I don't own Bleach or High School DxD


Chapter 9: Such a Hassle


In an unlit room, that is located at one of the many halls of the abandon church, lays a extremely pale man resting on top of a uncomfortable looking bed. At first sight it would seem like the pale individual was sleeping, but you would be wrong to assume such. The pale man was only resting his eyes for a few moments before his eyelids slowly opened up as it gaze upon the darkness. His gazing came to halt when sounds of footsteps and idle chatter were heard outside of his room. He stared at the ceiling for what seems like minutes before finally getting his ass off the bed. By instinct the man moved both of his hands to his secured pockets. With this done he brought his attention to the door leading out of his room, heaving a sigh, he began to make his way out of his temporary piss-poor excuse of a room.

The Fourth Espada ceased suddenly, only being a couple inches away from the doorknob. A small coffee table was confidently placed at the right from the door. It was not the table itself to hold any interest to him but what was laying on the table. A loose pair of blue jeans and a white cotton long sleeve button down shirt. The pale man grabbed the clothing and inspected it, seeing nothing wrong with them Ulquiorra stripped down and tried on the newly obtain clothes. Once done, he once again went to the door and with no interruptions this time he opened up the door, and began walking to a certain destination in mind.

While he was making way to god knows where, the Fourth Espada uninterested gaze observed his new servants do their daily tasks. Many of them would stop on what they're doing, almost instantly, to bow or kneel down on the ground in a sign of respect to him. The pale man nodded to a few of them or ignored them completely when many of his servants would greet him.

Making a left turn he almost crashed into Raynare, the busty-black haired woman who loyalty follows his every command. She had this faraway look on her face, and was staring at the ground muttering whatever nonsense that was coming out of her mouth. Her expression on her face changed immediately to one of minor shock when she suddenly tripped and fell down, thanks to Ulquiorra. Her fall was prevented by a well placed arm around one of her wings.

"Raynare? I suggest you try to watch where you're walking too. You'll never know what'd happen if you bump into the wrong person," Ulquiorra said casually, as he removed his grip on the Fallen Angel, allowing her to stand on her own feet.

Said woman finally came out of her daze to look up at her master. In mere seconds that daze look changed into a loyal and yet hungry-lust filled look, with a nice dose of blushing.

"Oh... Ulquiorra-sama... I didn't notice you there, please forgive me for my insolence," the busty-black haired woman apologized while bowing down. Even though her apology is acceptable to the pale Arrancar he did felt that the woman in front of him still had a dirty expression on her face. This disturbing thought almost made him shudder.

Ulquiorra began walking to his destination instead of responding to his subordinate. The loyal Fallen Angel luckily heard the footsteps, so after waiting for a few more seconds she stood up and followed her master.

"Ulquiorra-sama if I could be so... blunt, where exactly are you going?" the busty-haired Fallen Angel asked as she walked by her master's side.

"I'm going to be paying a visit to my idiotic partner. Once he's found we'll begin my plans," the Fourth Espada answered just as blunt.

It has been three days since both Espada came out of the Garganta and arriving to this strange human town. Both Espada explored the town hoping to find a temporary base that'd serve it's purpose for them. They ended up finding no suitable locations for their base and were forced to retire at a nearby crappy motel. In their second day the Arrancars has been struck by pure luck. They finally have found the perfect place for them to stay, an abandoned church. The abandoned church at the time was controlled by a couple of Fallen Angels. After some persuading the Fallen Angels not only gave their base to them wholeheartedly but also join the Arrancars side pledging loyalty to both Aizen-sama and Ulquiorra.

After Ulquiorra inspected his new humble abode he walked back to his partner, Yammy, who was telling a bunch of scrubbing looking robed servants their last mission. Listening to his partner's bullshit words and lies did annoy the fourth Espada, but as always he forced himself to control his growing rage and kept on his indestructible poker face. Thankfully the brute's terrible storytelling finally ended giving Ulquiorra the chance to order everyone besides the Fallen Angels to return to their dwellings. Once all the Fallen Angels were gathered Ulquiorra explained to them the basics of Hollows, it was mostly about the lifestyles of a Hollow and what they do. The pale man knew that their wariness was quite likely oozing out of the Fallen Angels by now, and he was fine with this.

