Chapter Nine: Only Time Will Tell

"The feast will be absolutely exquisite," Thranduil sighed softly as he placed his crown on his head, slender fingers fixing any stray hairs.
I could only absent-mindedly nod, running a comb numbly through my hair as he spoke. I wondered what Fili was doing at that moment. Was he happy? Was he smiling? Was he with Kili? The princess- I snapped out of it, forcing him from my mind. I could only think of Thranduil and my duties now. My mid wandered to the feast with disdain. Upon completion, we would be locked together. I thought vaguely on how much the dwarves loved feasts. I do believe it was second only to killing orcs and trolls alike. I glanced over at Thranduil as he calmly fixed up the bed, humming lightly to himself as he did so. I pegged him for the sort of guy to let someone else take care of it. I felt a tad bit guilty for not fixing up my own side, though let's be real: I wasn't leaving it all too often these days. "You seem... distracted, my lady," he commented softly, causing me to snap out of my trance. I looked up at him, slightly confused, but then my rain registered his words.
"Ah... no... just thinking fondly of the banquet," I replied lightly, offering a small half-hearted smile. I had become an expert at feigning happiness as of late, it seemed.
Thranduil seemed to be constantly watching me, my every move, paying close attention to my every reply, so I had to make sure that they were always perfect, that he could not see the cloud of doubt and pain that hung over me every second the banquet was discussed. I repressed every flinch and grimace whenever he cupped my face or insisted on brushing my hair or just simply flashed me a smile. Thranduil seemed genuinely in love with me and perhaps in another life I would have loved him, too. However, this was this life, Thranduil and I had such a disgusting past and I could never truly love him. However, I could accept this marriage; I had to accept this marriage. I really didn't want to, but my wants were not a factor in this situation. Don't get me wrong, the thought of just leaving sat in the back of my mind, but I knew Kili and I knew dwarves and they could never accept that I really just left.
He smiled lightly, eyes softening. "I too fantasize about the banquet, however, my mind is more focused on tonight," he purred, coming over and lightly fixing my hair so it stayed behind my ears. I nodded, smile stiffening for half a second before loosening again.
"I also look forward to tonight," I replied quietly, putting my hand on his once it slid down to cup my face.
"Come, they're expecting us," he finally said softly, taking my hand to help me stand.
I complied, heart racing.

Throughout the dinner, I was completely silent. I would smile and nod whenever someone congratulated us. I sat stiffly on Thranduil's right hand and noticed there were so many elves here that I was not familiar with. I felt miserably uncomfortable, but I wasn't surprised, nor did I think I did not deserve it. I was going to pay for deceiving Thranduil and the rest of the world with an eternity at his side. It was during Thranduil's speech that an interruption brought forth the tears I'd been threatening to spill all night.
"... and I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with this young woman, right here," Thranduil spoke, shaking me from my thoughts.
I looked up at him and smiled stiffly, however everyone's attention was drawn to a very familiar dwarf shouting, "But you won't!"
I blinked a few times, sitting up straight now. Fili? I already felt my eyes begin to water and my lip tremble.
"Excuse me?" Who let him in here?!" Thranduil shouted angrily. "Look! You're upsetting my wife!" he exclaimed, motioning to me.
"No!" I shouted without really thinking as I shot up, my chair falling backwards. I paused, heart beat far to fast that I thought it might explode. "Stop! Fili... why have you come?" I inquired, trying hard not to allow my voice to waver as I faintly became aware of the tears giving way and falling down my cheeks.
"I've come here to put an end to this foolishness! Hava... you do not belong with him," Fili said, voice softening.
"And to whom does she belong?" Thranduil growled, quirking an unamused eyebrow. "Surely not some smelly dwarf!"
"I do not belong _to _anyone..." I said slowly. "I belong _with_ ... with... I belong with Fili, if he'll have me," I breathed, watching the dwarven prince the entire time.
A grin broke out across his face. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Well it's too late! She and I are already wed!" Thranduil snapped.
"Oh shot it," I muttered, ripping the necklace off and throwing it on the table.
He did not move. He did not speak. He simply stood and stared at us as we left. I was obviously surprised that he didn't send his guards after us, however I didn't really care as Fili took my hand and ran out of the palace. I hopped onto the horse Fili had brought as he hopped onto his pony.
"You really planned everything," I teased, ripping off the bottom to my silk green dress in slight irritation when I couldn't sit properly. Fili's face tinted pink at the sudden revealing of my long legs, but nodded quickly.
