Holy shit. Today is Monday. I thought it was Sunday...
Whoopsie. Sorry, precious babies. I didn't forget you. I just forgot what day it was.
This is what happens when you don't sleep. Among other things I won't mention.
Anyways! Updated and revamped chapter!
Enjoy!
I walked into the living room after I cleaned the kitchen and saw my guests positioned around the living room, doing their own things. Sasori and Deidara were bickering about art; Kakuzu was talking to Kisame about something ninja-related as Kisame munched on some of the shrimp I wanted to get rid of.
Konan and Pein were chatting quietly in the corner and Tobi was prattling about Zetsu's new plant that was named Kevin after Zetsu's kitten form. Itachi was reading one of the books he picked out from Borders in a corner, away from the louder members. Hidan was looking through the massive shelf of movies we had against the wall by the giant flat screen.
I walked over to him and sat on the ground beside him to look with him. He looked around at me when I sat beside him and grinned at me. I returned his smile politely and waited for him to do something.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked. There wasn't any hostility in the question or his tone. Rather, it was voiced exactly how someone would ask the question casually or comment on the weather.
I shrugged. "I'm seeing what you're doing."
He gestured at the movie shelf. "I want to know what the fuck these are."
"They're movies, silly," I replied. I skimmed through the ones in my sights before picking one out. It was Texas Chainsaw Massacre. "I think you would like this one. It's a horror film. The guy runs around killing everybody with a chainsaw."
"What in Jashin's name is a fucking chainsaw?" he asked. After I explained to him what exactly a chainsaw was and what it could do, he looked extremely interested.
He's so easily pleased, the dork.
I sighed after a minute of watching him pick through various other movies, before I left him to go through them on his own, promising him we would watch one soon. I went over to the desktop computer that was off to the side of the room and logged on to my name.
Deidara came over a few minutes later once he finished his argument with Sasori, to see what I was doing. He pulled up a spare chair and sat beside me. "What are you doing, un?"
I clicked onto the internet icon. "I'm just roaming around on the internet."
"What's the internet, yeah?" he asked.
"It's only the greatest invention in the world," I replied, as if it should have been obvious. "It's like a virtual library with everything in it." I smiled as an idea popped into my head. "For example." I went to YouTube and found a video labeled "The biggest and best explosions". I showed him and once the video was over, he was supporting a very pleased grin.
"I thought you would like that," I said. "There is a large variety of stuff on here." I laughed as I was struck with another idea. I quickly arranged some cords so I could use the flat screen as the monitor for the computer and soon got everyone's attention.
I showed them all kinds of different fan made videos. If it didn't expose secrets, I showed it. Caramelldansen was a crowd favorite. Mostly it was just me laughing my ass off at their reactions while they fumed but still.
I eventually got to the point where I decided to destroy the world. I showed the Akatsuki the 23rd episode of Naruto Abridged when Kisame and Itachi make their debut. I was already snorting with laughter as I clicked on the parody.
I hushed everyone and started the video. As soon as Kisame's voice erupted from the speakers, everyone except for him showed some sort of amusement. Smirks and chuckles came from the stoic ones while laughter rumbled from the rest. I had to bury my face in a pillow to keep from laughing too loudly.
Itachi and Kisame's glares intensified as the episode continued. I however only laughed even harder. When they showed Kisame's mustache during the flashback part, I about died. I swear I even saw Pein and Konan laughing at that.
When the episode ended, I clicked out of the video and tried to calm myself down. Itachi and Kisame both glared at me.
"What?" I asked innocently.
"Where are those people?" Kisame asked as Hidan and Deidara howled with laughter. "I'm going to kill them."
I laughed at his tone and expression. "You can't Kisame. They are a source of my entertainment." I patted Itachi. "It was just a little parody. There's no harm in it."
"Neither of us are that pathetic," Itachi said seriously.
"Oh whatever, you totally made fun of Kisame's voice in the video," I replied. "And Kisame made fun of your mustache when it came up. You both thought it was funny. Admit it."
