AN: Ok first of all, thank you for not telling me that the last chapter sucked! I appreciated it!
Second…here's the new one. This was really really fast, guess I was inspired. And with this chapter, we're finally getting into the real storyline. I hope you'll enjoy it. If not, I'm sorry, that's the best my brain can do while preparing for tests and finals and school projects.
I feel like my writing is not good enough. I find it so hard to write in English and my style is suffering anyway, hope you like it anyway…
As usual, reviews are welcomed. I always light up when I receive some reviews, it's nice to see that my work is appreciated and it inspires me to write more.

DISCLAIMER: Always the same.

CHAPTER 9 – Undisclosed desires

Meredith woke up finding Addison staring at her.
"You're staring." she said. "That's creepy."
Addison smiled. "You snore! Really really loud."
Meredith blushed. "That's not true!"
"Oh yes, it is!" laughed Addison. "Really loud."
"If it's true, then how come you never complained about it before?" asked Meredith, not wanting to admit that she indeed snored.
"Meredith, you know that when I sleep there might as well be the Third World War around me and I wouldn't hear a thing...and I never woke up first before...it's cute, though. You're cute when you snore."
"Shut up!" pouted Meredith. "So...uhm...how's...how's Laura?"
"She's doing as well as she's expected." sighed Addison. "But don't worry, I'm taking good care of her."
"I'm sure you are." smiled Meredith. "Look, I understand why you took me off the case. I'm sorry I put you in a bad position yesterday."
"Meredith, let's not talk about it anymore ok? It happened, we'll make sure it won't happen again. Let's not go there anymore."
Meredith nodded. "So what are you up to today?"
Addison thought about it for a while, giving a look to the calendar hanging on the wall and her face fell for a moment. "I...I don't know, the usual, I think...waiting for emergencies, like every day. I...look Meredith...I think I need to go now...I'll see you at the hospital."
"Are you ok?" asked Meredith, having noticed the sudden change in Addison's mood.
"I'm fine, I just...there's something I need to do." said the redhead, leaving the bed and getting dressed.
Meredith watched her leave and wondered what was happening. "Looks like we can't have a normal day around here, for a change." she sighed.

-o-

Addison arrived at the hospital, feeling a little guilty for the way she had left Meredith that morning. But she really needed some time alone. Having been busy for the last days, she hadn't noticed before that it was THAT week. And now, now that she was aware...she felt incredibly sad. She touched her tummy softly, trying to imagine what she would look like if she hadn't taken that decision around 8 months ago.
She would have been in New York right now, maybe on bed rest...and maybe, she would have been happy. Or maybe not. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. She knew she made the right decision, but right now she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she had been wrong.
She was approaching the nurse station, when she saw Mark shouting at Karev one more time. God, it seemed like that man didn't know the meaning of the words "good teacher". And Karev was a really nice guy when he wanted to, with the potential for being a great surgeon. Why couldn't Mark see it?
"Do you like abusing interns? Is it fun for you?" asked Addison dropping the chart at the nurse station.
"Yes, it is. And in case you've forgotten, you don't get the high horse this week, Addison. Not this week." replied Mark harshly. Addison sighed. She should have known, that Mark would have remembered.
She watched Mark's back till he disappeared around a corner when she heard Alex's voice. "He's an ass."
"Not this week." whispered Addison sadly.
Mark didn't have any right to treat her or the interns like crap, but she understood that he was hurt and maybe the best thing to do was staying as far away as possible for him for that week.
"Look Karev, I know you're interested in plastic, but Mark's not going to let you in in any surgery, so if you want, you can scrub in with me today." she suggested the intern.
Alex's face lit up. "I'd love to, thanks!"

-o-

"Meredith, wait up!" Alex caught her friend walking down the hallway. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure, what's up?" asked Meredith stopping and facing Alex.
"Look I..." started the young man, obviously nervous. "You and Dr Montgomery...are friends, right? Like, close friends?"
Meredith nodded.
"So do you think she will...if I...if I ask her out, do you think she would say yes?" spilled Alex, almost whispering the last part.
"You want to ask Addison out?" shouted Meredith.
"Shhh! I didn't want the whole hospital to know about it." complained Alex. "It's just...we're working together now and I find her great. She's beautiful, smart, talented, funny...so...well...what do you think?"
Meredith's mouth opened as she was trying to say something, but no sound came out. Alex wanted to ask Addison out? Her friend wanted to ask her...whatever Addison was to her...out? That could not be possible.
She was about to say no to Alex, making up some possible reasons why he shouldn't even try to ask Addison out, but suddenly she stopped. She remembered the conversation she had in bed with Addison just the previous day. Maybe Addison liked Alex too, even if she denied it. And even if Meredith was jealous, she couldn't be in the way of her possible happiness. It wasn't fair.
"I...I don't know, Alex." she stuttered. "I mean, Addison's great, you're right...she's one of the most talented surgeon of the Country...and a wonderful teacher...and she's stunning...and brilliant...and...I don't know..."
"You are trying to tell me that she's out of my league?" asked Alex disappointed.
Meredith shook her head. "No, no...she..." she sighed. "You know what, Alex? You should try. Yesterday she talked about you, she said that she thinks you're a nice guy, so maybe she'll say yes."
Alex smiled widely. "She said that? Thank you Mer, really. I'll try to talk to her as soon as our shift is over."
Meredith watched Alex leave, feeling nothing but pain in her chest. Why did she have to feel like this? Why was she so jealous? She hadn't given a name to her feelings for the red head yet, so she had no right to feel like that. But deep inside of her, she knew why she was so upset. She didn't want Alex to go out with Addison, she didn't want anyone to go out with Addison, because she wanted to be the one to take Addison out on a date. She wanted to be the one making Addison happy. It was crazy and Meredith was sure she would never find the courage to declare those feelings out loud, but that's what it was. She liked Addison. She had feelings for Addison. She loved Addison.