"I knew you couldn't stay away for too long," he said confidently, offering another grin.
A couple of hours later, we rode into Erebor to be met by quite a few happy faces, however one extremely dwarror princess, who I recognized immediately. I repressed a disturbed groan when she shrieked. "_Her_?! You chose a _human _over me?!" she screamed, stomping her feet.
"Princess Singrutain," I started, slipping off the horse, trying to cover my legs with my cloak the best I could.
"Yes," Fili answered as he, too, dismounted.
I looked over at him, blinking a few times. "Fili.." I murmured. "What? It's true," he said nonchalantly. "Singrutain, you are _not _my One. And I will marry no less," he stated, looking around as if daring anyone to say anything less, which no one did.
She huffed angrily and left with her chaperone in their carriage. A few moments of complete silence and suddenly someone started clapping. And then everyone started clapping. Fili beamed with pride, that smirk on his face.
I simply smiled over at him. It felt so good to be home, to have somewhere to call home. It felt so warm and so friendly. Suddenly, however, my stomach growled painfully and loudly. Gazes turned in my direction again.
"Mahal... they didn't even feed you!" Dwalin exclaimed. "Come on, men! Let's get our future queen something in her belly!" With that, half of the group ran off, presumably to the kitchen.
I playfully rolled my eyes. "It's not that they didn't feed me, it's that... I think I was actually too depressed to eat," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my head as my gaze lowered.
"Are you depressed still, amrâlimê?" Fili inquired softly, cocking his head to the side and taking my hand.
I blushed lightly, shifting slightly at the name and shook my head. "Not really..." I admitted, offering him a small smile.
"Then good," he said, grinning once more. He started to say something before Kili interrupted him.
"You look tired, Hava. Perhaps some rest?" he suggested, quirking an eyebrow up at me.
I looked down at him and although he flinched when I reached down towards him, I simply hugged the dwarf, pulling him in tightly. "Thank you..." I whispered softly.
"Hava? Would you... like me to escort you back to your chambers?" Fili inquired softly, holding his hand out for me to take.
I nodded, letting go of Kili. I walked with Fili down to my chambers and paused upon reaching the door. I stared at it silently before looking down at him.
"I... would rather not be alone," I mumbled, rubbing my arm in embarrassment. He blinked a few times, but then grinned and nodded.
"I have no problems staying with you, My lady," he said happily, giving a playful bow.
I rolled my eyes, but quietly entered my chambers. Everything had been left the way it was when I left, though the sheets had been changed recently. I sat down, putting my satchel on the floor. Fili hesitated, but then also sat down. Often times, dwarves didn't have intercourse before they were wed. I wasn't about the break such a sacred tradition, however, the thought of not waking up to Fili disturbed and frightened me. Especially since I'd been waking up to Thranduil for the passed couple of mornings.
"So... Thranduil, huh?"
"Oh I don't even want to discuss him," I muttered, slipping off my boots. "Or these past few days."
He simply nodded, just watching me now.
"You know..."
"Nope, none of it," I interrupted, taking off my cloak and folding it neatly. "I just want to sleep."
"What about food?"
"I'll eat when I wake up," I answered calmly, looking over at him.
"Hava, you look like you haven't eaten in days... at least put something in your belly before you sleep," he insisted, putting his hand over mind.
"Not like it could kill me anyways," I snorted, but then froze. I... I can't die... My chest felt like it was being crushed my a mountain troll. I glanced over at him for a few moments before looking down again.
"Something wrong?" he inquired worriedly, seeing my face go pale.
"No... uh, well, yes... My head hurts, I guess... could... Could I be alone for a little while?" I inquired suddenly.
"Uh sure. Do you need anything?" he asked, standing though he clearly didn't want to leave.
"No," I said, admittedly a little too quickly.
"Oh, okay... let me know if you change your mind," he murmured, leaning in as if to kiss my head.
I flinched back at the gesture. He frowned, confused, but soon left, throwing me on last glance before leaving.
I flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Soon enough, I heard a light, tentative knock on the door.
"Hava?" Kili called out.
"Come in," I answered with a sigh.
The smell of stew wafted into my nostrils and I slowly opened my eyes.
"Where's Fili?"
"Dunno."
"I thought you were going to lie together?" I shrugged. "I... Kili, have you and Tauriel discussed the fact that she's immortal?" I inquired suddenly, finally looking over at him.
He blinked a few times, caught off guard. "Er... no? It doesn't seem that important. Why?" he murmured.
"Why don't you think that's important?" I asked, sitting up now.