"Never," Itachi said stubbornly. Damn that Uchiha and his sexy ways.
I opened my mouth to retort when I saw Deidara and Kisame both yawn hugely. I stuck my tongue out at the Uchiha before addressing all of the Akatsuki. "I think it's time for bed?"
They responded with nods and mutters of agreement. I dipped my head and stood. "Alright, I'm going to separate you in rooms according to your partners." I looked at Pein and Konan. "You two can sleep in Brett and Louis' bed. Kakuzu and Hidan will sleep on the floor. Actually, we have an air mattress they can use instead." I turned to face Sasori and Deidara. "You two can fight over who gets the bed in the spare bedroom. It'll only be you two because when Kathryn comes over, she gets the bed." Next, I addressed Tobi and Zetsu. "You two can sleep on the couches down here. They pull out into beds so I'll teach you how to do that in a minute."
I turned to my last two victims. "Kisame, Itachi, you guys get to bunk with me. Brett and Louis have like four air mattresses because people like to store their camping shit here because we're really close to the local camping grounds." I mentally thanked our friends for leaving their stuff here. "It's convenient so now everyone not sleeping on a bed doesn't have to sleep on the floor."
"You do realize I won't be sleeping," Sasori said.
I looked at him. "You can read Deidara good night stories and cuddle with him if he has any nightmares, then." He gave me a flat stare, and Deidara told me to shut up. "Are there any complaints on room arrangements?"
"I fucking have one," Hidan said loudly, raising his hand.
"Of course you do." I sighed and turned my head towards the Jashinist. "What is it Hidan?"
He pointed to Itachi. "How come the Uchiha gets to sleep in your room? Why can't me and Kakuzu?" He was rewarded with exasperated sighs from the others and me.
"You can't because you're a pervert," I replied. "Kakuzu can because he knows how to behave but since he's your partner and I'm OCD, he has to bunk with you. I'm putting you with Pein because he will make sure you behave. I know, in the end, Kakuzu doesn't give a shit what you do as long as it doesn't annoy him or waste his money."
"Smart girl," Kakuzu said while Hidan scowled at me.
"Now let's get ready for bed," I said dismissively. I lead the troops up the stairs to show them around and set everything up for them.
Itachi and Kisame seemed extremely unconcerned by the fact that they were going to be sharing a bed. Hidan whined and Kakuzu muttered under his breath about how it was a perfect opportunity to smother his annoying nuisance of a partner.
Neither Pein nor Konan made a big deal out of their sleeping arrangement besides Konan threatening Hidan to keep his hands and eyes to himself of she would disassemble his body and use his remains to fertilize my neighbor's garden.
Zetsu and Tobi both seemed content to sleep on their separate sleeper-sofas though Tobi confessed he was a little sad that he didn't get to cuddle with Zetsu like Hidan-san got to cuddle with Kakuzu-san.
Hidan swore up a storm and would have tried to kill Kakuzu had the miser not foreseen Hidan's reaction and knocked his partner out without a second's hesitation.
I simply rolled my eyes at their antics and retreated to my room with Kisame and Itachi. I climbed into bed while they made themselves comfortable and soon the room fell silent as we all fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning in a very strange situation.
I was lying in my bed which was normal. However, what wasn't normal was when I went to move, I couldn't. My eyes instantly shot open and I looked around my room in a panic. I looked straight in front of me to see a very sexy blue body that had very strong, muscular arms wrapped around me.
I followed the perfect chest up and saw Kisame sleeping peacefully next to me. I tried to back away from him in shock, only to come into contact with another person. I looked over my shoulder to see Itachi lying on his back, watching me from the corner of his eye.
"As happy as I am to be lying in between two of the sexiest people in the world, I have to ask. What the fuck are you two doing in my bed with me?" I asked in a strained whisper. As shocked as I was, I didn't want to wake Kisame up by yelling because he looked adorable.
