Mère des souvenirs, maîtresse des maîtresses,
Ô
toi, tous mes plaisirs! ô toi, tous mes devoirs!
Tu te
rappelleras la beauté des caresses,
La douceur du foyer et
le charme des soirs,
Mère des souvenirs, maîtresse
des maîtresses!
Les soirs illuminés par l'ardeur du charbon,
Et les soirs
au balcon, voilés de vapeurs roses.
Que ton sein m'était
doux! que ton coeur m'était bon!
Nous avons dit souvent
d'impérissables choses
Les soirs illumines par l'ardeur du
charbon.
Que les soleils sont beaux dans les chaudes soirées!
Que
l'espace est profond! que le coeur est puissant!
En me penchant
vers toi, reine des adorées,
Je croyais respirer le parfum
de ton sang.
Que les soleils sont beaux dans les chaudes soirées!
La nuit s'épaississait ainsi qu'une cloison,
Et mes yeux
dans le noir devinaient tes prunelles,
Et je buvais ton souffle, ô
douceur! ô poison!
Et tes pieds s'endormaient dans mes mains
fraternelles.
La nuit s'épaississait ainsi qu'une cloison.
Je sais l'art d'évoquer les minutes heureuses,
Et revis mon
passé blotti dans tes genoux.
Car à quoi bon
chercher tes beautés langoureuses
Ailleurs qu'en ton cher
corps et qu'en ton coeur si doux?
Je sais l'art d'évoquer
les minutes heureuses!
Ces serments, ces parfums, ces baisers infinis,
Renaîtront-ils
d'un gouffre interdit à nos sondes,
Comme montent au ciel
les soleils rajeunis
Après s'être lavés au
fond des mers profondes?
— Ô serments! ô parfums! ô
baisers infinis!
— Charles Baudelaire
The BalconyMother
of memories, mistress of mistresses,
O you, all my pleasure, O
you, all my duty!
You'll remember the sweetness of our
caresses,
The peace of the fireside, the charm of the
evenings.
Mother of memories, mistress of mistresses!
The
evenings lighted by the glow of the coals,
The evenings on the
balcony, veiled with rose mist;
How soft your breast was to me!
how kind was your heart!
We often said imperishable things,
The
evenings lighted by the glow of the coals.
How
splendid the sunsets are on warm evenings!
How deep space is! how
potent is the heart!
In bending over you, queen of adored women,
I
thought I breathed the perfume in your blood.
How splendid the
sunsets are on warm evenings!
The
night was growing dense like an encircling wall,
My eyes in the
darkness felt the fire of your gaze
And I drank in your breath, O
sweetness, O poison!
And your feet nestled soft in my brotherly
hands.
The night was growing dense like an encircling wall.
I
know the art of evoking happy moments,
And live again our past,
my head laid on your knees,
For what's the good of seeking your
languid beauty
Elsewhere than in your dear body and gentle heart?
I know the art of evoking happy moments.
Those vows, those perfumes, those infinite kisses,
Will they be reborn from a gulf we may not sound,
As
rejuvenated suns rise in the heavens
After being bathed in the
depths of deep seas?
— O vows! O perfumes! O infinite
kisses!
—
Etienne watched as the night fell over the sky with purple veils. He had returned home in the morning and for the entire day, the house was silent…More so than usually. He knew Remy should be sleeping, his usual habit of treating day as night and vice-versa still unchanged. But still, something different lingered. Maybe it was because Ororo wasn't there anymore. For the time she was living there that house was livelier, warmer, calm yet filled with sound. It was incredible how much difference one person could make… His father used to say "all a house needs to a home is a good woman"; he was probably right…
Just to keep his mind at ease, Etienne decided to knock on his master's door. Make sure he was all right. As he walked up the stairs, Etienne could hear his own footsteps echoing inside the house, the corridors were dark, all candles were already spent and the windows closed…The air around him was cool; and even if he should expect it, since winter was closer and closer, Etienne never expected it to be colder inside than outside the house…
It was like stepping inside a grave…
He knocked softly on the wooden door and waited for an answer…He tried again, and again…for five times, Etienne knocked, receiving no answer. Remy had to be in his room, the young man mused…the horses and the carriage hadn't gone anywhere, and his overcoat was still on the hanger downstairs…For a while the valet contemplated what to do, but finally decided to go against his master's usual orders and let himself in quietly.
