Chapter 8
Louise scanned the chaotic crowd that spread all over Rock Creek's main street. Today's horse race had attracted more visitors than the day before, and from where she stood, sheltered under the covered walkway, she had difficulty spotting her friends among the hundreds of people.
Buck was the first one she saw in the short distance, surrounded by his family. Standing next to his chestnut horse, the Kiowa patiently helped his sons on and off the animal in turns. The horse seemed to have as infinite patience as its owner because it never stirred even though once on top, the boys kept kicking its flanks and slapping its back.
Not too far was Cody, who was circled by a group of curious onlookers. He was holding a jar of what looked like a greasy ointment, and started smearing it over the body of the horse. Then he stepped back to watch the animal. Its coat shone in the sun beautifully, and with a proud smile Cody turned to his audience, and pointed at the horse in his usual flamboyant way.
Lou finally spotted Jimmy and Teaspoon as well, who were walking down the street. They were talking in a relaxing fashion. The ladies coming across the pair smiled, and the men greeted them politely. It was clear that they were respected in town, and people admired them as the good lawmen they were.
Lou kept straining her eyes throughout the crowd when a voice resounded next to her. "Louise."
Lou turned her face away from the multitude of people and smiled at Emma awkwardly. "Morning."
"How are you, honey? Rachel told me that you were unwell last night, and even had to pay a visit to the doctor."
"I'm fine," Louise replied, brushing her hand over her middle. "It was my stomach. I should've brought along the medicine I take when it bothers me."
"Does it happen very often?"
Lou shook her head. "Not really. I had an ulcer years ago, but as long as I watch what I eat, I'm usually fine. I only have these pains from time to time," Lou explained.
This was the first time Emma had heard about Lou suffering from a stomach ulcer. They both kept contact by letter, and once in a while Lou came to visit her, but Louise had never mentioned any of this before, and Emma was curious. "When exactly did that first happen?"
"About seven or eight years ago."
Emma worked out the numbers in her head, and said, "That was around the time Kid went missing, wasn't it?"
Lou did not reply, and turned her eyes back to the crowd. On top of a wooden platform Tompkins was urging the participants in the race to take their positions because it would start in just twenty minutes. "Kid ain't here," she whispered without averting her eyes from the people. "Last night he hinted he might go back home."
"Kid wouldn't go without saying goodbye," Emma said, and as Lou kept quiet, the red-headed woman dared to ask, "Does it bother you that he plans to leave?"
Louise then shifted her eyes back to her, and said, "He belongs there with Cody and the rest. It ain't right if he misses this."
"Well, that's his decision," Emma commented matter-of-factly.
"But it's my fault. I said a few horrible things to him yesterday, and now he feels unwelcome."
Emma nodded in understanding. "His hotel room is 134, just a few doors from ours. Why don't you go and check if he's really gone?" At Emma's suggestion, Lou lowered her eyes, and the older woman could clearly guess what Louise was not saying. "Would you like me to go for you?"
Lou looked up. "Would you do that for me?"
Emma smiled in agreement. "Give me five minutes," she said, and as she was about to head for the hotel, Lou grabbed her arm to stop her. "Please if you see him, don't tell him it was my idea."
Emma nodded slowly, and as she started towards the hotel, she shook her head in a mixture of amusement and puzzlement, because she could not understand how Lou's mind actually worked. Yesterday she was adamant to show Kid her scorn and hostility, and today she was clearly worried sick about him. Maybe this was a good symptom, which would mean that Lou could finally see past her ghosts and insecurities. Maybe the immense gap that separated the young couple could close. They might never be a pair of lovebirds again, but at least they should be able to have a respectful and civil relationship.
Emma knocked at the room door, and heard Kid shout 'one moment' from inside. A few seconds later the door opened, and the Southerner's face registered his surprised when he saw the woman. Kid seemed to have just woken up. His hair was tousled, his face unshaved, his feet just clad in socks, and even though he had his pants on, his upper trunk just wore his long johns top. "Did you oversleep, Kid? Everybody's waiting for you," Emma said.
"I ain't going, Emma. I'm not in the mood for games," he muttered, and hanging his head low, he turned from her and sat down on the edge of the still unmade bed.
Emma followed him inside, and stood before him. "Why, Kid? Is it because of Lou?"
The Southerner raised his blue eyes, and after a beat he said, "I thought I could cope with her, but I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't."
"She hasn't made things easy for you, has she?" the woman added as she sat next to him.
Kid shook his head. "It ain't really about that. I don't really know what I expected to find here. I'm fully aware things will never be the same, but I don't know… it's so sad to realize there's nothing left, not even what used to be our friendship. She hates my guts."
"I don't think she hates you, Kid. But this ain't easy for her either."
"I know," Kid muttered. "I even know this ain't easy for anybody else. I'm sure things would be less tense for everyone if one of us wasn't around. So my good deed of the week will be to volunteer to go and clean the air for you."
Emma did not agree with his decision. Kid leaving would not sort out anything, and whatever the problems the pair had, they should be able to talk to each other and act like the adults they were. "Why you, and not her?"
