Chapter Nine

Sugar, We're Goin' Down

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I arrived at Edward's house an hour before Demetri was due to arrive.

"Ms. Bella, how lovely to see you again," Peter said cordially, upon opening the door and taking my coat.

"Thank you, Peter. What am I supposed to do, do you know?"

He smiled warmly, and motioned upstairs. "Your evening wear is the blue room. Third door, on the left."

What?

I self-consciously tugged at the hem of the gray skirt I had put on.

"What's wrong with what I have on?"

I had dry cleaned my outfit and everything. Edward was so getting that bill. I never went anywhere without that black card he got me.

Peter chuckled kindly. "My dear, even an old man like myself knows that Edward Cullen's wife wouldn't dare wear such a simple outfit. I'm sorry, Ms. Bella, but your choice of clothing simply won't do. Now, the blue room?"

He said it so nicely that I almost missed the fact that I had just been burned by a fashion forward elderly gentlemen.

Great. I tried not to stomp my way up the stairs. The blue room was appropriately named- everything was blue, except for the furniture, which must have been made of heavy oak. The light carpeting felt lush under my feet, and the paintings on the wall made me feel like I was staying in a penthouse suite, not someone's home. There were even blue silk sheets on the ornately carved king size bed. I opened the dark oak doors of the closet, and a black garment bag with my name on it was the only item hanging from the clothes rack.

The was an ivory note attached to the bag.

Blue has always looked becoming on you.

The elegant script betrayed my note writer.

Edward thought I looked good in blue?

I hesitantly unzipped the bag, a little unsure of what the outfit would be. I briefly wondered who picked the dress out. It couldn't have been Charlotte or Kate. Kate was too busy making suggestive gestures towards Garrett, and Charlotte had her hands full looking after the house and making sure Ellie didn't draw on the walls.

Apparently, the west dining room wall had been re-papered three times, thanks to Ellie's Crayola masterpieces.

Dear Lord, what if it was Peter?

Or maybe Edward had taken to recycling, and the dress had belonged to Ellie's mother?

Suddenly, I prayed the dear old man had picked out this evening's attire.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that the tags were still on the prettiest dress I had ever seen. It was simple, dark blue, undoubtedly elegant, made of a silky soft fabric, which ebbed and flowed, till it came to rest just above my knees.

I wasn't big on frou frou, but I could definitely see myself in this dress.

I carefully slipped it out of its hanger, and quickly stripped, making sure the bedroom door was locked. The dress fit like a glove. Whoever had picked the gorgeous frock out was good at guessing sizes. I did a little twirl in front of the floor length mirror on the wall, marveling at how the dress swirled with my every room. I took the tags off the dress, frowning when I saw someone had ripped the price tag off.

Edward knew I didn't like it when people spent money on me. The missing tag meant that the dress was expensive. How very sneaky of him.

There was a jewelry box on the dresser, and I opened it to find a sparkling crystal heart on a thin silver chain nestled inside. I guessed I was supposed to wear it. I slid the delicate chain around my neck, and inspected my reflection once again in the mirror. I looked pretty good- but I didn't have any shoes.

A box caught my eye. I opened it to find navy flats inside, and a little bubble of panic rose up in my throat.

Edward had to have been the one to get my things. No one else had caught on (yet) that I was clumsy. If Edward truly picked out my clothes, he had good taste- and knew me better than I thought he did. A knock on the door startled me, and I quickly fastened the shoes on, and smoothed my hair.

I found a bashful Charlotte on the other side of the door.

"Did you need any help, Mrs. Cullen?"

She evidently didn't have any moral qualms about mine and Edward's arrangement.

"Um, no, thank you, Charlotte. And please, call me Bella." The less people who called me Mrs. Cullen, the better.

"Mr. Cullen would like to speak with you in the drawing room, when you're finished."

I instantly stopped dawdling, checked my dress for wrinkles, ran a hand through my curls, and walked as gracefully as I could down the stairs, praying I wouldn't fall.

I knocked as softly as I could on the door to the drawing room- which was pretty much a small living room- wincing when my timid rap on the cherry wood echoed throughout the house. Edward swiftly opened the door, but I didn't move, and neither did he. I knew I was a little taken aback at how nice he looked- again, being married to this guys had its definite perks, but I wished he would stop looking at me, like I had something on my dress, or my makeup had smudged.