He have also bestowed them information on his plan on wanting to return to his lord. At this point the Arrancar didn't exactly knew what to do. Their wasn't ever a time where a Garganta would ever not function correctly. This only left him with two choices. Until the pale man can figure out a way to return back to Aizen-sama he would have to deal with the lives of the humans and hopefully find a way back to Hueco Mundo. His other choice is something only a moron would have thought of in this kind of situation. To cause as much destruction to the world until the two were found by either the Shinigamis or his Aizen-sama. If by some chance that say Urahara Kisuke would arrive they could possibly force him to create a Garganta (highly unlikely), afterwards the Arrancars will try to dispatch of the dangerous Shinigami if given the chance, if not they'll simply retreat back to Hueco Mundo. The problem with this plan was that they will be put into a crap load of danger. Danger that has a high probability of death. With no other choice the pair will have to use the first choice, live with the disgusting degrading humans until a way to return back to Aizen-sama appears.

"Will Yammy be any help though?" Raynare voiced, bringing the fourth Espada to eyeballed her. The Fallen Angel looked away hiding her blush away from her superior's eyes, "I mean Yammy isn't the most brightest of individuals. His intelligence is lacking in many ways, Ulquiorra-sama. So... I don't see how looking for him do you any good in your plans." She patiently waited for her master to reply.

"You're definitely right about Yammy being a idiot, however I would like to have the fool at my side to ease my heart knowing that he isn't going around killing people like a rapid animal. Believe me I would rather not deal with the fool's constant stupidity, but it's either that or allow him to reek havoc on the humans and potential giving out our locations to unwanted guests," Ulquiorra finally spoke.

"Oh... I understand. I apologize for my foolish ignorance, Ulquiorra-sama you may strike me down if you wish. If you wish not for my blood to stain this marvelous floor that which you walk on then you could punish me by whipping me until my skin turns a perfect shade of red, the color of a water hydrant. If whipping my undeserving skin isn't good enough for you Ulquiorra-sama, you could starve me for days forcing me to groan in agony while thinking about all the wrongs I have done to you! Oh-oh! How about strapping me to a table and-" the badly blushing Fallen Angel, that was breathing like a horny dog in heat, was cut off by the pale man.

"Enough of that, Raynare. There is no need for me to punish you for your ignorance," Ulquiorra calmly said. He watched as the busty-black haired woman face changed to disappointment as if not being punished is a terrible thing to happen.

After a couple more minutes of walking they eventually reached their destination, Yammy's room. Ulquiorra lazily removed his right hand from his pocket and brought it forth to the doorknob. With single twist on the doorknob the fourth Espada slowly pulled the door open, dreading what is inside his comrade's bedroom.

Surprisingly, the room looked normal just a little messy. With the bed covers lying on the floor and the scent of a dying elephant giving birth to a hundred year old corpse that is entirely made out of feces. He is completely sure that this is Yammy's room. He was expecting a body or two tangled somewhere in the room. At the very least some broken furniture should have been lying around.

'Hmm... Maybe Yammy isn't such a bum,' the pale man thought.

"Where the hell is he?" Raynare asked.

The Arrancar scanned the room swiftly, looking for his idiotic partner. Yammy isn't here but how? His Reiatsu was practically oozing out of the room and could be felt a mile away, the giant was and will be never the best at Reiastu control. So what the hell!? Why isn't he here? Did some of his Reiastu leave a sort of mark in his room? Yammy isn't that smart or talented to be able to do something like that knowingly, meaning he unexpectedly did this accidentally. Of all the bullshit that the fool did this right here is definitely on the fourth Espada's imaginary top fifty list.

Ulquiorra sighed, 'Great now I have to look for him before I start seeing random Cero being fired destroying the landscape. Such a hassle.'

The busty black-haired woman noticed her master's discomfort and wanted to badly help in any way possible. As a loyal faithful follower it is her duty to please her master in any way possible. Perhaps using her body for his use will lighten his mood. She'll allow her Ulquiorra-sama do whatever to her to please him. Even if she has to get on all fours, howl like a dog, and await for the abuse, that'd surely come, just to please him. That's what matters to please him in anyway possible.

Ulquiorra not knowing the dirty thoughts flooding a certain Fallen Angel walked back to the outside of Yammy's room. Raynare was about to offer her devotion in the best way possible when Ulquiorra left the room and walked away, leaving the busty woman alone. Still in her daze it took her a whole ten seconds of repeatingly blinking her eyes before she chased after her Ulquiorra-sama.

"Ulquiorra-sama! Where are you going?" Raynare said, finally being able to catch up.

