VIII. Song Selection Criteria

In light of certain recent events, it is the overwhelming decision of the Council that what was once an obvious and fairly clear-cut topic needed to be included in this handbook. There have been many firsts in our much storied history: the first trip to Sectionals, the first trip to Regionals, the first trip to Nationals, the first mascot, the first Warblers' room, the first gavel….

(Wes, we talked about this. The more you talk about Mr. Bangy, the less chance you have with Santana – Kurt)

(Damn. Why didn't we think of that earlier? – David)

It was not without a great deal of pride there was no listing for "first group arrest of causing a public nuisance." Unfortunately, that record, which I would like to point out spanned through the not only the questionable morals of Prohibition, the outright flaunting of tradition in the sixties and the white collar training ground that certain portions of Dalton proved to be in the eighties, was broken when a certain junior Warbler soloist decided we needed to help him stalk the junior manager of the Gap. And I would just like to clarify the only reason the plan was agreed upon was due to the impression of the rest of the general membership had that said serenade would actually be directed at a fellow Warbler. We just thought the aforementioned soloist was incredibly bad at understanding the meaning of the word "surprise."

(Well that and Wes really wanted to hit the sale at the Gap that day. He needed to get a present for his girlfriend – Theo)

(Shopping on Valentine's Day at the Gap? No wonder she dumped you. – Kurt)

As it is reasonable to assume that we might have been let off with a warning if said song hadn't been considered "lewd" by both the Westerfield and Lima school boards, thereby banning it from airplay in any venue where children may be present, it seems most appropriate to lay out in no uncertain terms what types of songs are worthy to be performed in our much distinguished repertoire.

(Oh don't give us that look Blaine. You asked for this. – Kurt)

(I thought boyfriends were supposed to support each other – Blaine)

(I supported you even though Jeremiah was a bullfrog. This is for the good of the team. And aren't you all about the good of the team? – Kurt)

(You…no longer move me. – Blaine)

(Don't break up guys. Please don't break up. I don't want to choose sides and split my weekends. – Jeff)

There is a time and an appropriate place for all song types. This must be respected and observed.

As a general rule, the Council recognizes the value and appeal of doing a song that is more sexual in nature. Apparently at Crawford, the story of the 1975 performance of Lady Marmalade is something of a legend. However that performance was done at a mixer between the schools and not in the middle of the mall. Performance venue must be considered in all final decisions about song selection.

Certain genres just don't work.

There is generally a positive value to find in even the most annoying song.

(Friday, Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday. Everybody's waiting on the weekend, weekend. – Jeff)

Except for Friday.

(That was harsh. True but harsh – Nick)

(Great now I have to watch Toy Story tonight. Thanks Wes. – Trent)

However certain genres do not lend themselves well to an all male choral arrangement. Among these are most Broadway standards (Honestly Kurt your face will freeze like that way one day), Disney Princess songs (Blaine, do I need to repeat what I just told Kurt to you?), Autotune the News for obvious reasons and most clearly Christian rock.

(PETRA! – Nick)

(The Historian would like the record to reflect the meeting stopped for twenty minutes while the rest of the Warblers severely mocked Warbler Nick –David)

Lyrics should make sense

No one wants a repeat of the 1969 debacle when after a performance of McArthur Park, a student of St. Catherine's Elementary asked who would leave a cake out in the rain and no one could answer her.

(Why would someone leave a cake out in the rain? – Thad)

(Especially one that took so long to bake – David)

(And if you'll never have that recipe again? – Kurt)

(It would eliminate the problem entirely if he just used a mix. –Blaine)

(You tedious fool! Cake mixes are for monkeys! –Thad)

(Well said, Thad! –Kurt)

(What's wrong with cake mixes? –Blaine)

(What's wrong with cake mixes? What's WRONG with CAKE MIXES? Oh Blaine, Blaine Blaine…where do I even begin with the wrongness of that statement? –Kurt )

(OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO – all the Warblers except Wes)

On a related note, future Presidents are strongly encouraged to institute a maturity provision in the membership eligibility.

If lyrics are full of slang references, it is best to avoid to them.

Just ask the 1992-1993Warblers when the wife of the then dean of students asked them to explain exactly what a "zoom zoom" and a "poom poom" was.

(So that's why the 1993-1994 records mention only hymns and songs written prior to 1945. I always wondered that. – David)

Songs about sex toys should never be sung.

By unanimous vote of the Council this shall now be known as the Anderson Example.

(Quit smiling. That's not something to be proud of. – Kurt)

(I have two rules. That's pretty darn awesome – Blaine)

(It is pretty cool. – Trent)

(Blaine, you're like famous! – Jeff)

(Try infamous – Kurt)

(Even better! – Blaine)

(Aaaand Puff the Magic Dragon is not going to frolic in MY mist any time soon. –Kurt.)

(Puff the Magic Dragon is such a sad song…-Jeff)

(Kurt, quit looking at me like I'm Lex Luthor or something. Seriously? We'll bake this weekend…from scratch... –Blaine)

(No licking the spoon. –Kurt)

(That's the best part! –Blaine)

(I am NOT going to be responsible if you get food-poisoning from raw eggs. –Kurt)

(Puff the Magic Dragon, lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist in the land called Honalie…Little Johnny Paper…loved that dragon, Puff… -Jeff with Nick harmonizing.)

(I still don't know how Puff has ANYTHING to do with cake mixes… -Jeff)

(Ok…you know how we all thought Baby Penguins was there word for…um…non-PG-13-rated activities? Well, now, apparently it's Puff the Magic Dragon. You see…Puff isn't about a dragon…drag…is another word for weed…and now apparently…I reeeally don't want to finish this sentence. –Theo)

(Ohhhhhhhh –Jeff.)

(Wanna go Puff the Magic Dragon, Kurt? –Blaine)