Etienne opened the door slowly, inch by inch, trying to be silent. He could see nothing but the slim pale line of light that his own candle projected from behind the door running over the floor. Inside the air was still and heavy, the dark green brocade curtains were closed, keeping all light outside. Carefully he walked over to one window and opened the curtain. The faint glow of an early moon shining in the dusky violet sky shed a pale luminescence on the room.
Looking over to the bed as his eyes adjusted to the shadows, he could make out the contours of his master, as he lay prone over disarrayed covers and cushions. Etienne approached to wake him up but, as his hand touched an outstretched arm, he felt something slick. Raising his fingers to his nose he verified it smelled metallic.
Blood.
The blond approached the candle to see clearer what was going on…He saw his master's left arm was covered in thick blood, so dark it looked like ink had been splattered over the skin, leaning in closer he saw that a cut started a few inches bellow the wrist ending about four inches above it; the shattered pieces of a wine bottle lay scattered all over the bed and floor. Remy was unconscious, pale, lying limply on the bed like a rag.
-Master…Are you all right? Sir…what did you do? SIR?!- His mind was so altered by the vision, the young man failed to realize his master's eyes had been open and his face relaxed all the time. Etienne rushed to the door, intent to get a doctor, but Remy´s cool voice stopped him before he left the room.
-Stop fussing around Etienne…
-I'll get a doctor. -The valet turned to see the patron still lying still like a body inside a coffin.
-I don't need a doctor…
-You're badly cut, sir…
-It's just superficial. –Remy sat up, wrapping one of the edges of the bed sheet around his arm to keep his servant from seeing the wound had begun to close.
-But…
-You heard me…I just need some bandages and the bleeding will stop.
-How did this happen?
-I broke a bottle.
Etienne frowned. The cut was razor-straight; no way that was the result of an accident. Moreover, even when heavily drunk, Remy never dropped stuff; actually he could drink an entire night and come back home without as much as stumbling.
-Sir...
-You can go now…
Etienne nodded and left; looking nervously over his shoulder as if expecting to recognize his master but failing to.
—
Remy smirked. Poor Etienne.
He should remember to be more careful and lock the door…or give the young man some extra nights off during the week so he would keep his mind in other things. He looked at his arm, seeing that his skin was clean, not even a trace of the cut left. He was lying when he told Etienne it was superficial. He had carefully followed one of his main arteries with the sharp tip of a glass shard, making sure to open it all the way.
He grinned to himself…
So that was what it felt like? To have your flesh opened, and watch as the blood poured out? It was like that? The pain of having the delicate thread of a pulsing vein being broken and sliced, to feel the conscience leaving the body, the mind floating between the awareness and numbness? Was that what they felt? As he snatched them away from the noisy, luminous empire of life, sending each one of them to the mute kingdom of death, as he embraced them delicately and dishonestly like a cheating lover, praying upon their trust, shattering the glow of existence with one swift and silent move...
That is how it feels like to die?
He wondered what they thought in their last moments. Who did they remember? A lover, a parent, a sibling, a child maybe… Did they even have anyone? Did they even have someone to mourn them, to leave fresh flowers on their shallow graves, someone to miss them…
If they did, they were more fortunate then he was.
He could feel what it was like to die a thousand deaths, his immortal body giving him the chance of partaking of feelings all mortals experiment but once…and yet, he would have wanted to die just one death, one to make it over with, one common, mediocre, human death…he would have wanted it, if only he knew she would cry for him…
—
Mattie looked to the door as she heard Ororo´s light steps coming in. The young woman untied the ribbon of her hat and walked over to where the mambo was sitting, working in her knitting, taking a seat besides her on the couch.
