izzy snorted. "Oh, trust me, she's certainly crazy..." She grumbled under breath at the thought of her scatterbrained cousin. Well, Fumiko wasn't all that crazy. But there was something wrong with her, Izzy figured.

"You know that woman?"

"She's my younger cousin. Hikaru here dragged me out to stalk her and her date. Wanted to make sure her 'purity' wouldn't be threatened. He meant well, I guess."

Hikaru huffed. "Of course I meant well! You know the type of guys Fufu tends to date! They're always missing a couple of screws or they're just jerks. And no offense to your friend Kyoya or anything but he has a horrible reputation and I'd rather wear bright yellow over letting Fu be another notch in his bedpost!"

Tamaki suddenly began to laugh. "So we're out here for the same reason, hm? We just wanted to protect our friends. That's pretty funny. Although I don't think Kyoya was very pleased when he caught us."

"Well, maybe if you'd learn how to shut up for more than five seconds, he wouldn't have caught us," Haruhi muttered out the side of her mouth. "I didn't even get to touch my tuna, Tamaki. You know how I feel about my tuna and you know I'm starving."

Izzy suddenly turned to glare at Hikaru. "At least he didn't force you to crawl out on your hands and knees like this pixie here."

"As a gay man, I find that very insulting. We've talked about this."

"Shut up, Tinkerbell."

Hikaru yanked on a lock of her hair. "I said I'd buy you dinner tonight. You're annoying when you're mad..." He trailed off with a pout. Izzy rolled her eyes like she was dealing with a child and not a twenty-two year old. She opened her mouth, maybe to invite the other couple along with them. She wasn't too sure about Tamaki but she liked this Haruhi girl. Haruhi reminded Izzy of her own self, just smaller with shorter hair. But they seemed pretty similar.

"Izzy!? Hikaru!? Oh my God, it is you two! What do you think you're doing!?"

Izzy and Hikaru glanced around Tamaki and Haruhi only to cringe at the sight of Fumiko standing at the entrance of the restaurant, face light up with red fury. Kyoya stood next to her, their arms interlocked. His eyes were narrowed in a more cold fury directed at his own best friends. Hikaru snatched the keys from Izzy's hand and clicked it, unlocking the doors. "Abort mission! Abort mission! We've been discovered! Everyone in the car!" He flung the keys back to Izzy before the four of them scrambled into her car.

They took off into the night only to stop at McDonalds.

Good enough.


TeeBeMe: This idea has been rattling around my head for awhile, I just kept hearing Izzy call Hikaru a pixie or something and thought it was funny. Besides, I love gay people so why not make one of them gay, lol. Anyways, humanentity8: don't worry, I'm totally working on a dance oneshot! But I hope you guys like this for now as you patiently wait for me to update We Own The Night!