A.N. This is MBR's last week! Whoo! Now that SB is over this was concentration number two. So enjoy this last run.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Inuyasha.

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(Tsuki)

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My Bitter Romance

Chapter Nine

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(Tsuki)

Keys abruptly burst into the room and started excitedly barking.

Sesshoumaru groaned, "I take it as a sign that the girl has decided to return…."

Inuyasha absentmindedly rubbed Keys ears and sat up straighter as Kagome appeared seated next to Sesshoumaru on the bed.

Inuyasha was shocked to see that she looked worse than she ever three days before. If possible, she was thinner and paler.

She looked at Sesshoumaru who was now sharply aware of her proximity, "Don't underestimate how hard this is for me, Sesshoumaru," she began, "but, will you please help me?"

Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru who nearly mirrored his own display of surprise. For a moment the short haired blonde feared the response of the older male. After all, Sesshoumaru no longer touched the studies he had loved prior to losing his sight and his psychiatric passions were probably all gone.

He grinned a bit though when Sesshoumaru rubbed his brow in a resigned sort of fashion and gruffly agreed with a simple, "Fine."

Inuyasha stood then and addressed Kagome, "Hey, kid."

Kagome looked up at him with unveiled surprise, "How long have you been there?"

The blonde ignored the question and instead said, "I've been meaning to apologize for the other day. You were right." He smiled again, "G'Luck and see you two later." He looked at a wristwatch, "If I stay any longer I won't have time to have pancakes and be on time for work."

Sesshoumaru muttered something along the lines of a goodbye and rose. To Kagome, he said, "You will remain here. I will return in half an hour." The man moved to rummage through his closet and Kagome gave a small nod.

She was a bit out of it.

It was as if, in the days she had been gone, she had not slept. That was the way she felt now. Sleep deprived and exhausted.

The exhaustion made her uncontrollably docile and the lack of sleep made her unable to process anything. But for some reason, in the depths of whatever kept her conscious, she somehow knew that she was stuck like this and the longer that she stayed…the more permanent it could possible become.

She shuddered in thought as she slunk lower on Sesshoumaru's bed.

As much as it pained her to admit it, she felt comfortable in this house.

She felt comfortable here.

And it bothered her to the furthest extent.

Kagome sucked in a breath and felt her weariness almost melt away. Enveloped by the masculine scent that characterized Sesshoumaru, she felt better.

Before she knew it time had elapsed and the male had returned. Keys was not present and so it was just her and him.

"How far through this house can you traverse?"

Kagome stared at Sesshoumaru when he returned. The question of, "Could he help her still hung in the air." She rubbed her temples and nervously swung her feet off the side of the bed, I don't know. I haven't really tried to move around that much after the first day. I couldn't leave your room…even if I tried. What happened before? I didn't know I could do and I haven't seen how far I can go…"

Sesshoumaru took a seat in a chair after he had placed it in a direction he thought was parallel to the bed. "You told me the story of your father and grandmother." Kagome bit down any sarcastic remarks that threatened to surface and she nodded, "I told you everything" she simply confirmed.

Sesshoumaru then inquired, "What else do you feel guilty about?"

There was a pause and Kagome scoffed after a moment, "….There's so much if I really think about it. I don't know where to even begin."

Sesshoumaru leaned back in his seat, "I have time. Begin wherever you feel comfortable."

The raven haired girl pushed back her bangs in frustration, "Don't take that tone with me Sesshoumaru. I asked to talk to you---not some fucking shrink! Don't be so …indulgent… Don't try and make me feel like you're looking down on me. Treat me like you always do."

She snorted at the outburst, "First off, Should I be concerned or insulted that my acting civil raises need for reproach? Secondly—I am not looking down upon you because at the moment, that's physically impossible."

Kagome brought her knees up to her chest. "Just act like you always do."

He massaged the bridged of his nose, "I need you to do some talking, coherently I might add, about what else could possibly be bothering you. There's no other way to ask."

Kagome placed her head in between her knees. "I feel guilty about leaving my family, I feel guilty about how I got my role in Sakura Blossoms, I feel guilty about how it ended there. Sesshoumaru I even feel guilty that I came back here and fought everyone I could. My family, you, your dog, Rin—every fucking person that spoke to me…" she groaned, "There's just so fucking much…."

"Talk about Sakura Blossoms. How did you get the role?"