Itachi chuckled lightly and Kisame stirred at the noise. I looked back up into his face to see him smile down at me with a sharp-toothed grin. "Morning, Alice."
"Good morning, Kisame," I replied without emotion. "Now, since Itachi, you heard my question, please answer."
"You were having a nightmare," Itachi said simply.
Kisame squeezed me gently, catching on. "You were whimpering and stuff in your sleep. I tried to wake you up but you wouldn't. Itachi noticed you calmed down while I was touching you so we climbed into bed with you. You didn't make a peep after that."
I sighed. "Well, thank you." I reached under Kisame's neck and grabbed my phone off my nightstand. He chuckled at my methods but said nothing. "This is the best way to wake up." I muttered to myself.
"What?" Itachi asked, rolling on his side to watch me as I turned to my back.
I smirked. "Waking up in between two extremely adorable and sexy guys is the best. It's like a dream come true." I laughed when he rolled his eyes.
Itachi was clothed in the outfit he had been wearing yesterday and his hair was down. He looked completely and utterly fuckable. I fought back the drool and looked over Kisame, attempting to distract myself from the gorgeous Uchiha.
Kisame wore only the sweatpants he had been wearing yesterday. His torso was bare and his blue hair was slightly rumpled with sleep. His eyes were open only slightly since he was still tired. All in all, it didn't help distract me.
Fuck, this is unfair.
"I can't take this much hotness so early in the morning," I said with a whimper. Kisame sighed and released a deep chuckle that had a slight raspy tinge to it. It was cute. Itachi merely smirked at me.
I flipped open my phone and looked at the time. It was about nine in the morning. I had slept longer than I usually did. No doubt because of the stress I went through yesterday and my new bed buddies.
Kathryn had sent me a text message about half an hour ago. I opened it and read it.
Yo, hoe, I'm coming over at ten so make sure you're ready for me!
I raised my eyebrow at this and sighed. I only had an hour to think of a way to explain this to Kathryn. Awesome.
"So Kisame, as reluctant as I am to leave your embrace, I really need to get up and do my things," I said with a smile.
"Awe, but I was enjoying this," he replied with a pout. I gave him a hug and patted his messy bed-head.
"Trust me, Kisame, I was enjoying it too," I said. I waited for him to remove his arms from around me before turning to face Itachi. "I was enjoying sleeping with you too, Itachi."
"Likewise," Itachi replied boredly. I laughed at his monotone and launched myself over the blue shark with much difficulty, trying not to land on him. Thank Jashin he rolled to his back or I never would have been able to do it.
He's really big and muscular.
Not to mention fucking adorable.
I hurried to the bathroom and did my thing after getting some clothes to change into after a shower. It only took me about twenty minutes to get everything done. I emerged from the bathroom after getting dressed to see Deidara and Sasori sitting my bed with Itachi and Kisame, chatting quietly.
"Good morning Dei-Dei, good morning Sasori, did you sleep well?" I asked sweetly. "Well, that should be directed more at Deidara. Did you get bored, Sasori?"
Sasori smirked at me as I attacked my long, wet hair with a towel. "No. I read a book while I was waiting for you all to wake up."
"Morning Alice, un. I slept great, yeah," Deidara said.
I nodded and threw the towel back into the bathroom on the sink. "That's good." I jumped slightly when Kisame was suddenly inches from me, looking into my eyes curiously. "Can I help you?"
"Your eyes are different colors," he said. "One is green and one is blue. I noticed before but they're really vivid right now."
"Why, yes they are," I said. "They change colors too. It just depends on the weather and lighting. They're probably vivid right now because my bathroom's really bright."
Sasori got my attention when Kisame ruffled my hair gently and returned to the bed to sit beside Itachi. "Now the question is, Alice: Did you sleep well?"
I returned his smirk with my own. "Why yes I did." I knew Kisame and Itachi must have told the puppeteer and the terrorist about our sleeping arrangement.
I felt no shame. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The less clothes the better.