"To locate Yammy and give him the backhand of the lifetime," he answered impassively.

'Lucky bastard gets to be punished by Ulquiorra-sama but not me!?' Raynare thought jealously.

They have arrived at the center of the underground base where there was a couple dozen robed servants talking, praying, or moving boxes around. One figure stood out from them. A tall buxom woman with long blue hair that covered her right eye. The pale man made his way to the woman as he tried to remember her name. The busty blue-haired woman noticed her new master walking towards her followed by Raynare.

She didn't know what to think of him really. An uncaring, heartless man that is supposedly is stronger than the giant that he sent after them. The thought alone did terrify her. If a beast like that was strong enough to easily beat them all down than what in god's name could the much shorter of the two do? What matters is that she stays in her best behavior around her new leader and besides he is kind of cute in a strange way.

'Huh, wonder where that came from,' she wondered.

"Hello Ulquiorra-sama," the woman greeted.

"Woman have you seen Yammy anywhere?" Ulquiorra rudely asked, deciding on ignoring her greetings just to get straight to the point in finding his worthless ally.

"My name is Kalawarner, Ulquiorra-sama and yes, I saw him leaving a hour ago. For some reason he took Freed and Dohnaseek with him against their will, Freed cheered about killing devils while Dohnaseek whined. When I asked him where he was going he said and I quote, "I'm taking my posse with me and there's nothing you can do about it! So take that!" or something like that," Kalawarner informed.

The fourth Espada wanted to facepalm so badly right now. Only Yammy would say something so stupid. Great now he has to find the idiot and his 'posse' to reeducate them.

Ulquiorra sighed,"thank you for the information Kalawarner-san. Now if you'll excuse me I must go after the idiot and his newly acquired stooges."

"It wasn't a problem at all Ulquiorra-sama," the blue-haired woman said. She stood still, watching both her leader and Raynare going to the exit of the church. Just before they reached it the woman quickly sprinted towards them. "Ulquiorra-sama! Wait!"

The Arrancar halted and turned around to address his subordinate.

"Yes?" Ulquiorra said.

Kalawarner brought forth her hand to her breasts where she began to dig around between the valleys of flesh. If this was any other male they would have reacted in a perverted manner. To the fourth Espada member however he only quirked a eyebrow.

'What is she doing?' the pale man innocently thought.

'What does that bitch think she's doing!? Only I am allowed to corrupt my Ulquiorra-sama! ME!' Raynare raged while gritting her teeth.

The blue-haired Fallen Angel released a small squeal of joy when she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a cellphone.

"That device? What exactly does that... thing do?" the innocent sounding cheesecake-kun asked. He never saw one of those small devices. It was shaped like a rectangle and was covered by some kind case? The case's main color was pink with miniature cartoon cat faces around it. Overall that device looked strange and was probably strange.

"This is a cellphone Ulquiorra-sama," Kalawarner informed, knowing that her master wouldn't know what human devices are since he said Hollows mostly stay in that Hueco Mundo place and rarely visit the human world.

Ulquiorra tilted his head slightly in confusion.

'SO ADORABLE!' both busty women squealed. They both find their master's ignorance to humans incredibly cute.

"A cellphone is a small portable telephone that people can use both inside and outside of their homes. With this you can call other people with your phone or text them. Basically think of it as a fast method in communicate with others," Kalawarner explained.

The Arrancar could only nod as he tried to digest the information about this cellphone. He was a little curious about about the phone usage especially the texting. Would that mean you can send documents to your comrades using that little device? It doesn't seem believable but then again so does humanity and their technology.

"I know Yammy wouldn't have a cellphone and Dohnaseek wouldn't give anyone his number for reasons we do not know. Personally I think he's just being a grumpy old goat, not caring about society these days, you know elderly stuff. Anyways, I know Freed has a cellphone and thankfully I do have his number since we forced him to give us his number," Kalawarner said happily as she scrolled through her contact list. "A psychopath like Freed has to be kept under a leash. I'm sure you understand why, Ulquiorra-sama."

This the pale man understood. Yammy is unpredictable and a danger to everyone, even Aizen-sama knows that the simpleminded giant was a wildcard. He has immense amount of Reiastu, but has no way in knowing how to use his strength effectively. The Freed fellow sounds like a ripped off version of Yammy in way, which means only one thing. Another headache to deal with.

The busty blue-haired woman brought the cellphone to her ear and waited patiently. A couple seconds passed as the three stood waiting for the ringing to stop and for someone to answer.