"I got it by default. None of the other girls ended up auditioning. I sent nasty threats to my two other girls who wanted my role. I typed notes, mailed then using a fake address and when the date came for the audition, they never showed. The woman in charge is a no-nonsense bitch and refused to reschedule for them so I got the role by default" she repeated hollowly. "I had…" she scoffed, "I have no confidence in any of my acting abilities. I didn't think I was good enough to get chosen out of a group. Hell I didn't even go for an actual lead character." She laughed scornfully. "Pathetic right?"

"Why do you feel the need to berate yourself at every turn? That is perhaps the only pathetic thing I see now. It's that foolish self loathing that gets you nowhere. It's pathetic that you haven't yet realized that."

Kagome looked up at him, "It's hard not to hate everything from the way I am to the things I do. Do you know how I lost my job?" She didn't wait for a response. "The cast basically voted me off. If I wasn't in a scene I bitched and complained about the people on set of it I wasn't doing that then I messed with people. I said awful things to just about everyone I had to work with and seeing the director so smug when she said she was letting me go… It was like the worst, 'you deserve this' laced look that I've ever received.

"Who received the brunt of your comments?"

"The three that got more screen time than I did: Jakotsu, Bankotsu, and this girl named Yura. And I guess the director too… But then again everyone talked shit about our director, so I think it's safe to say that she's universally considered a bad person. But Yura was the lead role I was too chicken to try out for but wanted. Bankotsu stood up for Jakotsu once when I was being particularly horrible who in addition to being a huge gossip, always upstaged me whenever we were on set together. Jakotsu and I were almost friends at the beginning though until I told him that I quite possibly like Bankotsu. Jakotsu took that and ran with it until everyone knew—which I guess really made my onstage hostility noticeable from then on. That and the fact that I outed Jakotsu in revenge."

She sighed, "I feel like I've been playing a role for so long that I don't even know how to be a protagonist in my own life."

Sesshoumaru snorted in agreement, "You certainly are a mess."

Kagome laughed after a moment, "Just a little…"

His face suddenly looked serious, "I can't help you with anything. My advice for you though is simply to wake up. There's nothing neither of us can do for you in this state. You need to confront your problems—not run away from them. By being here, that's all you're doing. You'll never find what you're looking for if you don't make the effort."

Kagome stopped smiling, "That's it?"

Telling her to do something that she couldn't control?

Did he think she was here by choice?

Kagome blinked rapidly, flustered, and unable to breath without taking sharp, ragged breaths.

"You won't appease anything if only two people are aware of your desire to repent. You need to wake up."

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(Tsuki)

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Time seemed indiscernible from then on. She felt as if it was shifting beneath her at a rate that she would never be able to control.

And then suddenly she was in Rin's room.

She could probably go for centuries and not forget that girl's room.

It felt like a bedroom should.

Kagome sat on the bed looking around. Everything from the comforter set to the colorful rugs on the tatami flooring exuded cheer and love.

It was a stuffed animal and medical book filled sanctuary…

A small smile drifted onto her face and she thought of perhaps the only happy moment she had had since she started her mimicry.

It had been that day…

Unexpectedly the door burst open and out of instinct, Kagome rolled onto the floor out of sight.

She had almost risen, feeling absurdly silly for her actions, when she heard two voices she hadn't expected to hear ever again.

Sango and Mirouku.

The brunette was saying as she stepped into the room, "Thank you for going with us to see Kagome. They didn't publicize where she was checked it so we would still be searching hospitals if it wasn't for you."

From the tone of Rin's squeak, Kagome was certain Mirouku had grabbed her hand and in some way invaded her personal space. "You've been too kind, Ri—Ouch! Sango," he murmured in a pained tone to the sound of Sango assaulting his skull.

The girl cleared her throat, "It was really nice of you to invite us back here. It makes me feel better talking to someone else who knew her a little."

Mirouku's antics sobered, "Agreed. There are so many idiots bullshitting having spent time with her just for TV time, that it's sickening!"

Rin took a seat on her bed and Kagome for some off reason, felt her body…

She could feel her heart fluttering; she could feel her cheeks warming up in embarrassment at getting caught in a conversation about her.

Kagome had never really heard anyone talk about her, indirectly to her. Beneath her callous, there was apprehension about that ever occurring.

She tensed and waited for the condemning she knew she deserved.

But they spoke of her only in a positive light.

The only jokes made about her were about how Sango had hoped Kagome would have put Mirouku in his place 'by now.'

Kagome zoned out from their conversation and their laughter to wonder how long she had been in this self-destructive limbo.

