Chapter 9
Remus stared at his hands, an empty void filling him.
His friends had fallen out because of him…
He knew they wouldn't make up, that the promises were just promises there to be broken.
His only friends, the only people ever to accept him, the only people he truly trusted - he'd ruined their lives.
He took a deep shuddering breath and his gaze turned to the window.
The full moon would be soon and half of his pack would be missing.
Peter had kept out of it but he wouldn't go if James didn't and he didn't want James there.
The door opened and Remus jumped; he hadn't picked up the scent or sound of somebody approaching.
"James, don't go next week." he said instantly. The Marauder's had been civil with each other, speaking when absolutely necessary. James and Sirius would've been hexing each other constantly if it had not been for the calming, if not slightly scary presence of Remus and Lily.
He felt James pause and he smelt the confusion, "Just promise me you won't?" Remus didn't turn round, he didn't need to to know that James was hurt and puzzled.
"Why?" The word was forced out as if talking to Remus was a mortal sin.
"Promise me. As one last favour from an old friend."
"But I never said I wouldn't be there-"
"James! You turn up there and Moony will rip you to shreds! Do you not understand that?"
He felt James recoil, "Why will Moony rip me to shreds?" James asked calmly and Remus snorted as he realised that the most civilised conversation they had had in weeks was about a werewolf ripping him to shreds.
"Why do you think?" Remus snapped back. He wasn't about to tell James the truth.
James sighed and stood behind him, "Fine. Just for the record, I won't tell anyone about your lycanoprothy either even if we aren't friends by the way."
Remus went to smile but stopped himself and nodded curtly instead, "And just for the record James; I'm sorry about what I've done to the Marauder's."
"You haven't done anything!"
"We've broken up because of me!" Remus gulped quickly and turned away, pretending not to notice the hot tears that spilt from his eyes, "It's always because of me!"
"It's not, normally it's me or Sirius' you're the peacemaker! "
"I should've left, at least you and Sirius wouldn't have to worry about me causing any more problems."
Shit. "Remus, please please please don't leave! Sirius will kill me if you leave!"
Remus almost laughed, almost said that he would leave just to see James petrified.
"What's going on in here?" Sirius asked coolly as he stepped into the dorm. From his point of view, Remus was crying and James was saying something to him. Trouble. "Potter, go."
James nodded and quickly left.
"Rem… what's wrong? What was all that about?" Sirius slung an arm around the werewolf.
"I - I - I was telling James not to go to the moon."
"Why?"
Remus sighed but he could tell Sirius. "I'd rip him to pieces. In your words, he hurts you, I hurt him."
Sirius smiled slightly, playing with the werewolf's hair.
"Don't you go either Sirius."
"What?" Sirius' hand dropped from Remus' hair.
"I - I need to be alone this Moon. It's going to be bad and I can't risk anyone being there. Please. Please promise me."
Sirius sighed but kissed Remus gently, pulling the shaking werewolf to him. "Anything for you Rem."
-X-X-X-X-X-
"Remus said what!"
"Lily shhh!" James quickly hushed is girlfriend and repeated what he'd just said.
"Remus said that the Marauder's always break up because of him?"
James nodded and Lily frowned.
"James this has gone too far now, can't you just apologise or something and put it all behind you?"
James sat back, affronted at the very thought. "No! I will not! If anything, Sirius should be apologising to me."
Lily sighed patiently, "I meant Remus. He sounds suicidal."
"Oh fantastic. Sirius wants to kill me and you don't care, but if Remus is suicidal -"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence James Potter!"
James sat back and grumbled to himself instead.
-X-X-X-X-X-
James shouldered his broom and set off back to the Tower, hours after his team had gone in; he had found that flying often helped to clear his mind.
He was in the entrance hall when a stinging hex flew past his cheek. He jumped a mile and spun round, drawing his wand and pointing it at the offenders.
Three Slytherins.
Regulas, Snape and Nott to be precise.
His heart started beating a mile a minute. He normally had Sirius to help him deal with this.
"Has the little lion been thrown out of it's pride?"