Kalawarner frowned, "I guess the asshole isn't goi-" she was interrupted when a voice spoke.

"What the hell do you want?" the voice spoke oh so kindly.

"Freed do me a favor and zip up the bitchy attitude," the busty blue-haired answered back with just as much love.

"Pfft I don't have to listen to you, you're not my superior. Besides I'm busy with Yammy, so how about you do me a favor and allow this handsome priest to have his fun," Freed tried to dismiss the conversation.

"You see that's why I called in the first place, it's for that very reason," Kalawarner said.

There was a tense silence before Freed spoke again, "Is this a booty call?" the priest asked.

"Wh-what no! Hell no! You disgusting pig I called because Ulquiorra-sama is looking for Yammy and wants him to come back to the church. So go ahead and tell that idiot to come back. Better yet put him on, I'm sure Ulquiorra-sama would love to have a chat with him," Kalawarner half-ordered the priest, still disgusted about the booty call comment.

"He wants to... Well okay, sure," Freed said over the line.

"Ulquiorra-sama here," the woman gave the Arrancar the cellphone to him. "Just put it to your ear and talk when that your comrade is on."

Ulquiorra gave a silent thanks and quickly placed the phone to his ear just as a familiar voice spoke.

"Dammit Freed what do you want now? Can't you see I'm busy with stuff," the familiar voice groaned.

"What kind of stuff?" Freed's voice was heard over the line.

"You know that stuff... The stuff about the stuff that tried to go through our stuff by killing our stuff, but was blocked by my overpowering stuff and yours and Dohnaseek's weaker stuff. Though the other stuff was pretty annoying, kept on regenerating like an asshole," the familiar voice said, greatly confusing Ulquiorra on what this 'stuff' meant.

"Oh that's right! Didn't we use our stuff's combined power of teamwork to bring down their stuff and that shit just recently happened too. Ahh good times," Freed joyfully said with the utmost happiness, the kind of happiness you want to fill in a bottle and lock it up in your closet like some kind of trophy, but you know you can't and yet you still try. Pitiful.

"Hello?" the Arrancar greeted, hoping to end whatever the two were talking about.

"Yeah, what's up?" Yammy greeted back.

"I need you and others that you took back here at the church now," Ulquiorra demanded.

"I can't I'm buying clothes," the giant denied.

'God dammit Yammy,' Ulquiorra massaged his forehead.

"Alright, well hurry up and get over here," the Fourth Espada said.

"I can't find them," Yammy revealed the truth.

"What do you mean you can't find them?" Ulquiorra asked, while narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I can't find them there's only soup," the brute said.

"What do you mean there's only soup?" The Arrancar is now official confused, again.

"It means there's only soup," the simpleminded Arrancar explained.

The Espada member wanted to snap this phone in half with the stupidity he's listening to. "Then get out of the soup aisle!" Raising his voice to bring reason to the idiot.

"Alright you don't have to shout at me!" Yammy bitched.

The pale man could clearly hear heavy stomping over the line.

"There's more soup," the oaf said with a tint of anger in it.

"What do you mean there's more soup?" Ulquiorra asked, gripping fist tightly. The two Fallen Angels took a step back.

"There is just more soup," the giant pointed out.

"Then go to the next aisle," Ulquiorra said through unyielding rage wanting to break loose.

Again more heavy footsteps were heard.

"There's still soup!" Yammy exclaimed.

"Where are you right now!?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"I'm at soup!" the massive Arrancar yelled.

"What do you mean you're at soup!?" the pale man raised his voice even more.

"I mean I'm at soup!" the brute just doesn't explain.

"What store are you in?" the fourth Espada demanded.

"I'm at the soup store!" Yammy roared.

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!?" Ulquiorra almost yelled.

"FUCK YOU!" Yammy yelled back and hanged up.

The pale man gripped the phone tightly before tossing it to the air and blasting it with a well aimed Bala. He then walked back to the living quarters, most likely going back to his bedroom.

"Ulquiorra-sama," Raynare began to follow him only to stop when a hand reached out and grabbed our shoulder lightly.

"Why not give him some time to calm down. I'm sure he'll need the cool off after whatever conversation he had with Yammy, which sounded obviously stupid from what we heard from Ulquiorra-sama," Kalawarner reasoned.

The busty black-haired woman sighed before nodding her head in agreement, "yeah you're probably right, Ulquiorra-sama could use some time to cool off after that ordeal."