She sucked in a breath and let it out and before she knew it, Sango and Mirouku had left. Rin was the only person she heard in the room.

And she was crying. "I can't tell him… I can't do this to him…"

Kagome finally rose from the floor and joined Rin on the bed. There were no sounds from her movements and the raven haired girl had to wonder if Rin would even be able to see her.

The other girl was holding a letter tightly to her chest.

The raven haired girl breathed deeply and after a moment said, "Please don't scream."

The browned haired girl, actually complied somewhat. She shrieked instead at the sound of Kagome's voice.

Said person scrunched up her nose and murmured jokingly, "Come on, I'm sure weirder things have happened to you."

Rin looked with wide doe eyes at the girl sitting next to her on the bed. She shook her head, "I'm pretty sure seeing ghosts tops all, Kagome." She rubbed at her eyes furiously, "Oh, get it together! No one's in your room! It's the lack of sleep, Rin!"

"No it isn't."

"Guilt?"

Kagome wished then she could touch the other girl. Since she couldn't though, she had to wait for the girl to calm down on her own.

"Rin, please look at me…"

With a small second of hesitation, Rin complied. But fresh tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, "Are you really here, Kagome-chan?"

She nodded, "I don't know how but I am." She gestured at the letter the other girl held, "What's wrong, Rin?"

For some reason, it felt weird seeing Rin vulnerable or crying.

It made her heart ache…

Rin looked like a deer under headlights. She crumpled the letter, undoubtedly without thinking and murmured, "What letter?"

The girl next to her could not help but laugh. Rin flushed deeply as the raven haired girl rolled with laughter and soon she joined in too.

The giggles became insuppressible and after awhile both were breathless.

Rin smiled and moved into a laying position on her bed. She used one hand to flatten out the letter against her comforter, "I think I really needed that."

Kagome mirrored her actions and soon was across from her on her side. "What does it say Rin? I'm guessing this is why you were crying."

She nodded, sobering slightly. "There's a procedure available for Sesshoumaru that could surgically return his sight."

Kagome resisted the urge to shoot up in shock. Her heart however, began racing. She could feel its beats quicken in her ears.

"Does he know," was the only thing she could think of under the shock.

Rin shook her head. "I haven't told him yet. The letter a few days ago and I've been debating whether I shoulder ever tell him…"

Kagome furrowed her brows together, "Why wouldn't you? Rin, this is perfect—!"

The other girl's eyes welled with tears, "They're trying to make him a guinea pig Kagome! There's nothing perfect about this! It's completely experimental and according to the doctor, it might have a sixty percent chance of working. If that wasn't enough there's also a chance of cerebral damage that could occur if something goes wrong."

Rin rolled on her back and clutched the letter to her chest. She looked blankly out the window. "Do you really think I should tell him knowing that?"

"He needs to resume his life Rin." Rin looked at Kagome at her response. The raven haired girl was smiling with encouragement and the brunette felt emboldened.

However, she still felt worried, "If something happens during the operation—"

"Don't think about that, Rin." She looked deeply into the other girl's eyes, "Every surgery has risk… If that's all people ever thought about, then so many lives would end. That doesn't necessarily mean death… but can you look me in the eye and tell me that it's better living when you feel you have nothing to live for?"

Rin smiled slightly, "I'm glad I met you Kagome-chan…"

The raven haired girl flushed at the unexpected statement. After a moment of composing herself, she admitted genuinely, "I'm glad met you too, Rin."

Why here?

That was the question she had asked herself.

Why did she choose to sit on the curb in front of their house?

Why had Keys approached her?

Why him?

And suddenly she knew the answer.

She smiled at bade Rin a soft farewell. The brunette looked confused and almost frightful as Kagome disappeared before she could utter a word.

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(Tsuki)

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Kagome found Sesshoumaru asleep. A look at the window told her that it was night time. With a small smile, she perused him. His silver hair, his pale lids that once upon a time must have covered gorgeous amber eyes that glistened like sun kissed wheat, and of course his mouth.

The source of his sarcastic drawl…

The source of unexpected comfort…

Kagome closed her eyes and leaned down. She touched her lips to his and planted a short kiss on his lips. Just as that night she had slapped him, she felt his unexpectedly soft lips against hers. She murmured a soft, 'see you later,' and opened her eyes. Before his could even snap open, she was gone.

Okay… she could wake up now.

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(Tsuki)

A.N. I think one last chapter for MBR. I had an epiphany on how to end this properly.

R&R