James seethed but held his temper, waiting for them to throw the first hex.
"Does nobody like it anymore?"
James bit his tongue.
"Are you lost without them?"
"Just get lost Snape. I haven't done anything to you." James muttered but didn't start walking away; he wasn't about to turn his back on three armed Slytherins.
"Do you need your friends to back you up like Potter? Are you scared?" Snape taunted but James just raised an eyebrow.
"Me? Scared of three idiots with sticks? Don't think so."
Snape took a threatening step forward, "I think it's about time to teach you a lesson."
Three separate curses were sent towards him but he quickly deflected them and sent one back.
But then a he was hit square in the back from an unseen attacker and he fell to the floor as rigid as a board.
"Well well well, the mighty lion has fallen." Snape stood over him and James tried to glare. "Why I think I'll try out a new spell of mine. Sectum-"
"Stupefy!"
Snape was thrown backwards as Sirius ran towards them. "Finite." James quickly climbed to his feet and found his wand.Him and Sirius stood shoulder to shoulder, wands raised as the three Slytherins helped Snape to his feet.
"That was a low trick." Sirius panted, "Getting Rosier to stay out of sight." His gaze then fell on Regulas. "Reg? You too? My god what mother must've done to you." His eyes had frozen and James knew Sirius would try to back out of the fight he'd been raring to get into. He always refused to harm his brother.
"Mother hasn't done anything to me, traitor."
Sirius laughed, "The happiest day of my life was walking out of that hellhole. You should try it some time."
Snape, finally coming to his senses said "Why on earth are you helping Potter, Black. Here we were thinking you were making the right decision and finally disowning him and joining us!"
"I don't want to be a Slytherin thank-you very much. James and I made up last night anyway." Sirius growled with just a half glance in James' direction.
"Kiss and make up did you?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Of course. Now if you don't mind, we'd like to get back to the tower so move."
"No." Snape said stubbornly, crossing his arms and shaking his head.
But Sirius saw Regulas hesitate, "Can you remember what I did to Father Reg? Would you like me to repeat that now?" Regulas paled and hastily shook his head, "No? Then I suggest you and your - acquaintances - move."
Regulas nodded and tried to grab Snape's arm but Snape snarled and turned back towards Sirius and James. "Make me move."
"Fair enough." Sirius shrugged and the duel started.
James and Sirius stayed side by side, their wands flashing as they deflected spells and cast their own.
Regulas had melted into the shadows and Nott had been knocked unconscious.
Rosier was hit with a particularly bad case of boils and quickly took off down the corridor leaving Snape on his own.
Sirius got his wand and James backed him up against the wall.
"Now I suggest you go." Sirius dug his wand into the Slytherins neck and Snape nodded hurriedly before tailing down the corridor, his wand thrown after him.
Stood there panting, James turned to Sirius. "Er - well thank-you."
Sirius eyed him coldly, "I didn't do that for you Potter."
He turned and walked away, leaving a very confused James alone.
-X-X-X-X-X-
As the full moon grew closer, Remus got extremely pale and ill.
His headaches got worse and his body started to hurt more than ever before.
Lily cornered Sirius after lessons the day before the full moon and said, "If you and James don't make up Remus is going to get killed."
Sirius nodded solemnly, "I know. But I can't help it. He knows that I don't want to make up with James so if him and I are suddenly best friends he'll know something's off."
Lily sighed. "James told me about the fight by the way."
Sirius' eyes instantly hardened, "I told him. I didn't do it for him, I would've very much liked to let them kill him but -"
"- Remus would've killed you." Lily finished his sentence and Sirius nodded.
"Remus wanted to go down too but I wouldn't let him; he would've killed the Slytherins, quite literally."
"Why?" Her curiosity aroused.
Sirius laughed slightly, "We're his pack. And if anything harms or threatens his pack close to the full moon then he gets very dangerous."
Lily grinned, "Bless him and he thinks that he's to blame."
Sirius' eyebrows shot into his hair, "He thinks he's to blame about what?"
"Er - well -"
"Don't lie to me Lily!"