The blue-haired Fallen Angel smirked and extended her hand to Raynare, "Why not you help me out by ordering around these chumps. We still have to finish the repairs of the church, thanks to that retard of a ginger."

Raynare released another sigh before she grabbed her partner's hand and walked with her to the useless minions.


Ulquiorra already had arrived back to his room and layed on his bed facing the ceiling. Sometimes Yammy's constant idiotic behavior makes the pale man want to straggle him to death. If it wasn't for Aizen-sama orders to be teamed up with him Ulquiorra is sure that we would have ended the waste of flesh ages ago. Then again he wasn't even sure if he would want to kill the fool. True he is a complete hassle to deal with but he's still... dare he say? Comrade, ally, teammate, or even partner? In a way he gotten used to the bullshit that is Yammy, but it's still annoying to be dealt with every few seconds.

The fourth Espada decided that he will give the brute a hour or two to return back at their base of operation on his own. If he didn't return then Ulquiorra will bring him back by force with a shitload of punishment awaiting for the giant. Hell maybe he'll surprise the pale man by actually returning without causing any problems, wouldn't that be a riot?

So into his inner debating on what to do to Yammy once he's back that Ulquiorra almost missed the small figure blocking his locked door. The lights were out but the Arrancar could still see the basic features of the person standing infront of him. He couldn't identify what the gender of the figure was. The small figure stood with long black hair down to its hips. Those eyes were a dull gray, but had a certain gleam to them. The fourth Espada wasn't positive, but he's sure that the figure shown a small smile when there's eyes met each other. One a empty green and the other a dull gray, unblinking.

"Greetings."


Author's Note: Welcome all of y'all! It's so good to be posting on this story again.

So yes I finally did found a decent way to introduce chapter 9 to the best of my abilities. I still think that this chapter was a little crappy seeing how the humor was flying everywhere on the chapter only on certain bits. The beginning of the chapter is what I feel is the weakest could just be me, I don't know. Did any of you notice that this chapter is longer then the others? If you did congratulations! If not it's alright. This chapter has a whopping 4.5k words which is litterally double the amount of words compared to my other chapters, so in a way this is two chapters mixed in one. You're welcome!

Anyways yeah so a lot and not so much stuff happens. Ulquiorra has some new clothes on. Personally I absolutely love Ulquiorra's uniform! It looks so badass, but I wanted to change up his outfit a bit for a while, that and I doubt he would want to wear the same uniform everyday without washing it.

I hoped you enjoyed Ulquiorra's and Raynare's interactions in this chapter I know I did. And if you haven't had guessed yet (I'm sure everyone knows by now), but yes Raynare will be in Ulquiorra's harem. Why? Because she deserves more love and is a interesting character. Even though there isn't bunch information on her I still believe that she had potential as a character in High School DxD. That potential was quite frankly crushed by Issei's anger, a shame.

I'm still open for anyone else you may want in Ulquiorra's harem. Reasons why and your thoughts about the chosen candidates would be appreciated. Minimal amount to Cheesecake-kun harem is three and the max amount to the harem will be four. My number to the harem may change to a five, but I doubt I'll go that far. The bigger the harem equals bad story material. Hell you never though shit can change!

Oh and the whole conversation about "stuff," actually wasn't pointless nonsense I added for the story. Good luck trying to figure out on what the hell Yammy and Freed were talking about.

You could skip this paragraph if you want to. One last thing that isn't relevant to the story but I'll say it anyways. I'm dropping the Yu-Gi-Oh crossover to Naruto just for the lack of chapters I written. It didn't work like many other crossover I came up with. Here's a few crossovers that has a high chance in not appearing unless I can come up with something: Blazblue x High School DxD, Borderlands 2 x Code Geass, and a redone version of my story posted on this site, "Bambietta Stupendous Adventure," it'll be much larger per chapter and a better plot. The redone has the highest chance of happening, though if I do decide to do it, it won't be created anytime soon, probably next year.

Don't forget to review about this chapter! Please do tell me how this chapter was. Your reactions to my story is much appreciated and does keep me going. That doesn't mean I deny flames, if you want to flame about something that I did wrong than by all means go ahead. I'm here to write stories but also to improve on my writing style. Even if English isn't my first language (Brazilian), I want to get to a point where my stories are above average, because right now I'm positive this story is below average. Have a wonderful day/night and see you next chapter!