"Is anyone else up?" I asked, noticing they had left my door open. I had to break my train of thought before I started drooling.
"I think Leader and Konan are," Kisame said. "I bet Hidan is the last to wake up."
I grinned at that bit of information. "I want to wake him up."
I skipped from the room, knowing they would follow me, and went to Brett and Louis' room. Hidan was indeed still sleeping. He was taking up the entire air mattress now that Kakuzu was no longer on it. Kakuzu was walking out of the bathroom while Pein and Konan looked up from the bed when I peeked in.
I placed my finger over my mouth to tell them to keep quiet. Kakuzu smiled at my evil sneer, knowing what I was intending on doing. Pein and Konan just moved out of the room so they wouldn't get in the line of fire.
Kisame came in after me; I had asked him to be my back up and to protect me from Hidan when he struck back. He and Kakuzu moved back to allow me free access to the sleeping Jashinist.
I ran forward and leaped into the air. "Good morning Hidan!" I shouted, landing directly on top of him. He jolted awake when I collided with his stomach. I threw a quick hug on him.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" he shouted. He made to grab me but I was already retreating from his wrath. He jumped up and chased after me, stopping when I darted behind Kisame. "Move it fish-stick, I'm killing that little, fucking brat."
Kisame and Kakuzu were too busy laughing at Hidan to pay much attention to his threat, nor the fact that he made it around Kisame to get me. I screamed in fright and tried to run away but he grabbed onto my wrist in the nick of time.
"You're gonna fucking get it, bitch!" he said, growling at me. Even he was smiling. Maybe it was because he was excited about killing me, or it was because I was laughing so hard.
He began dragging me into the room, intent on sacrificing me. I was yelling through my laughter, begging for assistance. "Help! He's going to rape me!"
He pinned my arms down on the floor and straddled me.
I managed to knee him in the groin but it didn't help my situation because as soon as he recovered, the psychotic glint in his eyes intensified along with my laughter. I was both amused and slightly terrified. "Kisame, Kakuzu, get this psycho off me! Someone stop him before he sacrifices me!"
Hidan could kill me with a flick of his wrist if he wanted to. And it was only made more apparent as he kept me pinned to the ground beneath him with little to no effort.
"Hidan, get off her," Pein said firmly. I sighed in relief, thanking Jashin that I had Pein here.
Hidan frowned at his leader but didn't argue. He released me and I scrambled away from him to hide behind Kisame again.
"Thank you, Pein-sama," I said with a smile. "You get your choice of breakfast today."
He just blinked his understanding. I squeezed around Kisame and bumped into Itachi who stabled me when I almost fell over.
"Sorry, Itachi. I didn't mean to run into you. Thanks," I said, getting over the little episode that just occurred in Louis and Brett's bedroom.
"Hn," he replied. I smiled again and went downstairs. I was confronted by a tackle hug from Tobi as soon as I made it down the stairs.
"Good morning Alice-chan!" he said cheerfully.
I returned the hug. "Good morning, Tobi dear." I patted his head. "The stairs aren't very comfortable so can we continue this greeting standing up?" He pulled me into a standing position with little effort, and then he latched onto me again.
"Thanks, Tobi," I said. "Did you and Zetsu have a nice sleep?"
"Tobi had a very nice sleep. Tobi heard yelling up stairs though." Tobi said, inquiring about the racket I made when I attacked Hidan.
"I woke Hidan up," I replied. I turned back around to search for the pierced ginger. "Pein-sama, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Anything is fine," he said dully.
I sighed. "You're no fun."
"Do you have any more of those fucking chocolate things?" Hidan asked from the top of the stairs. He wasn't wearing a shirt when he descended the stairs, following Kakuzu and Kisame as Deidara and Sasori brought up the rear.
Kisame and Kakuzu also lacked shirts.
Fuck.
I can die happy now.
"Yeah, we have like a life time supply." I said, tearing my eyes away from Kakuzu and Kisame before I started drooling. "Brett and Louis are obsessed with Pop-Tarts to they bought boxes upon boxes of them every time they went to the store. There're a bunch of other flavors too."