-So?
-Nothing…But I was expecting this…that woman doesn't like me, you should have heard the things she said when I was there to order the dresses…
-So she didn't buy anyone back?
-No…she said no one would buy anything that touched me…I just walked away before I gave in to the temptation of slapping her across the face. I don't think I can get rid of all those clothes, Mattie.
-Then keep them…
-They would probably just rot inside the armoire… Where would I possibly wear them? To go to the grocery store?
-I have an idea…why don't we use the fabrics to do other dresses? Simpler ones, which you can use?
-It would be an awful lot of trouble…
-I'll help you.
-Thank you Mattie… In that case, I should get some new threads and a new scissor. I left mine…there…
-Why don't you take care of that now so we can get started later today?
-All right…I shouldn't take long.
Ororo stepped out and into the morning sun. Winter was steadily approaching, bringing cool breezes and clouds. She could feel it was going to be a rainy one. A good time to stay in, read, chat…A good time to play the piano, or watch the flowers…the flowers of the conservatory would be blooming gorgeously no matter what the weather outside. In the coolest days of autumn, Ororo would go there and enjoy the feeling of being warm and protected, surrounded with fragrances and colors, while the day outside was gray and dull. In rainy nights, Remy would meet her there, and both would talk, or read silently hearing the drops fall over the glass, making watery arabesques all over the smooth surface. She missed that. She missed that Remy. The one she only met inside the glass walls of the conservatory, or in the living room, as she played mellow tunes in the piano. She wondered how could such a kind man act in the way he did sometimes…It was almost as if there were two of him…
She shook those thoughts from her mind, and closed the iron gate that led from Mattie's small garden to the street. The small shop where Mattie usually bought her fabrics and threads was just a block away; so Ororo decided it would be no problem to use one of the back street instead of the main avenue. She had been trying hard to avoid any crowded place. It had been nearly a month and people still gossiped about her and Remy, and looked at her awkwardly. She went down to the back corner and walked away, towards the next street, when a known voice reached her ears:
-Ororo!
Ororo turned to see Etienne coming down the street, with some packages on his hands. She stopped and waited for the young man to meet her.
-Etienne…
-I see you're doing well…
-Yes, I am. Mattie has been like a mother to me. I wish I didn't have to leave her…
-Leave? Why?
-I'm leaving New Orleans soon…
-Why would you do that?
-He asked me to…a condition to set me free…-she muttered somberly.
-Now that's strange. I still don't understand why he put you out…
-Oh, please, you know very well. He discovered I was planning to…
-No, no...I know that part…But, you know…I guess he didn't really mean for you to go…
-Why would say that?
-He…he hasn't been quite well since you left…
-I'm sure it will pass, as soon as he finds something to entertain himself with.
-I don't know…I think it's serious. He has been locked in his room for days now, he's been drinking heavily…absinthe…I think is starting to affect him. He cut himself the other day…
-Cut himself?
-Yes…He broke a bottle and cut himself. Didn't even want me to call a doctor… I'm telling you, Ororo, he's not well…
Ororo frowned; trying to ignore the information the blond young man gave her, forcing herself to ignore Remy´s existence and her concern for him.
-Why are you telling me this?
-I imagined you would want to know…Maybe you could…visit him?
-I doubt that he wants to see me…
-I think he does…He's just too stubborn to admit it. While you were there…he was a happier man. Maybe now that a month is gone by…
-Etienne, I apologize, but…I must go now…Have a good day…-She turned hurriedly, resuming her way.
-To you too…
Etienne was just about to enter another alley that led the opposite direction from the one Ororo had taken, when he glanced one last time over his shoulder. Ororo was standing a few steps away, still. She turned around and asked him:
-Is he really that bad?
-Yes. Like I've never seen before…
-I'll…-She paused and sighed deeply, already regretting what she was about to say- I'll come around…Just to visit him…Tonight.
Etienne smiled and nodded as she walked away with fast steps, almost running.