"Can I come in?" I asked half teasingly, wanting to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Um, of course," He said awkwardly, gesturing me inside with his other hand- the one not gripping the doorknob for dear life.

What had him so worked up?

He motioned for me to sit down, and I sat stiffly on one of the winged armchairs, ankles crossed and my hands in my lap. Ladies sat like that, didn't they?

"So darling, how was your day?" He asked pleasantly.

"What?" I gasped.

He groaned.

"Bella, please, Demetri's going to be here in eight minutes. You've got to be more in character than that. Let me ask again.

So darling, how was your day?"

"Do you have to call me that?"

"Call you what?"

"You know what, Edward Anthony."

"Darling, now is not the time for-"

"Stop it."

He sighed.

"Well, how should I address you?"

"Bella is fine."

"Every other person on the planet gets to call you that. I want to call you something else."

He did, did he?

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

"Again, Bella is fine."

"Angel."

"The only halo I own is the video game."

"Sweetheart."

"I am not your sweetheart."

"Baby."

"Ellie is your baby."

"Love monkey."

"What the hell?"

"Never mind. Um. Goddess?"

"No. Too Greek."

He looked at me in confusion.

"Don't ask."

"Cuddle bug?"

"Referring to me as vermin. How affectionate."

"Okay... Honey?"

I stifled my involuntary gasp. When we played house- twenty years ago, mind you- we called each other honey, because that was what we thought we were supposed to do. All the married couples we knew called each other that, and we figured that we should embrace the term too, seeing as we were married with a baby- Ella.

Oh the irony.

"Honey. How sweet."

"You're so funny, Mrs. Cullen. So you like the name?"

"It's... decent."

"That's good enough for me. So when Demetri comes, we'll greet him, make small talk, whatever. You've made dinner-"

"I have to make dinner?!"

Way to give a girl notice, Honey.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. Charlotte's already made dinner. You're not going to be cooking, at least not when I'm in the house."

"And why is that?"

He smirked.

"You just might end up throwing your creations at me, like you did when you were in middle school."

I exploded.

"How dare you joke about that! You broke my heart, you lying son of a-"

He quickly covered my mouth with his hand, in case Ellie happened to be listening.

I ripped his hand away and glared at his sassy face, not knowing what I could possibly do to get the point across to him.

"I thought you had changed, Edward. But if you are so bent on thinking that I am going to throw something at you, then here."

I pulled off my wedding and engagement band and threw them at his head.

Of course, me being me, the two rings didn't even come close to his head, instead, they chunked against the wall, probably leaving nice twin little dents in the wall paper covered sheet rock- which I did not feel bad about at all, then dropped to the ground, spinning on the hardwood floor.

I got up from the chair as gracefully as I could, intending to retrieve my coat and purse and get the heck out. I was mad. Here I was, lying for him, risking my life for him, pretending to be some one I was not for him, and he wanted to throw the past in my face and joke about it.

I wasn't having it. I didn't really know why we fought so much. We didn't do it when we were little. But now, almost everything he did annoyed me and I was sure he couldn't stand me either.

He did not pick the right person to play his wife. I had known it from the beginning.

I actually flounced out of the sitting room, flinging the door wide open and accidentally banging the door knob into the wall- Charlotte was going to kill me for that.

I heard Edward's footsteps behind me as I walked down the hall, searching for Peter who had stashed my jacket and purse somewhere.

But as I rounded the corner, a man who could only have been Demetri Schwartz stood in the foyer, and I froze.

Our eight minutes were up.

He looked exactly like his intimidating brother Marcus, with the dark hair and tan skin, but his eyes were the brightest shade of blue I had ever seen. He was a tall man, probably taller than Edward, and definitely bulkier. Frankly, he scared me, and I was glad Edward was right behind me.

I hated feeling so weak around Edward. I wanted nothing more than to prove to him that I was a strong, independent woman, but every time I felt threatened, I shrank in to his side, needing to feel him beside me. I was naturally inclined to gravitate towards him. All the years we had together growing up had made it clear that Edward was my protector. He kept the bullies away from me during recess when we were six, and now, here he was again, my shield. It was strange how I had sometimes felt suffocated by his presence when we were little- and I had liked having him around back then. Now I was torn between wanting him close and wanting to push him away because he annoyed me so.