He thought about it ffor a few moments, setting the tray on my desk. "Even if she weren't immortal, one of us would die first eventually," he answered slowly.
"But if you die first, she'll live for so long all alone, sad because you aren't with her," I mumbled, eyes lowering.
"Something tells me that it's not simply us that's on your mind," he murmured with a light sigh, sitting down next to me.
I shrugged a little. "It's not just Tauriel that's immortal."
"And you're afraid of what happens when Fili is dead." he finished, quirking an eyebrow.
I slowly nodded.
Kili was silent for quite some time before saying, "You love my brother and he loves you. Nothing could change that. He's going to die and whether you choose to join him or not is completely up to you."
I nodded slowly once more. "You're right, Kili," I murmured, thinking back on Jewel. "People, even the one's we love, die no matter how hard we wished they couldn't."
He smiled and pat my back. "Don't sweat it right now, Hava. You have a couple hundred years until Fili leaves, and that's if he leaves without a fight," he murmured reassuringly, smirking playfully, thought it didn't feel so reassuring at the time. However, I took it like a big girl and simply nodded.
Not long after Kili left and I started eating my dinner, Fili slowly, tentatively came back in. He offered me that charming little smile and I could only chuckle.
"Can I help you, my prince?" I inquired teasingly.
"Pretty formal for my future wife," he chuckled, fully entering the room, closing the door behind him.
I felt my cheeks warm, so I just went back to eating. He made his way over and sat next to me, watching me intently so in return I looked over at him, eyebrow playfully quirked.
"Yes?"
"Nothing, you're just... really beautiful," he murmured, offering his usual smirk, knowing he was the only reason my face was on fire.
I offered a small smile in returned and suddenly leaned over, lightly pecking his cheek.
"As are you cute," I teased, seeing his cheeks go red.
"Not cute; handsome," he corrected, clearing his throat.
"Handsome and ferocious, like a lion."
He cocked his head to the side. "A... lion?"
"Oh, that's right! You guys wouldn't have lions in such cold climates," I said, digging through my notebook. Upon finding the pages full of lion sketches, I handed him the book. He looked at the sketches in such fascination that I couldn't help but smile.
"Wow... can they really get that big?" he asked excitedly.
I nodded calmly. "I've lived amongst a pride, or a group of lions, for several weeks one time. The witch doctor of the near by village was convinced that I could convince the lions not to eat the village's children and I couldn't leave until I made certain of it," I sighed, shaking my head. "The lions really didn't mind me and although I really didn't do anything to prevent it, they stopped attacking the village. I had pleaded with the lions, not thinking they could actually hear me. Maybe they had. I'll never know," I said, thinking back on my time with the pride.
Fili grinned. "That sounds pretty wonderful, Hava," he responded.
I just smiled down at him. "It was quite wonderful. But I find I'm far more content here, with my favorite lion," I murmured, smiling fondly.
He grinned right back, but then paused, grin fading a little to a more somber smile.
"Kili told me about what you and he talked about," he said after a few silent minutes. "Says he's still worried you'll throw all his hard work away," he laughed.
I just playfully rolled my eyes, "Should've known you two would talk about it... Well, he shan't worry any further. I intend on making you my husband, if you'll still have me," offering a quick, hopeful smile.
His grin almost immediately returned when he looked up at me.
"I don't really think I could bear to have it any other way," he answered, giving me a hearty hug, which I returned lovingly. I yawned tiredly and rather suddenly.
"Oh my, forgive me," I murmured, hand over my mouth. "I don't really understand why I'd be so tired; I've practically been asleep these passed few days..."
"Maybe you're emotionally drained? Sometimes, my mom would say that was why uncle went to bed early," Fili mumbled with a shrug. "Just a thought."
"No, no, that makes sense," I agreed. "Perhaps tomorrow morning I will feel refreshed and energized."
"I hope so!" Fili said, grinning up at me.
"Well, would you do me the honor of escorting me to Dream land?" I inquired.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he replied, taking and gently kissing my hand.
While he took off his boots and over clothes, I went behind my changing screen and switched to a wonderful silk night gown Fili had found for me in Dale several weeks ago. I waited for him to give me the 'okay' before exiting. I gently flattened the gown before sitting on my bed to start braiding my hair. It became so knotted if I didn't.
"Er... might I do that?" Fili asked, cheeks tinting lightly.
I paused, but then smiled lightly and handed him the comb.
"Only if you think you're brave enough to handle my mane," I teased "You better believe it," he chuckled, kneeling behind me as he took the comb. I sat patiently while he gently combed through my hair, loving how delicate and careful he was with my long hair.