"Good, those were awesome, un," Deidara said when he made it to the first floor. He patted my head. It was then that I remembered something incredibly important.
I snatched Deidara's hand out of the air before he could take it back, and I examined his palm. That's when I saw it. Deidara's hand mouth opened, and it stuck its tongue out at me. I had a fangirl moment. Quietly, I squealed happily and bounced in my spot.
"This is so cool!" I said excitedly.
Deidara looked at me like I was insane. "What is, un?"
"The hand-mouth!" I said as if it was obvious. I even held his own hand up to show him. "These things are the coolest!" I let his hand go after a moment and I composed myself. "Sorry, I just had a fangirl moment."
"I'll say," Sasori said sarcastically.
"Oh, shut up, Pinocchio," I replied. "I can always attack you with a fangirl moment."
He stared at me. "You wouldn't."
"Oh, I would. I just love Sasori no Danna!" I told him in a sing-song voice as I skipped away from him towards the kitchen, grinning.
"Is it just me or is she getting stranger?" Kakuzu asked, watching me frolic to the kitchen.
"It's not just you," Kisame said with a laugh.
I poked my head back around the entryway to the kitchen. "Get your asses in here and eat. I've got something important to tell you." I disappeared once again and began extracting the breakfast goodies from the cabinet.
I placed them all on the table and set out some plates. They all came inside the kitchen and took seats around the table except for Sasori, Zetsu, and Tobi. Zetsu preferred to stand, partially infused with the floor, and Tobi wouldn't eat around the others.
"What did you want to tell us, un?" Deidara asked, grabbing one of the chocolate Pop-Tarts. He, like the others were already munching on the tasty strudels.
"Kathryn is coming over today, so I want you all to behave long enough for me to explain the situation to her," I said. "You cannot kill her or hurt her in any way or you'll have me to deal with." I glared at Hidan longer than the rest.
"Alright, alright, I'll fucking be good," Hidan said stiffly, noticing I was glaring directly at him.
I gave him a smile. "Good boy, Hidan."
"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said excitedly from the doorway. I told him he was before getting my phone out of my pocket. I informed the Akatsuki of where I was going and quickly left the room, dialing Kathryn's number along the way.
It only took two rings for her to answer. "Hello there!"
"Hey Kathryn, when are you heading over?" I asked.
"I'm coming over a bit early actually. I should be there in like ten to fifteen minutes. Is that alright?" she asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Honk to let me know you're here. How long are you staying over?" I hoped she could stay for a while.
"My mom said I could stay over as long as I wanted as long as I don't cause too much trouble. She even gave me money for food."
"I love your mom," I said seriously.
"Alice says she loves you mommy," Kathryn said to her mom. I heard her mom return my declaration of affection. "You heard?"
"Yeah I heard her," I replied with a small smile. "I've got something to show you when you get here. So I'll see you in a bit." We said our goodbyes and I closed my phone, ending the call before I returned to the kitchen.
I snatched up one of the bags and retrieved one of the Pop-Tarts before giving the left over one to Kakuzu who thanked me quietly. I just smiled and patted his head as I went to the counter, nibbling on my breakfast.
Once I finished it, I dug around inside the medicine cabinet, searching for my pills. The Akatsuki members who weren't stuffing their faces watched me perform my imitation of a drug-addict. I had over 12 pills to take.
"Do you have an addiction?" Sasori asked in amusement when I replaced the pills on their shelf. I turned to give him a look and shut the wooden door.
"No, I don't," I replied. "I just have a lot of things wrong with me. I have anxiety pills, pain killers for my back, muscle relaxers, migraine meds, and a bunch of other shit. I'm not a pill-popper by choice." I was a walking drug store.
"Sure you aren't," Kakuzu said teasingly.
"I'll stitch your mouth shut, George," I threatened. He just rolled his eyes with a small huff of amusement.