-o-

A couple of days have gone by and Meredith didn't know if Alex had managed to talk to Addison. She and the redhead have talked only briefly in those days, both busy with work and Addison being not her usually self. She had told Meredith she needed some alone time, so she went back sleeping at the hotel and Meredith at her place. Meredith missed her. Every night she had trouble sleeping cause she was now used to have Addison in her bed. And the realization of her feelings for the attending helped to keep her up during the night.
She was so screwed up. She couldn't have feelings for Addison. She was her friend, she was Derek's ex-wife and she was a woman (not that it was the first time for Meredith, but still...). And above all, she was sure Addison wasn't returning her feelings. Sure, they were close, but not that close. And even if Christina said they were acting like a couple and sometimes they were flirting, she wasn't sure she could read something in it. They were just friends. Cause Addison didn't like women. And even if she did...she would never like Meredith. Addison was a world famous surgeon, classy, rich, stunning...and Meredith was just the twelve-years-old intern, with too many issues and a serious addiction to tequila. There was no way Addison would ever think of her as something more than a friend, even if they were close. Even if they were sleeping in the same bed almost every night.
Lost in her thought, she didn't notice Alex coming from the opposite side of the hallway till their two bodies collided.
"Whoa, be careful Meredith. You could seriously hurt someone if you keep going around like that!"
"Sorry" apologized Meredith. "I was in my own world. How did Laura's surgery go? Is she ok now? She gave us a big scare!"
"She's ok, she's in the NICU now. If you want you can go, you know...be with her for a while." suggested Alex.
"I'll think about it." said Meredith. "Look, did you ask Addison out?" asked, holding her breath.
Alex shook his head. "Nah. It's not the right time. She seems sad and she said something about this being a particular week, so I decided it was better to wait. But you should talk to her, you know...there's something wrong with her and you two are so close..."
"I will." nodded Meredith. "Look, gotta go now, see you around."

-o-

Addison entered the NICU and found Meredith holding Laura's small hand. She smiled. It was such a cute scene.
She had just talked to Mark, she said she was sorry he was hurting, but his reply had been so rude, she just gave up the idea of talking to him for that week. Maybe next week she would manage to explain and make him forgive her for what she did.
She stood there, watching Meredith and the little girl for a while, till the intern noticed her.
"Oh hey. I was just...you know..." tried to explain Meredith.
Addison smiled. "No that's good, it's good. We all need a little human contact from time to time."
The red head stepped closer to Meredith.
"It sucks. It's like she hasn't had a chance to deserve this, you know." said the intern, focusing her attention to the baby.
"You're right." sighed Addison. "It does suck watching them struggle. And that part never stops sucking. But then you get to see a baby heal and they get to go home and you just imagine this whole life that they're going to live. Well there's nothing better than that. And that part never changes."
Meredith looked at Addison in the eyes with a bright smile. "What?" asked the attending.
"You're pretty amazing, you know that?" said Meredith and Addison blushed. "Your eyes brighten up when you talk about babies. All the surgeons here are great but you...you're so dedicated, so passionate...you give everything to your patients and that's what I love most about you."
Wait...did she just say LOVE? Oh damn!
Addison seemed to notice the four letter word that Meredith just spilled and looked shocked. "You...really?"
"Yeah..." whispered Meredith.
The two women stood there looking each other in the eyes and slowly they started leaning to each other. They were close, so close...they could feel each other's breath, they both closed their eyes and their lips finally were starting to touch softly. They were lost in that moment and they both wanted to kiss so badly.
And suddenly, the door of the NICU opened and a nurse came in and the moment was gone.
They both jumped and parted fast.
"I'm sorry." said quickly Meredith. God, what was she thinking? "Oh God, I'm really sorry!"
"No, it's ok, I'm ok, I just...sorry." stuttered Addison, hurrying to leave the room.
Meredith sighed. Damn nurse, she was so close...she had touched Addison's lips with hers, even briefly, but she did it. What would have happened if they weren't interrupted by the nurse? A shiver went down to her spine. She almost kissed Addison. And now Addison was gone, probably regretting it. Damn!

-o-

Addison was in the elevator, her heart was finally starting to slow down and her breath was getting back to normal. She had almost kissed Meredith. She could still feel the softness of Meredith's lips on hers, for the brief moment they touched. She could still feel Meredith's warm breath on her.
Why? Why did this happen? And what would have happened if they weren't interrupted by the nurse? Damn nurse! thought Addison. And then she started asking herself why she had wanted to kiss Meredith so bad. It was hard now to deny those feelings she had tried to push aside for weeks now. They almost kissed. That wasn't something that happened to two friends, if they were just friends for real. So yeah, she and Meredith weren't just friends. And Addison felt something for the young intern. Something she really didn't want to feel. Because it was complicated. Meredith was the perfect twelve-years-old. She was her ex-husband's ex-dirty mistress. She was her intern. She was her friend. She was a woman. No! This wasn't really happening to her! "Way to go Addison!" she thought. As usual she managed to find herself in the most screwed up situations. And this was the most screwed up she has ever been. Not even her husband's best friend could beat this.
She sighed. Complaining wasn't going to help her. She had just almost kissed Meredith and she had wanted to kiss her (once again, damn nurse!). And she had feelings for Meredith. Weird feelings. Complicated feelings. Or maybe, they weren't that weird and complicated at all. It was so easy. She loved Meredith. Plain and simple. Damn!