"He think's it's his fault that the Marauder's always fall out."
Sirius let his head fall back against the wall, "He'll kill himself. Shit. Shit. Shit." Every word was met with his head knocking against the wall.
"Sirius stop it! And what do you mean? I thought you said -"
"Look, has James ever told you about an incredibly stupid prank that I played involving Remus that quite literally broke the Marauder's apart." Lily shook her head. "Ask him about it. Anyway, the following Full Moon he warned all of us not to go so we didn't and well - put it this way, Madame Pomfrey said that if it ever happened again it would kill him for certain."
Lily frowned and then looked up at him accusingly, "What do you mean 'go with him'?"
"I - well - I really can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"Because it's illegal and I don't want to get you involved." Sirius said shortly and Lily gasped.
"What have you done now?"
"I can't! You'll turn us in!"
"I won't! I promise!"
"If you were to know then the Marauder's would have to decide it as a group. I can't just tell you on my own."
"But there is no Marauder's." Lily pointed out and Sirius sighed angrily.
"Fine! You know what fine! We're animagi! Happy now!"
Lily took a step back, " - what?"
"Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs."
"Show me."
"What?"
"Show me!"
Sirius hesitated, glanced around and then turned into a huge black dog before turning quickly back again. "Happy?"
Lily was smiling slightly, "You did that for Remus? All of you?"
Sirius nodded gravely.
"How can this be the end of the Marauder's? I thought I would never say this but - the Marauder's cannot break-up. You need each other." Lily smiled warmly and started walking away, "Don't worry! Your secret's safe with me!"
Sirius knocked his head on the wall again. He'd better tell Remus before Lily does.
He started running.
-X-X-X-X-X-
"What the hell did you tell her for!" James and Remus shouted at the same time.
"We can trust her! And she's worried about you Rem." Sirius said desperately.
He'd reached the dorm and found Remus sat reading and James just coming out of the shower.
"Why is she worried about me?" Remus asked, grimacing as his head throbbed painfully.
Sirius glanced at James before answering, "Because you could get seriously injured tomorrow night."
Remus sighed and shut his eyes, "I know. I know I will, but there's nothing we can do about it."
Sirius started pacing and James bit his lip, their arguments forgotten.
"And don't even think about 'making-up' or any of that crap." Remus warned them, "I'll be fine. Seriously!"
James and Sirius shared a worried glance, too scared for Remus to hate each other.
"I'll be fine guys!"
-X-X-X-X-X-
With just half an hour left till Moon rise, Remus shuffled over to where James, Lily and Peter were sat in front of the fire and dumped Sirius next to them before taking a deep breath and smiling sadly.
"I'd just like to say thank-you. Just - just in case - just in case something happens to me t-tonight. Thank-you for everything you've given me over these years, I don't how I would've managed without you. Thanks for accepting me, thanks for being there and thanks for being understanding. I'm sorry I've never been able to pay you back but I just want you all to know how much you truly mean to me. So, thank-you." He paused and a horrified silence had fallen. "But it's true what they say; the thing you love the most will kill you. I'm sorry for everything! I'm sorry that I destroyed the Marauder's! I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust James, I'm sorry that I couldn't love you Lily. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend. After everything you did for me I had to go and ruin it!"
Thick tears had started to pool but he bit them back with determination; he needed to tell them this whilst there was still time.
"So in a way this goodbye. We'll all meet again some day but thank-you for my life and good-luck with your own. Goodbye." The casual tone of his voice shocked even him but he found he could do nothing but smile and he turned to walk away but not before two hands gripped his shoulders and turned him back round.
Stormy grey eyes were boring into him, "It's not good-bye, you'll get through this!"
Remus shook his head and peeled Sirius' fingers off him, "You know as well as I do that I won't survive this Full Moon. I love you Sirius, never forget it."
Sirius' mouth almost fell open and a sudden promise floated to mind, "I thought you said you weren't leaving me? I thought you said you'd always be here for me?" His voice had rose and people were starting to look over.
Remus refused to shrink back but held Sirius' gaze, "I didn't know I was going to die when I made that promise," he said coldly.