"So when is this bitch coming over?" Hidan asked, inhaling yet another Pop-Tart.
I turned my attention to him from his stitched partner. "Her name is Kathryn, and she should be here in a few minutes."
"Is she as nuts as you are?" Kisame asked, smiling at me. "She seemed somewhat normal when we were kittens but you weren't nearly as weird then as you are now either."
I shrugged. "I think she's worse than me. But that's for you guys to decide for yourselves." I jumped slightly when a horn sounded outside. "Kathryn is here," I said, hurrying from the kitchen. "All of you guys get in the living room and wait a minute." I heard annoyed responses but I could tell they were all getting up.
I smiled at Tobi, letting him know the situation before exiting the house and greeting Kathryn on the steps. I waved bye to her mom before Kathryn hugged me. "Hey Kat, thanks for coming over."
"You bet!" she said, grinning. "Now let's go inside, I'm freezing."
"Before we go inside, I'm warning you to listen to me when I tell you that what you are about to see is the real deal," I said in a warning tone. She just raised her eyebrow at me and pushed passed me to the door.
"Don't be so scary Alice, you'll creep someone out talking like that." She opened the door, carrying her stuff with her. I just sighed and walked in after her.
"Alice, why are there a bunch of cosplayers here?" She turned to me with a look of disapproval. "Did you rob a convention? Your obsession has gone too far, Alice."
"Remember the scary warning I just gave you? Yeah, it applies to them," I said. She looked back over the Akatsuki before looking back at me and laughed.
"Alice, stop fooling around, how gullible do you think I am?" She laughed at me as if I just told a joke.
"Kathryn you know for a fact I have never lied to you, why would I start now?" I asked, my tone curt. All of the Akatsuki just watched us, waiting to see what we'd do.
"Alice, it defies the laws of nature, this is impossible," she said, suddenly very serious. "If you insist that they are real, show me proof."
"You want proof?" I asked skeptically. I dipped my head when she nodded. "Well, other than the fact that Sasori is a fucking puppet, I have one more piece of proof that I think you'll believe even more." She crossed her arms and watched me after throwing Sasori a look.
I walked over to Deidara. "Deidara, may I see your hand please?"
"Why, un?" he asked, giving me his hand anyways.
I held it up to Kathryn, showing her the hand-mouth. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly when it opened, revealing teeth and a tongue.
"There is your proof, Kathryn."
I'm listening to The Bloodhound Gang's son Three point One Four. Great song. Everyone should listen to it.
Firstly, to address a reviewer that was a guest: I do plan on changing some plot points and there will be quite a few new chapters coming up soon. Just be patient. At first it's just me editing chapters to build up to the new shit.
My dog is pressing her face against my door, which is open by the way, and then just staring at it. I have no idea why.
Fun Fact: William Shakespeare added over 1700 words to the English language such as "swagger" and "torture".
Answer: Almost every single one of you said Anko was your favorite Tokubetsu Jonin. Those that didn't, did not answer the question. And I would like to say I am absolutely disgusted and offended. FUCKING GENMA IS THE BEST THING SINCE KAKASHI! HE IS SO CUTE AND PRECIOUS AND UGH. SEXY ASS MOTHERFUCKER. He is such a babe and he's so goofy and sassy. No, I honestly don't care that all of you like Anko. I was just surprised no one chose Genma since he's in my top 10 Naruto characters. I wish he had more screen time.
QotC: If you could have one job as a ninja, what would you choose? Would you like to be a Jonin-sensei? A member of the Uchiha Police? A Chunin-sensei? An ANBU agent? How about a guard of the Kage? Do you want to watch the gates? T&I department with Ibiki and Inoichi? Any one thing.
Itachis-penis dot tumblr dot com. Just go and enjoy the playlist. It's what I'm listening to. She's a fucking darling.
Sorry this was so late, babies.
I seriously thought today was Sunday.
And I have fucking homework due tomorrow...
Shit.
Toodles!
