I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse

I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. Or do I? Let me check. AWESOME!! I own Twilight!! That is so cool!! No, wait, that says taillight. Darn. Wait. I DON'T OWN A CAR!! Or do I? Nope. I stole one, so technically, I don't own it. Actually, I didn't still a car. Why would I steal a car? Wait, I know. Because I'm clinically wacko.

I was eating breakfast and watching the news, not really paying attention to it because everyone in the room was starring at me because I was eating toast, which is human food, which disgusts everyone within a five-mile radius of me at the moment. Plus, they're bored. So, they choose to stare at me like a science experiment. It gets on my nerves, a lot. I want to explode. Finally, I choose to say something.

"I know that me being the only human in the house interests the hell out of all you people, but will please not stare at me like I am the most fascinating thing in the world at seven-clock in the morning?" Emmet bursts out laughing but Carlisle looks offended. Alice starts talking to Rose so fast I can't understand them, while Jasper quietly walks out of the room like the Emo-freak kid he is. Edward pays no attention to my comment and continues to stare at me, which I have no problem with.

I turn my mind back to the TV. "Oh. My. Carlisle."

"What?" Edward asks. I point slowly at the glowing screen. Edward turns his head and freezes when he sees what's on the screen. Emmet walks over and waves his hand in front of our faces. We don't move. He shrugs then turns at the T.V. He lands on the floor with a thud. I raise my cell phone to my ear.

"Hello?" says a groggy voice from the other side of the line.

"Turn to channel eleven."

"Vampire girl? What do you want?" Embry sounds ticked.

"Don't ask questions, dog-boy, just do it." He is quiet for a moment

"SO NOT FAIR!!"

On the T.V. "Yesterday, in Las Vegas, Nevada, a strange breed of dog appeared suddenly in a casino, causing panic and fear to fill the building…"

Leah

"Once-upon-a-time,-there-was-a-girl-who-was-in-love-with-a-guy-who-left-her-in-a-flash-for-another-girl,-then-she-finds-out-months-later-that-she-was-desperately-in-love-with-another-boy-who-she-hated-and-was-in-love-with-another-girl,-who-was-in-love-with-another-man-and-she-stayed-with-the-man-who-that-other-girl-didn't-hate-or-love,-but-in-the-process-she-broke-the-heart-of-the-boy-that-the-first-girl-both-desperately-hated-and-loved,-causing-him-to-run-away-in-pain-and-agony,-making-the-girl-who-had-originally-fallen-in-love-with-him-go-after-him-and-make-the-boy-she-hated-fall-for-her,-which-wasn't-much-work-at-all,-as-it-turns-out,-for-the-broken-hearten-boy-turned-out-to-love-and-hate-her-desperately-also-then-they-slept-together-and-chose-to-get-married-while-tons-of-dramatic-things-where-happening-at-home-and-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after.-The-end." The five men at the table starred at me like I was crazy.

"Dude, that was like that longest word in the history of run-on words!!" said one breaking the silence. Jake and I have been married for an hour and we decided to do some gambling because we are both very good at Texas hold-em'. One idiot asked me how we had gotten there cause every couple in Vegas has an interesting story. The dealer said I only had thirty seconds because we needed to continue the game.

"Cheater!" a man yelled one pointing at Jake. Did I mention what he was pointing? A gun. Jake and I had been winning a lot lately and this one didn't like it. I slipped out of sight to a place I could morph easily. I covered up the camera in the ladies rest-room and phased. Then, I burst out, snarling at the dude with the gun. You should have seen the look on his face!! I thought he was going to faint. Jake took this moment to sly away.

Hello, Love

Don't go all Cullen on me Jake. If you do I'll blow up to Jupiter.

Fine. Hello, Idiot. I absolutely hate you.

I hate you, too, moron.

Haha. He then thought something I wouldn't put in here and I replied something I wouldn't put here.

Now, lets scare the crap out of some humans.

Fun!! And then we spent the night snarling at humans making them drop all of their chips, leaving me and Jake to pick them up and turn them in to make us twelve thousand, eight hundred and fifty-four bucks richer. We then retreated back to the woods to enjoy ourselves.

TV

Yesterday, in Las Vegas, Nevada, a strange breed of dog appeared suddenly in a casino, causing panic and fear to fill the building. They appeared out of nowhere it seems, for someone covered up all the cameras in the building. The authorities believe that someone smuggled the new species of canine into the casino the reek havoc on the poor unsuspecting townsfolk.

Bella

Edward and I sat next to each other, fuming. Edward was grumbling under his breath, his lips were moving speedily, that I only saw a blur. We were both very ticked off at Alice.

"What did I do?" she screamed.

"If you didn't have to plan the wedding, we would be crashing Vegas right now," I grumbled. Edward threw his shoe at Emmet.

"EMMET, YOU'RE PUSHING IT!!" Emmet grinned. "I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY!! BACK OFF!!" Emmet crept away slowly.

What do you think Emmett was thinking? Please review and tell me!!