"Don't give up this easily! You're life isn't over until you decide it's over! Fight this Rem! I really need you…"
Remus bit his lip, "I can't change my stars."
"Yes! Yes you can! I changed mine! I was born as Black but I'll die as Sirius, just don't give up on me Remus! Don't leave us, we all need you!" Sirius was shaking him slightly, oblivious to the tears that were trailing Remus' cheeks.
"I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep Sirius and I don't want us to part on bad terms -"
"What the hell did you expect? Me to just calmly say goodbye with a cheery wave?"
James and Peter were watching with fearful fascination.
"Do you honestly think it's that easy to stand here and say goodbye to you all? Do you honestly think that I can accept my own death? We all know I'm going to die tonight, there is absolutely no point in denying it!" Remus could barely control his voice as it grew in volume. "I'm going to die. You can stand there and tell a load of bullshit or you can kiss me one last time and let me walk to the Shack with my head held high."
But defiance had entered Sirius' eyes. "No. I'm not going to kiss you because you're not to going to die. What happened to the Remus Lupin I fell in love with?"
Remus sighed, "We've been through this before! People change Sirius! People change!"
Sirius snorted, "No, one hiccup and you're ready to give up. Well what about me? What am I meant to do once you die?"
"It's not one hiccup at all! You have no idea what my life has been like! I gave up years ago! And it seems the wolf has finally agreed to put me out of my misery!" Remus stated calmly, his nerves on fire.
"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE YOU WON'T TELL US! YOU DON'T LET ANYONE GET CLOSE ENOUGH SO THEY CAN HONESTLY SAY THEY KNOW YOU!" Sirius yelled, his temper snapped.
"You can never truly know somebody Sirius because nobody truly knows themselves." Remus snarled back. "My life has been nothing but complicated and I'm quite happy to throw in the towel now."
Sirius took a step back, shaking his head and sneering, "Well you know what then, me and you are over. And if you do live? Then I want nothing more to do with you ever. You've changed and not in a good way. And do you what else? I hope you do fucking die tonight… werewolf."
Remus looked close to punching him and breaking down in tears but Lily, realising what time it was quickly shoved Remus towards the portrait hole.
He took off without a backwards glance.
Once it had slammed shut silence descended on them until James stood up, turned to Sirius and said "Congratulations! You've just guaranteed that Moony will die tonight."
Lily caught James' fist.
"What the hell do you care Potter?"
"He is my friend -"
Sirius snorted, "Yeah. That's why you've been ignoring him and treating him like dirt for the past couple of weeks." Sirius turned and walked away, desperately trying to hide the tears that were clouding his eyes
"Go with him." Lily said quietly, "You never know, you could prevent it."
James sighed but shook his head softly, "No. He isn't wrong when he says it's going to be bad. And if he found out, he'd go mad Lily. It isn't worth it."
"Not worth it? So you can't face an angry Remus just to save his life!"
James laughed humourlessly, "You really don't know him do you? He puts everybody before himself and anyway, he'll stay alive now if only to prove Sirius wrong. It's how it works."
Lily turned to Sirius who had sat down on the sofa, black hair covering his face, his entire body shaking.
She put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tentatively, Peter patting him on the back.
The three boys and one girl sat in a mournful, heavy silence until at last Lily broke it, "What do you think Peter?"
"I think all we can do is wait, wait and pray."
I thought why not make the number of chapters a nice round ten? And anyway, this wayyou have to wait not to see if Remus dies or not...
Very much like the last chapter I think, but this time James and Sirius aren't quite so full of anger and more worried that their (ex)best-friend is going to accidently-on-purpose rip themselves to pieces so yeah...
Anyway, let me know whether Remmie Pie (Hehe... sorta ryhmes!) should die or not and if he doesn't, should he and Sirius get back together?
ReviewxD
P.s Does anyone think my writing style is poetic or weird in stories like NothingButDreams? Was having a debate with abestfriend; my writing style drives her up thewall for some reason, only affects her mind,but anyway, doesit seemweird in any shape or form?