"Hm... I've been thinking about cutting it..." I murmured.
"Your hair? What for?" he inquired quickly.
I shrugged lightly. "I've been growing iit for almost thirty years now. Ugh, I have to comb it every five minutes if I don't want it to become tangled. Dwarvish hair, however, is super easy to take are of."
"Hm, makes sense," Fili murmured as he started to braid my locks. "Ah, but you take such good care of it; so silky and smooth," he purred in my ear, sending a shiver down my back.
"Ah, w-well, I mean if y-you like it, why not keep it?" I mumbled, awkwardly clearing my throat.
He simply chuckled. "Hava, don't you ever do something only if you think it'll please me. This is your body and I love it and you no matter what you decide," he said softly.
I smiled lightly to myself. "All right," I agreed, sitting contently now.
Upon finishing, Fili ended it with a marital clasp at the end and admired his work. I moved it over my shoulder and smiled fondly at the clasp. I blinked a few times when I felt Fili place his lips to the top of my head.
"Sorry, I couldn't help myself," he murmured quietly, resting his forehead against the back of my head.
I smiled softly, then turned around to look at him. He lifted his head, but only enough so there were mere centimeters between us. I felt my face start to heat up, but my gaze was completely locked on his eyes. They were quite captivating. I smiled a little more after a few moments of silence and leaned in, softly touching the tip of my nose to his. He paused, but then a wide grin spread across his face, eyes lightly up. He happily rubbed his nose against mine, causing me to giggle.
"Can you two be any cuter?" teasingly said a voice from the doorway.
We both turned in unison to see Dis standing in the door way. She smiled fondly at us, eyebrow quirked playfully.
"I had heard that you two were a couple now, but I had to see it for my own eyes," she explained, clasping her hands together. "Oh I knew you two would end up together the moment you laid eyes on each other."
I froze, glancing over at Fili, who looked utterly confused.
"When we- how do-" Fili stuttered, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Have... you not told him?" Dis inquired, looking at me now.
"Well, obviously you didn't either," I responded quickly.
"Tell me what?" he asked, looking between the both of us, becoming even more confused.
"Lady Hava here saved your life when you became ill when you were very little," Dis started, offering a soft smile. "You became ill playing too long in the snow and if Lady Hava hadn't stopped by to say hi, you might very well have died."
He looked over at me, clearly surprised.
"You-"
"Ah, Lady Dis, if it means anything to you, it is very late and I'm sure you're tired from your no doubt long trip. I'm also sure your sleeping quarters are prepared," I said quickly, offering her a smile that said that this wasn't the time nor place.
She seemed to catch on. "You're correct... good night, my son," she said, coming over and planting a kiss on his forehead before leaving.
Fili just looked at me. "My mother... actually listened to you? What is going on. What aren't you telling me?"
"Well, it's like your mom said: I made you better when you were oh no older than ten, twelve? You probably don't even remember."
"You rode on a silver horse then," he murmured, watching ,e. "Your hair wasn't quite as long, but I still remember playing with it.
"You... _do _remember?" I asked.
"Vaguely. I thought... I thought you were a goddess," he admitted, cheeks flushed.
I paused, then chuckled lightly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, causing his face to flush further. I happily rested my head on his shoulder and let out a content sigh.
"According to Lossor, children are glued to me," I mumbled.
"Do you... hope to have children one day?" he asked softly.
I was quiet for a few moments, before nuzzling my face into his neck. Did I? I had always enjoyed playing with children whenever I managed to find an accepting enough village. Occasionally, I would find myself on a farm with up to ten children, most, if not all, taken in due to no family of guardians. I enjoyed helping them with their chores so that we could play for longer. I didn't think I wanted children for the longest time due to being immortal. I didn't even think I could have children, however... if given the chance...
"Yes," I murmured.
I felt him shift to look down at me, so I looked up at him. A happy, goofy and extremely attractive grin spread across his face. He leaned down suddenly, calloused hand cupping my face while the other rested on my waist, and pressed his lips to mine. I let out a muffled sound of surprise, however melted into the embrace. After several seconds, we lost our balance in the strange somewhat twisting pose and collapsed onto the bed, both of us bursting into a fit of laughter. We grinned at each other lovingly.
"We should go to sleep," I murmured after a little while.
He nodded quietly. We both slipped under the covers and I laid behind him while he nestled up to me. After we settled down, we both fell asleep fairly peacefully. And I hoped. I prayed for no nightmares.