"Mr. Schwartz, welcome," Edward said, as he walked forward, his hand finding mine- oh so discreetly slipping in the wedding bands I had thrown at him- and his other extended towards Demetri in a handshake.

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen. It is an honor to be here," he said- somewhat stiffly, I noticed. He shook my husband's hand firmly, then turned to me.

"And who is this?"

He looked at me like I was something to eat. He and Marcus had quite a lot in common.

"Mr. Schwartz, I'd like you to meet my wife, Isabella." Edward's hand pressed on the small of my back, urging me forward, and I automatically extended my hand, flashing what I hoped was a warm smile.

"Mrs. Cullen," he acknowledged, grasping my hand in his, and pressing a kiss to the back- I saw Edward wince- before letting go.

"What a beautiful home you have, Mrs. Cullen. Have you lived here long?" he asked, in what he must have hoped was a nonchalant manner. I could see a hint of curiosity in his cruel eyes, and I braced myself. Edward's hand tensed on my back, and I swallowed the bile that had risen in my throat.

Test One.

"Actually, no," I said, attempting to appear collected. "It's only been about two months. We lived in an another part of Washington before."

This was the first lie of many.

His head tilted, like he was affirming my statement. Evidently, I passed the first test. Now onto the second.

"Another newcomer to Seattle. I never would have guessed. You both seem so at home here."

"Thank you, sir. Bella's made dinner," Edward said, gesturing towards the dining room.

Demetri's eyebrows shot up. "A wealthy woman like yourself, lowering your status to prepare meals? May I ask why? In Belgium, that simply isn't done."

I felt my face heat up, and Edward slid his arm around my waist, pulling me towards him in what looked to be a supportive gesture.

"Bella enjoys the culinary arts. It isn't work or demeaning to her at all. Are you suggesting that my wife does not know how to behave like the lady she is?"

He called me a lady? Seriously? Oh, dinner was going to be my death trap.

The tips of Demetri's ears turned bright red.

"Of course not, Mr. Cullen. I was simply curious. I'm sure whatever your Isabella has prepared will be quite delicious."

Oh boy, was he a bad liar.

I didn't even have to look at Edward's face to know that he was giving him a death stare.

Demetri took the hint, and Edward ushered him into the dining room, squeezing my hand in reassurance. I was incredibly anxious. Not only did we have to survive dinner with this awful man, but Edward and I had to act like the married couple we claimed to be for the next week. Edward sat at the head of the table, and I to his right. He pulled out my chair for me, and Demetri took the seat at Edward's left.

Thank heaven Ellie had already been put to bed. Edward didn't think she was ready to pretend to be who she wasn't, and he didn't want to take the risk in such an intimate setting. I didn't want her around this freaky man, even if she really wasn't my baby. He was worse than Marcus. I felt that just by looking at him, he knew all my secrets. The piercing gaze he held was intimidating.

I felt Edward's hand snake under the table and grasp mine as Charlotte served our salads. I didn't know if he was doing it for show, or simply to reassure me, but I was grateful for the gesture. The poor man was going to have to eat his dinner with one hand.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen-"

"Please, call us Edward and Bella,"

Demetri chuckled, but it wasn't a happy sound.

"So, Edward and Bella,how long have you two been married?"

I tried to smile lovingly at Edward, but inside I was a little panicked. I couldn't remember the year we had agreed upon. But Demetri was waiting, so...

"Six years." I said sweetly.

"Eight years." Edward chimed.

I looked at him in horror.

Demetri chuckled eerily again, but I could see the question in his eyes.

"So, which is it? Six or eight?"

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AN: Oh crap. They don't know how long they've been married and Demetri's loving it. Who's right? Ed or Bell? They gave their answers at the same time, so Edward's not trying to jeopardize.

Sorry for the wait. The epilogue for PB&J had me so upset. 32 reviews, but over 300 reads. That made me sad. Review one last time if you haven't already, and I'll love you forever.

Please, please, if you can, review. That is the only reason I continue my stories. How else am I supposed to know if my stuff is worth writing?

I really want to do Edward's POV, but right now, it would give away too much.

I want more pet names Edward has to try out on Bella. Funny ones, cute ones, weird ones... what do you call your significant other? You may end up getting a shout out in this story!