"Because I know Lou needs this time with her family," Kid replied. "It's the fair thing to do."
"Lou wouldn't like you to make this kind of decision for her," Emma remarked as a way to make him react.
"Probably, but there are so many things she doesn't like about me that one more won't make much of a difference. It's also my decision, and it wouldn't be very gentlemanlike of me to ask her leave, would it?"
Emma sighed. "So you've made up your mind then? Ain't there anything we can do to persuade you to rethink your decision?"
Kid shook his head. "I will stay for tonight's social, but I'll be heading home first thing tomorrow morning."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Emma said sadly, patting Kid's hand affectionately. "You know you're as big a part of this family as Lou is. You're a good man, and this won't be the same without you."
"Thanks."
They remained in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Noises from outside reached them. A shot followed by loud cheers clearly told them that the horse race had started, but neither of them moved from the place.
"Kid," Emma called him after debating with herself whether she should address the matters she had been pondering. The Southerner shifted her eyes to her, and the woman continued, "May I be so bold and ask you something very personal?"
"You can ask me anything."
Emma smiled appreciatively. "This ain't my business, but if I stick my nose in, it is because I'm very fond of you and Louise." Kid nodded, wondering what the woman seemed to have so much trouble to bring into the open. "You and Lou have been married for about ten years, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Honey, have you ever thought of legally breaking that marriage that ain't actually real?" Emma finally blurted out.
"Yes, I have," Kid replied in such a soft voice that Emma hardly heard him.
"The fact that your story with Louise didn't work doesn't mean you can't both be happy with other people. You're both young, and your life doesn't end here. Look at Rachel and me. We both had a second chance in love, and we can't be happier. I'm sure a handsome man like you has caught more than a lady's eye, or even some lady has also caught yours," Emma dropped not very subtly. Emma did not intend to pry, but maybe there was another reason why Kid should finally break ties with Louise. That would be the right thing to do, and a little push would be helpful for them. Kid had always been very discreet in his matters, but his silence in the last few days had even been too much.
Kid did not say anything, but his face puckered. For a moment Emma thought he was going to crumble down, and cry, but Kid remained stoically serious.
"Kid, what's wrong?"
The Southerner shook his head bleakly. "I never thought I'd willingly walk away from Lou. Not even when I decided my duty was to join the war did I believe I could go through with it. And now…" Kid sighed. "I still can't understand how I ruined everything."
Emma smiled sadly. "Neither can we, honey. But life goes on."
A few minutes after ending her conversation with Kid, Emma found Louise waiting outside the hotel. "I thought you'd joined the race," Emma remarked, raising her voice to be heard among the jeers and shouts of the people cheering the racing riders.
Lou ignored the woman's comment, and asked her while they started walking away from the hotel. "Did you see him?"
"Uhuh," Emma nodded.
"Well? What did he say?" Lou urged her.
Emma did not intend to tell Louise everything that she had talked to Kid about. There were certain things she should learn from Kid herself, and the idea of bringing back and forth bits and pieces between the two of them as if she were delivering mail did not appeal to Emma very much. Like she had told Kid, it was high time the two of them talked face to face, and stopped playing hide and seek. "Kid says he's leaving tomorrow."
Lou's face fell. "But why?"
"Do I really need to tell you the reason, Lullabelle?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow meaningfully. Lou shook her head, and both women kept walking in silence.
"Lou?" Emma called after a few moments, and as the younger woman turned her attention to her, she asked, "Do you still love your husband?"
Louise was completely taken aback by the question, and her feet stopped dead. "Wh… what?"
"I know that doesn't concern me, honey," Emma continued. "Marriage is a very strong commitment, and staying married is often hard and very trying. When you decide to take that step, you believe you're insanely in love with your man, but sometimes that might be just a mirage."
Emma's comment felt like a punch on her nose, and Lou exclaimed, "Are you saying I never loved Kid?"
"No, course not! I just mean that loving a man is more than letting him lead you to the bedroom, if you allow me to say so. Love is endurance day after day, and we women and men have to learn about it as we walk along the road. That finally proves to us for real how much our love for the other person weighs. Do you know what I mean?"
Lou slowly nodded, feeling so sad all of a sudden that she wanted to fall on her knees and cry her eyes out. A shiver ran though her body, and a cramp stirred her stomach.
"Look! Buck's won!" Emma exclaimed, pointing at the crowd that had gathered around the Kiowa to congratulate him. "This ain't the first time. Remember when he won the Founder Fathers' race?" Lou nodded, and forced a fake smile onto her lips, which hurt like hell. "Come on, Louise. Let's join the men."
Emma started to steer Lou in the opposite direction, but the younger woman stopped her. "I think I'd rather go back to Rachel's."
"Why? Anything wrong?"
"My stomach's starting to complain again, so I'd better take my medicine and lie down for a while."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
Lou shook her head, and before Emma could say another word, she almost ran from her. She really needed to be alone for a while, or maybe for long. Peace and quiet. Silence. That was what she needed, silence and her solitude, because that was the only way she could stand her own pathetic, rotten soul.
